*

Another instance when a story was inspired by a post on a FOX forum. This time someone said something (jokingly) like "Yes, instead of going with a Mulder/Scully romance, the producers are going to make the daring decision to go with a Mulder/Spender romance!". I say, don't go with either! But I went ahead and created...

Mulder: Spender, you should be taking notes. Sketch on your own time.

Spender: Oh, uh, sorry, Mulder.

Mulder: What are you drawing, there, anyway?

Spender: Oh, uh! Nothing! Nothing at all...

(Mulder snatches away Spender's notepad)

Spender: Hey! Give that back!

(Mulder holds Spender back by placing one hand on his forhead, then looks at the notepad)

Mulder(shocked): Spender....

(Spender looks down in shame)

Mulder: I can't believe this. You were drawing nude pictures of me?

Spender: Can I have my notepad back now?

(Mulder stares at Spender. Spender looks up. Mulder touches Spender's cheek.)

Spender: Mu-Mulder...?

(Mulder comes in close)

Mulder: You know, Jeffery, I've always liked you more than I let on....

Spender, excited: REALLY???

(Mulder pulls Spender's face to his own and gives him a wet kiss)

Spender: Oh, Mulder! I want to believe!!

Mulder: I'll make you believe, Jeffy.

(Mulder lifts Spender up and carries him in his arms to the desk. Mulder lays Spender down on the desk and gets ontop)

Spender: Oh, Mulder! You rock my world!

Mulder: You're the one that I want, you twerp!

(Later....)

Mulder and Spender are lying nude on the desk, each smoking a Morley.

Mulder: Morley's....Spender, did you get these from that black lunged son of a bitch?? Well? Did you, my little dumpling?

Spender: Yes, Mulder. I'm sorry, but he's my father.

Mulder: He's your FATHER??? Damn it!!

Spender: He's not so bad....

(Suddenly, Cancerman walks into the room)

Cancerman: DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, WHAT ARE YOU TWO MORONS DOING?????

Mulder, angrily: Get out of here!

Spender: D-d-dad! This..this isn't the time!!

(Cancerman slaps both hands over his face and moans)

Cancerman: I don't want to KNOW what you were doing...I DO KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING!!!

(Cancerman takes off his belt and starts trying to beat Mulder and Spender with it)

Mulder: Hey, you son of bitch!! This is none of your business! Besides, I'm gonna make Spender cool, so nyah nyah!!

Spender: Dad! OUCH! Stop it! Put the belt down!! Ooooow!!

Cancerman: You little fools!! You don't realize what you've done!!! Oh, God, it's all my fault!!

Mulder, screaming: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???

(Cancerman turns away)

Cancerman: Mulder...there...there's something I never told you...

Mulder: There's lots of things you never told me, you son of a...

Cancerman: Mulder, you know I slept with your mother...

Mulder: Don't remind me, you son....

Cancerman: Damn it, boy, are you that dense?!? I AM YOUR FATHER!!! I'm the father of BOTH of you!!!

Mulder: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spender: *GAWK* *CHOKE* It, it can't be true!!

(Mulder grabs Spender and starts beating him)

Spender: Stop, it!!

(Cancerman wails in misery)

(Mulder throws Spender down)

Mulder, to Cancerman: This is all YOUR fault!!!

Cancerman: No, Mulder, please!

(Mulder attacks Cancerman)

Spender: How could you do this, pop????

(Spender beats Cancerman as well)

(Suddenly, Scully walks in)

Scully: Dear God, Mulder! What are you doing?? Why are you and Spender naked and beating Cancerman???

Mulder, sobbing: Just get out Scully!! You don't want to know!!!

(Be sure to tune in next week for the next episode of....The Fucked Up Files)