The Snow Owl--Gabrielle's Scroll

I watched as she rode away with the infamous warrior of the Northern Amazons, knowing at that very moment I had pushed her into the arms of another woman.

Her name was Sharona. Her beauty was undeniable but there were plenty more alluring qualities to her than just looks. The Northern Amazons loved Sharona and considered her nearly Xena’s equal in survival skills and combat ability. Xena would no doubt enjoy this person’s company, since they shared so many of the same interests. But she would also have the perfect opportunity to release all her pent up sexual frustration with this very desirable warrior. I could find no blame on Xena’s part. I had pushed her away for some time.

I had encouraged Xena to go on the mission. It was an honor to be chosen and I was happy that the Amazons had so much respect for her. She would be gone two days, and I thought the distance between us would either make or break our future together. But seeing her ride away with someone else, knowing I hadn’t made love with her in over a month, made me willing to drop everything right then and there and to run chasing her, yelling, “Wait…I’ve made a terrible mistake. I love you, Xena…”

But I didn’t. I just stood there in the darkness surrounded by an unfamiliar tribe of Amazons, fighting back a rage of tears until I could make it to our hut. Why had I ever wanted to change my life?

I made a hasty departure as soon as the sound of Argo’s hooves were out of hearing range. I felt sick and confused and torn. Ever since our experiences in India, especially with the horrifying vision from Alti, I had been extremely unsettled within myself, not comfortable in my own skin. And meeting Eli was an incredible experience on its own. Eli had definitely been given some kind of spiritual gift; because his message was unlike any other I had heard. And I saw a difference in my way and his. I yearned for that kind of peace.

Xena had patiently stayed by my side through it all. I could tell she didn’t understand what I was feeling, but she understood it was something I had to deal with. The violence, fighting, killing…all of it was hard for me to accept. But I could see how much good we did in the process. Xena had helped save many innocent people from being robbed from everything they had, or even murdered. Was my being a part of that acceptable? Was it really wrong to arm and protect yourself and others?

It seemed the Way of Peace had become a Way or Conflict for me. I was even bothered by making love to Xena. I could remember my parents talking about someone near our village who had left her husband and children for another woman, and talked with such disgust in their voices. Was loving another woman so terrible? I had never loved anyone the way I loved Xena. She was everything to me. And this dark, early cold morning…I knew it beyond doubt.

I latched the door to our hut behind me and threw my coat in the chair. Putting my face in my hands, I stood in the middle of our room and sobbed. My heart had rarely ever felt this heavy. I could feel it splitting from the pain. Without Xena, I didn’t care if I lived or not. What good would Eli’s message do in my life if I didn’t care about living? She was my motivation to be strong, to be better.

I felt my body fill with rage. Hatred for myself. I hated myself for what I had put Xena through and how I must have made her feel. I had never stopped wanting her, and it was all I could do at times during the night to not take her hand and place it between my legs. I burned for her touch and for her to touch me. But there I was again…weighing out what I should do and now realizing it might be too late to ever get her back again.

I went to our bed and doubled-up our pillows and started punching them as hard as I could. I punched through the tears streaming down my face, wanting to scream as loudly as I could. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let these people see me this way, and I would simply have to deal with my choices of late. It was going to be a long two days.

I finally exhausted myself and collapsed onto the bed, grabbing the pillows and holding them close to my body, crying and missing Xena more than I had expected. I remember going to sleep with her scent on the pillow I held tightly against my chest.

It was past noon when I woke up. I could tell the sun was high and I was embarrassed for sleeping so long. I washed up and took a deep breath as I walked outside. I couldn’t follow my instinct and just stay inside all day. I had to be friendly to these Amazons and try to make the best of it until Xena returned.

It wasn’t quite as warm here, even with the sun shining on us. There was a large kettle of soup on the fire, and when I saw Oteri and some of her friends, she seemed genuinely glad to see me. “Gabrielle…over here…” she motioned with her hand. I sat down beside her, and felt like they were all checking out my swollen eyes.

“Ready for some lunch?” she asked, trying to break the ice and make me feel comfortable. She had no idea how much I appreciated that. I was rather hungry.

“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”

Her friend, Jostine, handed me a full bowl of warm soup. “Gods, this smells delicious. Xena and I…”

I stopped my sentence as soon as I felt my stomach drop with the sound of her name. I looked down at my food and then glanced up to see them all waiting for me to finish. I cleared my voice and continued. “Xena and I had the most wonderful soup during one of our meals in India.” I had started speaking before I realized how it would make me feel, but with the encouragement from my fellow Amazons, they started asking more questions about our trip and sort of helped me think of our happier times. They loved hearing the stories, and I loved talking about Xena. It seemed to be good therapy for me, but still feelings of regret were constantly tugging at my heart. I couldn’t wait for her to return.

Later that afternoon they showed me around their camp. We took a long walk through the forest that surrounded their camp as they showed me their favorite fishing spots and hunting areas. It was nearing dusk and we made our way back to camp. We were all going to pitch in and cook dinner. I helped gather wood for the fire we would need that night, trying to stay as busy as possible.

When darkness fell and I saw the couples that sat together around the fire, it was almost more than I could stand. I tried to keep wearing my smile, and enjoyed the company of my new friends as much as possible.

I was very glad to get back to our hut. The time was dragging by despite their best efforts to entertain me, and I truly appreciated their efforts. It was just the feeling of being so alone without Xena, and I didn’t really feel like being around anyone else. At least they had kept my brain occupied all afternoon and evening. Now that I was alone, I began to worry more than before that maybe Xena had decided she would be happier without me. She was probably in Sharona’s arms at this very minute, and again I realized it was all my fault.

And I knew Xena. If anything did go on between them while they were gone, she would feel so tremendously guilty. That alone might make her want to leave me, for being unfaithful. But she would just have to understand. I accepted full responsibility for all this.

I stacked another log on the fire and then sat against the headboard and pulled my knees to my chest. The fire was crackling and as I stared at the flames, I thought of the time Xena and I made love in front of the fireplace when her side had been sliced open. We had made so many memories, and I could feel the despair growing within me once again. “Just one more day…” I kept telling myself, but it didn’t hold my tears back. Finally I started crying again, and couldn’t stop myself. What a miserable mistake I had made, and now Xena would never feel that she mattered enough to me. There had to be a happy medium…couldn’t I follow the Way of Peace and still love my soul mate? I had to have Xena. She was home to me. Where I felt perfect and content, happy and fulfilled. I was such an empty shell without her love, and to not be able to give her my love was just as painful.

I buried my face in my crossed arms and cried, feeling so desperate and forsaken. Suddenly a light filled the room and there she stood…looking at me with her hands resting on her hips and her bottom lip turned down.

“Gabby…you poor Baby...” She came to sit on the side of the bed and took me in her arms. “I just can’t stand it any more. You are killing me here, and I just had to come to your rescue.”

I rose from her embrace. “Aphrodite…how did you know?”

“Know? Honey, please. This is my specialty, remember? I am the Goddess of Love, ya know. And besides, you and Xena are two of my favorite mortals and I can’t stand to see this indecision tearing you guys apart. I thought it was time for one of my heart to hearts with my dear little friend.”

She brushed the tears away from my cheeks and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “I’m so glad to see you, Aphrodite. You have no idea…”

“Well what are friends for?” she giggled, and pulled me into another hug.

This time I didn’t try to control the tears. I was just so glad to have someone I could trust nearby, and she had already made me feel better by letting me know she could see what was happening. She could see what I was going through, and didn’t leave me alone to deal with it on my own.

We talked for quite awhile, about my true feelings for Xena. “I can’t feel that it’s wrong to love her, Aphrodite. I can’t help from loving her. And I’ve realized it’s not an option…going on without her by my side, and…”

“And what, Little One?” She looked deeply into my eyes, being more serious and supportive than I had ever imagined she could be.

I took a deep breath and finished my sentence. “And in my bed. I could never be happy without her. Violence or no violence, that choice doesn’t have to intrude on my life with Xena.”

“Exactly. I didn’t come to you before now, because I knew you had to come to terms with all you’ve been dealing with lately. Don’t let anyone make you think you aren’t allowed to love Xena. You are definitely life partners and you shouldn’t waste one day being apart.”

She was sitting propped against the headboard and I was sitting cross-legged on the bed facing her. “You’re right.” I felt a peaceful smile forming on my lips, and for the first time in weeks felt like my old self again. “I’ve just got to learn how to balance all the things I learn about…and the fact that Xena is a part of me is something to be happy about. Not worried.”

She reached for my hand and smiled. “Why don’t you lie down and get some rest? I’ll stay right here until you go to sleep.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and had me lay my head in her lap. She stroked my hair. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Xena loves you just as much as you love her.”

I tried to believe her. I wanted to believe her. Time would tell, and now all I had was time separating my Warrior coming back to me, and seeing what her response would be. Aphrodite never could have showed up at a better time. It was something she did especially for me that I will never forget.

The next thing I knew, Xena was standing near our bed. “Xena?…Xena…is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me, My Love.” She came and knelt beside the bed, looking so seriously into my eyes.

“I missed you, Xena.” I was sitting up in the bed and reached my arms out for her. She sat down on the side of the bed facing me, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck. My heart was beating so hard it felt like it would explode. I wanted to cry, and couldn’t decide which emotion was screaming to be noticed first.

I heard her whisper, “I missed you too.” I didn’t give her time to say anything else before I sought out her mouth and kissed her deeply, searching for the love I could always feel coming from within her. She had climbed through the window to sneak past the guards, and her coat was still cold from the night air. I worked my hands beneath her clothing to find her flesh. Just to touch her anywhere was the Elysian Fields to me. I had missed her for the last time.

I suddenly stopped kissing her and confessed, “I was wrong, Xena…I’ve been wrong ever since I started listening to Eli.”

“No, Gabrielle, the Way of Peace is right for you.” Xena looked alarmed that I seemed to be throwing it all away.

“Not about that…I believe the Way of Peace and Love is for me….but before, I didn’t think it included you. But now, I realize I can’t live it without you. Without you, I can’t feel peace…And I feel love, but if I don’t show it to you, how can I expect you to know it’s there? You are everything to me, Baby.” I kissed her again, more softly this time. “Come to bed, Xena…Let me show you how much I love you.”

She quickly began removing her armor and leathers, and I quickly threw off my clothes in the floor beside the bed. I was waiting for her beneath the warm covers for the first time in weeks completely naked, and could feel the wetness between my legs collecting by the second.

Gods she looked gorgeous standing in the firelight. She turned back the covers and joined me, hugging my body tightly against hers. I had forgotten what her embrace of strength had really felt like.

“Gabrielle?” I didn’t give her the chance to ask me if this was what I really wanted, or to tell me she needed to talk to me about something. I wasted no time in telling her my every thought.

“I was hoping you’d come home tonight. The Amazons said you’d wait till the morning, but I was hoping you’d be home tonight.” I let my hands wander over her glorious body. I had missed touching her this way, and even my fingertips were tingling.

I kissed her again, but she pulled away from me. “Gabrielle, I have to tell you something-“

“Hush, Xena, it’s nothing that can’t wait, no matter what it is…I want you to make love to me right now…”

“No, Gabrielle, not until you hear what I have to say.” She was trying to sit up in the bed and break free from my grasp, but I wasn’t letting her out of my arms. I might was well tell her what I already knew.

“Xena, I saw the way she looked at you…and I know what I put you through…I’m not proud of myself…and I know you’re feeling the same way…I can see it in your face…but for right now, I want you to make love to me.”

We read everything from just looking into each other’s eyes over the next few moments. There was pain and remorse coming from both of us, but somehow no anger was involved. No resentment. Only love.

She waited a brief moment and with a very hungry moan, captured my lips this time and kissed me with the possession that I recognized. My Warrior had returned, and with me was where she would stay.

Without breaking our kiss, I pulled her over on top of me and between my legs. I pressed my body as close to her as possible, not wanting even a draft to come between us. Her mouth felt amazing against mine, and feeling her tongue probe back and forth against mine was turning up the heat down lower. I could feel my erect nipples scraping against her smooth skin, and then lost my breath when I felt her hand come up to stroke over my nipples.

“That’s so nice…” I husked against her mouth. I lifted my hips off the bed to grind into her center, both of my hands covering her backside. I pressed her firmly into me and moved against her. “Xena, I need you to touch me lower…I want to feel your womanhood against mine, Xena…please.”

She reached down and slid her fingers through my wetness. Every nerve ending I possessed seemed to be on fire for her. She held my lips open and pressed her erection into me, rolling her hips into my center and letting me feel her clit be swallowed by my own lips. We were both so wet and sliding against each other took no effort. “Yes, Xena, your dick is so hard…I love the way it feels on my clit…can you feel that?” Her hungry moan told me she did.

I ran my hands down her ass and touched her from behind as she lay between my legs. I could feel her slick, hot lips scraping against mine and I couldn’t resist stroking her as I touched her hardened clit. We both were moaning our pleasure into each other’s mouths, and I could resist no longer. I went inside her with two of my fingers, and her dripping hand came back to my mouth as I sucked each finger clean of my own juices.

“Gabrielle…” she moaned, feeling her body begin to tremble against mine. We were both incredibly close to orgasms, and there was no need in playing it out. We needed to come together, to make our union one again. I continued sucking her fingers as if it were her dick, and being inside her once again was so good. “Come with me,” she panted, burying her head on the pillow next to mine as her body thrust forward over and over. We found sweet release together, and felt incredible love well up inside us.

“Thank you…thank you…thank you…” she panted into my mouth. My body was still moving against hers, and I rode out every last spark while holding onto my Warrior. She raised her head and looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

“Don’t cry, Xena…Oh please don’t cry.” She was killing me, and bringing back tears to my own eyes. “Maybe we were both wrong…but it doesn’t matter. I forgive you…can you forgive me?”

I seemed to have turned on the spout then, because she put her head back into the pillow against mine, and I held her tightly against me, rubbing the back of her silky hair, promising her it was going to be okay. I felt her body shaking with each sob, and I felt so hurt. Hurt that I had put her in this predicament. It was all my fault that she was hurting this much, and that she had to deal with this guilt. She raised her head and looked closely into my eyes. “There is nothing to forgive you for. You did nothing wrong.”

I held her beautiful face in my hands. “No, Baby. You’re wrong.” I moved my thumbs to wipe away the tears beneath each eye. “No more crying, My Love.” I kissed each eye gently and made my mind up that I wasn’t going to waste any more time talking about the past. “I’m going to make sure you’re mine again, and you can’t be crying when I do that.”

“How are you going to do that?”

I had to make her feel better about everything, and right now making her forget all the regret and guilt she needlessly felt was going to disappear…just as soon as I strapped on the phallus and went to my next plan. I got out of bed and walked to her saddlebag. “You’ll see…” I told her. The firelight dimly lit our room.

When I reached into the saddlebag and found the phallus, I could tell that it had been freshly washed. A feeling of mild sickness swept over me for a brief moment…I knew she had fucked Sharona with our phallus. But I couldn’t let it bother me…if it wouldn’t have been for my indecision, none of this would have ever happened. The most important thing now was making Xena know how much I loved her and how much I wanted her.

When I first strapped on the phallus, new excitement gushed between my legs. It had been such a long time since I had been naked with Xena, and the nub of the phallus was rubbing erotically over my erection. I turned around and faced Xena, stroking up and down the length of my cock, watching her reaction as she sat silently on the bed. I could still see traces of the fresh tears on her cheeks. I had to lighten the situation.

“You’re looking mighty comfortable,” I kidded her. She didn’t respond with anything other than a nod. “Stand up, Xena.”

She responded immediately and walked toward me. I met her and took her hand, leading her to the corner of our room near the door. I had spotted something earlier that would help give Xena and me a new experience. I let go of her hand and grabbed the handle of the trunk that stayed at the end of our bed, pulling it into the corner. “Come over here…”, I told her, watching her amazing body walk toward me, baring her gorgeous breasts and total nakedness to my unobstructed view. “Gods, you’re gorgeous,” I told her, taking my hands and rubbing them down each of her arms.

I guided her body to stand against the wall, and then I stepped onto the trunk. “This is perfect,” I said quietly, taking her face in my hands and leaning ever so slightly to give her a long kiss. I pulled her body tightly against me and felt her shudder as my hands found their way down her back and then around her ass. The phallus was pressed between us. “Can you feel how hard you’ve made me? I’ve been waiting for you for so long…I need to touch you.”

I bent my knees just enough so that I could reach between her legs from behind, running my fingers through her cunt. She was dripping nearly as much as I was. “Mmmmm, Baby…you’re so wet for me…” That tiny statement made Sharona’s face appear in my mind, wondering if I could be half the lover she was. Would Xena be content with me now that she had experienced Sharona? Making love with a fellow warrior had to have its degree of excitement. I shook the vision from my thoughts and concentrated on the task at hand--making love to my Warrior.

I touched her with both hands now, smearing her glistening juices all over my hands and all over her. I took one of her breasts in my mouth and nursed, while going inside her with my fingers and touching her clit with my thumb. Without moving my head, I told her, “I can feel your cunt squeezing my fingers. You’re ready to come for me, aren’t you? I want you to come on my fingers…”

“Gonna come on your fingers…” I heard her whisper, seeing she was being taken over by my touches. I went back to nursing her other breast, never giving her a chance to lose this orgasm. Suddenly her legs began trembling as we stood there, and I looked into her eyes as she gave herself to me…and came in my hand. I could feel my own juices running down my legs from the excitement of feeling her body find pleasure from what I was doing to her.

I hugged her tightly for a few moments, letting her regain her breath before I did what I had been dreaming of doing.

By surprise, she reached between us and grabbed the phallus, pushing it gently into my cunt. “I want you to fuck me now…if you want to.” Gods, how could I not want to? I could have slipped over the edge with the wave of excitement she brought with that statement. And the way she said it, so softly against my ear...she made it difficult for me to contain my composure.

“Oh I want to…I want you to put it in, Xena…I want you to slide your dick inside my pussy.”

Her low moan let me know she loved what I had just said, and she did exactly as I said. Turning me on more than I can explain, she took the head of my cock and slid it through her lips, being sure she pushed the other end against my clit. I heard myself breathing as excitement washed over me. She moved it in a circular motion, making my hips involuntarily move slightly with the movement. Then I felt her strong hands wrap around my ass and push me quickly inside her, our gasps of pleasure filling the room. “Oh Baby…I’ve missed you so much…” I told her. “Fuck me, Gabrielle…” she said, seductively taking my mouth into hers, biting my lips and then thrusting her tongue inside my mouth.

“Oh, this is better than I dreamed…” I said, not believing how good this felt and how much I loved being able to move inside her so easily standing in this position. I drew back the head of my cock until I almost slipped out of her pussy, and then plunged back inside her, filling her cunt with my desire. I could feel her tightening on me with every thrust. She began trying to touch me, and I took her hands and held her wrists up against the wall, leaning into her so that my nipples touched hers. I wanted to feel as much of her body against mine as possible. I was so close to reaching orgasm first, but I couldn’t let myself do that. I pumped harder inside her, and finally felt her wrap her leg around the back of my ass.

“Yessss…” escaped my throat, completely turned on by how she was giving herself to me. She was allowing me to make love to her and I loved it. She gave me perfect access to her cunt this way, and I loved watching myself disappear inside her. I let go of her hands and she went immediately for my nipples, knowing I was extra sensitive in every spot due to my vacation from sexual activities for the past several weeks. I held onto her hips, steadily thrusting inside her and realizing I could not hold back any longer. As I came, I felt her hold onto my waist, and before the incredible climactic feelings subsided, I slammed my body against hers and held her against the wall, determined that I would fuck her while she came this time. I reached behind my back with my right hand and held her leg tightly around me, creating leverage for us both and then began touching her clit with my left hand. I could feel her lips bulging from my cock filling her as my fingers jacked off her clit. I was incredibly turned on knowing I was also inside her, touching her in every spot.

My orgasm had never totally subsided, and as she began to climax, I was there again with her, not resisting biting into her shoulder as our bodies slapped against each other, making perfect love and feeling the wonderful reward for all our erotic labor. It was amazing to be standing a little taller than Xena. Her body was wrapped around mine, and I was inside her. Just the mental vision of this was enough to send me into orbit.

When we both calmed a little, I let go of her leg and let her stand, feeling our weakened bodies tremble with the aftershocks of coming so hard. I wrapped my arms around her neck, staying inside her. I felt her arms wrap around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer to her body. I nestled my head into her shoulder, feeling her silky hair against my face. It felt so good to have her strength wrapped around me. I never wanted to be separated from her again. Ever.

After a few silent minutes had passed, I whispered in her ear, “Let’s go to bed, Xena.” She held my hand as I stepped off the trunk. I quickly unstrapped the harness and left the phallus beside her saddlebag. She got beneath the covers and held out her arms for me to join her. I laid my head on her shoulder and wrapped my arm around her waist, loving this familiar position. She pulled the covers over us, and we just lay there in the silence of our room.

“I love you, Xena,” I said, not raising my head to look at her. Our vulnerabilities became evident and neither of us tried to hold anything back. Our tears of regret, shame, pain, and yet happiness to be together again was shed that night for a long time. I could not stand for Xena to be hurting this way, and finally sat up against the headboard and pulled her into my embrace, stroking her hair and trying my best to comfort her. We remained in that position for quite sometime, until the silence of the night demanded to be broken. I finally spoke up.

“Did you bring the owl back safely?”

“Yes,” she answered. “You’ll be able to see her in the morning.” I thought I could hear a smile on her lips.

“I’m glad.” She most likely thought I was talking about the owl.

The room fell quiet again, and she once again tried to bring up the situation with Sharona.

“Gabrielle…I know you said you forgave me, but I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Why not?”

“Because all I did was give in to my body’s weakness.”

“Is that how you see it?”

“Yes…” She lifted her head to look at me. “Don’t you?”

“Actually….no. I see it as you were feeling neglected, both physically and emotionally by me. I wasn’t fair to you, Xena…and I was the one who was wrong.”

“We could argue back and forth forever on this…but I’m always going to feel wrong about it.” She finally broke from my embrace and sat beside me against the headboard, holding my hand in hers.

“And I’m always going to feel wrong about it too, Xena.”

“What do we do now?”

“We look forward to tomorrow.”

She seemed confused by what I meant. “Tomorrow?”

“Yep. After the ceremony celebrating the retrieval of the owl, you and I are going to leave this village behind. As much as I love visiting with Amazons, I want to be with just you, making up for lost time.” I urged her to climb beneath the covers once again and take me into her arms.

“Maybe we could skip the ceremony and just make up for lost time,” she said, kissing me on top of the head, knowing we couldn’t miss the ceremony.

“Go to sleep,” I told her, snuggling in tighter against her body and feeling her arm hold me even more securely. “We’ll work it out in the morning.”

It was one of the few times I felt her body relax and drift off to sleep. She must have been tormented ever since she left for her trek up Mt. Astor to retrieve the baby owl. I determined that I would never hurt again the way I had lately. Even though it wasn’t intentional, I saw how important it was to make my decisions with Xena in my plans. There simply was no other way of life for me. Love was a wonderful four-letter word, no matter how anyone looked at it.

Peacefully, I joined her in some very sweet dreams.

Xena's Scroll
The Xena and Gabrielle XXX Scrolls Page 2