Chippie the parakeet never saw it coming. One second he was peacefully perched in his cage. The next he was sucked in, washed up, and blown over.

The problems began when Chippie's owner decided to clean Chippie's cage with a vacuum cleaner. She removed the attachment from the end of the hose and stuck it in the cage. The phone rang, and she turned to pick it up. She'd barely said "Hello" when--sssopp! Chippie got sucked in.

The bird owner gasped, put down the phone, turned off the vacuum, and opened the bag. There was Chippie-still alive, but stunned.

Since the bird was covered with dust and soot, she grabbed him and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do...she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air.

Poor Chippie never knew what hit him.

A few days after the trauma, the reporter who had initially written about the event contacted Chippie's owner to see how the bird was recovering. "Well," she replied, "Chippie doesn't sing much anymore--he just sits and stares."

It's not hard to see why. Sucked in, washed up, and blown over...that's enough to steal the song from the stoutest heart. (Mark Cleaveland, Rushsylvania, OH)


In his book, A SCENT OF LOVE, Keith Miller tells an hilarious but true story about a mother who took her children to the Animal Farm. This was a place where they could pet animals that roamed free. They could even ride an elephant. The parking lot was full when they arrived, so Mom parked their little red Volkswagen bug on a little pathway that led away from the ranger station. Then they went out and had a great time.

The day went quickly. Suddenly Mom remembered they were supposed to pick up Dad that evening at the airport. Since it wa nearly evening already she hurriedly gathered the kids and rushed to the parking lot. There they made a startling discovery. In her words, "The front end of the car was just smushed."

The mother was furious. She stalked up to the ranger station, and banged on the door. Before she could speak, the man at the desk said, "Lady, I'll bet I know who you are. You're the owner of the little red Volkswagen. Don't worry, the Animal Farm will pay for your repairs. But let me explain what happened." He explained that Millie, the Animal Farm elephant was trained in the circus to sit on a little red tub. "When Millie saw your car," explained the ranger trying to stifle a laugh, "she couldn't resist. But we are going to fix it."

The car was still driveable since Volkswagen motors are in the rear. More time had elapsed, however, and Dad would be waiting at the airport. On to the freeway Mom and the kids zoomed in the little "smushed" Volkswagen. This was definitely not their day, though. Down the road aways they encountered a long line of backed-up traffic, obviously caused by a wreck.

Mom was getting desperate. She whipped the little red bug onto the shoulder of the freeway and started making her way around the line of cars. She didn't even notice the two patrolmen on motorcycles at the accident site. One was writing while the other was directing traffic. The first officer looked up and saw this little smushed-up red car speeding away from the accident. He ran to his motorcycle, turned on his siren and gave chase. When he pulled her over he said, "Look, lady, don't you know it is against state law to leave the scene of an accident?" She replied, "I wasn't involved in any accident." He raised his eyebrows and looked at the front of her car and asked, "What happened to your car?" She replied, "An elephant sat on it."

That is when the officer brought out a little balloon for her to breath into.


It's a crazy world. St. Louis police arrested Thomas Hall and charged him with drunken driving after he pulled up to the intercom behind the police station and gave the booking clerk his order for a Whopper and fries.


Imagine a fine spring day. A man is driving cheerfully along a country road. Suddenly, from around the curve ahead, a car comes lurching toward him in his lane. He brakes hard, and as it swerves past, the woman driver screams at him, "Pig! Pig!" Furious, he shouts back at her. "Sow! Sow!" Pleased with himself, he drives around the curve and runs smack into a pig.