First of all...WHERE THE FUCK was Jennifer Love Hewitt? She should be at every awards show every single year until her boobs sag. Anyway, with that said and done. The night began even better than I had expected. One of the Waynes Bros, either Shawn or Marlon, did a terrific parody of Chris Rock on last years VMA's. MTV was slightly pissed off at Chris Rock last year because the perverbial strings that MTV places on all it's hosts seemed to be cut by Chris Rock's management and Mr. Rock used wit and humor to make fun of every artist that MTV holds dear. So to make sure that free thinking was NOT going to interfere with entertainment this year, MTV hired the Wayne's Bros and gave them an opening monologue, in their case dialogue, that was even less funny than a funeral. The entire night reeked of confusion and it almost looked as if the Waynes Bros were actuall crying in anguish on the inside as they said some of their scripted dialogue.
After the Bros dialogue Janet Jackson opened the show, but I can't report on that because I was outside playing frisbee with my dog at the time. Some things are just more improtant.
Then they gave out a couple of awards, Sisqo did a cartwheel, the puppets known as the Wanyes Bros made a couple of stupid ass jokes, and I got bored. The saving grace came when Rage Against the Machine performed. Whose idea was it to put Rage close to the beginning of the show? I need to know who that was so I can shake that man's hand. I was about ready to give up on the whole show completly until this band came on. They rocked the house of course and I continued to watch on.
The one to watch all night was Eminem, even though Christina Agulera was in close second with her "I might as well be naked" outfit. Before the show he can be quoted as saying, "I love the MTV music awards. It's the only time when you can fit all the people I don't like into one building." He picked up two awards during the entire evening, one for best male video and for video of the year. When he went to pick up the fist award for male artist of the year he said, "This year I wrote a speech just in case I did happen to win, let me find it". Then he began searching through his pockets and instead of pulling out a speech, he pulled out tons of pills and dropped them all over the ground at his feet. Then he said, "Well I can't find it...thank you." And left the stage. It was the best speech I've ever heard. He then performed in his usual, "Grab on my balls" way with an entire entourage of Slim Shady wanna bes following him onto the stage from 6th Avenue outside. Shady then won for best video of the year and said that, "I'm going to put this award between my Britany Spears and Christina Agulera posters."
And can I say that Fred Durst and Limp Bizcuit make me sick? Can I say that they disgust me? Can I say that they behold everything I hate about pop culture? During a Christina Agulera performance last night the whole band showed up during the middle of her act and started playing with her. She was jumping around and singing with good ol Freddy while the LIMP kept the beat on in the background. For all of Fred Durst's talk about being anti-pop culture, I think hugging Carson Daily and singing with Christina Agulera pretty much stamps the label of MTV Lacky right upon the head of Mr. Durst.
The only good thing that happend while Limp Bizcuit was on stage was when the bassist, Tim C, from Rage Against the Machine climbed on top of one of the structures above the band and started swaying during the Bizcuits acceptance speech for most annoying presence in the industry. The cops all came out and Fred called Tim C a pussy because he wouldn't jump. Fred was just made because he didn't think of it first. Carson Daily had to smooth everything over for the audience, being that he is the only MTV personality who can complete an intelligent sentence. Everyone else seems to have worse skills than that stupid Jesse kid who permeated our screens three years ago. I mean who in the hell is that guy who was interviewing celebs on the red carpet? He looked like he wet himself when he was talking to Christina, looked like he shat himself when he was talking to little Kim, and looked like he was shat upon when talking to Limp Bizcuit. If you don't have the balls to interview celebrity's then get the hell of my MTV for god's sakes!
For the most part the MTV video music awards sucked like they do every year. But it's still fun to watch all of these monkey's perform for me on my TV. It's like, "Hey! Can you dance and sing for me monkey? If you do I'll give you a bannana!" I mean, isn't it worth a bannana to watch Serena Altzchul?
Damn...which MTV show were you watching? (And can i have a bannana too?)
Thanks for the update so I didn't have to sit through that bullshit.