I was married to a woman about my age and the two of us were living together in a large city. We went to bed, began having sex and continued for about fifteen minutes until she rose and said she wanted to go to the toilet. That disturbed me because I wanted to continue.
As I lay alone, I reflected that I had decided to quit having sex; but I found myself in a dilemma because I was still married and my wife wanted to have sex. So I had decided to try having sex without actually climaxing. I knew it was going to be extremely difficult because I had already felt like having an orgasm while I had just been having sex with my wife, but I was determined to try it anyway.
I knew I had to do it because if I ever had an orgasm again it was radically going to adversely affect my artistic nature. I actually felt rather sick about the whole thing. Finally while my wife was still in the bathroom I got up and left. Once outside I realized we had actually been living together in what appeared to be a large cathedral.
I got into a car and began driving around. I passed down under an underpass where some roads were over top of me. I looked up and saw over top of the underpass a large, white, cement statue of an angel. It was probably twenty meters tall and had long straight wings which fell all the way from its shoulders to the ground. I remembered having seen that statue in this city long ago and I had thought I would never reach the point where I would actually be living in the city. Now here I was – I had actually arrived.
I continued driving and felt a bit hazy. Wanting to avoid some traffic, I cut through a parking lot and a policeman sitting there saw me, pulled me over and walked up to my car. I felt rather as if I were watching a movie of what was taking place. The policeman said a fellow had just passed through a parking lot and had gone by a dozen cars probably loaded with goods. He mentioned something about being suspicious about the fellow and the fellow's having a scar.
When he said that, I looked down at my left arm and realized there was a long, thick, white scar running all the way from below my elbow up past my upper arm to my shoulder. Apparently the scar had just appeared over night and I hadn't even realized it. A second long scar was also on my left arm and a scar was also on my right arm.
I began thinking the scars were appearing because I had AIDS. The policeman also probably had some idea of the fact. I thought I should go back and tell my wife about it. But I figured the policeman would probably have me arrested and taken somewhere and that the police would tell my wife. I thought I would need for someone to take care of my wife if I had AIDS. I wondered what I was going to do. I wasn't particularly bothered and I thought I would probably live five more years. Then I thought "Well, no, it'll probably only be two or three years."
I thought about even committing suicide to get it over with. In a way I welcomed the idea because I thought I was finally going to see what death was like. I was very curious what it would be like. But I doubted I would commit suicide. I would probably just live out the next two or three years or whatever it took.
I wasn't sure how I would survive since I wouldn't be able to work. I didn't know whether some kind of public funds would take care of me. I still thought I would need to work some during that time, but I was unsure what I would do. I was in a rather confused state now that I realized I did have AIDS.
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