Top Ten Rules of Cinema
10. If you are being chased by a monster, no matter how slow and lumbering, even if it's Tor Johnson or a slow mummy or zombie, never run so fast that you end up in a different camera shot than the monster. If you stay close by but out of reach, you're pretty safe. The second you get into a seeperate shot from the monster, it will have magically closed the gap and be right next to you, or possibly even in front of you.
9. The Warwicke Davis Proviso -- passed in 1984 with support from George Lucas. If you are making a film with wee folk, leprechauns, dwarves, or hobbits, it must star Warwicke Davis.
8. Upon seeing something weird, drunks will look at their bottle, then throw it away.
7. If you happen to find a book or a tape involving ancient magical rites to raise the dead, DO NOT read or play it.
6. Bad guys and demons love to assume the form of a long-lost loved one. People always fall for this even if they watch the demon transform right in front of them. Listen, it's not your dead brother or wife. Stop falling for this one!
5. Want to learn kung fu? Start drinkin' wine.
4. When searching for people, or just out for a night on the town, neon signs will swirl around you.
3. Our weapons are always useless against giant monsters and invading UFOs.
2. Never say "We're home free!" or "It's finally over!" after seemingly beating some horror. If you do, whatever was chasing you will just pop up again.
1. Don't laugh at voodoo rituals meant to keep the living dead at bay, especially if the living dead are walking around. I mean, you may not have believed in voodoo previously, but in light of corpses walking around, it can't hurt to keep some mystical thing on hand. Don't just knock it over or throw it a way while grumbling, "Buncha mumbo jumbo voodoo bullshit!"