Dear Series
by Sandra D.
Letter 1
Letter 2
Letter 3
Letter 4
Letter 5
Letter 6
Letter 7
Letter 8
Letter 9: The Phone Call
Letter 10
Letter #1
Dear Spike,
I imagine I am the last person you expected to hear from after all this
time. You’re probably wondering why I am writing to you and not Willow or
Giles. Well, I figure if I expect to find out how things are in Sunnydale
you are the best to ask since I’ve never known you to hold back. Even
when the truth hurts.
First I want to apologize for leaving when it was all over. It was just
too much, ya know? First Joyce was gone. She was more like a mom to me
than my own was. You know that though after having lived with me in the
basement all those months. Then we watched as Buffy’s body hit the
ground. That was when I realized how much you really did love her. I’m
sorry for…well, just about everything I said to you back then. When Giles
and I carried Buffy and Anya into the hospital I knew only three of us
would be coming back out.
But I was wrong. When the doctor came to me in the waiting room I knew
before he even said a word. And there wasn’t much for him to say, anyway,
was there? Internal bleeding. Too late. Nothing they could do. As
Giles and I walked back out into the sunlight, leaving behind the two
people who meant more to us in the world, I knew I couldn’t stay. So I
left.
I know that it’s no excuse for leaving you all behind to clean up after
Glory. But it’s the truth.
Now I need the truth from you, Spike. What has happened since I left? Is
Dawn okay? My guess is that you are still looking out for her. Did Hank
ever come to town? Does he even know about Buffy and Joyce? Is Willow
doing alright? I have worried about her so much. Is she still
super-witch or has she gone back to being sweet little Wills? Has Tara
fully recovered from Glory’s handiwork? How is Giles holding up? I can
only imagine the pain he felt losing Buffy like that. How are you, Spike?
That kind of pain I *can* understand. Hard to imagine that I care how
you feel, but I do. That last battle and these past 3 years have done
something to me. Everyone else too, I’m sure.
Do me one more favor, please? Don’t tell anyone that you heard from me.
Not yet anyway. I will when I am ready. Just…not yet.
Xander
Letter 2
Whelp!
Wasn’t sure if we’d ever hear from you again. Can’t say that I’d have
blamed you for never looking back. I still wish, sometimes, that I’d
forgotten about Sunnyhell when Dru and I left here years ago. But I have
a reason to be here now and that’s enough for me.
Dawn is doing very well in school. You probably think it’s funny that
that’s the first thing I tell you. That girl is something special, mate.
I think…no, I know that if it weren’t for Dawn we might all be dead by
now. I know she’s the only reason I’m still walking around. If I hadn’t
made a promise to Buffy…well, let’s just say I would have had a very
intimate moment with the sun a long time ago. Anyway, she is starting her
senior year in high school this fall and has managed to get incredible
marks every term. If she is really smart and gets out of this town when
her schooling is done, she’ll go far.
The witches are both doing well. They aren’t together anymore but both
stuck it out with what’s left of the gang. Red is taking lessons from
Giles as requested by the watchers council. Seems they want her to have a
Slayer as her own charge at some point. At first she said no but Giles
managed to convince her that it would be rewarding or some such rot. I,
personally, would be fine if I never saw another Slayer. Tara is teaching
at the school Dawn attends. I think that was a plot to keep an eye on
Lil’ Bit. We’ve all said we’d do anything for that girl. And Tara being
one of her teachers is part of that.
The watcher is doing alright. He is Dawn’s legal guardian now. It was
tough going for him right after Buffy…well it was bad for him. When they
girls’ father didn’t show up, old Rupert filed for parental rights and is
now, by all rights, Dawn’s dad. That arrangement has been good for both
of them. It’s kind of fun to watch Niblet turn those big brown eyes at
the old man to wheedle a bigger allowance out of him.
As for me…well, because of Dawn, I was able to continue…I’m still here.
And I guess that’s enough. Since Dawn moved in with the Watcher she asked
me to take care of her house until she decides what to do with it. That
was a shock to everyone. But I keep the place neat just the way Joyce
did. Always a cuppa ready for anyone who wants to talk.
So, whelp. My turn. Where the hell have you been? Willow insisted that
missing persons posters get hung up all over California. She even
enlisted Angel and his froufy group to look for you. Some investigator
Peaches turned out to be! Tara went as far as doing a scrying spell to
locate you. Nobody thought you and Anya were close enough that her death
would send you packing.
I haven’t told anyone about your letter but a few eyebrows were raised
when I got an envelope with no return address at the Watcher’s shop. I
can’t very well understand why you don’t want them to know, but keeping to
your theory that we’ve all changed since…then, I will do as you wish.
Just don’t make them wait too much longer. They all miss you. Umm…we
miss you.
Sincerely,
Spike *aka William the Bloody*
Dear Spike,
I am glad to hear that everyone is doing well. It really seems that
everyone pulled together to help Dawn adjust to her new life. I’ve often
wondered how things would have turned out if I had stayed. But I think I
made the right decision. It’s hard to tell sometimes.
So Willow and Tara split up? What happened there? I figured they’d end
up little old ladies still doing ‘spells’ together. That thought still
manages to give me lewd images in my head. NOT the old lady part! Just
those two doing… um… magic stuff. Did they find respective significant
others? Please tell me they aren’t alone! They had so much love in them
that I can’t imagine either without someone to share it with.
You really didn’t say much about how you are, Spike. Obviously you are
still alive… or undead, rather. But what else? Living in the Summers’
house. Weird, but… okay. There must be more. You always managed to
involve yourself in *something* interesting. You’re not holding back on
me, are you? I want all the details!
You asked where I’ve been, right? Well, for about 6 months I didn’t stop
moving. Then I realized that if I didn’t land someplace quick I would end
up completely depleting my savings account. So I found a little town in
Pennsylvania, rented an apartment and got a job at a local iron mill. The
money is pretty good and neighborhood is quiet. Well, comparatively
anyway. We have this annoying ass who lives on the Square that manages to
piss off everyone at least once a month. But no demons. No ambitious
mayors. No… cute little witches or snarky English vampires either.
(insert pathetic sigh here)
Anyhoo, I feel like leaving Sunnydale has been a good experience for me.
I’ve learned a lot about myself that I probably would never have realized
had I stayed. And I’m learning everyday how to live like the ‘normal
folk’ do. I have a couple of friends. No one that I would talk to about
my old life though. They call me Mystery Man sometimes because I refuse
to talk about life before Maytown. They couldn’t possibly grasp the truth
anyway. Not to mention the risk of being dragged to the loony bin in a
straight jacket if I told them that all their childhood nightmares are
real! No thanks!
I hope this letter finds you and the gang still doing well. Don’t worry,
I’ll eventually get up the nerve to contact Willow. I think it will be
easier now that I know she is going well. Thank you for not saying
anything. I appreciate it. Really.
Until next time…
Xander
Xander,
The witches’ story is simple, really. They just grew apart. No dramatic
fight and beak up scene, much to MY dismay. Does a demon good to see a
little anger sometimes. But I suppose my own anger will have to suffice
for the time being. Although, I find less to feel angry about than I used
to. Don’t feel much of anything anymore. A pity, that Anyway, Willow
found herself a nice young chit and they seem happy together. Tara,
however has been so busy teaching that she hasn’t had much time for
romance. The librarian seems interested in her though. I think she may
be wearing down too. And, if you can believe it, the librarian is a
bloke!
There really is nothing to tell about myself. I get up when the sun goes
down, drink my dinner from a mug, help out with any big evil, help Dawn
with her grammar and math homework during the school year and then go
home. Not much else to do, really.
Don’t even have you around to torment anymore. That could change though.
Why don’t you come home? I know everyone would understand why you left.
They just want to see you again. We all do. So, consider it. Please?
Spike
Dear Spike,
Yikes! Never in a million years did I imagine that I’d witness the word
‘please’ coming from William the Bloody! Give me a little more time,
okay? It’s still hard to think of coming back to Sunnydale knowing that I
won’t have anyone to come home to at night. Being here has helped me get
over losing Anya. But coming home, I fear, would just bring it all
flooding back. Just seeing the places we went together and eating in the
same restaurants. I don’t know if I am strong enough to handle it.
Have I mentioned that I had asked her to marry me? Before that final
battle when we were searching for the Dagon Sphere. You should have seen
the look on her face! She was so beautiful in her surprise. Then she
slapped me. Thought I was only asking because the world was going to end
and I wouldn’t have to go through with it. It only took me a minute to
convince her that I asked because I was sure it wouldn’t end. I was so
happy when she said yes. In that moment I could see our wedding in full
detail, our children and our grandchildren. And in the next moment… it
was gone. All of it. No, Spike, I can’t come back yet.
I’ll tell you the truth about something. I’m worried about you. You
admitted that you are still around only because Buffy asked you to care
for Dawn. There has to be something more. If you allow yourself to exist
like this now, what will you do if Dawn does leave Sunnydale after her
graduation? Will you just keep following her until she dies of old age?
What then? Do you think you will have found another reason to go on by
then? Or will you walk quietly into the daylight? I don’t want to see
that happen. You keep writing how everyone there needs me, but what about
them needing you? How can you be there for those who care for you if your
unlife means nothing to you?
I just had a great idea! What you need is a change of pace. To get away
from all the familiarity you face just by walking down the street.
Doesn’t have to be for long. Just a breather from the day to day grind.
Or night to night grind in your case. Come out to Pennsylvania. Get away
from the hellmouth for a bit. Just tell everyone you need a break and
that you'll be back in a week or two. Then hop on a red-eye to Phili and
I’ll drive out there to pick you up. I can take some vacation time from
work and we can do whatever you want.
Let me know, Wil.
Always,
Xander
Dear Xander,
Be at the airport at 1AM next Tuesday night. I’ll be coming in on
American Airlines flight 1256.
I must be daft.
Wil
Rupert,
Leaving town for a bit. Didn’t say anything before because I didn’t want
to answer a bunch of questions. I’ll probably be back in about 2 weeks.
Do me a favor? Keep an eye on the house for me? I know I am supposed to
look after it for Dawn but I really need to do this.
If all goes well, I will be bringing back something we all lost quite some
time ago. I’ll be in touch.
Spike
Dear Willow,
After all this time I almost don't know what to say. Not as easy as it
might seem.
I guess the first thing is that I am sorry. I am sorry that I left you.
Sorry that I never wrote or called. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you
to lean on during the time that followed the battle with Glory. But I
can't say that I am sorry that I left.
You need to know something. Or maybe I just need to tell you something.
Someone is trying to convince me to come home. Please know that if I do,
I will do anything for you to look at me as your best friend again. I
worry I will find that you hate me for abandoning you. I know you have
every right to hate me. I can't help but to hope that you don't.
From what I hear, everyone is doing well in Sunnydale. Good. I worried
that you and what was left of the Scoobies might not be okay. Yet another
thing I am sorry for. I shouldn't have waited three years to find out.
But now that I know, I can breath a sigh of relief.
I love you, Willow. You were my best friend from before my first memory.
If there is anything I can do to make this up to you, please tell me.
Anything, Wills. Name it.
I guess you are wondering where I have been all this time. You wouldn't
believe it. I have made my home in a little town in Pennsylvania. Amish
people and farms and iron mills! Who would have thought that I would ever
find myself here?! But it's a quiet, peaceful place. And I needed that
for a while. I needed a place to rebuild who I was and learn who I could
become. I found that here.
Please let everyone know that I am thinking of them. I will understand if
you choose not to contact me, Wills. But I hope. . . well, you know.
Always,
Xander
Ring…Ring…Ring…
“Hello?”
“Um, hi Xander.”
“Oh my God! Willow?!”
“Yeah…”
“Wow… I didn’t expect you to call. I, uh, I guess you got my letter.”
“I got it this afternoon. I was going to write but… I just wanted to hear
your voice. To know that it was really you.”
“I’m glad you called, Wills. How’d you get my number, anyway?”
“Called information. Wasn’t sure if you’d be listed but I figured it was
worth a shot.”
“Willow, I…” “Xander…”
*light giggles*
“You first.”
“I’m coming back to Sunnydale.”
*Silence*
“Willow?”
*sniff*
“Wills? Are you okay?”
“Xander, I have missed you so much! *sob* Please tell me you aren’t
joking!”
“Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to you. Not again.”
“I know, Xan. *sniff*”
“I’ve missed you too, Willow.”
“When are you coming home? Can I tell everyone you are on your way? And
who was able to convince you to come back?”
“*laugh* Whoa! Slow down a bit! I should be there in about 2 weeks.
Wanted to give the mill notice before I leave town. And you can tell
everyone if you want to. I just… I hope they are as happy about my return
as you are.”
“Oh, Xander, they are going to be so excited! We all tried so hard to
find you. Even Angel and the gang from L.A.”
“Yeah, I kinda heard about that.”
“How? Did you know we were looking for you?! Alexander LaVelle Harris,
if you tell me you knew how crazy we were going to find you, I’ll… I’ll…
I’ll turn you into a toad!”
“Calm down, Willow! I just found out about it about a month ago.”
“Really? Who told you?”
“Well, remember that I wrote about someone trying to convince me to come
home? Well…”
“It was Spike wasn’t it?”
“H…how’d you know that?”
“Not too hard to figure out, really. Spike started acting a bit
differently around the same time you found out about our search for you.
Started with a letter he got at the Magic Box. I guess that means you
wrote to him first, huh?”
“Wills, please don’t be angry that I didn’t write to you first. I just
had to know how things really were in Sunnydale. Even if everything was
terrible I knew that Spike would let me know what had happened over the
past 3 years.”
“I’m not upset, Xan. I just wish he had told us you were okay.”
“I asked him not to.”
“WHAT?! WHY?!”
“I just wasn’t ready yet. Everything that happened because of Glory was
just too much for me. And I wasn’t ready to face what it might have done
to you and the rest to the gang. I’m so sorry, Willow.”
“I understand. Well, not really, but you’ll explain it all when you get
here, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So, I guess Spike’s impromptu vacation was to Pennsylvania?”
“Uh, yeah. He seemed to need to get away so I asked him to come out.”
“And he was able to get you to come home?”
“Yeah…”
“What is it, Xander? You sound like you want to say more.”
“I do… but can it wait until I get there? I kinda want to tell you this
part face to face.”
“Sure, Xan. Just hurry home, okay?”
“I will. You take care of yourself, Willow.”
“I always do. I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah. Real soon.”
“Bye, Xander.”
“Bye. I love you, Wills”
“I love you too.”
*click*
Dear Dustin,
Hey man. Just wanted to let everyone out there know that I got all moved
back in here in California. I never imagined the reception I got when I
arrived! You would have loved the party. Plenty of good food. Bottles
of Champaign. And lots of close friends. I couldn’t believe it. Even my
exgirlfriend came in from L.A. with all her co-workers who used to live in
SunnyD.
I really want to thank you for being such a good friend while I was out
there. You helped make the time away from my loved ones bearable. I’ll
always remember that. Don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it back out
there for a visit, but if the opportunity does arise you can guarantee
that I’ll be stopping to see you.
Tell everyone at the mill that all is well. Better than well actually.
I’m sure you don’t want all the sordid details. J But I will tell you
that we moved in together. It seems I can’t get enough of him. Just his
presence has become a necessity. A big plus is that our friends were easy
to accept us as a couple. In fact, tonight we are throwing a housewarming
party. Life is good.
Stay out of trouble, okay? And do yourself a favor, man. Get out of town
every once in a while. It does a person good to have different
perspectives on life. Trust me. You’ll thank me later.
Well, I have to get a shower before everyone gets here for the party.
Have a good life, Dustin. It’s the only one you’ve got so don’t waste it.
Always,
Xander
P.S. Drop me a line if you ever get out to the side of the country.
END
