Dream of:
06 September 1982 "My Father's Ghost"I was sitting on the left side in the back of a large classroom. The seats were arranged in long rows of two seats next to each other. I sat in the row next to the left wall and another fellow sat on my left. The class was a special criminal law class called by Baylor law professor Eulen Wendorf. I was miffed because I had been compelled to attend class at 10 a.m. on Saturday morning. Wendorf had also called for two extra hours in the evenings for another class which he was teaching. Calling extra classes was his method of getting in extra time teaching, and I was angry at the idea of his forcing extra time on us.
The class was large and practically all the students were there because Wendorf had threatened to cut grades if the students did not show up for any classes.
Wendorf stood in front of the room and lectured about the causal nature of a crime. I, however, was only interested in getting out of there. It was only a couple more minutes until 11 a.m. when we could leave.
Wendorf stopped for a minute and looked through his books, but he could not find what he was looking for. I thought about how much time I was wasting in his class. For a couple minutes, Wendorf just stood there pondering what he was going to say; he seemed to have run out of subjects. Finally, he looked out over the class and asked if there were any questions. When a girl in the middle in the back of the room raised her hand and Wendorf called out her name, I whispered, "You stupid bitch."
The fellow in front of me heard me and turned around. He thought the fellow to my left had made the statement and he said something to him. I interrupted and said, "No, it wasn't him. It was me."
Apparently, the fellow in front of me agreed with me that the girl was stupid for raising her hand right when we were all ready to leave.
The girl said she would like Wendorf to read a paper which she had written—she passed the paper to the front to Wendorf. The paper appeared to contain about 30-40 pages and Wendorf flipped through them.
The girl had once worked for a psychological agency and the paper concerned a man she had met who had suffered a life-long psychological problem. The girl had passed the paper up because Wendorf had earlier been talking about something similar. Wendorf passed the paper back to the girl and he said that the girl should make a copy and distribute it to everyone in the room. I thought, "It serves her right. Now she'll have to pay for all those copies."
Someone from the law school staff stood and asked Wendorf if the girl would be able to use the staff copying machine to avoid paying for the copies and Wendorf said, "Sure."
Wendorf then dismissed the class. As I stood to leave, I noticed Katherine (a fellow law student whom I had dated a few times) sitting nearby. She looked at me, smiled, and asked me if I would like to do something with her. I thought her question a trifle strange because we had not been talking with each other for a while. I did not answer because I really did not want to associate with Katherine. However, since I had a meal ticket for lunch in the student cafeteria, I thought maybe we could eat lunch together. I figured I could at least be friendly to her and do that. The thought ran through my mind that I had never divulged to
my new girlfriend Bonnie (also a law student at Baylor, five years my junior) that I had had sex a few times with Katherine.Instead of answering Katherine, however, I just walked out of the room, went out the back door of the school, and walked away. I found myself walking along a pleasant street before I even thought again about Katherine and inviting her to lunch. I reflected, "Well, it's too late now."
I figured I would simply go to the cafeteria alone to eat. As I walked along on the sidewalk, I looked across the street and saw a man coming my way. At first I thought he looked like
my father, but then I decided he was not my father. When he came closer, the man looked up and said, "Steve."When I looked at him, I realized that he was indeed my father and I ran to him. I could not believe he was again in Waco. I threw my arms around him, asked what he was doing there, and added, "We just meet in the funniest places."
He replied, "Yea, I've never see anything the like of it."
I was happy to see him. He had on blue pants and a white shirt and he looked different. We walked along for a ways together and as we passed a church, he looked as if he were going to take me inside. Suddenly, I blurted, "You're dead, aren't you."
I had abruptly realized that he had died and that his ghost was visiting me. He answered, "Yes."
I threw my arms around him and broke down. I could not stand knowing that he was dead and that his ghost was visiting me. Nevertheless, I pulled myself together and felt stronger. Even though he was dead, he was still well. I would just have to cope with his death and believe it was all the best for him. I felt extremely close to him at that point, probably as close as I had ever felt to him. I was happy to see him, even though I was sad that he had died.
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