Indiana Shana Goes Shopping With Gabby

Disclaimer:

It had been a while since Shana visited the Xenaverse.Seeing how the series was over,the only way to experience an episode was to actually be in one....create your own.

Occasionally Gabrielle was left alone while Xena went on a special mission.These shows were the ones that Gabby "carried" while the Warrior Princess had something else to do.

Shana used her Xena-time detector to home in on Gabby while Xena was away.Gabby was seen thru Shana's detector to be at home in Potadeia with her parents and sister Lilla. Taking this opportunity to visit Gabby's family without Xena's influence would be interesting. Would Gabby be as sweet as she always was?

Shana still had her old bard clothes she wore when she met the Viking Hrothgar,so she dressed up in that outfit,took her universal translator,scrolls(for props),and got into her time machine. She set the controls for ancient Greece,Potadeia,and to Gabby's family farm. Instantly the time machine shimmered and disappeared from Shana's living room and reappeared in some woods outside near Gabby's father's barn. Shana stepped out of the machine and locked it and walked up the path to the farmhouse.

Outside the door,Shana knocked:Gabby's mother,Hecuba,opened the door.

Hecuba:Hello...can I help you?

Shana:Yes.I'm here to see Gabrielle.

Hec:Come on in.(Turning)Gabrielle! Someone's here to see you!

Gabby:Who is it?

S:Indiana Shana...she knows me.

Hec:It's Indiana Shana,dear.

G:I'll be right out.I'm just getting dressed.

H:Would you like some wine?

S:Yes,please.(Shana was thirsty.)

H:I'll be right back.

Shana waited a few moments and a man appeared at the doorway.

Herodotus: Who are you?

S:I'm Shana,one of Gabrielle's friends.

Her:She mentioned you once before. Somebody stole something of yours and she and Xena helped you recover it. Also,that braggart Autolycus was there.

S:Uh,yes...he was a nice guy.

Her:Never had a real job.

Hec: Here you are,Shana. Hello,dear(kissing her husband).

Her:Not in front of strangers.

Hec:Sorry(yelling this time)Gabrielle! Come on out!

G:In a minute! Gods!

>From the bedroom came Lilla,Gabby's sister.

Lilla:Hi,I'm Lilla....you're Shana,I take it?

S:Yes.Glad to meet you.

L:Gabby's halter top and skirt are in the wash and she has to wear something a bit less revealing,heh-heh.

G:I heard that! Shut up!

Her:I'm surrounded by women! I'm going out for a beer.(He leaves).

Hec:Why don't you girls sit down and get acquainted?

S:(sipping some wine):Well,Lilla,what's Gabrielle been up to?

L:She's back from her latest warlord butt-kicking spree. Xena's away seeing some king and left Gabby here. She's always in a foul mood when Xena's away.

S:I see. Doesen't she like to be home once in a while?

L:We saw her and Meleagher when they saved the town.

S:That was in Season One.

L:Yeah...quite a while ago. Then early this season,she came back from the dead. I mean,everybody told us she died in a lava pit.How can you jump in a lava pit and survive and disappear for months? We were frantic,especially mom. Then she brings back a monster...well really is was my niece Hope who did that...ewwwww! Well,Xena kills the monster,and Hope dies,and Gabby is back.Also,where is this "hospice" supposed to be anyway? There's none around here.

S:Good question.That was a sad episode all around.You almost got killed too.

L:Xena saved me when Hope destroyed the bridge.I owe her for that.

Finally Gabby arrives.

G:Sorry to keep you waiting,Shana.It's good to see you again.(To Lilla) Get lost! She's MY friend.

L:Wait a minute. You were taking a long time getting dressed.It's not like we have a lot of clothes to wear. Besides,when was the last time you washed your outfit? It was getting pretty ripe.

G:Back off! You don't travel. Xena and I bathe regularly.

L:I know...in the same hot tub together.

G:Hey! Nothing happens.

L:Uh huh....

G:Oh,shut up! Sorry you had to see this,Shana.

L:Oh,all right...I'll leave so you two can catch up.

G:Good riddance.

L:Take a flying leap.

S:Gee,I guess I came at a bad time.

G:Oh,no.This happens all the time.

S:Gabrielle...

G:Call me Gabby.Everyone else does except Xena. With her it's always proper---not that I want to be called 'Bri or anything dorky like that.Gabby is fine.

S:Gabby,then.I'm here,as you know,with my time machine.I have all day,and if you're not too busy doing chores,would you take me shopping for clothes? I need something else besides this one outfit I have.

G:Chores? Lilla does them. I can usually not "feel well" or such---I'd rather be smacking someone with my staff. Besides,we don't see any cute guys around here---only when we're on the road.

S:Where can we go?

G:Right down town. I'll do the talking...I know how to bargain.You just pick out what you want and I'll get some loser to lower the price. I never pay full price.

S:Well,if you're sure,but I would like to try.

G:Sure,I'm sure. I mean,look at this long dress I'm wearing.It shows no leg and very little cleavage,and I have a LOT of cleavage,see?Lilla doesn't,heh-heh. Mom's got quite a pair,tho.

S:Uh,yeah.

G:You ought to get something to show yourself off,too. Glad to see you didn't cut your hair...I'll never cut mine.

S:(Knowing Gabby would later in Season Four)..Yes---it would be a real waste.

G:Hey,mom! We're going into town shopping.Need anything?

Hec:Not really. Why don't you take Lilla along? She could use a break.

G:Aww---do I have to? She's such ah bore.

Hec:Yes,dear. She might meet some nice young man.

G:Fat chance. She always looks frumpy.

Hec:Now that's no way to talk about your sister.You're a bit conceited,you know(turning)---Lilla!

L:(Coming back into the kitchen)....yes mom?

Hec:You're going with Shana and Gabby into town. Here,girls(handing her daughters five dinars each)...just have fun.

G:Oh,all RIGHT! Come on,you two.

Gabby,Lilla,and Shana leave and walk the mile into town.It was a typical sunny day,and not too hot.

L:What a beautiful day---birds singing,white fluffy clouds...

G:Put a sock in it,will you?Mom's not here to protect you.

L:Hey,I always could beat you up!

G:That was before. See this staff? I can also kick and punch.

L:Oh,okay! Jeeze!

S;This is really a bad time for me to be here,right?

G:No way.You're staying(raises her staff).

S:Okay.

On the way to town,two local young men meet the girls.

First man:Hey...look what we found(pointing to the girls).

Second man:Yeah...How's about a kiss,Blondie?

Without breaking stride,Gabby thumps them each once with her staff,knocking them senseless.

L:Hey! They were cute.

G:You were saying,Shana?

S:Uh,I was talking about what would be the best things to wear if I were to dress like a bard?

G:Well,you can't dress like me. Even if I'm a bard,I'm a warrior,too,and I can't go ripping my dress every time there's a fight. I need a short skirt. You can get away with something not too long,but you've GOT to show some cleavage. That's a MUST in this series. Heck,even those flat-chested Banshees showed some. Eye-candy for the male audience---some of the females,too.

S:Okay,if you say so.

L:I think...

G:No you don't.

L;You're never this mean when Xena's around.She'd make you act nicer.

Well,she's NOT here,but Shana IS,I'll be good.

L:Thank you.

G:(grumbles)...We're almost there.

It was market day in town. Gabby's dad already was there doing his usual crop-selling,after which he would head for the tavern for a drink.

Spotting the vendors' stalls,Shana went to the nearest one that sold clothes.

S:(to vendor)--You have some nice stuff here. Why are there no price tags?

Vendor: Tags? We haggle over everything here.

S:How much for this skirt?

V:Ten dinars.

S:I'll give you nine.

V:No way.missy.You couldn't bargain your way out of a wet paper sack.

G:(to vendor)Hey! We don't need this crap you're peddling. Come on,girls.

V:Wait a second.

G:Flake off!

Spotting another clothing stall,Gabby directs her companions to it. Knowing the vendor from before,Gabby goes into her act.

G:(pouting)...Gee,I don't know if there's anything really NICE here...

Vendor:Oh come on,Gabby...you do this every time. What do you want? We'll get right to it.

G:My friend Shana needs something she can wear for travelling---she's a bard,too,and make it revealing.

V:I have just the thing.

S:I have only ten dinars,you know.I earned them working at Meg's diner.

G:I know ---I heard about the fire from her. You won't have to pay full price---trust me.

L:"Trust me"(making a face).

G:Hey...you wanted a truce.

L:Sorry...it's just that I am not used to getting along with you.

V:Here we are.(Holds out a blue dress,knee-length,with sort of a plunging neckline.). Try it on.

S:Where?

V:I have a dressing room behind this tent flap.

G:Go on...do it.

S:Well,if you think so.(Shana goes behind the screen and starts getting undressed)

G:(To the vendor)....Watch where you're looking,pal,or you'll get some of this(meanacing him with her staff).

V:Oh,sorry(he steps away from the screen).

L:Hey Gabby...look what I found. A neat vest and a matching hat.

G:Are you sute that's really you?

L:Well,wait until I put it on.

V:And you,Gabby?

G:I'm still looking.

S:(comes out wearing the dress). How do I look?

G:Okay. That will be fine.

S:Should I try on something else?

G:I SAID that will be FINE,okay?

S;Whatever you say.

G:(To vendor)--How much?

V:Twelve dinars...a real bargain.

G: Are you insane?It's not worth more than four.

V:(scratching his beard) Did I hear you right? Are you serious?

G:You bet.We don't need your stinking rags---there are plenty of other places to shop.

V:Okay then.Nine dinars.

G:It looks secondhand to me. Six dinars.

V:No way. I can sell it to someone with class.

G:Are you saying we have no class?

V:No...I didn't mean it that way. He looks at Gabby's staff warily.

G:(changing tactics).How about seven dinars,and we'll call it a deal? (she puffs out her chest,revealing a little more cleavage).

V:Oh,all RIGHT! Seven dinars. How about it,Lilla? Do you want your stuff?

L;Well,it fits okay. What about the hat,Gabby?

G:Lose it.

L:Okay...how much for the vest?

V:Three dinars.

G:Hey,idiot...do you want to lose a sale?

V:Two dinars.

G:All right.Now my turn.

She finds another typical green halter top and matching brown skirt,both shorter than the ones in the wash.

G:Okay,pal...how much?

L;Dad's gonna kill you if you wear that.

G:I'll handle that.(to vendor)....how much?

V:Five?Four?

G:(feeling sorry for him now)...Okay...four it is. Why don't you throw in some of that white lace and ribbons for Shana's dress,okay?

V:Whatever.(he hands the material to Shana,who holds it along the neckline).

G:Do you like it?

S:Yes..I have many frills.

G:Let's go get a drink.

They all go to the tavern where where Gabby's dad is in there laughing over a brew with his farmer pals.

G:Hi,dad.Look what we bought.

H:Hello girls...lookin' good.

Drunk at bar: Hey,you girls.Come over here and let a real man show you a good time.

G:No thanks. Back off.

D:Oh,tough,huh? I think I'lll teach you a lesson.(He takes a club from his belt).

H:Hey...stay away from my little girl!

G:Have your drink,dad.This won't take long.

D:Think you're tough with that staff,huh?

G:(knocks him out with it in an instant)...Yeah.

Patrons hurriedly get up and move away. Suddenly there are empty stools at the bar and the girls sit down.

S:I think I'll have some ale.

L:Me too.

G:Three ales,barkeep.

Barkeep:Coming right up.

S:Does Xena leave you alone much?

G:Well,sometimes.It just ticks me off when she thinks I'm just a sidekick,and this is the fourth season.She's been having these visions of us being crucified.It gets me that this comes up in most conversations.In a way,I'm glad she's away for a while.I even get to see my sister and parents and sort of get away from it all. It's not easy keeping Xena under control.I wonder if she'll end up in Tartaras or the Elysian Fields.

S;You've done a good job of keeping her on the straight and narrow.

G:She just never forgives herself---not since she she dragged me behind the horse. That HURT!

Barkeep:Here are your drinks. Three dinars,please.

S:My treat.(she pays him).

G:Thanks.

L:Yeah,thank you.

S:You're welcome.(to Gabby)...do you think you'll ever get married again?

G:No.Being on the road with Xena is all I want.Lilla is looking,tho.

L:It IS kinda lonely without a boyfriend.Besides,I'm not getting any younger.

S:(knowing Lilla would be married and have a daughter Sarah)....I have a feeling you won't have to wait too long.Call it intuition.

G:Shana...you mentioned your writing on your "website",I think you said. How's that going?

S:Pretty well.I have a lot of material I'm sorting out and fan feedback too.

G:It is a bit different that telling stories to live audiences,tho.

S:Yes,but I enjoy the whole experience.

L:Hey,it's almost time for lunch.Let's get dad and all go back together.(to Herodotus)...come on dad---mom's got lunch ready by now.

H:Okay(to his pals)...see you next week.

All four go back to the farm.Gabby's mom had lunch ready and the girls showed her their purchases. As usual,Hecuba scolded Gabby for the too-revealing clothes.

G:Gee,mom...don't be such a prude.Wait until you see me in Season Six if you think THIS is revealing.

S:(knowing Hecuba wouldn't be alive then)...uh,yes...it will be a surprise.

After lunch and some more girl-talk,Shana said she had better get going.She thanked Gabby and Lilla for taking her shopping,and thanked Gab's parents for their hospitality.

G:When will I see you again? Xena will want to know.

S:I don't know yet.It could be before we even met,and you won't even remember today at all.

G:Oh yeah...the time-travel thing. I'm going to ask Xena if she can borrow Hercules' Chronos-stone so we can visit you. That would be interesting. Maybe we can see where you work.

S:Sure thing.(She thought about two tough girls loose at Pizza Hut with a bunch of leering customers. That WOULD be interesting).

Shana,after saying goodbye,and wearing her new dress and carrying her scrolls and other dress,left the farmhouse. She entered her time machine and hit the "home" button.She rematerialized in her living room.Then she remembered:if Xena and Gabby visited,they might bump into the Xena-Gabby clones or the Xena-Gabby descendants. Dealing with three pairs of identical warriors would be something,but that is another story.

The end.