Chapter 15

“You did WHAT!!???” Brian yelled at Nick.

“You heard me…I kissed her and then told her I didn’t mean it.” he said monotonously.

“What a fool!  How can you kiss her and then tell her you didn’t mean it?  I mean…did you really mean it and then feel bad for doing it or was it a pity kiss or something?  Damn you!” Brian responded, yet not in the way Nick had hoped.

“I thought you were my best friend!  You are supposed to understand me…and help me.  Not criticize or insult me!” Nick said, getting up from the chair in Brian’s room.  “I don’t need you.  If you were my friend, you would have tried to help.” With that, Nick stomped out of the room to go and get breakfast.

He walked down the hallway, brushing back his long blonde locks.

“There you go Nick, running away from your problems” he heard a voice say.

When he turned, he saw Dee standing there, watching him.  “What the hell did you say?” he asked angrily. “And God…news spreads quickly around here.”

“Nick, come on, this is the same thing you did when you were faced with Heather’s death.  We all know you like her…but you just won’t admit it.  Why not?” she asked sympathetically.

“Because…I am not allowed to like her or love her.” he said softly and then turned to walk away.

“Nickolas Gene, don’t you walk away from me.  I know I have been hard on you lately, but please…I am your friend, and I am here to help.  Why won’t you talk to me?” she asked, then walked over to hug him.

“Dee, you will never understand.” he said as he returned the hug.

“How do you know that?  I understood everything you went through before…why not now?  So, you love someone…it’s not that horrible.  Heather didn’t want you to be unhappy all your life…why don’t you just go with what is in your heart?” she continued.

Nick stood there for a moment, contemplating on Dee’s words.  In his heart he knew that he liked Liz, but he was so afraid.  “Dee, my heart tells me that I love her, but I loved Heather more than anything.  No one can replace her.”

“I don’t think anyone expects her too.  And I know she certainly doesn’t want to take Heather’s place.  Just think about it, everyone knows how much Heather meant to you and they don’t expect you to ever forget her, but I don’t think you need to shut down your entire life.” she said.

“Dee…it’s just that I promised to love her forever…and that is a promise I can never break.  To love Liz would be betrayal to Heather…and I couldn’t ever do that to her.” he said softly.

“You would not be betraying her.  Didn’t you promise to move on with your life?” she asked.

“Yes…I did…I told her I would try my best to move on…but that I would never forget her and that I would love her forever.  I will never forget those words.” he said with a tear creeping down his cheek.

“Well, the best thing you can do is try and keep the promise.  And…if I may ask, when was the last time you went to see Heather?” she asked.

Nick thought about it, it had been quite some time.  He knew that he needed to, but he felt pain every time he went to the cemetery.  It was too painful, and now Katie was beginning to ask questions.  She never really knew her mother, and now, being as bright as she is, things were beginning to click.

“It’s been at least 4 or 5 months.  Katie wants to know more and more.  I don’t know if I can take her with me.  It hurts too much.” he answered.

“Well, the next time we have a day or two off, fly back and see her.  Leave Katie with us…we can all take care of her.  Maybe some time sitting there will help you find the answers in your heart.” Dee finished and then hugged him.

“Thanks Dee, I owe you.” Nick said, kissing her on the cheek.

“No Nick, you don’t owe me a thing.  But, you do need to go and look in on Liz and Katie.  They need you Nick.  Liz needs you more than anything…go and talk to her.” Dee said as she pushed Nick down the hallway.

*** *** ***

“Come on Katie…it’s time for breakfast.” Liz called out.

Katie Lynne waddled across the room and put her hands up in the air for Liz to pick her up.  “Pick up!  Pick up! Wiz-a-beff!”

Liz immediately picked Katie up and hugged her.  She loved little Katie, because she was so much like her mom.  “Katie, I wish your daddy were here.  I really screwed up last night.” she said as Nick walked in.  She had no idea that he was sitting in the front room of the suite as she spoke.

“You see Katie…your daddy is someone very special, not because he is famous or cute or anything like that, but because he has so much love in his heart.  He is so devoted to two things in his life…and they always come first.  One is you, and the other wass your mommy. His music, his friends, and the rest of his life don’t mean anything without the two of you.  But sadly, she had to go away.  Now your daddy is really sad, and feels all alone.  But, that’s okay…because he is so loving and that is something that is so hard to find these days.” she said, putting little bites of food in Katie’s mouth.

“Your daddy means so much to me.  He took me at a time in my life when I didn’t know what God had in store for me.  I had a good job, and a good life, but I knew it wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing.  God had other plans for me…but I just didn’t know what.  And then you two came along.” she continued, wiping Katie’s mouth gently.

Nick sat in the other room, listening intently to her every word.  He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but, he had to know.

“And…now that your daddy knows how much I love him, I have made his life so confusing.  He promised to always love your mommy…and that is something I respect.  But, my heart is telling me otherwise.  I love him so much…and I just wish that he could be happy.  Even if he could never love again…just to know that I could be there for him, and help him in any way would make me the happiest in the world.” she finished, then scooped Katie up and took her into the bedroom.

Nick’s heart was pounding as he heard the words that Liz said.  He never understood how someone could love unconditionally, at least like that, until now.  He got up, and walked toward the bedroom quietly.

“Knock, knock, may I come in?” he asked as the got to the door.

“Oh God Nick!  You scared me.  When did you get in?” she asked.

“I just got here, and thought I would come and help feed Katie.” he lied.

“Well, I hate to break this news to ya, but she already ate.” she said sarcastically.

Nick turned to look at her.  “Liz, please let me explain.”

She turned her head, not wanting to hear his reasons or his feeling right now.  She was hurting because of last night.  Her heart was screaming out to her to go and walk up to him, but her mind knew better.

“Nick, I don’t need you to explain.  I know why you did what you did…and well, it’s over and done with.  There is nothing you can say or do to take it back.  But, just know, I never meant to hurt you like that.  If I had known that pendant would hurt you so bad…I never would have gotten it.” she said, turning to dress Katie.

“Liz, listen to me?  Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?  Have you ever loved someone so much that when they are gone you can’t eat or sleep?  Your stomach feels like it is in knots, and you feel like you would die without them?  Have you ever felt a love so pure and so strong that nothing in this world, at least they way you see it, can tear it apart?  And…have you ever loved anyone so much that you would rather take all the pain and suffering they are going through and place it into you, so that they didn’t have to hurt so bad?”

Liz sat there, stunned at his attack.  “Nick, look…I understand.”

“NO, no one really does.  I would have given up my life on this God forsaken planet, where nothing was more important to me than her, than watch the light in her eyes fade and her body turn into a shell that held nothing more than disease and death.   She was everything…and now…she is gone.” he finished, a lone tear slowing moving down the gentle slopes of his cheek.

Liz walked ever to him, and pulled him into a very gentle yet forgiving hug.  “Nick..,let me help you.” she whispered.

“One more thing Liz…have you ever looked into the heart of an angel?” he said softly.

“I don’t know.” she replied.

“Well, I have, and…it is you.” he whispered and put his forehead to hers.
 

Back to Previous Chapter        Back To Chapter Index         On To Next Chapter