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- 767.You spend 3 days in line for George Strait tickets.
- 768.You can't keep your cats out of your car at night because the interior smells like fried chicken.
- 769.You think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product.
- 770.You drive more than 30 miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.
- 771.You spend most of your time in the Laundromat so you can watch TV.
- 772.Grass is growing in the floorboards of your car.
- 773.The highlight of your day is finding the prize in a Cracker Jack box.
- 774.The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts.
- 775.You own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it.
- 776.Your third-grade class had a no-smoking section.
- 777.Your wife left you for last year's winner of the hog-calling contest.
- 778.It took the smartest kid in your 6th-grade class 3 times to pass his driving test.
- 779.you think the stock market has a fence around it.
- 780.You cut your wedding cake with a chain saw.
- 781.You ask for the honeymoon suite at the Motel 6.
- 782.You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
- 783.You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
- 784.You hear a siren and your first instinct is to hide.
- 785.You use a bed sheet as a sofa cover.
- 786.You use the shaving cream made for tough beards...and so does your husband.
- 787.You regularly see kinfolk on "America's Most Wanted."
- 788.You refuse to slide in softball because you don't want to crush your cigarettes.
- 789.The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name.
- 780.Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
- 781.People come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business.
- 782.Your house plants aren't in pots.
- 783.You wear a tank top to your mother's funeral.
- 784.Your front yard looks like Toys R Us after a tornado.
- 785.You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
- 786.You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
- 787.You're an expert on worm beds.
- 788.You wear a strapless dress with a bra that isn't
- 789.You wet the bed and four other people immediately know it.
- 790.Going to the bathroom late at night involves putting on shoes and taking a flashlight.
- 791.Nobody can rebuild an engine like mama.
- 792.It doesn't bother you when you walk through a barn barefooted.
- 793.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
- 794.Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
- 795.Your girlfriend thinks the way you pick your nose is cute
- 796.Everything you won at the State Fair is hanging from your rearview mirror.
- 797.You've ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall.
- 798.Making moonshine is a neighborhood project.
- 799.You've ever gotten into a fist fight in a Laundromat over a dryer.
- 800.You consider a spotlight hunting equipment.
- 801.Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
- 802.Your best jacket has an advertisement on the back of it.
- 803.Your car insurance deductible is higher than the value of your car.
- 804.Your 5-year-old can rebuild a carburetor.
- 805.You take a nap with at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
- 806.In preparation for your upcoming wedding, you register your Tupperware pattern.
- 807.You consider tattooing & ear piercing a do-it-yourself job.
- 808.One of your fantasies involves a bulldozer.
- 809.You've ever used lard in bed.
- 810.You were expelled from summer school.
- 811.You've ever been asked for your autograph at a rattlesnake roundup.
- 812.You attend a parent-teacher conference wearing flip-flops.
- 813.Your baby's crib mobile is made out of beer cans.
- 814.You've ever been asked to leave Shoney's all-you-can-eat breakfast, or ANY all-you-can-eat buffet.
- 815.During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
- 816.You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
- 817.Your favorite NASCAR souvenir is the result of a wreck.
- 818.You have your own private booth at the Dairy Queen.
- 819.You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
- 820.You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
- 821.You know how to milk a goat.
- 822.You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
- 823.You look like Willie Nelson after you get your hair cut.
- 824.You wake up in the morning already dressed for work.
- 825.You think the police can't see you because your truck is painted camouflage.
- 826.Your car ashtray is so packed, you can't get it out.
- 827.You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
- 828.You're driving a vehicle with no original body parts.
- 829.You quit your job because deer season's fixin' to start.
- 830.It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
- 831.You punish your children by taking away their chewing tobacco.
- 832.Lawn ornamentation means a Chevy and a Buick.
- 833.Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
- 834.None of your shirts cover your stomach.
- 835.You open beer bottles with your belt buckle.
- 836.You've ever filled your deer tag on a golf course.
- 837.There is a trophy in your house with the word "spitting" on it.
- 838.On stag night, you take a real deer.
- 839.Your church has a "happy hour."
- 840.On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
- 841.The receptionist is responsible for checking the rat raps at your place of business.
- 842.People hear your truck long before they see it.
- 843.You think every bottle of wine comes with a screw cap.
- 844.You wear your softball uniform even on the days you're not playing.
- 845.Your pickup truck used to be a car.
- 846.Your other favorite fishing lure is TNT.
- 847.Your dates regularly expect you to light their cigars.
- 848.Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
- 849.Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
- 850.Your daddy handed out cigarettes the day you were born.
- 851.You use baling wire to keep your car door closed.
- 852.Your mom is lighting bottle rockets with her cigarette while walking the children on Halloween.
- 853.You've ever lost your wife in a game of poker.
- 854.Your house feels a bit lonely when winter comes and the last fly dies.
- 855.You send your kid in for treatment because you think he's hooked on phonics.
- 856.Someone in your family says "Cum'n here an' lookit this afore I flush it."
- 857.Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
- 858.The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
- 859.The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
- 860.The Budweiser symbol is your coat of arms
- 861.The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
- 862.The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
- 863.The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
- 864.The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your butt when you get out.
- 865.The fellas on the big garbage moving equipment recognize your wife....and wave to her.
- 866.The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
- 877.The fuel for your main mode of transportation is oats.
- 878.The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
- 879.The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
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