Laugh It Up

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Now it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," explains Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

General Custer and an Indian scout are on top of a hill over-looking Bull Run when they start to hear drums in the distance.

General Custer says, "I don't like the sound of those drums!"

The Indian scout listens for a second and says, "That's not their regular drummer."

A young graduate applied for a job. When she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," she replied. "But if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother of course, had never heard of such a thing and asked, "Are you sure that's what they told you?

She replied, "No they didn't tell me that, but on the application it said vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary."

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand."

He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."

Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.

There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.