Dream of: 03 December 1981 "Crossed Swords"

As Leah (a law school classmate) sat next to me in a car and talked with me, we gradually moved closer, until I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her snug to me. When I pressed my mouth on hers and kissed her, she half-resisted, half-acquiesced. Although I knew our actions were immoral (because Leah was married), I didn't think we were being so evil that I should stop.

Our entwining tongues almost seemed in battle, like crossed swords, clashing in a constant struggle. Leah was fighting against it: she wanted to kiss and she didn't want to kiss. We broke away from each other several times and talked during the intervals. Sometimes I spoke roughly to her, reminding myself of my father. It seemed that since Leah and I had made physical contact, I now had something over on her, and I could reveal this hidden, coarser side of myself.

I also thought of Leah's husband, Kent, but I wasn't particularly concerned about him. Since Kent was a medical doctor, scenes from the novel Madame Bovary kept flitting through my mind. I recalled how in the novel, Mr. Bovary had been a physician, and how his wife had cheated on him. Leah seemed like such a perfect imitation of Madame Bovary, betraying her husband with me, but I somewhat empathized with Leah's husband and I recalled that I had even recently prayed to God for Kent.


Sitting next to me in the back seat of the car, Leah began changing her clothes. After she had pulled off her pants so I could see her white panties, I slipped my hand down between her legs and inside the flimsy panties. Leah struggled to stop me, but not determinedly. I pushed my hand further down and started to insert my finger into her vagina.


As Leah and I sat together on the roof of a house, I reflected that even though Leah had been misbehaving with me, she was still a religious person, but she was also human and like all humans, she had flaws. As we talked and kissed, our conversation turned to her husband Kent, and I commented, "You don't feel anything for Kent. You don't have any feelings for Kent."

Leah replied, "A person can live without feelings."

As I continued to discuss her lack of feelings for Kent, I pressed on that something was lacking in warmth and emotion in her marriage, but she maintained that a person could live without that. When she asked me how I knew about her lack of feelings, I said it was obvious I could tell from simply having observed both her and Kent.

Finally I realized it was time for us to leave. Initially I hadn't believed the roof was high and I had figured that we could easily descend, but when I finally began clambering around, searching for a way down, I realized the roof was both high and steep. At first I instructed Leah to follow me (once I mistakenly called her by the name of my old girlfriend, Birdie), but then I advised her to stay put until I figured out how to climb down.

As I searched for a way off, I began wondering whose house we were on anyway. What would we find if we entered the house? Some windows which clearly led to the attic were accessible from the roof, but the windows were obviously much too small. I scooted to the edge of the roof, from where I gauged that we were about three stories high. What a dilemma we couldn't go through the widows and we were too high to jump off.

Also on the roof clung a small kitten which appeared to be having a difficult time of it, slipping precariously toward the edge. Although I thought a gutter on the roof's edge would prevent the kitten from falling, I was still worried about it.

When I suddenly heard someone yell my name, I looked across the street and descried my parents, as well as my sister, standing together. One was holding my sister's pet dachshund, Duke, straight up in the air and hollering, "Oh, Steven."

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