We here at Unfinished Boundaries are always striving to bring you the most exclusive coverage our miniscule budget can on today's biggest news. That's why UB has sent me to Atlanta, GA today to report on the current state of traffic in Atlanta. According to the reputible source, The New York Times, Atlanta is experienceing what is normally reserved for overweight men who have just ingested their fifth egg sandwich of the day : BLOCKAGE. Their streets are so crowded with air-polluting automobiles that many pregnant women cannot make it to the hospital before the newborn baby is lying on the genuine leather seats. (and we all know what fetal fluid can do to your interior) This is actually becomming a serious problem for expecting families all over Atlanta. So what Unfinished Boundaries has sent me here to do is to locate a preganant mother, caught in bumper to bumper traffic and get her evaluation on the matter. They even rented me this nifty helicopter so I can easily drop down, do the interview, and fly back out in time to make Monday Night Football. Thanks Unfinished Boundaries! We have located a young pregnant woman in a Ford "OJesque" Bronco by the name of Polly Ann Irene Nesbeth. I've knocked on the passenger window and gotten her to roll it down. (A feat in it's own right here in Atlanta) Lets see what she has to say.
Unfinished Boundaries (UB): Hello Polly, my name is Brian from the reputible news source, "Unfinished Boundaries". I was wondering if you might be on your way to the hosipital delivery room?
Polly Ann Irene Nesbeth (PAIN): As a matter of fact yes I am. My husband and I are starting to get a little worried with all this traffic.
(UB): That's funny that you should mention that Polly, because that's what I'm here to talk to you about. What do you make of all this traffic?
(PAIN): Well Brian, I think it's a pretty big hassle with all these people in this slightly overpopulated town. Every morning I have to leave my house at 5 am just to get to work by 9. It's ridiculous!
(UB): It's been reported Polly, that a few women in the Atlanta area are having their babies on the side of the road or in their cars because of the traffic delays. Do you think this is going to be a problem for you?
(PAIN): I sure as heeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, oh god what was that?
(UB): What was what?
(PAIN): I think, oh god...honey...my water just broke!
Expecting Father: OH SHIT! Babe we're at least another thirty minutes away from the hospital, and that's if our car moves this month!
(UB): Well Polly, now that you seem to be in a delema because of this traffic, what are your thoughts on it?
(PAIN): My THOUGHTS? What are my THOUGHTS?? My thoughts are that you should put me into that helicopter of yours and take me to the nearest hospital!
(UB): I'm affraid I can't do that Polly. It's rented and they had a specific clause in our contract.
(PAIN): You've GOTTTTAA.......ARGH!!!......You ASSHOLE!
(UB): If I brake our contract agreement we don't get our deposit back. You understand don't you Polly?
(PAIN): Oh yeah..I UNDERSTAAAA....(in tears)...oh god...please....please...
(UB): I feel your pain Polly.
(PAIN): ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK THAT YOU DO. YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH. YOU HAVE NO CLUEEEE......Hon, I think, I think....the babies comming. Oh god.
Expecting Father: Wait hun. I think I can jump the median. Can't you hold it or something?
(PAIN): HOLD IT! WHAT KIND OF A STUPID FUCK DID I MARRY ANYWAY?
(UB): You might be able to, you know, push it back in.
(PAIN) IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SITE THIS INSTANT I WILL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF WITH MY TEETH AND FEED THEM TO MY NEWBORN BABY!
(UB): Well ladies and gentlemen...hehe...I'm guessing this interview's over. Thanks for tuning in for Unfinished Boundaries Reporting. And remember, the next time you have to rush to the hospital to deliver your baby in a nice clean hospital room, remember to leave a good 6 hours early to account for your commute. This is Brian Melton, reporting for Unfinished Boundaries.
She should have had a cell phone. What was she thinking!
You asshole! You should have given her a lift to the hospital. I hope your baby is stillborn.