Muse of the Mouse: Starting Fights and Starting Over

by Jennifer Cross

February 6, 2001

I admit it. I started the fight. I was on the defensive right from the start. But he was stealing my mail again, he had my stuff, he was spreading more lies, and I'm still poor because he spent all my money. Wouldn't you be?
Okay, so the whole thing started because I'm gathering proof as to just how much he owes me. It's a big number. And I've got receipts for it all. Being anal is a good thing sometimes. But since my phone bills have been "mysteriously disappearing", I had the phone company send me copies of three of the bills so I'd have those to include. Only two arrived. And that very day, Himself calls up my best friend and starts complaining about how much I have been calling HIS best friend. He's got proof, he says, that I've called his friend more than 20 times last month. But I didn't. So, it got me thinking. The bill that's missing is from the month right after The Incident. When I was calling his best friend a lot. Because he's my friend, too, and I was in need of a guy's advice.
Then there's the clothes. He admitted that he had some of my clothes, and promised to give them back. But I only got some of them. And a pair of jeans that weren't even mine. Huh. Wonder where those came from… Anyhow, I wanted the rest of my stuff back, so I called up, to request the chance to go through his things (after all, he came into the house several times after I left him and dug through my things. Item #7 on the list of things he owes me money for: Lock change, $35). He told me he had given the clothes to this organization we used to belong to, that I'm not in anymore because all of the people in it think I'm everything he tells them I am (which is many and varied things). Now, this is an outfit that was handmade for me by a friend of mine who moved away last year, and it's kinda special. I was just a little cheesed. So I picked a fight. I demanded my stuff back, yelled at him for stealing my mail again (Item #8: PO Box, $45), gave him a last warning on the whole money issue, compared him to his ex (who he despises), and then hung up. Yay me!
He asked my best friend if she honestly believed that he abused me. She said "Yes," and refused to discuss it further. The scary part of this whole thing, is that he honestly doesn't believe that what he did was abuse. He told me so himself on several occasions. This time, when he tried to say that, I listed them off, rapid fire. The lies, the cheating, the yelling, the name calling, everything. But I didn't include the stalking, because I don't think he knows that I know he's doing it. But he's keeping tabs on me, in all these little ways, and damned if he doesn't think he's being subtle about it.
I'm starting to feel sorry for the people who hang out with him now, because they don't know just how much they're being manipulated by him. He's got them all believing that I'm this horrible person. One of the girls that I used to consider my best friend won't even speak to me now. And the poor girl he's dating now thinks that he's the greatest thing in the world. He's even moving to be with her (He's moving! WHOOP! There goes my favorite rant topic, though). She used to be friends with me, but I can't talk to her anymore, because she refuses to believe. I remember being there.
Getting back to the beginning of this whole thing, he's upset because he thinks his best friend is stabbing him in the back by dating me. His best friend lives 3000 miles away. Yeah, there's a real dating opportunity there. And I'm sensing a double standard here, as well. He called me a whore for dating one of his roommates, but he's dating a girl who I used to consider a fairly close friend. He also keeps propositioning my best friend, and she keeps turning him down. I once told him to leave her alone, and he told me that is was his business if they wanted to date (implying, of course, that she wanted to date him). And yet, it's backstabbing if his best friend should want to date me?
He thinks I shouldn't date anyone, ever again. Think I'm exaggerating? I do believe he will think me a slut for getting married someday. Not that I'd send him an invitation to the wedding or anything, but the way he pumps people for information is astounding. My best friend, on the other hand, takes a rather wicked pleasure in dropping little tidbits about me into the conversation, just to get him riled up. She's pretty good at manipulation herself. Which is why I nearly died laughing when she told him about my new beau. I just love the way she grins evilly when she does that kind of stuff.
Yup, I've got a new man in my life. He's so nice! Is it supposed to be such an odd thing for a guy to be nice to me? Sure, I've got great guy friends who are really nice, and there's those guys I've dated since leaving that are really nice too, but this is somehow different. He was hanging out with a group of us the other day, and the subject came around to cheating. I nearly cried when he said that he didn't understand why guys cheated on their girlfriends. I could easily fall in love with this guy, and it's kind of scary. I didn't want to get involved with someone like this (and have disappointed many a hopeful beau in the meantime), and yet, here I am, crushing on a guy that I barely know. I did the wanton destruction of my self-esteem thing, and I'm over it. Which is why I'm taking this new thing slowly. Starting over with my own life was hard enough. Starting over with someone else? Only time will tell.