June 11, 1999

Dear Diary,

Boy Marnie would be getting after me right now! I haven't written in this thing in ages! And so much has happened...one thing being that I don't even have to write in here anymore becuase Marnie is no longer my therapist. I'm back in Providence with Dad again. Boy, a lot has passed! Well ever since my little breakdown, Jack called Dad and he tried to drag both of us away from Capeside. Well Jack ended up staying and had Jen move in with him. But I think now Jack's staying with Jen's Grams. I believe they worked out that whole ordeal. I can't keep up anymore.

So...back to me! I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had decide whether or not to leave Pacey. Well not just Pacey, but that was in the main factor. In the end I decided to go so I can get better. That way I can be a great, and not to mention sane, girlfriend, and try to start living a normal teenage life with Pacey. I hated having my boyfriend asking me everyday if I had taken my Xanax yet because I seemed a bit cranky and on edge to him. It gets frustrating and that was the last thing that I needed.

So we went on our last date (for now), and I had quite a time. Depressing date, yet memorable. Gosh, it's been six months we've been together. Six great months. And I had to leave him behind. We said our farewell's (for now) and I watched him as he tried not to cry from the back window of my dad's Lincoln Town Car. Not a sight a girl wants to see from her boyfriend. But now I have the picture of the two of us together and I remember the good times and everything's alright. But god, I miss him so much!

That's the main thing that's getting me through this mental institution. It's horrid here. I hate being compared to these people here. I keep thinking 'You're nothing like these wacko's talking to walls!' and then I remember 'Andie wait! You're seeing your dead brother!'. And it all comes back. One good thing though: Tim is gone!!! I haven't seen him in 3 days which is great considering I use to see him well like every hour on the hour. So that's progress in my book! And that much sooner until I can go home!

[NOTE] Promise to Pacey: We'll be together again. Happy. Healthy. And more in love than ever.

I love him so much it hurts. And I would give anything to be with him, but I just keep thinking how much better it will be with us both being sane in the relationship. I talked to his dad not too long ago. At first he was this horrid sounding person. I realized also that in the six months that Pacey and I had been going out that I had never met him, for good reason. I know Pacey's ashamed of him. But my eagerness got the best of me and I practically told him everything that had been going on in the past 6 months. And the man began *crying* over the phone. I don't know if he knows I knew but I did. He's ashamed that he didn't know all of this. I hope he and Pacey have straightened everything out by now. I told him to give Pacey a big hug, not for me, but for the two of them.

I'm being told to go to bed now. Goodness I can't wait to leave here. They say my progress is doing wonderfully, but of course I don't know if they would tell me the truth in the first place since I'm clinically insane. Ah well, the sooner the better I beleive and then back to my Pacey! I'm so excited about that happy reunion day!