His 
by Wren

He thought he loved her. That's how it started. He would watch her, spy on her. 
I know because I was watching him. H trued to be good he really did, at least at 
first, when she was around. But she didn't care, didn't acknowledge the fact 
that he was trying. To her, he was pathetic. He tried to hide it for a while but 
once we knew, it was 'all bets off'. He was always there, just making his 
presence felt. 
What he didn't know, what no one knew, was that she might not have felt it, but 
I did. I noticed everything, I tried not to, at least at first. I saw him, that 
night at the Bronze, with Drusilla. My breath caught in my throat. I had thought 
it was over. I hadn't been this hot, hard, excited at the sight of him in so 
long, I thought I was over him. Seeing him, The Big Bad, every bit the vampire 
he should be, I knew things were going to change. 
William the Bloody was back, black leather pants, black duster, they looked 
good, but no better than yesterday. No wait, its true, it was his attitude that 
was the big change. Confidence and power he radiated both, even I, a helpless 
human, could taste his predator in the air. When he took that girl, I couldn't 
move to stop him. I just hid in the shadows, watching. God, I must be sick, I 
wanted him to kill her, once he began. I didn't want her to live. I didn't want 
there to be any one alive with that kind of intimate knowledge of my vampire. 
Yes, *my*.
I had been thinking of Spike as mine since Angelus had given me to him years 
ago. I wanted him then, belonged to him. After the chip, I was still his. Then I 
got to know him. That's when I fell. I knew that with the chip in, if I came on 
to him it would all go to hell. So I kept silent, and fell deeper. Wanting him 
was 'ok I can deal', but once I loved him, it was so hard to be around him. 
I was extra mean to him, trying to drive him away, out of my mind. It didn't 
work. Just drove him to her. Buffy And that bitch tore him up. He was willing to 
stake Dru, his dark princess, his Sire, for her. Did she appreciate it, what he 
offered, his love? NO. Every opportunity she got to humiliate him, she took. But 
they didn't know, hadn't seen. They didn't know what he had done, but I did. 
His bite was back. Sure the chip still worked, but now he knew it didn't control 
him. Not really. I followed him, watched as he tested the chip, the pain, 
himself. He wasn't biteless. He just had to use caution. I watched as robot girl 
threw him through a window. I saw the guy outside start to harass him. I watched 
as his fist connected with the man's jaw.
His eyes crinkled just a bit at the corners. His only show of pain. You would've 
missed it if you didn't know. His smile after the man went down, was worth the 
pain. God, I don't think I ever wanted him more then right then. That's when I 
knew what I had to do. I went to him, later that night, it was almost like he 
was expecting me. 
I knew he didn't love me, didn't matter this was not about love. I was his. I 
love him, I do. I tried to tell him but he stopped me. Said he already knew. 
That was my first night with him, the night he turned me. It was exquisite. The 
pain/pleasure mix I would come to crave. The next few weeks were spent feeding 
and fucking. He made me a real childe, his first, and not some mindless minion. 
When I emerged from my death sleep that first night, I hungered, not just for 
blood, though that was great. I hungered for Spike, my Sire. My first kill from 
my death list was my parents. Spike killed Anya, couldn't let her live, she had 
been my lover. Surprisingly neither of us wanted to kill Willow and I talked him 
out of killing Giles. We avoided the issue of Buffy. Then we left Sunnyhell 
forever. 200 years together, longer even then Dru had been with him. He doesn't 
say he loves me, and that's OK. He'll never leave me and I will never leave him. 
He is mine. I am his. 
END