Vicious rumors are being spread about Ronald Gullman, 34, of Pontiac, Michigan. On Thursday, Mr. Gullman walked into the bathroom of his office building, ready for a long overdue urination. When he walked in, he noticed that one of the bathroom’s two urinals and both of the stalls were occupied. That left just one solitary urinal for the poor man to utilize, placing him right next to the Big Hairy guy that worked three offices down.
“I had heard all the rules of etiquette in men’s bathrooms and knew that I would be committing a cardinal sin if I were to step up to the available urinal next to the hairy guy, but I just couldn’t hold it any longer!” said Ronald of the incident.
“So I stepped up to the urinal, said hello, and unzipped my fly. All of a sudden the hairy guy gives me this go to hell look and pisses on my shoes!”
“Yeah I pissed on his shoes,” said the hairy guy. “And do you wanna know why? It’s because that guy is weird that’s why! Everyone knows you’re not supposed to piss next to another guy and you sure as hell aren’t supposed to TALK to him!” the big hairy guy said just before his nose hairs shot down from his nose, wrapped themselves around a bagel, and pulled it back up his left nostril.
“When I heard him say hello I almost gasped,” said Frank Mertz who was in the handicapped stall, “But that would have violated rule number 135.6B of the Bathroom Code, ‘Thou shalt not acknowledge the presence of any other man in the bathroom.’ Those are words to live by.”
“You’re just not supposed to do that. I’m surprised the hairy guy didn’t do more than piss on his shoes.” Said Michael Batch, the man who heard the incident from the far bathroom stall. “That weird guy was lucky. VERY lucky.”
That guy should have known better...piss on him!