The Homer File
Dave Hall
_____________________
/ The Homer File V1.6 \_______________________________________________________
==============================================================================\
Maintained by Dave Hall (davehall@cyberspc.mb.ca) |
|
``Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?'' |
- Homer |
{Credited is usually given to the first person to point out an observation.}
>>Homer's Age & Weight, SNPP employee records, Driver License, Award trophies
According to 9F02, Homer is 36 and weights 239 pounds.
Was up to 260 pounds in [7F18]. {av}
From Steve Wells (wells_s@ix.wcc.govt.nz):
According to Matt Groening, he has been up to (and just over),
263 pounds! (Simpsons Comics #1)
From Gary S. Nabors (nabors@pobox.upenn.edu):
The Fall 1991 issue of Simpsons Illustrated lists the following vital
information on H.S. from his file at the Springfield Nuclear Power
Plant: address: 69 Old Plumtree Blvd.
birth date: 17-23-56 (sic)
phone (305)-555-1374
positions at the plant: Dial-watcher class 3 (1979)
Asst. rod-watcher class 3 (1990)
Uranium rod-handler (1991)
From Glenfiddich (g_tkacz@pavo.concordia.ca):
According to the information on his driver's license in ``Duffless'':
DMV Springfield Driver License
Homer J. Simpson
742 Evergreen Terrace
Springfield NT 49007
Sex: M Hair: None Eyes: Blue
HT: 6' WT: 240 DOB: 05-12-56
Expires 05-12-96
From Aaron Varhola (avarhola@ids.net):
Trophies won (and lost) at his high school reunion in [9F16]
- Most weight gained
- most hair lost
- most improved odour
- person who travelled the least distance to be here.
>>Cursing
[8F02] Turkey sandwich
[8F15] stubby fingers
[8F16] 1. trying to build a doghouse
2. putting $20 in the church collection plate
3. missing the last bowling pin
4. indirectly getting Ned a job in a TV commercial
5. bees land on top of him and sting him all over. {as}
[1F04] Homer Simpson {for eating the emergency donut}
[1F09] magic beans.
>>Simians gags
[7G01] Lady at the Baby-sitting Service called Homer an ape
[7G02] Bart referred to him as a balding North American ape
[7G09] acting like an ape/Big Foot
[7G10] Burns calls Homer an over-sexed orangutan in heat
[7F02] old hair tonic in medicine cabinet was 'Gorilla Man' brand {pm}
[7F05] Bart is stated to have call him one sad ape-like dude
[7F08] jumping up & down, beating his chest and screeching like an ape
[7F10] Burns calls him a big ape and wants to buy him off with a banana
or two
[7F19] Lisa called him a baboon
[8F06] `2001: A Space Odyssey' dream sequence
[8F18] Marge calls Homer a "big ape" {sg}
[9F04] second story (``KING HOMER'')
[1F13] his skeletal structure as he walks through the X-ray machine. {mk}
[1F21] Homer asks Maggie to point to the monkey (on TV) and Maggie points
to him. {sg}
>>Talking to his brain
[8F07] Homer's brain uses reverse psychology in getting Homer to use
reverse psychology on Bart
[9F12] the interviewer asks Homer why he wants a littler brother. Brain
tells mouth not to say `revenge', but mouth says it anyway {cs}
[9F13] tries to figure out what special day he missed
[9F14] loses track of what his brain says and what his mouth says {cs}
[9F16] Homer makes a deal with his brain to complete an exam so he can go
back to killing it with beer
[1F06] Homer tells his brain to shut-up or he'll stab it with a Q-tip
[1F06] finds $20 and asks his brain to explain how money can buy lots of
peanuts {as}
[1F09] brain says: the girl (Lisa) knows too much (about his plans for
world domination) {as}
[1F20] tells his brain that he would have to think up a way of getting
Marge back. {as}
>>TV idolizing
[7G04] To save this family, we're gonna have to make the SUPREME sacrifice.
(Pawning the TV set.) {rjc}
[7F12] Dear God, just give me one channel!
[8F10] Don't you ever, ever talk that way about television.
[8F23] Why did this have to happen during prime time, when TV brightest
stars come out to shine. {sj}
[9F03] But then I won't be watching TV, you can see the bind I'm in. {sj}
[9F03] [Bart: TV sucks!]
I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say
that. {rd}
[9F05] I wish I brought a TV. Oh God, how I miss TV!
[9F09] It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but
somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
[9F14] TV, have you turned on me too? {jpv}
[1F20] It's those TV networks, Marge. They won't let me. One quality
show after another, each one fresher and more brilliant than the
last. {rd}
>>Homer's food obsession
[7F11] Tries everything at the Happy Sumo, including deadly blow fish {tf}
[7F22] dreams about strangling Burns -- who turns into a tube of `squeezy
cheese' for his pancakes. Homer wakes up to finding himself
eating his pillow {sb}
[7F23] eating people's leftovers
[8F06] (unknowingly) eats three year old (ornamental) hot dogs {tf}
[8F06] drinking straight from the Squishee machine {tf}
[8F12] setting down to a little football with treats laid around him {tf}
[8F20] stuffing his face from two trays of wiener dogs {sb}
[8F21] some of his `best times' in the back-seat of a car -- eating pizza
and snacks {sb}
[8F21] Otto describes Homer as having a chicken wing stuck to his face
for three days {sb}
[8F22] drooling over food adverts for the 'good morning burger' and a
sweet snack covered in 'four types of sugar' {sb}
[8F22] reminisces about eating fries (or some snack) from a bowl on his
stomach while floating in a kiddie pool {sb}
[9F01] makes patented `out of this world space age Moon' Waffles
[9F02] eating a large container of Petroleum jelly
[9F04] eating the witch's body parts (grapes, spaghetti and pork chops)
in Halloween game {sb}
[9F05] dish soap sample
[9F06] eating seafood; eating 10 pound bag of flour when there was
nothing else to eat
[9F09] eating a smorgasbord in bed
[9F09] eats a plate of food regardless of the bug in it {tf}
[9F11] his 10 foot (week old) hoagie
[9F16] eating fancy soap for the bathroom {tt}
[9F21] Brownies at Emmy party {jac}
[1F01] eating 64 slices of American cheese {sb}
[1F04] eating forbidden donut and later his own head {rd}
[1F06] eating the bubble gum off Bart and Milhouse {st2}
[1F07] taking a box of donuts into the bathroom; eating a packet of gravy
mix found in SNPP parking lot
[1F10] eating rancid meat
[1F10] eating two buckets of bad prawns {sb}
[1F10] (unknowingly) eating dirty hot dog {sb}
[1F14] eating a waffle that was stuck to the ceiling {sb}
[1F14] the nacho sombrero {certainly one of my favorites - tf}
[1F16] eating flowers in bathroom. {rd}
[1F21] eating the decorative letters on Maggie's birthday cake. {rs}
>>Sage Advice
[7G05] There's nothing wrong with hitting someone when his back is
turned. {rjc}
[7F11] The three little sentences that will get you through life:
1. Cover for me.
2. Oh, good idea, Boss!
3. It was like that when I got here.
[8F07] If stuff starts flying, just turn your head!
[8F08] You know, if you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on top.
[8F19] Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
[8F13] Its a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone better.
[Bart then says ``Can't win, don't try''] {sg}
[8F21] If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing {sg}
[9F03] [Getting out of jury duty] The trick is to say you're prejudiced
against all races. {jw}
[9F05] If something goes wrong...blame the guy who can't speak English.
[1F15] Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you
win or lose -- it's how drunk you get.
[1F16] Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson
is, never try.
>>Boyhood/life long dream
[9F10] Monorail conductor / run out on a baseball field during a game
[8F19] manage a beautiful country singer / eat the world's biggest hoagie
[1F08] blackjack dealer / appear on "The Gong Show" {ddg}
>>Flanders `hate' List
[9F22] When Chief Wiggum says once a man is in your house you can do what
you want to him, so Homer calls Flanders and gets ready to punch
him {as}
[1F10] He says, ``that life is one defeat after another until you just
wish Flanders was dead'' {as}
[1F14] plans to hit Ned over the head with a lead pipe and take his
football tickets.
>>Signs of Intelligence
[8F23] Doesn't want to sign anything [paper] until he either read it, or
somebody gives him the gist of it {jw}
[9F07] telling the insurance adjuster that Moe's (Tavern) is a
pornography shop so he can get his insurance money from wrecking
the car
[9F10] realizes he could get killed by slipping on a bar of soap.
>>Correcting Bart or Lisa {rd}
[7G05] Bart, you're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing. {rjc}
[7G11] [Bart: Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.]
No I'm not, I'm hopping on the bandwagon! {rjc}
[9F19] "two wrongs make a right, Lisa" {ddg}
[1F15] Lisa, a guy who's got lots of ivory is less likely to hurt
Stampy than a guy whose ivory supplies are low.
>>Praying/Invocations {rjc}
[MG07] Good drink, good meat, good God, let's eat! {rjc}
[7G01] Lord help me, I'm just not that bright. {rjc}
[7G04] Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty... [etc] {rjc}
[7F02] Dear God, give a bald guy a break {ddg}
[7F07] And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power...[etc] {rjc}
[7F18] As God as my witness, I'll always be hungry again! {rjc}
[1F22] In the inner tube during the "production number" in the pool {ddg}
>>Beer quotes
[7G03] Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.
[7F10] Ah, good old trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
[8F11] There's only one can of beer left and it's Bart's!
[8F16] Maybe it's the beer talking, Marge, but you got a butt that won't
quit. They got those big chewy pretzels here five
dollars?! Get outta here!
[8F16] (after Marge buys him a six-pack of Duff bottles along with SLH's
new doghouse) Beer! How did you know?! {ddg}
[9F06] [Beer] They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own
mother just to get one!
[9F14] I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
[9F17] Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.
>>Beer
[7G03] Stole Bart's piggy bank to buy beer
[7F05] buys some absurdly low priced tubs of beer at the baseball game {tf}
[8F21] drinking years old Billy Beer found in old concert-going jacket {sb}
[9F14] hiding beer in the toilet cistern {sb}
[9F14] ate the soil under the stadium bleachers
>>Singing/humming
[7F06] the 1812 Overture {jac}
[7F11] butchering "When the saints go marching in"/"Over there" {jac}
[7F12] Steve Miller's "The Joker" {jac}
[8F11] butchering "We're gonna take this truckin' convoy..." {jac}
[8F14] butchering lullaby/"May your Christmas days be bright" {jac}
[8F19] Lurleen's song "No one understands you, but I do" {jac}
[8F21] "There was a little Spanish Flea" {jac}
[9F02] "Hey there, Blimpy boy......" tune {jw}
[9F07] "Mr. Plow" jingle {jac}
[9F08] "Girls just wanna have fun" {jac}
[9F14] circus music as he flexes his imaginary muscles in the mirror {jac}
[9F14] "When I was 17" {jac}
[9F14] "Raindrops keep falling on my head" (with Marge) {jac}
[9F21] Much of episode (barbershop quartet): {jac}
- "Ragtime gal"
- "My Coney Island baby"
- "There was nothing in Al Capone's vault"
- "Baby on Board, something something Burt Ward"
- "Baby on board"
- "Surgeon general song"
[9F22] "Three little maids" from "The Mikado" {jac}
[1F07] butchering "Oh Mandy" ("Oh Mindy") {jac}
[1F07] "Oh Margie" {jac}
[1F10] "The Kwik-E-Mart is real...D'Oh!" {jac}
[1F13] "Oh, those Golden Grahams" {jac}
[1F14] Eddie Money's "Two Tickets to Paradise" {jac}
[1F19] Meow mix commercial {jac}
[1F21] jazz duet with Abe {jac}
>>Misc titbits
[8F01] couldn't touch his own nose
[8F15] didn't know Bart's birthday
[9F09] when he dies, Homer wants to be stuffed and put on the couch as a
reminder for Marge about their marital vows
[9F09] stated to have visited Hell
[misc] often writes fist-like.
>>Mmmmmm Count
[7G04] Marshmallows {jac}
[7G12] Chocolate/double chocolate/triple chocolate {jac}
[7F14] Macamadamia [sic] nuts (Cookie Collossus store) {jac}
[7F20] Horse doovers (at house party) {jac}
[7F22] Pancakes (has pancakes for breakfast) {rjc}
[7F23] Barbecue (watches the Flanderses' cookout) {rjc}
[7F24] Pancakes (has pancakes for breakfast at the asylum) {rjc}
[8F01] Money (drools on the money printing press) {rjc}
[8F02] Spaghetti (Mr. Burns' head attached) {jac}
[8F02] Sprinkles (RoboHomer) {jac}
[8F04] Purple (checking out the donut flavours) {jac}
[8F06] Beer {as}
[8F06] Beer (next to King Toot's music store) {jac}
[8F06] Salty (swipes a beef jerky from the Kwik-E-Mart) {rjc}
[8F09] The land of chocolate {as}
[8F09] Snouts (seeing SLH's food) {jac}
[8F11] Chocolate (thrice) (Neapolitan ice cream) {rjc}
[8F12]?Crumbled-up cookie things (imagines ice cream){rjc}
[8F13]?Crumbled-up cookie things (describing sundae to Lisa) {jac}
[8F13] Potato chips (pretending to listen to Mr. Burns) {jac}
[8F13] Donuts (sees donuts being delivered) {rjc}
[8F13] Potato chips (imagines chowing down on chips) {rjc}
[8F14] Strained peas (tasting Maggie's food) {jac}
[8F17] Snouts {as}
[8F22] Delicious (snarfing jam straight from the jar) {jac}
[9F01] Fattening (eating moon waffle[tm]) {jac}
[9F03] Burgher (chief justice of the supreme court) {jac}
[9F08] Hog fat (outside rendering plant) {jac}
[9F09] Ham (ghostly Homer) {jac}
[9F17] Beer
[1F01] Sixty-four slices of American cheese (at kitchen table) {jac}
[1F03] Invisible cola (sees vending machine) {jac}
[1F03] Candy (sees vending machine) {jac}
[1F03] Convenient (imagining vending machines stuck on his arms) {jac}
[1F04] Forbidden donut (dreamily, at refrigerator) {jac}
[1F04] Business deal (Burns buys blood bank) {jac}
[1F06] Free goo (Bart and Milhouse are covered with gum) {jac}
[1F07] Foot-long chilli dog (with Mindy) {jac}
[1F13] Mediciney (drinking water from ball-floating test) {jac}
[1F14] Sacrilegious (waffle from roof) {jac}
[1F15] Elephant-fresh (bird grooms him) {jac}
[1F15] Caramel (Lisa and Bart stuck to him with tar) {jac}
Suggestive sections are welcomed}
===============================================================================
>> Contributors
===============================================================================
sb - Steve Birrell (STeve@ncc1701.demon.co.uk)
jac - James A. Cherry (jac@doe.carleton.ca)
rjc - Raymond Chen (raymondc@microsoft.com)
rd - Rick Diamant (diamantr@ext.missouri.edu)
tf - Ted Frank (thf2@kimbark.uchicago.edu)
ddg - Don Del Grande (ddelgran@nyx10.cs.du.edu)
sg - Suresh Goel (sng2@po.cwru.edu)
sj - Stuart Jackson (jacksons@cs.curtin.edu.au)
vj - Vaughn Jett (jett@cs.unc.edu)
mk - Matt Keary (keary@hpand0.an.hp.com)
el - Ellis Lee (lawyer@camelot.bradley.edu)
pm - Peter Mitchell (mpeter@bmerh534)
as - Andrew Shaw (andrew@shaws.demon.co.uk)
cs - Colin Smith (syscws@devetir.qld.gov.au)
rs - Robert Seidel (rseidel@mondrian.CSUFresno.EDU)
st - Scott Tyack (tyack@mel.dah.csiro.au)
st2- Steve Birrell (STeve@ncc1701.demon.co.uk)
tt - Tim Tweedale (Tim_Tweedale@rev.iceonline.com)
av - Aaron Varhola (avarhola@ids.net)
jpv - John Paul Vergara (jpv@csgrad.cs.vt.edu)
jw - James Watkins (jrwatkin@socs.uts.EDU.AU)
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{Contributors & Corrections are greatly welcomed.}
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