Hey Wills
by Sileya

Hey Wills,

Yes, it's your best bud Xander taking pen in hand to write to you, his best
friend in the whole world. Bet you thought you'd never see the day, huh?
Well, I'm glad to prove you wrong for once. 

So, about why I'm writing. First of all, I'm writing cause I couldn't figure
out to make the Internet connection work and Spike is out grocery shopping. 

Why am I at Spike's apartment, you ask? Good question. Always the bright one
you were, dear. I'm hiding out from Buffy, of course. And he knows I like
Twinkies. And Ho Hos. And Oreos. So he's being the gallant host. Amazing,
huh? So in 3 paragraphs I've surprised you twice. 

Keep counting. And sit down before you read much further, OK? 

Second, I miss you. But I'm sure you knew that. 

And third, I'd like to say that it sucks that you're still in L.A. I want my
best friend back. 

Blow the Buffster off, hon, and come home. I know Deadboy will come with
you, but I promise to be nice. He's a much better guy than I gave him credit
for, and I can tolerate him now. 

He fell in love with you, so he knows a good thing when he sees it. He chose
to Sire Spike, so that's an indication of good taste. Yes, I think I can at
least tolerate him now. Not to mention that he's damn sexy in those leather
pants you picked out. Oops - did I just write that? Heh heh. Things change,
right? Course, if he puts the moves on Spike, I might get testy. 

Yeah, Spike and I have a thing. Still not too open about it, cause we're
afraid Buff will blow her peroxide top and dust Blondie. He can't exactly
defend himself, after all. Another reason to have Deadboy here, to help out
with that. He would help out, right? Spike said he would, him being Spike's
Sire and all. Kind of a vampire loyalty thing? 

Would you ask him? Angel. To come with you and help keep Spike from being
dust? I'd appreciate it. And I can assure you Spike would appreciate it,
too. We'd promise to be polite and help you move in to wherever you move
into. 

Me and Spike. GOD. What can I say? (I mean write.) It was just - blammo -
you know? Ummm, actually, you don't, so scratch the blammo remark. Or maybe
not scratching the blammo, because you may understand that from things on
your own, not that I'm prying or making assumptions about you and Angel.
Anyway. You don't know how Spike and I got a thing. 

And I want to tell SOMEBODY, so I'm telling you. You're the only one I can
trust. Well, I trust Giles and Buffy, but I'm also smart enough not to blab
something that will worry them. Most of the time. 

Speaking of Buffy and Giles. There's something going on there. I'm sure of
it. You know how we all used to wonder about the bond between Watcher and
Slayer? Well, I'm thinking they've been working on that. And I don't mean
some sort of metaphysical philosophy, I mean some sort of physical. Thing.
Physical thing. Yeah. 

OK, so this has to do with my story because, that's why Giles wanted Spike
out of his house. Did you know? So he and Buffy would be undisturbed. I
bought it until I stopped by one day, and they were both in robes. Like
they'd been in the shower. But they were . . . flushed. 

Anyway. There's something going on there. 

So. It all started back when Giles shipped the Fangless Wonder off to stay
with me in the Dank Dismal Basement of Doom. You remember how sad Spike was?
When you and I walked in on him trying to commit suicide? Well, I admit I
laughed then, and I laugh now about how funny he looked. But it occurred to
me later how pitiful he looked. And sounded. So of course, like all the
clichéd romances - it started because I felt sorry for him. 

And naturally, he didn't want pity. So I bribed him. Yep. I bribed him into
happiness. Or at least out of suicidal tendencies. 

I started with chocolate. This chick named Abby at the grocery hooked me up
with everything chocolate you could ever desire. 

Oreos, Ho Hos, Little Debbie fudge cakes, brownies, ice cream, mocha,
Brach's, fudge, candy bars . . . anything and everything chocolate. That
helped for a little while. Then he sank back into the PIT OF DESPAIR (read
that raspy voice, heh). 

So next it was smokes and beer. He was better company with the chocolate
plan. 

That didn't last. So then it was rental movies. All the horror and
hack-and-slash he could handle. He really enjoyed that for awhile. I think
he jacked off while I was at work, cause like every day for two weeks I came
home to fresh sheets on the bed. Really. 

Did I mention that I kept him company at night? That was why Anya left me.
She was too proud to tell the world it was because I was afraid a vampire
would commit suicide, so she told people she dumped me and moved on. 

All this took about six months - up to about the First Slayer thing. Then I
started spending more time with you, Buffy and Giles, and Spike started
withdrawing again. So I tried the last thing I could think of. 

Porno. 

Yep. The soft stuff, the hard stuff, mags, movies, books, anything I could
weasel out of my uncle and the XXX store on 5th and Walnut. 

They take bribes, by the way. They also have a nice leather and rubber shop
- um, sorry. Off topic. 

Anyway, so this went on for a couple of weeks. One day, Spike asked why I
was only bringing home girly smut. 

Yeah, I'm sure my eyes popped straight out of my head on springs. 

And me being the suave, sophisticated man I am, I shot back an appropriate
zinger. 

I believe it was something like . . . 

"Gahhunnngg?" 

Heh. Well, last Halloween I wanted to be James Bond. Guess I still have a
long way to go. 

Spike just smirked. That sexy half-curl of the corners of his lips that just
drives me absolutely out of my mind. It just so matches the
evil-intent-twinkle in his eyes. 

So I stuttered my way through an "Excuse me, what are you asking for?" and
he proceeded to explain to me in exact graphic detail the sort of material
he wanted. 

Men. Fucking. Rimming, tying each other up and whipping each other before
one fucks the other into submission. Consensual and nonconsensual male sex.
Men sucking each other off. 

Or at the very least, some group sex with men and women getting each other
off in the most graphic of ways. 

I stood there with a blank look on my face. I know it was blank, cause I
looked in the mirror, and didn't recognize myself, so I know my face was
blank. 

Oh, and a little bloodplay wouldn't hurt, he added. 

Then I had to draw the line. I started huffing about bringing him things and
here he was asking for something else and whatever crap it was that spilled
out of my stunned and somewhat almost-but-not-quite appalled brain. 

And he stepped up and said, real low and husky, "Well luv, you can entertain
me instead." 

If I'd had the presence of mind, which I didn't, I would have fainted dead
away right there. But I didn't. Faint, I mean. 

So that was why I had a hard time processing why the hell Spike was giving
me mouth-to-mouth. I mean, he can't breathe, right? Angel couldn't do CPR to
save Buffy from drowning. I had to do it. So why could Spike do it? 

Then the light bulb lit up. He was kissing me. 

With tongue. 

OK, so for a split second, I wigged, but then I recovered when I realized I
was enjoying it. 

DAMN, the man can kiss. 

We did more than kiss. The usual groping etc. went on as well. Not that I
know what's usual between two guys, but you know what I mean. 

So, now, if you're not thoroughly grossed out, I will expose to you my
deepest feelings. 

I think I've fallen I love with him. 

OK, pause to sigh deeply. 

For a while I was thinking it was just an attraction thing. Then I thought
it was just a keeping each other company thing. And then, last night, he
crawled into the bed. 

And he just held me. 

That's all. Just pulled me up against him, cupped his knees behind mine,
wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin in the nook of my neck, and
just held me. 

It was ... so comforting. And right then I felt my heart take the plunge.
THE plunge. Not just the "wow" factor I had with Cordelia, or the "zing"
factor I had with Anya. 

You remember what it is that can get someone out of the PIT OF DESPAIR,
right? 

Concerning Spike - I have passed "wow" and "zing" and moved solidly into the
"ohmygodi'minlovewithavampire" factor. 

So I thought you would be the one to consult. 

Any pointers? 

Your bud, 

Xander