Memories of Illusia--Gabrielle's Scroll

Xena was having another nightmare. She seemed unsettled with herself lately, so I knew something was definitely bothering her. I had noticed the difference in her since we had left the Amazon camp. I reached for her, calling her name. "Xena. Xena!" I pulled her to me, trying to calm her and get her to wake up. "Are you all right?" She wouldn't look at me, and just kept her head to my shoulder.

"Was it about Illusia?" I had thought I heard her mumble something about Illusia in her sleep. We hadn't discussed much of the details of our last few experiences, beginning with Hope's birth. It had been a terribly difficult time for us, and we were just lucky to be together, and gradually rebuilding on the foundation of our love. Leaving the past behind sometimes uses up all the present.

"Yes, but it's something I haven't told you about yet."

There was regret in her voice. I knew that she had only mentioned brief details about her experiences while we were separated in Illusia. "Xena, what happened? Why is it bothering you so much?" She explained that Ares had given her a vision. One of how powerful she would have been had she met me under different circumstances. He caused her to hate me even more, and then provided her the chance to make me suffer.

It was then I made the connection. Callisto offered me the opportunity to follow Xena, but I was to understand that she would not know who I was. Still, if we were going to reside in Illusia, I'd rather be with Xena and be a stranger rather than being apart from her.

"I was there…I had the vision, too." I hadn't told Xena anything about what had happened. Gods, I still had trouble getting the imagery out of my head. The thought she was commanding me to fuck her, but all the while I loved every minute of it.

She told me that during her vision, she wanted only to hurt me…to repay me for the pain I had brought in her life because of Solan's death. She wanted to take my innocence and make me suffer.

"My innocence? Xena, what we shared in the vision was anything but innocent. Couldn't you tell by the way I fucked you? We both came from the excitement. It was a rush bringing my Mistress pleasure and satisfaction."

She seemed surprised by my confession. "Your Mistress…" I heard her whisper, like she was thinking back on an old memory.

I laid her back and looked into her eyes. "Admit it, Xena…you like that feeling…the feeling that you can make me do whatever you want…even if you think I don't want you to do it." I knew I was right. "There are many things I love about you, Xena. Your compassion…your depth of emotion…your beauty…and your power. I want to feel your power…unleashed and untamed, doing as you will with me. I know that you want to assert it…and I know that any pain you might bring me will be far surpassed from the pleasure that will be its result. Do you want that too?"

"I do want that," she whispered. "Very much…and when you least expect it…you will get your wish." I felt my center contract at the very thought of Xena having her way with me. For Xena to not hold anything back, to feel her freedom in our lovemaking…that turned me on as much as anything I could think of.

She pulled my head closer and captured my lips with her own. I moved myself between her legs and felt her hands begin their journey down my back and then she pulled me in closer into her mound. It seemed that our talk had awakened desire within us despite the hour of the night.

The next morning, Xena let me sleep in. I remember her kissing me on the cheek and telling me she was going for breakfast. I couldn't wake myself up, but slipped back into a dream, and dreamt of what was playing over and over in my subconscious mind.

"I hate you!" rang in my ears, echoing the rage and devastating pain I felt towards the person I loved most. I had been deceived, impregnated and forced to bear a child whose father was the Supreme Evil. That's when our relationship began to suffer. Xena was my entire life, all I cared for, and all I wanted. It was the uninvited things that invaded my life that almost ruined it all.

I didn't blame her for tying me behind a horse and dragging me. She had lost her only son and I was to blame. If I hadn't lied about keeping Hope alive by sending her down the river, Solan wouldn't be dead today. I could understand her hatred for me. But like the love she had in her heart for her child, I had the same love for my child. I wished she could at least acknowledge that.

Living a lie and always torn, I had taken all I could stand. And to have Xena turn on me, I no longer felt as if I had a reason to live. I had lost everything. Going over the waterfall, our past flashed before my eyes. I was never really born until I loved her. It was then I became aware of life and making choices. I couldn't imagine living without her, or she without me, so dying together was the answer.

Waking up in Illusia, it was like being given the opportunity to enjoy the simple life again. Lila and Joxer escorted me through Potodeia, and seeing everyone and their happiness was wonderful. But I could still feel the pain of Xena's absence in my heart. Callisto appeared and motioned for me to step over and speak with her. "Come with me now if you want to save what small chance you have left with Xena." I had to make a choice, and I chose the way of Love. My love was Xena. Whatever I had to endure to be with her was my choice.

The bright colors of my town suddenly changed to me being led into a tent; my arms tied behind me…what had happened? Where was Xena? The soldier leading me into the tent made me stop and he lowered his head and smelled of my breasts. My stomach turned at the thought of the dirty bastard laying one hand on me. "She's going to have a good time with you, you lucky bitch." I started to ask him what he was talking about, but he ordered me to stand still as he entered the tent and left me waiting outside.

I heard the guard say, "My Lord…"

And then I heard it. Her voice. It was Xena. "What is it?!"

"I have brought the one you summoned," the guard replied.

"Bring them in and leave us…" she said, and I felt the rope roughly yank, digging into my wrists. I lost my balance and fell on the ground. It was dimly lit inside, and my eyes had not yet adjusted to the new environment. I felt a sudden pain as a hand grabbed my hair and yanked my head up. "Well…what a pretty girl you are. You'll do nicely."

My eyes were focusing on a much different Xena than I had ever known. Her armor and leathers were different, and there was something missing when she looked at me. It was like her soul was gone. Did she not recognize me? Maybe it was better that she didn't…Lila warned me that Xena would kill me if she found me. If that's what happened, then so be it. I would die trying to prove my love for her.

"You are a beautiful little slut, you know that?" she said, bending down to look closely into my eyes. Fear began to fill my chest, because I was realizing she had no feelings for me whatsoever. She didn't remember me, and all I was to her was a slave, or another kill, another meaningless fuck…just for the Tartarus of it. Callisto had set me up. I would never get over the regret of the deaths of our children and the terrible effects it had on our love. I didn't blame Xena for hating me, but I wouldn't walk away without giving her all the love I could. But how could she accept my love when she didn't even know me from any other captive?

Letting go of my hair, she slapped me across the face, leaving a terrible sting that hurt my heart worse than my skin. I wanted to talk to her, but I knew better than to even try to mutter anything. She was completely dominating. She walked around me with one hand on her sword and the other on her hip. "When I ask you a question, I expect an answer. Do you understand?"

I nodded my head, but she slapped me again. "I can't hear your head move…what do you have to say?"

"Yes, I understand." I could feel the tears welling inside, but I fought them back.

She leaned down with her face only inches from mine. "Yes, Mistress, I understand." She spoke to me as if I were a small child.

I swallowed hard and she snapped loudly. "Say it!" Anger was her driving force.

"Yes, Mistress, I understand." My stomach knotted with fear. I understood how capable she was of torturing someone. This Xena had no recollection of making a choice of redemption for herself, and then learning to love me. Wouldn't it be ironic if she put me to my death? Life without her would be more painful than death itself. At least I would leave this life with her taste on my lips, if she would allow me the duty.

She walked over to the corner and poured herself a drink. "I've got some things in mind for you, slut. Think you can handle me?"

"Yes, Mistress." I kept my eyes and head lowered, being as submissive as possible.

She laughed, loving the terror she was inflicting. She had only told me stories of how she used to be. This was incredible. She really was as heartless as she described. This couldn't be my Xena…there had to be something I could do…to make her see my love for her, and how we belonged together.

She sat in her chair and just looked at me. I was sitting on my folded knees and my hands were still tied behind me. "What's your name, Bitch?" she finally asked.

"Gabrielle, Mistress." Would this spark anything within her? Would she remember anything about what we had shared?

She stood up and walked to me. I kept my eyes lowered, looking to the floor. She yanked me up, and I became acutely aware that my legs and feet were asleep. "Gabrielle…let me put it to you like this. I'm going to fuck you, and if you please me, you might get to live. Any questions?"

My eyes were wide with shock. She was actually serious. I meant nothing to her, and it was evident. I couldn't believe this was happening. "No questions, Mistress," I finally answered. I felt one tear trickle down my face.

"Good. Then we understand each other." She was just as beautiful as ever, but she was so different from the Xena I knew and loved. Cold, ruthless, uncaring, hard-hearted…she knew no love, except the love of inflicting pain on others. But I knew a different Xena. One that had learned to love, and even though she constantly fought at conquering her dark side, she was filled with much goodness.

She turned and slapped my face, hard enough that I stumbled and fell to my knees. It hurt badly, even more so when my heart was so heavy in my chest. All that I cared for stood before me, feeling nothing for me. Nothing but rage and the need to rule. If she wasn't going to go back to the Xena I knew, I'd just as soon this Xena kill me. My life was over if this was the way it was going to be.

Trembling as I stood on my knees, she undressed…her body inches from me. Gods, which was worse torture? She stepped forward and grabbed my head, burying my face into her mound. Her smell had not changed. It was what I craved, and I slowly began tracing my mouth against her cunt, letting her feel my breath, hot and full of need, as I tasted her. Her grip loosened a little in my hair, and she began stroking my head in the same rhythm I was stroking her clit with my tongue. She was drowning me with her wetness. I chanced a look at her standing tall above me…her head was thrown back and she was responding wonderfully to my touch.

I closed my eyes and just took her in…breathing her essence in deeply and finding comfort in what felt like home. She suddenly grabbed my hair and held me back. "Have you thought about doing this to your Mistress, Slut?" I wasn't sure how to answer, but decided that truthfully was my best bet. "I have, Mistress. Please…may I continue?" I knew I was risking a beating, but if she would just let me love her, maybe she would remember. And if she didn't remember, at least I'd get to have what's mine.

She walked behind me and I heard her sword slicing the air…and then my hands were free. I never moved a muscle, afraid of what to expect. She grabbed both wrists, still behind my back, and dragged me backwards to her chair, laying me down and tying my hands over my head. She took her breast dagger and straddled me on her hands and knees, running the blade along my neck. Leaning her head down to mine, she almost touched my lips with her own. "May you continue? You think you can touch me and make me scream out with pleasure, you miserable Slut? Well, before I fuck you, I'll see what you've got to offer. You'll learn I'm a hard mistress to please. I have rather, unusual…tastes."

She sliced through the laces of my top, then took the short blade and threw the material back, completely exposing my chest. Tracing the blade along both my breasts, she took in the details of my body. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. She let her blade drag along my stomach, and then roughly cut my skirt and underwear off. By reflex, I gasped at her movements. An evil grin overtook her mouth. "Scared?"

She sat across my hips, moving her hips backwards and rubbing her center over mine. The intensity of it all had me dripping. The unknown…what was she going to do next…I couldn't believe I could be so filled with fear and yet filled with desire at the same time. "Slut…do you think you can fuck me? If I untie your hands, what would you do?"

I had to choose my answer carefully. "Whatever pleases you, Mistress." I could feel her dripping onto me as she leaned forward to untie my hands. She pressed her breasts on my chest and kissed me, very hard, very rough, until I could feel fresh blood in my mouth. I felt my lip bleeding, but the pain wasn't noticeable due to the sensation of her sitting on top of me, our bodies touching and separated by nothing. I could feel the wetness gushing between my legs, as well as hers.

"You understand that I can kill you, Slave…You mean nothing to me."

"Yes, Mistress."

"And you still desire to touch me? My, aren't you the brave one…"

With my hands finally untied, my voice cracked as I asked her, "Please, Mistress, may I?"

I could see her chest rising and falling heavily. I sat up, and slowly put my hands on her shoulders, stopping for a moment to see if she was going to strike me. I then traced my fingertips down her back, resting finally on the sides of her hips. I began moving under her, trying to thrust upward to meet her core. I could feel her opening up. I moved my hand to her center and rubbed one finger between her lips, making sure I stroked her clit as she moved against me. Her eyes were closed, and her hands came up to touch her own breasts. I watched as she clutched at her breasts, obviously feeling very aroused as she accepted my caresses.

I reached up and touched her hands with mine; still moving beneath her and watching her ride me. She opened her eyes, and I asked her, "May I go inside you, Mistress?" She didn't speak, and closed her eyes again. I held her long body tightly and took one of her breasts into my mouth. I dug into her back with my nails, letting a moan escape and fearing for my life. She didn't seem to mind my lack of self-control, so I began laying her back, and I was now lying between her legs.

I pushed into her, letting her move against my pubic bone as I watched her face reveal the pleasure she was finding. "Mistress…may I taste you?"

"You'd better….", she panted, and I quickly moved back on my knees and lowered my head, completely consuming her cunt with my mouth. She had become extremely wet, and my tongue and mouth glided through her slickness, making her lock her fingers in my hair and push my mouth more firmly into her. I licked up and down her center, sucking her clit every few seconds. She was hard with desire, and I slid three fingers into her core, pumping vigorously as I sucked her. She tightened down on my fingers more and more, and I could feel her getting ready to explode. Parts of her were so familiar to me…the way she smelled, the little sounds in the back of her throat, the clenching of her cunt around my fingers. But I missed her talking to me, saying my name. This woman was Xena, but she wasn't my Xena, and I missed her. I felt her begin to rock her hips and knew it was time. I was so overcome with emotion, when she began to come and buck wildly against my mouth; I thrust inside her with one hand as I touched myself with the other. We came at the same time, very hard.

I woke myself up suddenly with my hand between my legs. I was drenched, and my body was singing out its need to be touched. I didn't know how long Xena had been gone, but I hurried and bathed in the river, slipping on one of Xena's sleep shifts, waiting for her return. I sat on our bedroll, becoming increasingly aroused just thinking of my Warrior Princess commanding me as her slave. I hoped she was as willing to slip into the role of my mistress as I was to become her slave. I wanted to obey.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she returned to our campsite. Not knowing how else to convey my desire to her, I stood and pulled the shift over my head, completely baring my body to her. I knelt down on one knee and lowered my head. "I am yours to command, Mistress," I told her.

I heard her sharp intake of breath, and felt her hand lightly stroking my head for a second. And then I heard her voice. "On the bedroll…now…" she said, and I did not hesitate to obey her command. "Get on your hands and knees!" She began undressing, and got behind me in the same position.

Gods, when she was on all fours, she reminded me of some giant cat, all primal and sleek, but she would only allow me a quick glimpse and then she was ordering me to cover my eyes. I felt her nose push its way into my folds, and then she began licking me from behind. I could feel her tongue penetrate me, and I couldn't resist pushing back towards her. She gave me several surprises, some verbal and some physical, even slapping me on my behind which both hurt and exhilarated me. She made me give her my hand and pressed it to my tingling center with the command of , "Play with yourself!" as she turned and laid on her back beneath me. Then she pulled me to lie on top of her, my hand sandwiched between our bodies.

"Are you ready for your mistress to fuck you? Is that what you want?"

Gods, she was turning me on almost past the point of coherency. "Yes, please, Mistress." I continued touching myself, but longing for her touch instead. I needed her inside me, but I knew not to ask. She suddenly pulled my hand from my crotch to my breasts, making me touch my nipples, wanting me to pinch and pull them until it was painful.

She raised her left thigh and told me, "Ride it, Bitch. Fuck yourself on my leg until you cum all over it." I moved and straddled her long leg, my wetness leaving a slick trail where I started grinding, moving back and forth, begging to come. As in the vision, hearing her call me "Bitch" sent a shiver of pleasure up and down my spine. I hoped she used some of the other names she had used in the vision. But now, thee friction of my clit rubbing on her muscled thigh was delicious. She hadn't given me permission to stop touching my nipples, and at one point I was so focused on the feeling between my legs that I forgot and put my hands on her shoulders, trying to find more leverage. Xena bit down on my nipple, reminding me of my duties. With me still in her mouth, she asked, "Are you ready to come? Are you going to spasm all over your mistress?"

All I could muster was, "Yes, Mistress", and my harboring climax finally reached its maturity, causing me to grind as roughly as I could against Xena's thigh, screaming her name as I rode it out. Gods, I had never dreamed it could be so intense with me just rubbing myself on her!

I felt her grab my waist and she rolled over and covered me with her body. I was still breathing very hard, and glittery star patterns was all I could see with my eyes closed.

I felt her mouth on my nipple, kissing my chest with gentle kisses. Was the game over? What was she doing now? "Open your eyes, Slut. I want you to look at me."

She had the look of desire in her eyes, but also the look of wild determination. Completely stoic, completely in control. "Now you get the fucking you wanted," she snarled, and moved her hand down my body. I thought she might ignore the most aching part of me, but it was sweet relief when I felt her thrust into me. She took me hard, thrusting with force, giving me what I had asked for. Rising to meet her hand, I opened my legs wider and felt her add another finger inside me. Gods, she did her job well.

I felt myself getting very close, and found the ability to ask, "May I come for you, Mistress?"

I was amazed at the look in her eyes…Gone was the cold heartless mistress, and in her place was pure excitement and pleasure. "Gods, yes, do it!"

Hearing the tone of her voice, I knew she was almost as ready as I was. It gave me total freedom to absorb all I could of her, and to give her every ounce of myself. I knew she was close to having an orgasm herself, but was completely surprised when I felt her body move as if she were fucking me, following the thrusts of her hand inside me. That only fueled me to come harder, and when it was over, I felt as if I had been rode hard and put away wet. Xena lay beside me, gasping for air.

'Thank you, thank you, Mistress," I whispered, keeping my eyes closed and just floating on the cloud she had placed me on.

"Gabrielle, open your eyes. It's just me."

Oh, that voice. I was so happy to hear my lover speak my name. I opened my eyes and looked at her…her beauty astounding. "I love you," we both said at the same time. Laughing together, she wrapped me in her arms and rolled over so I could lie on top of her, resting my head on her shoulder. We were both quiet for some time, but I was replaying in my head the excitement of being her slave, and her being my Mistress. This was certainly going to bring some new experiences I had never really considered. I loved her with all my heart, and wanted her even more.

Author's Note: We are not done with some of the themes involved in this scroll. To be continued next week in Scroll 13.

Xena's Scroll
The Xena and Gabrielle XXX Scrolls