May 14, 1999

Dear Diary,

Hi. Me again. I'm staying home from school today. Jack and Pacey insisted that I rest today. And one of them is staying with me at home in shifts. Which I hate becuase I don't want Pacey's grades to fall. Although he did keep them up during his week long suspension. But still he shouldn't have to stay here becuase of me. Right now, Jack's here though. Downstairs watching TV. I think he's styaing away from me. I think I'm reminding him too much of Mom. But Pacey, sheesh. I can't get away from him. He's been treating me like a princess. But to me, in my mind, a child. I'm surprised he hasn't followed me into the bathroom. He stays with me in my roon either watching me sleep, or watching TV with me or pay-per-viewing movies. And occasionally, out of the corner of my eye, I see him staring at me with this look of worry on his face. And all I can do is turn to him and give him a little smile. And maybe a little kiss. It kills me to hurt him so much.

Tim's here again. He's not as mad at me as I thought he was. He still wants me to go with him. But I can't leave Pacey and Jack like that. But all I want is to just feel better. That's all. I don't want to be crazy but I am. I see dead people for god's sake! I wish Tim would just leave. It's so hard when he's here.

Oh! I hear Pacey downstairs talking to Jack. I guess 3rd period is over. I hope he brought my homework, becuase I am so awfully bored. Oh good. Tim just gave me a kiss and left. I don't think he likes Pacey too much. Matbe eve jealous. It's so terribly hard to have him here with Pacey in the room also. I try to be strong around Pacey which is hard to do. Pacey's coming upstairs. I guess I'd better put one of my famous tight-lipped grins on my face. But god, I love him. I think he's the only thing keeping me from ending the deal on my life.