Chapter 36

After three days in the P.I.C.U., Katie had been moved to a private room.  Her vitals signs had stabilized, and other than the fact that she wasn’t awake, everything looked okay.   She didn’t appear to have any other injuries, so, the doctors felt it would only be a short time before she would wake up.

Liz, Leighanne and Kat had come to help Nick and give him sleep breaks.  He refused to leave Katie alone, and with the guys having to keep up with their work schedule, the girls were the only ones that were able to be there.  Kevin, Howie, Brian, and AJ had continued on with the promotions for the next leg of the tour, however, they called every hour, on the hour.  They put up a nasty fight with management when they were told they couldn’t stay.   Nick insisted that there was little they could do.  The doctors said that Katie could be moved back to Orlando within a few days, and treated there.

“Hey Katie, mommy wrote another little story for you.  I’m gonna read it to you.  But, you have to promise that if you like it, you will squeeze my hand, okay?” Nick said softly, hoping for a response.  However, all he felt was her little hand in his, without any movement.

“Dear Katie, today I am sitting here watching your daddy play in the ocean.  He is like a big kid.  Sometimes he rides on his boogie board, but usually falls off and ends up getting seaweed in his hair.  He looks funny, like a seaweed monster.  He also likes to build sandcastles.  Not the ones that you makes with buckets, but the kind you make when you let the sand drip through your fingers.  They are really cool.  While I sit here in the swing on the porch, I get to watch him jump around in the waves.  He is goofy.  I wish I could be in the water with him, but mommy’s doctor says no swimming.  Oh well, it’s okay, because Daddy is being silly enough for the two of us!  Oh boy!  Look at what Daddy brought Mommy…a big seashell.  Oh Katie, I think you will like this one.  Remind Daddy to give it to you.  Remember, if you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the ocean.  Oh well, I will let you go.  Daddy says it’s time for dinner, so, I can’t keep him waiting.  Take care of yourself Katie.  Remember Mommy loves you and is watching you.”

When Nick was finished, he pled with his little girl to squeeze his hand.  “Come on precious.  Did you like mommy’s silly story about me?  I am goofy…but, right now, I want you to really listen to me.  If you liked mommy’s story, will you just please squeeze my hand?”  He waited patiently, being careful to notice even the slightest movement.

After several minutes, he was disappointed.  He knew that whatever he had to do to get through to her, he would.   He sat there, and then finally decided to sing to her.  “You’ll be in my heart, yes, you’ll be in my heart.”  He would sing their favorite songs over and over again, hoping for the slightest response.

Finally, after trying so hard for several hours, he became tired.  He leaned in to give his little girl a kiss, and said softly, “Kathryn Lynne, honey, please wake up for Daddy.  I love you so much.  There is no one in the world that I love more than you…and your mommy.  I can’t lose both of you.  Please don’t leave me.  I have no one else…” he said with tears in his eyes.

He never noticed Liz come into the room.  When he stood up to leave, there she was, and she had heard everything he had said.  “Nick, sweetheart, I came to take over for a bit.  Why don’t you go and get some rest?” she offered, trying not to show that she heard his conversation.

“I think I will hon.  Thanks for helping out.  I love you.” Nick said as he kisses her softly.

“Me too.” She replied simply.  With that, she walked to Katie’s side and began to talk to her.  Nick had left for a short while to make a few phone calls and to grab a cup of coffee.

*** *** ***

“So, what do you think?” AJ asked.

“What do I think about what?” Howie inquired.

“About Sakari you dope?” AJ said, trying to hide his smile.

Howie looked at him.  He was amazed, AJ really was in his own little world.  Oblivious to the things happening around him.  “I like her AJ…she is nice.” Howie answered.

“Nice?  Is that ALL you have to say?” AJ huffed.

“Well, AJ, she is really the last thing on my mind.  I am sorry, but I have other things I am concerned about right now.” Howie answered.

“Like what?  We all know that Nick will call when Katie wakes up, and as far as I am concerned, that is the only other priority I have in my life right now.  So, what is this big thing you are working on?  You have been going nuts on the phone.  Who have you been calling, cuz I know it ain’t Nick.” AJ questioned.  He knew something was up, but he couldn’t figure it out.

“Well, if you have to know, Mr. Nosy McLean, I have been on the phone with the international adoption agency.”

“Adoption agency?  For what?  Are you getting a new pet or something?” AJ laughed.

“No, you moron, I am trying to adopt a kid.” Howie looked at him curiously.

“A kid???  As in…small human…like little kid…something that we all were a few years ago?  You mean, the same thing that Katie bug is???” AJ rambles, stunned at the notion of Howie adopting a child.

“Yes, the night that Katie almost drowned, Nick, Kat and I were upstairs talking about this little girl from Australia.  Her name is Kirstie, and the orphanage she is in is closing really soon.   Here, look at the picture…isn’t she the cutest thing?” Howie said proudly.

AJ looked on in wonder at the adorable little girl.  Her huge blue eyes drew you in, and the smile on her face could light up a room.  “So, this is the little girl?”

“Yeah, and as far as the adoption agency has found out, there have been no other inquiries about her.  It’s as if God wants to make sure we get her.” Howie smiled.  “And trust me, from what I can tell, we will have another Backstreet baby running around here before you know it.”

*** *** ***

Liz sat there in the hospital room, tears in her eyes.  She wasn’t upset by what Nick had said, she was just upset for believing that she could have changed him.  In the time they had been together, there was always a question in the back of her mind.  “Could Nick ever love anyone ever again?”

Today was where she found her answer, and as much as it hurt her to accept it, it was the truth that she had tried to put aside since they met.  She had done what she promised to Heather.  She had lived up to the expectations that she had on herself.  She fulfilled her best friend’s wishes to take care of Nick, and now, it was time to step aside.

After sitting there with Katie, she knew what she had to do.  She loved Nick, and there was nothing in the world that would change that.  But, she had to do the right thing, and that was to let go.  She would back away for a while, go back to the things she wanted to do, and give Nick and Katie the space they really needed.  If Nick needed her, she only a phone call away.  If Katie needed to be sung to sleep, and wanted her, then all Nick had to do was pick up the phone.  But, they needed each other, and not a third wheel in the way.

Nick had called his parents and the Boys to update them on Katie’s condition.  After about thirty minutes, he decided he needed to get back to Katie’s room.  As he walked into the room, he saw Liz turn away to wipe tears from her eyes.

“Liz, is everything okay?  You’ve been crying.” He said softly.

“No, nothing is wrong Nick.  I have just made a decision.  That’s all.” She said, trying to be strong.

“What do you mean, ‘a decision?’” he asked curiously, never suspecting what she was about to say.

“About us Nick.  Look hear me out.” She said, not allowing him to start to protest.  “I know that you cannot let go of Heather, and trust me, there’s nothing wrong with that.  You are a very faithful person.  You are happy in your life, you have Katie, and now that things are working out for you, I think it is time I step aside.” She said.

“Elizabeth, what brought all this on?” Nick questioned, not sure of what was happening.

“I heard what you said to Katie earlier.  I know that you will never be able to love me like you loved Heather.  Trust me, I know that you can’t.  It’s really okay.  I have done what I was asked to do.  I helped you through a really rough time.  I helped tell Katie about her mom.  I told you a lot about Heather you never knew.  And now, I am done doing those things, and there is no reason for me to be here anymore.”

“You can’t leave.  I love you Elizabeth.” He pled.

“I know you love me Nick, but you don’t love me in the way I need you to love me.  You love me like your best friend, maybe a bit more, but you will never love me like soulmates do.  A person is only blessed with one soulmate, and she came into your life, and left sooner than she should have.  You will never find that pure love like you had with her again.”  She replied, pouring her heart out.  “I need to find my soul mate Nick, I need to find that kind of love you once knew.   Please, understand that I will always be here for you and Katie.”

“Oh Liz…I am so sorry.  Trust me, I never meant for this to happen.  I thought we would be able to get through all this.” He said, his head hung in despair.

“Don’t be sorry Nick.  I am not mad, and I am not upset.  I feel bad that I tried to make you love me.  This was not meant to be.  As soon as Katie gets better, I will be heading back to New York City.  I know some connections, and may be able to get back onto Broadway.” She said, a small smile forming.

“I will help you in anything you ever need Liz. I want you to know that what we have together will always be treasured in my heart.  If you need me, I am here for you.  Trust me…you need to keep in touch with me.” He said as he took her into a passionate hug.  “I love you Liz.  Thank you for all that you have done for me and especially for Katie.  There will never be anything that will change what we have in our relationship.” He said, holding her tight, reluctant to let go.

As the two of them held each other, they felt like the world was standing still.  The silence of the room was almost deafening, until it was broken by the most wonderful sound they had ever heard.

“Dadda?” the little voice whispered, filling the room with a sound that Nick had never thought he’d hear again.
 
 

Back to Previous Chapter        Back To Chapter Index         On To Next Chapter