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You Might Be in a Texas Church if...

  • The doors are never locked.
  • The Call to Worship is “Y’all come on in!”
  • The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering and five guys stand up.
  • The restrooms are outside.
  • Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
  • A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, “I ain’t ever been in a hole it couldn’t get me out of”.
  • In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of “two calves”.
  • Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
  • Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
  • A singing group is known as the “OK Chorale”.
  • The church directory doesn’t have last names.
  • The pastor wears boots.
  • The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can’t leave them a bag of squash.
  • There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
  • Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
  • You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 O’clock that afternoon you have had a dozen calls inquiring about your health.
  • High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.
  • People wonder, when Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
  • The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, ya hear!”

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