Top Ten Ways to tell the students are back
10. Ridiculous queues at cash machines.
9. Muggings go up (sad but true).
8. Increasing number of flyposters.
7. Locals go back into hiding.
6. Every person on the street between 18 and 21 accompanied by worried-looking parents.
5. Hordes of people dressed up with nowhere (except lectures) to go.
4. Kebab shops are packed at pub closing time.
3. More kebabs in the gutter after closing time.
2. Local weed dealer has new alloy wheels.
1. All the supermarkets run out of pasta.