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252.You missed high school graduation because your kids were sick.
253.You own a Waffle House credit card.
254.You've ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.
255.You think the "Nutcracker" was something ya done off the high dive.
256.You own a Wal-Mart credit card.
257.Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.
258.You trim your beard and find a French fry.
259.You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.
260.All of your four letter words are two syllables.
261.A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, "About what?"
262.Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
263.Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
264.Bikers back down from yer momma in fear.
265.Cruise control in your truck involves fishing line, a pulley and a hook.
266.City code enforcement officers use your property as a proving ground for new recruits.
267.Directions to your house include the words: "turn off the paved road."
268.Fewer than half of your cars run.
269.Flannel is your favorite color.
270.Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
271.In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
272.You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
273.You wear tube socks with a dress.
274.Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat."
275.Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods.
278.Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
279.Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" ya reach in your back pocket for some.
280.People mistakenly come to your house thinkin yer havin a yard sale.
281.Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
282.Someone asks ya, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home with the kids."
283.Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
284.Your wife is the only one that the geese will allow into the laundry room.
285.Your wife has ever said, "DAMMNIT! Git in here an move this transmission so I can take a damn bath!"
286.Your wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge through the wet red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.
287.Your wife has ever torn her pantyhose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.
288.Your screen door has no screen.
289.Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job. Primer red and primer gray.
290.Your Uncle Jim-Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
291.Your secret family recipe is illegal.
292.Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
293.Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
294.Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
295.You know someone that installs cable, and ya git it installed for free.
296.Your dog has more teeth than you do.
297.Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
298.Your school dress code contains the line "Shoes Optional".
299.Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it. 196.You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
300.Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
301.Your pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "The Andy Griffith Show"
302.Your pickup truck no longer has a back.
303.Your Truck has more Neon on it than the window of your local bar.
304.Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
305.Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
306.Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
307.Your wife picks through your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.
308.Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
309.Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
310.Your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town yesterday.
311.Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
312.Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
313.Your parakeet can swear fluently, and knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
314.Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
315.Your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
316.Your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house.
317.Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
318.Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
319.Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
320.Yer Momma can make a sailor blush with all her hollerin an cussin!
321.Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
322.Your kids are going hungry tonight cuz you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
323.Your mustache is longer than your wife's hair.
324.Your kids can't go out for Halloween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.
325.Your most productive fishing lure is a Dupont drifter and a dip net.
326.Your lawn furniture used to be your living room furniture.
327.Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
328.Your lawn mower has more horsepower than your wife's car, but no blade.
329.Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
330.Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
331.Your lips move while reading a stop sign.
332.Your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window.
333.Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
334.Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
335.Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday night bath to every other Saturday.
336.Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.
337.Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted."
338.Your horse wears shoes in the summer, but you don't.
339.Your hunting dog fetches more beer than birds.
340.Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else
341.Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
342.Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
343.Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
344.Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
345.Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
346.Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
347.Your weddin was held in the delivery room.
348.Your idea of a luxury car is one that has the white "fur" covered seats in it.
349.Your house has a kickstand.
350.Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
351.Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
352.Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
353.Your gear shift lever is a pair of vise grips.
354.Your home has more miles on it than your car.
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