I had unexpectedly called up Sue and was talking with her on the phone. She didn't seem all that surprised to hear from me and we began a rather relaxed conversation. It was surprising how familiar her voice sounded. Although I had rarely spoken with Sue, it seemed as if her voice was one I had often heard, albeit not recently.
I did remember having talked with her by phone perhaps a month before, but her voice seemed a bit different now. Perhaps it was the ease with which she seemed to be approaching me that seemed a little different. I had the feeling we both felt familiar with each, much more than I had expected when I had called her.
Although the familiarity between us was pronounced, I felt as if Sue were seeking to maintain a certain distance from me. A slight, yet evident, chill pervaded her tone.
Our conversation quickly turned quite naturally to the dreams we had been exchanging so long with each other and it occurred to me that our dream exchange was the basis of our familiarity with each other. I really hadn't realized it before, but we had come to know each other quite well through reading each others dreams, and I felt a certain bonding had occurred between us as a result of our dream exchange. Actually the revelation was a little surprising, because I didn't think we had been communicating well lately, and to a large extent, I had put Sue from my mind. In fact, I had some concerns as to whether she even wanted to continue our exchange.
Now that I was talking with her, I felt some basis for those concerns. I also felt we were actually closer than either of us may have realized. Something in Sue's manner of speaking gave me the impression that even though she was experiencing doubts about our dream exchange, she still had a longing that something more solid could develop between us.
I thought part of the problem might be that we had rarely talked to each other about what we actually thought about the other as a result of having read each other's dreams. I broached that subject and Sue immediately said I hadn't been forthcoming in telling her much of my impressions of her from reading her dreams. I admitted that was true and I thought I would like to change that. I would like to tell her what I thought.
Although we had been frank and open about exchanging our dreams with each other, we hadn't been open about exchanging our opinions about each other. Part of the reason I hadn't told Sue much about my opinion of her was because I was worried that I would tend to be critical of her and that I might offend her. I was beginning to see just a little that not expressing my opinion of her hadn't been the best way to go. I realized I really didn't have to be all that worried about criticizing Sue, because actually I liked the person she fundamentally was. So any criticisms I might have wouldn't go to the nature of her being, but would just touch upon some of her attributes. Of course (I rather ironically thought) one of her attributes I might criticize was her unwillingness to hear criticism.
Another problem which had been a result of our not being open and frank in our exchange of opinions, was that I was unsure what Sue really thought about me, and I was concerned she had concluded something was wrong with me. I thought that was part of the reason for the chilly attitude which she seemed to be projecting. I felt as if she had been having doubts about whether I was a person she could trust and whether I was a person with whom she wanted to feel bonded. I still didn't know exactly what she had seen in my dreams which made her think that.
So I probed a little further and I sketchily revealed my feelings about our not having freely exchanged opinions of each other. I could tell the subject had been on her mind, too, even though she didn't seem quite ready to discuss it. She seemed reluctant to actually tell me what she thought about me and she seemed to want to know if I really wanted her to do that. I rather emphatically said, "I would like to know."
I had spoken rather loudly, and it suddenly occurred to me that some other people in the room could hear me. In fact I was in a fast-food restaurant, and although I didn't see any other customers, four or five young women (dressed in maroon outfits) behind the counter had obviously heard what I had said. I felt a little embarrassed because I thought the young women probably thought that I was talking with my girlfriend and that I had just told her I would like to know whether she liked me. I would have liked to have told them that wasn't the case at all. I said to Sue, "There's a whole room full of people standing here looking at me."
Sue finally seemed as if she were beginning to want to talk a little more about the subject. She said, "Don't you think you talk an awful lot about yourself?"
Apparently she was referring to my dreams and my emphasis on myself in my dreams. I didn't think that was unusual and I answered, "No more than anybody else."
I also wanted to tell her I regarded myself as an ordinary person doing a rather unordinary thing by writing my dreams.
As we continued talking I noticed music playing in the background. At first I thought it was playing over an intercom system in the restaurant, but I gradually realized the music was coming through the phone on Sue's end. It sounded as if she must have her stereo on. Gradually the music became louder and louder and it sounded as if someone were actually playing it in her house. Mainly it was just one instrument playing, probably a saxophone. I finally concluded either Sue's husband or son was playing it.
The music had become so loud, carrying on the conversation was difficult. I finally realized whoever was playing the music might be trying to let Sue know she should get off the phone. I hadn't bothered to ask Sue when I had called if she were busy, so I finally asked her if I were interrupting anything. She said I wasn't, and she tried to get the music to stop, but it continued. Finally she said it might be better if she called me back in a few minutes. I didn't want her to feel compelled to make a long distance call to me and I thought I could call her back. Finally she said, "Check back at 5:59 and I think you'll find me here."
With that, we hung up. I had thought I would be calling her back in about 10 minutes, but when I looked at the clock I saw it was only about 5:10.
I was uncertain what I should do in the meantime. On the floor sat a tray from which I had apparently eaten some food. I saw a Canadian nickel on the tray and picked up the nickel, not wanting to leave it behind. I gathered up some other things of mine. Still hungry, I thought I might order something else to eat, but nothing on the menu on the wall looked that good. I saw some kind of vegetarian submarine sandwich with black olives which cost $3.01, but I decided not to order anything. I decided I would probably just take the elevator up to the upper story where I was living and fix myself something to eat.
Feeling pretty good about having talked with Sue, I wanted to get back on the phone with her. It looked as if we both had a stake in this matter and as if we might be able to progress if we would face issues rather than neglecting them.
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