My ex-wife Louise was with me in a large white car which I had recently acquired. I was driving, even though I hadn't yet learned to drive the car well. It suddenly struck me that the steering wheel on the car was gigantic. It was about two meters in diameter and too wide for me to clasp both sides. I tried to guide the car by simply holding on to the very bottom of the steering wheel, but I couldn't seem to do it well and besides, something seemed to be malfunctioning in the car. We finally reached an intersection in a town and as I turned the corner, I realized I was losing control of the car and I didn't know what to do. The car turned all the way around so it began going backwards down the street.
Finally the rear end of our car rolled into the front of another car which displayed a rather intricate grill work. I feared I had smashed the grill. Then we hit a second car, but it looked as if the actual damage to both cars was slight.
Louise and I stepped from the car. Almost immediately some police appeared and asked me for my identification. I looked through my billfold but I couldn't find any. My American Express card also seemed to be missing, although some of my other credit cards were still in my billfold.
I had quite a few pictures in my billfold which appeared to have been taken while I had been on a trip to Mexico. The pictures were of some kind of religious procession and appeared to be of a reenactment of Christ's march to Calvary. Several pictures showed crosses and people carrying crosses. One picture showed a burning cross. I rapidly flipped through them.
My silver Texas Bar card which showed I was admitted to practice law in Texas was in my billfold, but it had a large hole in it and several small round holes. I didn't know where the holes had come from. When a policeman finally walked up to me, I said, "I can't find my identification."
He said, "Well, divide everything up in your wallet into separate stacks and we'll go through it."
He wanted me to make separate stacks of pictures, credit cards and other items. I replied, "It's no use. It's just not there."
Finally the policeman simply took my billfold and its contents, pointed to a small movie theater in front of us and told Louise and me to go sit down there. Louise and I went inside, walked to the front of the theater and sat down.
I had been drinking some alcohol before the accident; I thought all the effects of the alcohol had worn off, but I was still afraid I might be charged with driving while intoxicated. I told Louise I wasn't going to take any kind of breath or blood test to determine alcohol content.
After we had sat there for a while, I said to Louise, "Well you know you're a lawyer. You ought to go back there so you can represent me and try and get us out of here."
We walked back up to the front of the theater and into the lobby. A policeman immediately stepped up to me and told me I was under arrest for transporting a minor. He was referring to Louise. I began to lose control and exclaimed, "She's not a minor. She's 21 years old. She's a lawyer. I'm a lawyer."
I tried to ridicule the policeman in front of the others by saying, "You're arresting me for transporting a minor and here she's 21 years old."
But then I thought about Louise's age a bit more and said, "She's not 21. I'm so confused I don't know what I'm thinking. She's actually 27 years old."
Louise seemed to be somewhat embarrassed by my actions. Moreover, I didn't think she wanted everyone to know how old she was. She and I both sat down on two stools in front of a counter where the police were still going through my billfold. One woman police officer began asking me some questions about the contents. She had found one piece of paper with the name "Ruth O'Neal" written on it. She asked me who that was and I said, "It's none of your business. I'm not going to answer your question about who these are. This is all personal affairs."
She asked me some other questions and I began becoming offended. Louise suggested to me that I should be patient and act Christian-like toward them. She said we would be better off that way. She seemed to be quite understanding about the whole matter.
I asked them what my bond would be. They said it would be around $200 and I asked, "Will you take a check?"
The lady police officer said, "Yea. Up to two hundred dollars."
I figured the whole affair would probably cost about $200.
Louise stood up for a minute; the top of her blouse had fallen down so her left breast was visible. It was firm, round and quite attractive. She started to sit back down on her stool, but someone else had sat there. So she sat down with me on mine.
A young policeman walked up; I thought he had seen Louise's breast, but I looked at Louise again and saw she had pulled her blouse up so her breast was no longer visible. Nevertheless I feared the policeman was attracted to Louise and I was afraid he might lock us up and rape Louise. I also thought Louise might even want to be with the policeman. The possibilities were rather disconcerting.
The policeman asked me more questions. Finally Louise spoke and said she wasn't going to stay with me any more after this. She said this was the final straw.
I saw a nearby house with peeling green paint which I thought belonged to me. I turned to Louise and began singing, "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille. One big hungry mouth and the paint's on the peel."
Louise said she didn't like going on these little trips with me. I told her I knew that and that was why I rarely took her. I said, "You know I wasn't happy. That's why I didn't take you with me."
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