By Brian J. Melton
December 20, 2000 Sacramento, CA---Jerry Lewis (No relation to the crack smoking circus performer) was apprehended on three counts of burglary and a separate count of breaking and entering on Tuesday.
Mr. Lewis was caught in the act after the owner of the home, Horace Wimbley, contacted the authorities. He had been alerted to the presence of Mr. Lewis over a period of thirty minutes in which, Mr. Lewis was said to have returned to his own residence twice in order to drop off previously stolen items.
“When I heard him the first time, I thought that the worst of it was probably over and that he would just take what he needed and not return. I sat in silence after he had left the first time for about ten minutes, to scared to call the police. Then I heard the screeching of tires and the slamming of a car door. Seconds later I heard him scream in pain as he stepped back through our sliding glass door.” Reported Mr. Wimbley.
“Yeah, I cut myself on some of the shattered glass when I was coming back for their 27 inch TV.” Said a candid Lewis. “See I have a compact car…a Saturn to be exact…and I can’t fit much into the damned thing. The first trip all I got was the vacuum cleaner. Mine broke three weeks ago and my dog has a terrible shedding problem. I was in a bad way, so decided to steal one. I saw the TV during the first run and decided I’d chance a return trip.”
“We caught him when while he was going back for the Kitchen-Aide Blender.” Said Detective Robert Mills. “I suggested to Mr. Lewis that maybe he might try renting a van the next time he tries to burglarize a home. It’s just not productive to have to go back and forth between the crime scene and one’s apartment complex.”
Lewis, who lives three and a half blocks away from the Wimbley’s, is set for a court date on December 26th. He will be spending Christmas Day with his Collie before pleading guilty to all counts next Tuesday.
“I feel sorry for the guy,” said Mr. Wimbley. “I mean, they guy just got too greedy. I can understand his plight though, allergies can be a bitch.”