Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

The next day Isaac was back home. On top of ignoring Taylor, Zac and Ike now would leave the room whenever he walked in. It was like they were now afraid of him. Tay was dreading going down stairs to eat breakfast with the family. His mother would be there, what if she did it again? Taylor and his dad had talked practically the whole night through. He had ended up admitting why he had run away. Tay had even told him what happened when he beat Isaac up, why he couldn't stop doing it. His father came into the room. "Tay, c'mon down." Taylor just stared at him. Walker, seeing the fear in his son's eyes said "She wont do it again. Even if she does, I'm there, I'll help you okay?" Tay swallowed and nodded his head. Then got up and went down with his father. Taylor could hear his family at the table, talking. But once he entered, a hushed silence filled the room. As Tay sat down beside Jessica he looked over at his brothers. Zac looked down in his plate, and Isaac started to look really uncomfortable. Taylor turned his head to look back at his father who was watching him in a caring way, he was making sure Tay was okay. Tay then looked down at his food, his mother had made pancakes, which was a rare treat. He wasn't hungry though. How could he be hungry when his brother's were sitting right there and he knew what they were thinking? He knew they hated him, he knew they were afraid of him. His mother hated him too. Tay wondered how long it would be until the whole family started to hate him. The only one who understood was his dad, for awhile at least. He was pretty sure that he would begin to hate him too one day. Taylor choked down the food, then went back to his room, so he didn't have to see his brother's quiver when he looked at them. So he didn't have to see the fear in their eyes. And Isaac's deformed and bruised face that was caused by him. Once in their room he grabbed the tape that was lying on the dresser and put it in the radio. He hadn't listened to 'Boomerang' (their first record that they had ever made) in a long time. But there was one song in particular he wanted to hear. Fast forwarding threw a few, he found it. The music started playing, he listened for a little bit then sang along for a minute "Is there no one who can love a lonely boy? At the end of the day, there's no one to hold his hand..." He listened to the whole song then turned it off. Sighing he sat down on his bed and turned on the t.v. He flipped through the channels, nothing was on that interested him. Then he got an idea and turned it off. Walking over to the computer he typed in the password for the Internet. It connected and he clicked on 'search'. While it loaded he thought of what he might see when he found what he was looking for. The search engine came up and he typed in 'hanson'..... A couple web-pages later he came across one that said "Hanson fans, don't give up hope, Hanson'll get back together, E-mail them at: hansonfans and tell them we still love 'em!" That made Taylor smile. He hadn't done that in a long time and it felt good to do. He decided it would be cool if she viewed her guestbook and saw that Taylor Hanson had signed it. So, he did, and he told her how much he appreciated that there were hanson fans that wanted them to get back together. He then clicked on a link to another Hanson page. He had wanted to check out all the Hanson pages for a long time, but when he was with his brother's and still in the band he just didn't have the time. But now since everything had gone wrong, he had too much time. This girl had a thing on her page that said "Things I notice about the boys from Tulsa" so he checked it out. Taylor was surprised at what it said. The first thing she had put was "Did you see Hanson on the t.v. show: Planet Tulsa, a couple months back? Taylor acted "Weird" and he didn't look up, then when they were being interviewed Tay disappeared off somewhere. What's up with that? Don't get me wrong, I love Hanson but the performance was horrible! You gotta admit. Something was definitely wrong there." Do any of the fans know? Can any of them even guess what's going on? He wondered. Taylor thought it'd be neat to E-mail her. He was so lonely. He couldn't really talk to Amanda much because of her dad. Walker wasn't really like a 'friend' and his brothers.... well... they were scared to death of him! He kept messing up and making it harder and harder for them to ever talk to him. So he clicked on her E-mail addy and wrote:
Hey! Cool page! I'm glad that we still have a few fans out there. Even though the band's broken up. You don't know how much fans mean to us. It's great that you guys still believe in us! Laterz, Tay Hanson
He tried to make it as cheerful sounding as possible. He wanted to make it seem as if he was the same Taylor as before, that nothing had happened. And he was still happy with life. Which was all a lie. But he didn't want to ruin someone elses life with his depression, it just wasn't fair for him to do that to them. He sent the message then got off of the net. Taylor went down stairs and into the kitchen. Stepping out the back door and into the back yard he walked a little ways on the grass that was before the little forest. Then he heard voices, his brother's voices. Taylor stopped. "What would make Tay do that to me?" It was Ike. "I don't know.... Did you see his face? It was like he was possessed or something! He totally scared me out of my mind." Zac said "You think he scared you!! I was the one he was using as a punching bag. I'd never seen him that way before." "You think he... he really tried to kill himself?" Zac asked "I don't know.. I really don't..." Isaac's deep voice echoed back to Taylor. Tay sat down onto the grass and wondered if they would even care if he killed himself.

¤ ¤ ¤
**The Next day**
Taylor had just checked his E-mail. This is what he got:
Taylor, Yeah right! Don't even try this with me. You aren't Taylor Hanson. Do you know how slim of a chance it would be for him to come to MY web-page? You do a good impression of him though, I believed it was him for a few minutes. But then figured out the truth. Bye, Natalie
Taylor stared at the message on the screen. How could she not believe that it was him? He hit reply:
Hi, Um... I AM really Taylor Hanson. I dunno how you're supposed to believe me. But I don't really care if you believe me or not. Just as long we can be E-mail buds or something? I'm sure you probably already know everything about me so I don't really need to explain. Later, Tay H.
He sent it then shut down the computer. Taylor had decided he needed someone to be friends with someone that didn't know about what was going on his life right now. Someone that thought he was the same as before. He needed to talk to someone about every day normal life. Taylor could pretend everything was still great and perfect, it wouldn't be too hard. Then he could hear the person talk about her normal life. The life he wished he still had. Well, his normal life anyway, his description of his normal life was being in the band Hanson and everything being fine. Taylor went into the living room. Diana was reading the paper and Isaac and Zac were playing cards. Tay carried his book over to the couch and sat down. He put the history book up to his face like he was reading it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Isaac look at him then get up and leave, Zac followed. Now it was just his mother and him. He didn't want to be left by himself with her. Tay slid farther into the couch and tried to read. His attention wouldn't stay on the book, it kept drifting back to his mom. That she was in the room and she could do the same thing as she had done to him before. She's not even looking at me. She can't do it again. He tried to convince himself. It didn't work, he knew they were alone, and there was No one there to help him if she did it again. Getting up he went back upstairs and finished his reading. He didn't know what to do and was getting a little bored. So he checked his mail again. This is the letter that showed up:
Tay, If this is really you (which I seriously doubt) you could tell me why you ran off before the interview on Planet Tulsa. Got you there didn't I? haha You fake! Natalie
Why did everyone have to ask him questions? Couldn't they just be friends without him having to prove who he was? He turned it off, deciding that he couldn't be her friend anyway. He didn't want to explain to her and bring her down into the pit of despair he was drowning in. Her life was full of joy and he didn't want to change it just so he could have someone to hold on to. That wouldn't be fair. He grabbed his shoes and went outside. Walking down the street and back then going into their backyard. He climbed a tree and sat in it for awhile, just watching everything around him. Climbing back down he rested against the trunk. A whistling sound caught his attention and he turned towards the direction it was coming from. Zac came up, his shoes in one hand and a Dr. Pepper in the other. He hadn't noticed Taylor and Tay hoped he wouldn't notice him. Taylor tried to conceal his breathing and make himself as invisible as possible. Isaac came running up behind him and grabbed his Dr. Pepper. "Hey!" Zac yelled after him and started chasing his oldest brother. Ike took a drink then ran around trying to keep it from him. Zac dropped his shoes and followed close behind him trying to get his drink back. Ike tripped and Zac fell on top of him and they started laughing. Taylor was watching them wishing he could be with them as they kid around. He got up, praying they wouldn't run off. Taylor walked over to them. Isaac noticed his brother's shadow over him and his bruised face looked up. Cringing up at his brother, afraid that he might start hitting him again. But was too scared to get up in case it set his brother off. Tay noticed the fear in his eyes and it tore him apart inside. He looked down at his feet and whispered quietly "Please... I" he hoped they would at least stay until he got out what he wanted to say. Taking in a shaky breath he said just as quietly as before "I'm sorry Ike... really...I am ....please don't be afraid of me....please ....I can't stand for you to hate me like this." Isaac looked at him, wondering if his brother was messed up in the head. Was he really expecting everything to be just fine after he had beat the crap out of him? What was with him? He broke the silence between the brothers that had been going on for months by saying "You can't stand for me to hate you? Excuse me? I have the bruises to prove that you hate me just as much as I do you!" Taylor knew his brother hated him, but to hear him actually say it cut him deeply. "I don't hate you...." Taylor was interrupted by Ike "You don't? Okay, your identical twin beat me up then huh?" "Isaac, listen to me..please..." He was interrupted again. "Why should I listen to you? You're just a sick little boy who runs off to some little girl when things get to hard for him." Taylor was surprised at how his brother was talking to him. "Ike, I just want us to be brothers again, to be friends like we used to be." "Brothers? We're already brothers! Though I wish we weren't. I wish you lived far far away. But we are brothers, and you don't." Isaac spat out the words to Taylor, which slammed into him, harder each sentence. Suddenly he couldn't support his weight and he fell to the ground. How could Isaac do this to him? Why did he hate him so much? His voice became hoarse "You really do hate me don't you?" "Taylor, I wish you would run away and never come back!" Zac had been watching his brother's argue. Isaac was getting more harsh than Zac ever thought he could be. Especially to their own brother! At that instant Zac felt like hugging Tay, he was watching his face carefully. Tay looked like he was about to cry. Each word Isaac spoke seemed to cause a wound in Tay. His eyes became darker after hearing Isaac say the last sentence he had spoken. All the fear he had carried for his brother melted away. What he saw in his brother now was someone being killed slowly. Zac began to crawl over to him. "I knew I wasn't supposed to come back. I knew I should've stayed away from here." Taylor's voice was getting quieter. "You just came back to kill me is that it?" Isaac had begun yelling. "No....." Tay trailed off. "Get your sorry self off of the ground and tell me why you came back then!" Tay didn't move. He was desperately trying to keep his head above the water. He was in the sea of his depression and was about to be drowned. Isaac lifted his foot and put it on his brothers chest. Then with all his strength, pushed back. Taylor slammed back onto the hard ground and his head hit it. A loud cracking sound could be heard. Stars shot up in front of his eyes and his vision went to black, even though he could still hear everyone around him. In the sea he was in he began to sink. The water was filling his lungs. Zac made it over to him and sat beside him. Not knowing if he should touch him or not. He didn't know how hurt his brother was. As Taylor's vision began to get clearer he heard "You think I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because you, the messed up human being you are, tried to kill yourself? Well, I've got some information for you, I don't! Whatever you do with your life is your decision. I don't really care what you choose! I just hope you choose to move really far away so I wont have to see your sad excuse for a face again!" At that Taylor jumped up onto his feet and screamed, despite his head, "You really don't care? Good!! Cause guess what? After tonight I will make sure you will never have to see me again! Ever! No one will have to see me again! I wont have to mess up anyone else's LIVES!!!!" Then ran as fast as he could across the yard and into the street. He ran all the way until he was in town and he couldn't run any more. He couldn't believe all that Isaac had said to him. Tay had known he hated him. But that much? It was more than he could bear. His head was pounding horribly and he had to sit down.

¤ ¤ ¤ Zac had watched his brother's fearfully. Then when Tay had run off he got up and started chasing him. He knew what his brother was going to do. He didn't know if Isaac cared about his brother, but it was certain that he cared about him. And he didn't want to lose him. Why would Ike say such things to him? He guessed that they all had a lot of anger inside of them, Tay's way of dealing with it was beating Ike up. And Isaac's was to take it all out on Tay. What would he do when it was time for all his anger to come out? Would he take it all out on Tay too? Zac could barely see his brother now. He was going as fast as he could, but Taylor was still ahead of him.

¤ ¤ ¤ Taylor got back up, his head was spinning madly but he didn't care. He just had to keep going, the sooner he got it done the better. The less time he would have to spend in this place. That would be the last time someone could hurt him. The last time he could hurt someone else. If his brother's really didn't care about what he did with himself then he would do what he wanted. Life wasn't really worth living anyway if they hated him that much. Tay had slowed to a walk because his vision was going out of focus and he could barely see where he was going. He knew every inch of this town, he knew exactly where he was headed. Everything around him started spinning and he had to stop to get his balance. Isaac must've done some pretty bad damage pushing me into the ground if I can't see. He thought.

¤ ¤ ¤ One minute Zac could see Taylor and the next he would be gone. Tay was too far ahead of him. Even though he could tell that he was walking now he still couldn't ketch up. He was slowing done because he had been running the whole way. Now his pace was at a slow jog. Zac knew what his brother was going to do, but where was he going to do it and how? Why did Ike have to do that to him? Now Taylor was going to kill himself. Well, not if I have anything to do about it. He thought. Zac saw that Tay had stopped again. Why did he keep stopping? What was wrong? Then he remembered what Isaac had done to him. How bad had he hurt him?

¤ ¤ ¤ It was just ahead, where he wanted to be. His vision hadn’t cleared any, in fact it was getting worse and everything was now whizzing past him at the speed of light. It was going so fast he thought he might be sick. But he kept going, he was almost there. And he wanted to leave this world as soon as possible. Through his blurred vision he saw four train tracks. He knew that there really was only one track there. Then he heard a train. It was perfect timing. Everything would be done soon. Blindly he practically crawled onto the tracks. Sitting down in the middle of them he heard the train getting closer, his vision had completely vanished and had become a thick fog of blackness. So he couldn’t see the train. But the rumbling underneath him and the deafening noise told him it wasn’t far. For some reason all he could think of was their song "Lonely Boy" these were the last moments he had on earth and all he could think of was a song? It didn’t matter.. Nothing mattered anymore. The train was so loud now he thought he was going deaf. The rumbling on the tracks were more violent. It wouldn’t be long now.

¤ ¤ ¤ Zac saw his brother sitting on the tracks. So this was what he was going to do. This was how he was going to kill himself. Zachary turned his head and saw the train coming closer to his brother every second. Running as fast as his tired legs would carry him, he started screaming at Taylor "Tay! Don’t do it!! Get up!!! Taylorrrr!!!!!" He ran to his brother and tried to lift him. Tay started struggling violently, kicking and yelling "Let me go! Just let me go, Zachary! Please…. The least you can do for me is let me do this.. please.. I want to do this.." Taylor couldn’t see anything but he knew his brother’s voice. He knew he was trying to save him. Tay didn’t want to be saved. He wanted to be dead. Even after all that they had done to him, they wouldn’t let him do the one thing he wanted to do so badly. "Get off the tracks Zac! Just let me go and get out of here! NOW!" He wanted to die, but he didn’t want his brother to die too. Zac was trying as hard as he could to pull his brother to safety, but with Tay kicking, biting, and hitting him, it was hard. The train was almost to them now. "I’m not moving until you do." Zac yelled over the noise of the train, but to no avail, because Tay didn’t hear him. With one final and desperate tug at his brother they fell backwards off of the tracks. The train flew by them. "I can’t believe you did that!! I told you to let me go!!" Taylor was so angry at his little brother. How could he do that to him? The pain in his head got worse and he thought his whole head would explode. He lay down on the ground and tried to get his vision back. Tay was hurting to much to chew his brother out right now.

CLICK

Email: bree_turner@juno.com