Ever have the desire to hear Earl Weaver use the f-word approximately 23 times in one sentence while he tells a little old lady what to do with her tomato plants? Ever want to hear an actual Billy Martin tirade at a reporter with no censoring at all? Then give Radio Free New York's Out Takes Page (http://rfny.simplenet.com/page10.html) a look. You'll have to scroll down the page a bit to find the list of baseball interview outtakes. Featured managers include Weaver, Martin, Lee Elia, Jim Fregosi, and Don Zimmer. You'll need the Real Player to listen to the outtakes. Not for the easily offended.

Even the best of hecklers sometimes has an off day. If you can't think of anything better to say to Paul O'Neill the next time he comes to town than "You suck, Paulie" then you may need to visit Heckle Depot (http://web.ionsys.com/~tolley/). The curator of the site (I looked for his name but couldn't find it. Sue me.) has made lists of all the classic heckling lines from "Wake up Ump! You're missing a great game!" to "How's your Japanese?" There are also links to "Hecklers in the News" and "Heckling throughout History." I have to assume this site was put together by a Yankees fan.

What do you do to an elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino, of course. Sean Ohlenkamp's Baseball Jokes (http://www.cpba.org/sean/jokes.htm) is filled to the brim with the best (and worst, depending on your sense of humor) in baseball humor. Some of the jokes are a bit old, it doesn't appear they have been updated this year, but give it a look anyway. Lots of top ten lists, I especially liked "Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce Hideki Irabu."

And now the moment you've been waiting for--the awarding of the first ever Golden Ooshuk award. This award goes to... well, it goes to whatever site I feel like giving it to. So without further ado, the winner is...

Whatever Happened to Wedo Martini? (http://members.xoom.com/Rac_Slider/). This site is mysterious fan Rac Slider's collection of baseball essays and editorials. Some of the articles on the site were written by Slider him (or her) self, others have been copied from none-baseball oriented magazines such as Scientific American. Slider has an opinion about everything baseball-related and it's usually a negative one. Especially recommended is his article titled "Yammerin' Hank," in which Slider blasts Aaron for his constant complaining about racism in baseball. Witness:

Couple that with what Hank has had handed to him because of his playing legacy and it's astonishing this man dares complain, for as much as he was discriminated against because he was black he was favored because he could hit a baseball. That ability doesn't translate into competence at any other job, including one in baseball, yet Hank has been a baseball "official" for decades. And not a very good one. Hank NEVER discusses that big favor that baseball did him.

You may not agree with Slider, but he is definitely offering opinions on baseball that you won't find anywhere else. Give it a look. Congrats, Slider. The Ooshuk is yours.

--JingleBob, June 22, 1999

1999 JC White