I had gone to my one-room Cabin (built on a high hill in southeastern Ohio). I seemed a bit distraught and apparently hoped the solitude of the forest would help me regain some direction after recent travels.
While in the Cabin, I began listening to a cassette tape which I had received from
Sue. As I listened to the tape, I almost seemed to be actually talking with Sue on the phone instead of listening to a tape. She had apparently made the tape during the morning because she said she wanted to finish the tape before she received her "noon call." I surmised that someone was supposed to call her at noon.As she talked, I could hear voices in the background. At first I thought Sue must have visitors, but then I realized the voice was her son's. Sue began telling me a little story about her son (about 5 years old). The boy was apparently quite difficult to control and often demanded to have his way. One day Sue, her husband and the boy had been eating at a table. The boy had had a chicken leg and had thrown it on the ground after having taken only a bite.
Sue said she and her husband had reacted in a prearranged manner. Apparently, they had been reading a book which described what to do in a circumstance like that. They immediately told the boy of the suffering which animals endure so humans would be able to eat meat. Their intent was to implant in the boy the idea of not eating meat.
Sue went on to say that sensitive writers living in cabins in the forest weren't the only people who thought about such things and that people living in the midst of society were also concerned. I knew basically to what she was referring. I remembered in correspondence with her I had once rather assertively brought up the topic of vegetarianism, even though I hadn't thought Sue was a vegetarian. I had later wondered if she might have been affronted with my militant attitude concerning vegetarianism. I now thought that although she still wasn't a vegetarian, she was at least giving the concept of vegetarianism serious thought.
She continued talking and when she said something funny, laughter echoed in the background. I thought she must have a laugh-tape which she could play when she wanted to have laughter accompany her. It almost seemed as if her tape (which she had made) had a certain premeditated design. I could imagine her sitting in a small studio with television and radio controls as she made the tape.
When the laughter occurred again at an inappropriate juncture, however, I realized the laughter was emanating from a television playing in the background. It sounded as if the show "I Love Lucy" might be playing and I thought her son was probably watching the show. When Sue apparently realized the background noise was coming through the tape, she said that she had learned to block out the sound and that she had thought I probably had also learned to block it out. I, however, really wasn't certain I had ever managed to shut out background noise like that.
While Sue was talking to me, a woman came to visit her. Sue was sitting in what appeared to be a laundry room, and when the woman walked in, I immediately had a clear image of the woman (about 30 years old) sitting down in a chair and pulling her legs up in front of her on the chair. The woman was slender and dressed all in white—a white shirt and white pants. After the woman began talking, I had the feeling she wasn't saying much of any consequence. I figured she was probably just a neighbor or a local friend.
Sue went on to other topics and the woman disappeared from my mind. As I continued to listen, I still had the feeling the tape was somehow arranged in a definite order. I didn't think that Sue had gone to great efforts in arranging the tape, but just that she had a natural talent for such arrangement. It somehow reminded me of the arrangement of a symphony.
I had noticed several times during the course of the tape that Sue had addressed me by the name "Helen." In fact she had never called me by my actual name, but had always called me "Helen." I thought that must mean something, but what? Perhaps Sue knew someone named Helen and Sue was confusing me with that person. The only person I knew whose name was Helen was Helen Buckner (the mother of my high school friend, Steve Buckner), who I thought was a bit loony. I didn't think the name "Helen" as Sue was using it had anything to do with Helen Buckner.
Then it occurred to me that Sue wasn't in her normal state of consciousness when she was communicating with me. She was calling me a name that had significance to her in her altered state of consciousness and that would also have significance to me if I were in an altered state of consciousness. Indeed I felt as if my state of consciousness was beginning to shift into an altered state and I was somewhat apprehensive.
I remembered Sue had read some books by Jane Roberts which dealt with an entity named "Seth" which communicated to Jane when she was in a trance. It also occurred to me that Seth had given Jane a different name when he communicated with her. Was that the type of thing which was happening here? Was Sue in a trance-like state and giving me a name which actually did belong to me?
The name "Helen" was obviously feminine. Seth had also talked much about reincarnation. Was Helen a name I had used as a woman in a previous life? As the thoughts swirled in my mind I slowly realized I was going deeper and deeper into another state of consciousness. It was a pleasant feeling, but I was still apprehensive. I was also concerned whether Sue, who was to some extent leading me into this state, knew what she was doing. Recalling that I had previously thought Sue and I could explore some mysteries and subtleties of reincarnation together, my curiosity far exceeded my apprehension.
Sue said her daughter (7-8 years old) wanted to speak with me. The girl's voice came on the tape and she mumbled some kind of thanks for a package of candy which I had sent her. My speaking to Sue's daughter somewhat puzzled me because I didn't exactly remember Sue's having a daughter. However I did recall having sent a small box of chocolates to someone in Sue's family. Sue came back on the tape and said, "They couldn't have been happier with the box of candy you sent them, Helen."
Still in a different state of consciousness, I heard music come on the tape and I thought the music was another example of Sue's arrangement of the tape. I had on earphones with which I was listening to the music. The right ear phone was broken and was bothering me somewhat. The music seemed like a symphony. I didn't pay much attention at first, but as the music gradually became more intense, I realized how beautiful it was. It almost seemed to take hold of me and I became caught in it, almost as if I were floating on a stream of music. I didn't remember having ever had such an experience. What an exhilarating way for Sue to be communicating with me!
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