Never Again
By Sandra D
I can’t believe what a bloody pillock I was!! All that time, all I could
think of was that stupid bint! I should have *known* I was going off my
rocker when I had that dream. It’s one thing for the soul-having poof to
fall in love with the Slayer. But not *me*! I’m Spike. William the
EFFIN’ Bloody!!! And I do NOT fall in love with Slayers.
But I had to open my big gob to Cornfed that night in my crypt, didn’t I?
Had to tell him *he* was the lucky one and that I *was* hot for his honey.
To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t have blamed him one little bit if that
stake had been real. I mean, how many times did I want to do the same
bloody thing to Angelus when he made the moves on my Druscilla?
I imagine everyone on the Hellmouth thinks I left because the Slayer and
Captain Cardboard got back together. Maybe I did. But I’m glad I did!
Couldn’t have recovered from that little mental lapse if I hadn’t. So
it’s a damn good thing I left when I did. I probably would have done
something stupid. Can you *imagine* what would have happened if I had
told Slutty that I loved her?! No? Well, I can tell you! It would *not*
have been a pretty sight!
Where did I go? Not that it’s any of your fucking business, but I went to
L.A. to see Peaches. Between you and me? I don’t think he is all there
lately. Seems to be going a bit daft. Or, at least, more daft than
normal. For a while he just kept going on and on about Darla. I started
to think he really was crazy until I went to see that cheerleader and the
watcher. Turns out, Darla was brought back from the dead! As a *human*,
no less! I told them they shouldn’t blame Angel for what he is going
through. That I would bloody flip if I saw Dru and *she* had a heartbeat.
Don’t know why I wanted them to feel better. I really couldn’t care
less, if truth be told.
But I am glad I did because that brought up the next part of their little
drama. Dru was in Los Angeles. And apparently my dark princess took it
upon herself to turn the blond bitch all over again. And *right* in front
of Angel!!! If I hadn’t been so caught up with the idea that Dru was in
LA, I probably would have tried to help the old poof. Poor bugger. That
must have really hurt.
But, like I said. Dru was in LA. So, I was off to find my goddess.
Color me all shades of hot and horny when I saw her and Darla going at it
like they used to back when we were all still a family! At first, all I
saw was Angelus’ sire sittin’ back in a chair with her legs spread and
panting like she actually needed air. When I got a little closer I saw a
head of a dark haired woman munchin’ between her thighs. Couldn’t believe
my luck!! Darla suddenly got all quiet and that dark head looked up and
stared right at me. Dru just smiled coyly. Like she always does, you
know? And I swear she was more beautiful than the first day I saw her!
Eyes all bright and face wet from Darla’s cum. If I didn’t know better,
I’d have thought I had died and gone to heaven!
Now, normally, I would have joined right in. I’d never been one to pass
up the chance at being made into a Spike sandwich. But something stopped
me. At first I thought it was because it would include Darla. But we had
done this more times than I could count years ago. So, what’s different
now? I suppose the easiest answer would have been Sunnydale. That would
have been too broad though. It had to be something more specific. Then
it hit me. The bloody Slayer! Figures she would still manage to ruin my
fun just by thinking of her.
Imagine my surprise when my sire’s smile widened and she shook her head.
I knew that look. Guess the stars are still telling her what’s in my
head. Wondered why she was telling me it was all wrong. I mean, of
course it’s wrong for me to love the Slayer. I *know* that! But she told
me that all my thoughts were jumbled. That the nasty, nasty chip had
scrambled everything up so I couldn’t think straight. Now, my Dru may be
a daft bird sometimes but I know when she is on to something so I listened
to her. The woman who was once the love of my unlife had become my bloody
shrink!
Darla had left in a huff because I had interrupted them and Dru insisted
that she *had* to tell me what Miss Edith and those damn stars were
whispering in her ear. So I sat down and my dark princess stood before me
with her hands on my head. She moved her fingers to the spot where the
Initiative had stuck that effin’ chip in my brain. Her eyes went all out
of focus and she cocked her head slightly like she really was listening to
the stars. When she looked at me again she asked me a fairly simple
question. One that I should have known the answer to, before. I *did*
know the answer before! But what came out of my mouth was not what I was
expecting. AT ALL!!!
"Tell me, my Spike. Who do you love?"
"Xander."
What the *fuck* was that?! I could not believe that was the first name
that came out of my mouth! And, to my surprise, Dru just looked at me,
smiled and nodded her head. She told me before I left that I needed to
hurry back to the dark kitten. Assuming she meant Xander, I asked why.
She said that he was hurting and needed me before it was too late. That
if I hurried I *might* be able to help him. As usual, I had no idea what
the bird was going on about but knew better than to ignore her ramblings.
So I rushed out the door and drove straight back to Sunnydale.
When I got to Xander’s apartment, I was about to knock on the door when I
heard his voice. It was very soft and so filled with pain that my undead
heart broke into a million tiny pieces. But what concerned me immediately
was the slur I heard in the words: "I love you, Spike." You’d think that
hearing that after realizing that I, too, loved him would make me happy.
Problem was, I knew the sound of drunken pain better than anyone else.
The desperation in Xander’s voice is the same that filled me when Dru and
I split up after 100 years. Xander loved me. And I had left him.
I knocked and called out to him. All I got in response was a slight clink
of glass and a tiny whimper. So…I did the only thing I could think of. I
crashed the door down and gazed upon the man I loved. And, oh-so-slowly,
Xander looked up at me through glazed over, tear filled eyes.
"Spike?"
"Oh God, luv! What have you done?!" I had seen what my love had on the
floor in front of him. It didn’t take a genius to realize what Xander had
been doing. All I could do was drop to my knees and pull him into my
arms.
"S…Spike? What are you d..d..doing here?"
I couldn’t have stopped my tears if I had tried. His voice was so weak.
"Xan…try and listen to me, luv." I lifted his chin so I could look
directly into his eyes. "I want you to know something very important,
Xander. I love you. I am so sorry for leaving you, luv! I swear to you
that I will *never* do that again!!"
"Gods, Spike…" Barely a whisper from his lips as he tried to talk to me.
"I love you. Sh..should have t..told you before. S..sorry. L..love
you." Tears began to pour down his face as he struggled for a few more
minutes. "T..t..too late. W…wish I could h…have waited one m..more day."
At that point, my mind was reeling. I knew we’d never make it to the
hospital in time. He’d be gone before a doctor ever saw him. I
*couldn’t* let that happen! I *WOULDN’T*!!
"No, luv. Not too late. Tell me, Xander. Do you love me enough to love
me forever?" It was a huge risk even to ask such a question. I knew that
before the words were spoken, but I refused to just sit by and watch my
love die without even trying. Especially not if I might get the answer I
wanted; needed.
And with his last bit of strength, my Xander looked up at me and answered
with nothing more than a smile.
So…here I am. I’ve moved my love’s body into his bedroom and am now
laying next to him…waiting. I have a few hours until Xander awakes to his
new life. Now I have to make a decision I wish he could help me with.
You see, we were almost out of time. I had neither the time nor the
presence of mind to ask one *very* important question. Xander should have
made this decision. Not me.
I know in my unbeating heart that my choice in this matter will not effect
our love. Now that we have found it, nothing will ever be able to take it
away from us. Bloody good, that! Can imagine what Xander’s friends will
say *now*! Of course, that’s if they find out. And that is the problem
I am faced with at the moment.
Should I call the witches and have them restore Xander’s soul before he
wakes up?
Or…should I take him now and never look back?
Demon or soul, I will love him for eternity. But *damn* I wish I had
thought to ask him before it was too late!
End
