Dream of: 28 December 1986 "Embarrassing Situation"

I was in a room in a university building. Some beds were in the room and I was lying on one. My brother Chris, whom I was taking care of, was also in the room. Other people were walking around the room. I looked out the window; for several meters around the room outside, the ground seem to be covered by a kind of bloody deteriorating flesh. Actually it was more as if the area itself was deteriorating and had turned the color of bloody flesh. I reflected that it was caused by Chris's being there and that since he had muscular dystrophy, wherever he went, the area would look like that.

I also thought about Chris's not knowing how to read or write. I remembered that he had received special tutoring for a while, but that the tutoring had finally been discontinued because he hadn't liked it. It was probably just as well; he was able to watch television; there was probably little he could read which he couldn't see just as well on television.

While watching Chris, I was also studying for a class and was reading something. I was in my last year of college; I had almost decided not to complete college, but finally had decided to finish. The classes seemed easy and it appeared that not as much effort was required in the last year.

My father (a professor at the college) walked into the room. He wanted me to go to another room and get something for him. Even though I was studying there, I was still not actually an official student, and the place he wanted me to go required that a student identification card be shown. But I thought I could probably simply say that I had come for professor Collier. So I walked into another room for him and came to a reception window. I asked for the thing which my father wanted, told the person at the window for whom I had come and was given the item. I then signed a register and left.

On my way back to the room I passed a class where my old college professor, Rembert Glass, was teaching. His subject had something to do with Brazil and he mentioned 80 % of something. I listened for a moment and thought how easy it seemed for me to follow what he was saying. I once had thought being a professor would be terribly difficult and a person would need to be very intelligent. But the older I became, the more I realized that being a professor wasn't so difficult and that what is taught is derived from knowledge accumulated over many years; the knowledge is simply refreshed for a given course.

I made it back to where my father was and gave him the item he had sent me after.

A short while later, while walking through one of the halls, I came to a restroom and stepped in. There were four toilet stalls in the restroom and three of them were already occupied. I sat down in the unoccupied stall and tried to close the door, but I then realized the door was bent out of shape and didn't latch properly. Consequently, the door stayed open. I felt uncomfortably exposed; nevertheless I continued with my bodily functions.

Suddenly I noticed my stall was directly in front of the door leading into the restroom. When the restroom door was opened, the people out in the hall could see directly into where I was. I felt I simply couldn't continue there; I pulled up my pants and stepped out of the stall. One of the other stalls, the second from the other end, was now empty. I quickly ducked into it.

This stall was indeed much bigger than the one I had been in, but I still felt very oppressed in it. It seemed I was having trouble breathing. I immediately looked around to be sure toilet paper was in the stall. I didn't see any at first, but then noticed a small roll lying on the floor. Relieved, I went ahead and sat down. I began urinating, but almost immediately I heard a voice from the stall on my right telling me to stop. I was unsure, but it appeared I had somehow managed to urinate on the floor and looking down, I did indeed notice some wet spots on the floor, although I wasn't entirely sure I had caused them. I tried to position myself better so such maladroitness wouldn't repeat itself.

The person in the stall to my right continued talking and I realized my old law school professor, Dohoney, was sitting there. I had apparently uttered a few French words while I had been sitting down and she began telling me I wasn't pronouncing the words correctly. She specifically mentioned my pronunciation of the letters "ai." I really was unsure of the proper pronunciation. She then pointed out that I didn't pronounce the word "quoi" correctly either. I thought about the word "quoi" and realized I used it very often and had thought I had been pronouncing it correctly, but I listened to what Dohoney had to say.

In the meantime, although I had defecated, I didn't feel completely relieved, but I felt too nervous to continue. I was disconcerted by the fact that Dohoney was on one side of me. Plus I had also realized that another female was on the left side of me in the neighboring stall. In fact I had seen the other woman (probably in her 20s) enter when I had entered. I remembered I had only once before been in a restroom used by both men and women and the feeling was unusually uncomfortable.

Finally I decided to use the toilet paper, but in the process I managed to smear some of my feces, which at first looked brownish but then seemed green, onto the toilet seat. I was surprised I had managed to be so clumsy and I immediately began trying to clean the mess off the seat. It was then that I noticed a wide gap in the wall between Dohoney and me so I could clearly see her sitting on the commode in the other stall. A piece of clothing had been hung over the top part of the gap, but Dohoney was still clearly visible. I wondered if she had seen the mess I had created; I felt more embarrassed than ever.

Looking to my left, I also noticed a crack through which I could see the woman sitting in that stall. But this gap wasn't as large as the gap on my right and I could only see a part of the woman's leg. I thought I could see more if I tried, but I didn't.

Basically I just wanted to get out of there. I spoke to Dohoney again and told her I had only once before been in a restroom used by both males and females and that had been just a few days before in this very school. She asked me what I thought about it; I told her it would take some getting used to. But basically I didn't like it and I wanted out.

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