I Wanna Be A Barbie Girl

Barbie-the center of imense controversy and boycotts over the past few monts. Many advocates for the Future Leaders Against Beauty, or FLAB, have denounced Mattel's Barbie doll saying that the Barbie doll represents all the images and attitudes of imprisonment of young girls everywhere by society. Mrs. A Platapus, the president of FLAB said in a speech earlier this week that, "The Barbie doll represents everything I always wanted to be as a little girl. I remember the days of my youth when I used to suck in my stomach, pad my braw, shave every portion of my body, and dye my hair blonde. I even made my little sister dress up in cheerleader outfits as I called her Skipper." For the enlightenment of my Unfinished reader I thought it would be beneficial if I could provide an interview with the center of all the controversey....Barbie herself. The following is the interview in it's entirity. All that I managed to drag out of her pert frame before she and Ken sped off for a fun filled day of tennis lessons.

Unfinished (UF): Barbie...I am Brian Melton from the critically acclaimed web page "Unfinished Boundaries" perhaps you've heard of it?

Barbie (?): Oh? Hehe...a web page?

UF: A web page is a portion of the internet in which computer users can create their own personal creative venue in cyber space.

?: Internet?

UF: Oh damn. Well I would like to ask you a few questions about the recent FLAB acuasations towards your managers at Mattel and the sexually stimulating doll with your likeness.

?: Oh...ok sure! What's the camera for...?

UF: On the Internet it is necessary to have nude photos of every person you interview in order to exibit to the readers that the person is authentic and not some fabrication in the mind of a sicko.

?: Oh well don't waste film...you can just have these.

UF: ..............

?: Sir can you please put your tounge back in your mouth and interview me? Ken is supposed to come and pick me up for lessons on my stroke.

UF: Ahem...yes mam. First, how do you get your body so perfect?

?: PLASTIC surgery.

UF: Ok. How do you feel about being labeled as the leading factor in causing young women to look at obesity as ugly and unfavorable?

?: I don't think it's fair at all. I mean, I may be made of plastic and molds may just be about the closest thing towards perfection....ummm what was I saying?

UF: That's good enough.

?: I've worked my ass off to look the way I do Tim. I just can't understand why the world is mad at me for it.

UF: My name is Brian...but no matter...So do you resent that fact that FLAB has tried to destroy your wholesome image?

?: YES! Those FLABBY, jealous, bitches have exposed, I mean, lied and said I am a poor role model for young women.

UF: But Barbie...in all fairness...don't you think that when a young 5 or 6 year old girl plays with a Barbie doll, an impression is made upon them that being skinny and perfect is something every girl should be?

?: You listen to me Mr. Internal Webperson...I was fat when I was 5 years old. Yes...I had pimples. Yes I was ugly and noone liked me. Look at you! You're still like that. Do you want a doll made of you to show everyone exactly how not to look?

UF: Well I uhh...ummmm....

?: Alright look...Ken is here and I need to get to my lessons. The interview is over.

Ken: Yaa....Yi am ve Ken. Das luk at mi mooscles. Ess dis puny munkey anne...anno...anooyi...annoying vu mi darzling.

UF: No sir I was about to be going....just finished the interview as a matter of fact.

?: Look Sam, I love little girls. I love money. I love Ken and learning how to stroke with his racket. I do not however like FLAB and I think that they should rot in hell with their fat daughters.

UF: Well I guess that's just about all I will be able to report on this higly controversial topic. Is Barbie a role model for young girls everywhere, or is FLAB right in saying that she is an unhealthy example for today's youth? You be the judge. For Unfinished Reporting...this is Brian Melton.

I love playing with Barbie..she makes me giddy
Barbie made me anorexic you bastard!

Email: goldenma@aol.com