"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars"
"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in a flood of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks.
"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can always get you a new cat."
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?"
Finally the doctor managed to remove the little car, and the father and son left
. A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS nose. He told the doctor, "*Now* I know how he did it!"