Watching Me
by Windzweaver

He's standing there in the archway to the room just watching us with those
steel blue eyes of his. He always seems to be on the fringe of the group
now. I wonder some times what keeps him this close. There is no reason
for him to stay anymore. Drusilla, Angel, Darla they're all gone. The
initiative has up and left. The only thing they left behind was this big
empty hole where the base used to be, and with it went any chance that the
chip might be removed. But he's still here. Still watching us.

He's not really part of us but he always seems to show up when something
happens. All adtitude, anger, and violence. Maybe that's what keeps him
here that knife edge of danger that we always seem to walk. I could accept
that if it wasn't for those icy eyes like a shiver crawling down my spine.

Even now I have to clamp my teeth together to stop the nervous babble of
words from erupting into something I'd rather no one else heard, and all
he's doing is looking at me.

It's not often someone get a chance to truely see what they look like to
other people but I got that chance in the moments before Willow put me back
together. When it comes right down to it I have mixed emotions about the
whole thing. One part seemed so confident and fancy all the things I ever
wanted and couldn't quite believe I could be. The other seems to be this
small child that bounces from place to place and emotion to emotion always
feeling everything too much.

It's funny before Toth I was always too afraid to grow up because I was so
sure that I'd make a mess of it like everything else, but now it's the
opposite. I'm afraid to let that little kid out again because he's way too
vulnerable to face the real world. The adult side is all I ever share
anymore. So all those bright shirts and Babylon memorabelia are packed away
so carefully from sight. My friends don't even see that part of me is
missing.

But those eyes. They see. And when I feel them on me I find it oh so hard
to ignore and pretend I like the plain shirts.

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End