*

Skinner was sitting on an airplane, flipping through a "Home And Gardening" magazine, as sweat flowed from his pores and his teeth clenched together so hard he broke a filling. "DAMN!!" Skinner suddenly hissed. "What's wrong?" asked the man next to him. "I broke a filling. I'm going to the bathroom." Skinner said, getting up and walking past the man. In the isle, Skinner fell over and landed on a woman's foot. "Ouch!" said the woman, grabbing her foot in pain. "Parden me!" Skinner growled, straightening his tie and begining to feel dizzy. "Sir? Sir? Are you having a problem with motion sickness?" Asked a flight attendant.

Skinner felt as if he was going to spew, but then he realized he didn't have anything in his stomach. No wonder he felt so bad! He had been in such a rush to catch his flight, he hadn't eaten a damn thing. Skinner headed for the bathroom. He turned on the water, which shot with tremendous force into the almost flat sink, and splashed up in Skinner's face. Skinner, now drenched, reached into his mouth and pulled out the filling. Skinner's lip curled as he snatched a towel and dried his face. There, that felt better. Skinner smiled a little as he swung open the bathroom door, knocking down a small child. "Oh, excuse me, my boy." Skinner said, standing the kid back up.

Skinner smacked his lips once as he shuffled back to his seat. "Miss, I'd like some cold baked beans." Skinner said, letting out a gruff sigh. "Er, sir, I'm afraid we don't have any beans except hot ones." the flight attendant said. "Put them in the freezer!" Skinner commanded. "But sir...!" The flight attendant said. "Chop, chop!!" Skinner said, becoming annoyed once again. "Yes sir." said the flight attendant, silently disgusted at the thought of chilled baked beans.

Skinner laid back and closed his eyes. Ah, those beans. Skinner smiled, and began to feel peaceful. Suddenly, Skinner's eyes popped open as he heard something outside the window.

Skinner peered through the window suspiciously. Nothing. Then he heard shrieking. Suddenly, Mulder's head appeared. "Crap! Agent Mulder, what the hell are you doing out there??" Skinner asked, tensely. "Oh, hi, Skinner." Mulder said, rapping on the glass several times. "Mulder, I demand that you tell me what's going on." Skinner said. Mulder pressed his face right up against the glass, causing his features to look quite strange. "Now, Mulder!" Skinner said. Mulder lifted his fingers to his mouth and put something in, and Skinner realized it was a sunflower seed. "Well, Skinner, you see, I was sitting alone in my apartment, when I heard a crash outside. I darted from the room, and looked all around, and that's when I saw a mutant. It lunged forward and kissed me on the lips. And then I began to float." Mulder said, shrugging. "Fascinating, isn't it? I've been enjoying it alot." Mulder said, glancing at a blimp in the distance.

"Mulder, I don't have time for this." Skinner said, jerking down the window cover. He heard a squeeling from outside. "Mulder, stop that!" Skinner ordered. "You know, sir, the weather's lovely out here." Mulder said. "Mulder, I'm trying to sleep!" Skinner said. "AAAAAAAHHHH!!! YEEEESSSS!!!" Mulder suddenly screamed so loud the whole airplane heard him and looked at Skinner, who agitatedly grabbed the window cover and flung it back up. "Looooook!!!" Mulder bellowed, pointing at a flying saucer. "Crap!" Skinner said, stunned. Suddenly, the saucer zipped away into the distance. "Did you see that???" Mulder asked, banging at the glass. "Yes, agent Mulder, now just simmer down!" Skinner said. "I'm going after it!" Mulder said. "Mulder, don't you get into any more trouble!" Skinner said. "I'm going!! NOW!!" Mulder roared, wildly, as he pushed himself away from the plane and soared towards the direction of the craft.

Skinner leaned back again, to try to get some rest. "Sir, your beans are here." said the flight attendant. "Good!" Skinner said, taking the plate. "Ah, beans." Skinner said, his mouth began to water and he grinned tightly. Then suddenly his expression turned dead grim. "These beans are frozen rock solid. And they've got freezer burn!" Skinner said. "Well, isn't that what you wanted?" asked the flight attendant. "No!" said Skinner. "Well, ok. I'll go thaw them out." she said, taking the beans.

The man next to Skinner was sound asleep, snoring loudly. Skinner folded his arms. Soon, the flight attendant came back with the beans. "Here you are, Mr. Picky." said the flight attendant. "These beans are flaming hot!!" Skinner exploded, then he stood up and stormed into the cockpit. "What's the meaning of this?!?" Skinner asked, angrily. Suddenly, someone came in behind him. "AHAHAHAAHA!!!" said the man. Skinner turned around. It was the man who had been sitting next to him. "Yes?" said Skinner, then he realized the man had a gun. "I'm hi-jacking the plane, old man!" the man said. "Who are you?" Skinner asked. Suddenly, the man reached up and pulled off his mask, revealing himself to be Krycek. Skinner slapped the gun out of his hand and punched him in the stomach. "Awk!" Krycek said. Krycek ripped off his prosthetic arm and clubbed Skinner with it. "Uungh!" Skinner grunted, closing his eyes in pain. "I'm going to do my emergency escape now." Krycek yawned, opening a door and preparing to jump with his parachute on his back. Skinner grabbed him and pulled him back in. "Oh no you don't, you rap scallion!" Skinner said. "Yes I do!" Krycek said. "No you don't!" Skinner said. Before that could go on any longer, a trey with a huge block of cheese was wheeled past. Krycek suddenly lunged forward, landing ontop of the cheese cart. Skinner grabbed him and pulled him back, but he wouldn't let go of the cart.

Krycek clutched the cart with his arm and legs as Skinner tried to detach him from it. Suddenly, the plane hit some turbulence, sending Krycek and the cart flying out the still open door. His prosthetic arm slid out after him. Krycek held onto the cart with his legs as he reached around and yanked the cord on his parachute. The parachute didn't do too much good, though, because the trey was so heavy, and so Krycek went plummeting down, and smashed the cheese beneath him when he hit. Although he survived, he ended up in the hospital, interestingly, the same hospital where Mulder was put after he was blasted in the face by flying saucer engine flame. But that's another story.

Skinner was so testy by this time that he grabbed the pilot and threw him out of the chair. "I've always wanted to fly a plane, and since you people are so incompetent, now, I believe, is the time." Skinner said, placing his hands on the steering device. "Aaaaahhhh." Skinner said, frowning in deep satisfaction. "Now I shall fly us home."

Skinner sat perfectly still in squinting sterness as he zoomed the plane around in the sky, and then crashed it deliberately into a mountain. Everyone got out and they thanked him for the nice ride. Skinner nodded and tipped his pilot's hat at them. As he was walking away with his luggage, he suddenly heard a noise behind him. Skinner turned with bulging eyes to see that the plane had risen into the air, and was now coming after him. Skinner began to run as the plane followed, attempting to smash down on him. Skinner's face contorted with irritated shock, and he turned and fled. The plane, it seems, was effected by Mulder pressing his face up against the window glass. It seems that some of Mulder's saliva rubbed on the plane, and because the saliva was impacted by the mutant kiss, the plane was now evil. Skinner was told this later when he discussed the situation with Mulder and Scully.

Skinner bulleted across the land as the plane chased him. After several minutes of running intensely, Skinner got an idea. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a magic marker, then he sprinted ahead to a huge rock and drew a picture of himself on it. Then he ran away. The plane, being a stupid plane, rammed right into the picture, and died.

"Harrumph!" Skinner said, straightening his shirt. He walked on, untill at last he came to his hotel room. He headed upstairs to his room, and asked room service to bring him some baked beans and a container of ice. Skinner put the beans on the ice and fell asleep. When he woke up, he was brightly pleased to learn that the beans were perfectly chilled. He savored them, slobbering everywhere, and then laid back and fell asleep, contented.