Dream of: 22 June 1986 (2) "Mental Illness Class"
While in Portsmouth, Ohio I had decided to enroll in a mental illness class for mentally ill people which was being held on Scioto Trail. I didn't think I was mentally ill, but I thought it would be interesting to take the class which was for only one hour a week and had about 20 people in it.
I drove to the place, walked in and was given some pajama-type clothes to change into. I began meeting some other people in the class who seemed as if they were indeed mentally ill. I was unsure whether they were going to be able to leave when the class was over. The fellow in charge of the class was quite friendly and reminded me of Jacques Allard (an acquaintance from Quebec City).
We were allowed to have some things with us. I was permitted a chain, about three meters long. It looked like a chain which might be used for a dog. Some other fellow got hold of my chain and began terrorizing people with it. Finally, the man in charge had to take the chain away from him and he returned it to me since he apparently thought it was all right for me to have it. I told him I was sorry, wrapped the chain around my hand and held onto it. No one else bothered me about it.
I stayed for an hour and then left.
A week later I drove my car back there again, walked in and changed into some cream-colored, pajama-type clothes. Some bunk beds were there and I got up on top of one. Some girls (in their late teens and early 20s) were in the room. One climbed up where I was and sat down on top of my penis as I was lying on my back. She said something about our getting serious together. I replied, "In this position we are serious together."
She then got off. Three or four other girls in the room (all very pretty) spoke French to each other. I thought one might be Tombs (a Portsmouth acquaintance) since she reminded me of her, but she seemed so young and I thought Tombs would have probably aged in the intervening years since I had last seen her around 1972.
One girl said something to me in English and then began speaking French to the other girls. She was obviously bilingual and seemed to be speaking perfectly in both languages. I said, "Je veux que tu parles francais."
She replied to me in French, but I couldn't understand her well. The girls continued chattering away with each other and they seemed to like me.
Finally, I got off the bunk bed, walked over to a chair, sat down and observed what was taking place. I noticed a mirror and looked into it. I had recently cut my hair. I looked as if I were about 20 years old and I was rather innocent-looking.
Some fellow, who seemed friendly at first, walked up and began bothering me. He did seem to have some mental problems, but finally he left me alone.
I didn't think I was mentally ill, but I was enjoying being here. It was fun. I noticed that many of the people, including the girls, had gone outside to play tennis. Although they were playing tennis, there appeared to be as many players on each side as there would be in a volleyball game.
I thought I might go out and play with them. I might ought to first change back into the blue jeans I had been wearing when I had come in. But then I decided I didn't want to go out there because I didn't want anyone off the street to see me out there with those people and conclude that I had a mental illness. So I stayed inside.
I began thinking that the only mental illness I really had was my attraction to those girls. I needed to control my attraction to women. If I had any kind of mental illness at all, that was where it lay. The girls were extremely attractive to me. I simply wanted to be with them.
I had my tape player with me and I decided to record what was taking place. I thought I might be dreaming, but I was unsure. I walked outside with the tape player and began speaking into it. I was speaking quite clearly and distinctly into the tape player. Obviously nothing was wrong with me.
I began thinking that when my hour was up, I might invite the girls to come with me, if they were able to leave. We could all get in my car together. I was unsure what we would do. I didn't think it would be wise to drink alcohol with them, but I was tempted to since they were so enticing.
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