Watching History
by Windzweaver

I feel like I failed him.

I see the way that they watch each other, and more then anything it scares
me.

And I know that I failed him.

Not just in this instance but in so many others. Did I do the same to him
that my father did to me? Did I shove him into the arms of someone who will
never care for him? Someone who will ultimately destroy his soul?

At first I wasn't too worried because I know Xander. I especially know what
he went through with that whole Cordelia fiasco.

He'll never be unfaithful again, of that I was sure.

Maybe Anya wasn't as sure, or maybe she was just tired of him.

I couldn't believe it when she barged into the meeting and asked me to be
her knew orgasm buddy. She told me that she was free now because Xander and
her had broken up. And could we have sex?

At that moment more then anything I wanted to throttle the woman. You'd
think in her thousands of years of life that she would have learned
something about how humans behave.

Clear across the room I could see the evil grin that covered Spike's face.

This was what he had been waiting for. It was the weakness that he needed
to insinuate himself into Xander's life.

I could see the whole house of cards toppling and there was nothing I could
do to stop it.

It was in such a moment as this that Ethan destroyed my life.

He never really wanted me you know. All he had ever wanted was the power
that I had in me, and when he had used it up he left me. All I could do at
that point was crawl back into the shell of what was left of my life.

He left me. Just as surely as Spike will leave Xander.

All I can do is be there after he's left.

I am watching Spike when Xander comes in.

I see something in Spike's eyes that I never saw in Ethan's, and it
confounds me. All my preconceptions are just so much dust.

Spike love's Xander.

I had been so caught up in watching Xander that I had never looked at Spike.

I feel Anya's eyes hard upon my back. When I look at her she has this
knowing gleam in her eye. Maybe I was wrong maybe she knows something about
human nature after all.

"So can we have sex yet?"

Then again maybe not.

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