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It's An Adventure
by Michelle
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen Part Twenty Part Twenty-One

Part One  

"You have no idea about this thing, Giles? Just its mission? No idea
of its motives?"

"No. None, really. Just the basics."

"Basics, Watcher? And what would those be?"

Giles looked at Spike and gave a sigh. The vampire, no matter how
helpful he was, was beginning to ware on his nerves. "To kill the

Spike grinned. "Well, I think I like this demon! I think I like it a
lot! We shouldn't be interfering with the natural order of things.
Come what will. Slayers die what will. All that rot."

Buffy sent a glare towards the other bleached blonde in the room.
"Oh. So you no longer care for the blood the *slayer* lets you drink,
eh Spike? You aren't happy with the whole shelter that saves you from
turning to ash from the sun the *slayer* provides for you, hum? The
*slayer* can just let you die now? Just like the *slayer* has wanted
to for what seems like for *ever*? Is that right, Fangless? Let's
let nature have it's way."

"I'm getting' all that from the brain and the moron! I mean, from the
good kind hearted *Xander*, here." Spike thrust his head towards
Xander. "And me turning to dust is *not* the natural order of things!
Okay, maybe *you* dusting me is *natural* but yer lover boy and the
rest? Lower animals on the food chain, sweet slayer."

Xander didn't look up from his magazine. "I do it cause Buffy asked
me too, Spike. I'm more than willing to let you go to dust come next
sunrise. Oh! Looky here! Those god-awful platform shoes are on the
way out!" Xander dropped the COSMO he had been reading onto the
coffee table. "Can't be too soon for me! I'm tired of all the women
being taller than me!" He looked at Giles. "So what do I have to do,

"Stop calling me that. And take Spike to LA and get an object from
Angel that we need."

"What?!" The collective shout echoed around the room.

"Why can't *I* go? I'm-"

"Are you sure we should let *Spike* go to LA? -"

"Good plan. No need for Buffy to go to LA-"

"Is this th-the ri-right idea-"

"Why the hell do *I* have to go?!"

"I am *not* going to the pouf for *anything* let alone something that
will save the life of the *slayer*! *What* have you been tippin' back
along with yer tea, Watcher? And why haven't you shared it? I
thought we were mates, now! You've been holdin' back on the good

"Spike needs to go because the object we need can only be held by the
living dead. Xander, you go because you have the time to go. Buffy,
you can't go because you aren't *dead* and well, because I wont *let*
you go. Willow and Tara, you two are both alive and I need you two
here to help me, anyway. Riley. Well, Riley, I'd send *you* but I
think Spike would find some way to kill you despite the chip." Giles
looked at the group and smiled. "I hope that's all settled. Xander?
Spike? Please be careful. I'm almost sure you'll be followed. Try to
ah, loose the tail if you can. Once you reach Angle you should be
fine. He's expecting you and will have taken proper precautions. Oh,
and please do say hello to Cordelia for me. Give her my best." Giles
clapped his hands. "Well, then. We're all set. Xander and Spike,
you are to take my Honda. Crash it if you find that to necessary. I
find it most tiresome to drive." He looked at the group staring
blankly back at him, each and every one of them. He sighed. "Well!
Off with you!"

"*My* turn!" Xander declared with glee. He turned off the radio and
popped in a CD. The two had made a reasonable treaty. One hour of
music each. Was it Xander's fault that Giles new Honda came with a CD
player but no tape player and Spike had come loaded down with
cassettes? Nope. Not his fault at all.

Spike clenched his teeth, prepared to listen to an hour of the
BackDoor boys or some other such nonsense. He was pleasantly
surprised when Scott Strapp's deep voice came blasting out through the
speakers. "Ah. I *like* this. Creed. Do'ya have the new one?"

"Yes." Xander told him, a bit peeved at not having pissed the vampire

"Really?" Spike looked pleased, grieving Xander more. "What else
'ave you got with you?"

"I brought all *new* bands!" Xander told him. He had hoped that
Spike would only want to listen to *old* music, and not care for
anything modern.

"New bands. Fine. *Who*?"

"Um." Xander fumbled his CD wallet open, reading the names. "Third
Eye Blind, Matchbox 20, Stained, some other stuff."

"Spike glanced in the rearview mirror and asked, "What other stuff?"

"Oh, um, Nine Inch Nails, Bush, Limp Bizkit, stuff like that. Korn."

Spike switched lanes, keeping his eyes at the rearview mirror. "Bush!
I like Bush! And Korn! Well who doesn't like Korn? Play that next
would you? Even matchbox 20 is okay for a pop band. Better'n the
Spice Girls." Spike chuckled.

Spike being amused kind of creeped Xander a bit.

Xander slumped down in his seat. He *knew* he should have brought
some of his mother's Broadway show sound tracks. But no. He couldn't
have tolerated them, even if they did piss off Spike.

Spike swerved into the right lane abruptly, causing Xander to shift in
his seat. "Slow down, deadboy, jr.!"

Spike said nothing, but cut across two lanes of traffic without
signaling. He kept his eyes on the rearview mirror most of the time.
"I think the brain was right about the tail."

Xander craned his neck, turning in his seat to look back. "Really?
You think so?"

"Yes I think so. I also think that all the good James Bond movies,
that I'm *positive* you've watched, gave a clue about *not* turning
and waving a bloody hello to the tail!"

Xander turned back to the front and smiled. "You're right. My bad.
What are you going to do?" Xander asked as Spike cut across to the
left lanes without signaling. "Be sides kill us?"

Xander felt his heart speed up as Spike turned the car towards the
familiar DO NOT ENTER signs. "Spike! You *can't*! It's an exit!"

Spike grinned and gunned the engine, picking up speed. "Yeah, but it'
s night. Shouldn't be much traffic."

Xander clutched at his seat. "It's California! There's *all* ways

Spike swerved the car, ignoring the blaring horn of the car that had
been speeding towards them. "Yes. Why is that? Can't you bloody
Californian's stay home?" Spike weaved his way between three more
cars, horns blaring, and quickly turned the little Honda into highway
traffic. "See? Now we're all set! Just a couple of blokes driving
the night away."

Xander's heart still felt as if it was trying to push it's way out
through his stomach and throat. "You could have *killed* us!"

Spike spared Xander a glance. "Nah, pet. I could have killed *you*.
I would have walked away just fine, most likely!"

"Oh, sure! Now all we have to deal with is all the calls 911
reporting us!"


"I'm sure each and every car we passed has a phone. They've all
called 911 and the highway patrol on us!"

"Oh, right." Spike grinned at Xander and pulled the car to the
shoulder. He got out and Xander watched him as he bent over the front
of the car and then the back of the car. Spike seated himself back
into the driver's seat and tossed a bundle into Xander's lap.

"What's this?" Xander asked.

"Our *old* license plate numbers. Lets be truthful, here Xander. I
made a *damn* cool move. We don't have a tail any longer; the cops
aren't looking for us, and best of all? It was fucking *fun*! Fun is
good, boy, or didn't the slayer and watcher let you learn that?

Spike shot out into the moving traffic, not giving any signal or
warning. The car behind them blared its displeasure. Spike held up
his middle finger. "Fuck you too, mate!" Spike reached over and
turned up Creed so that the band was blaring out of all five speakers
at a deafening level.

Xander turned down the volume. Just a bit. He looked at Spike,
grinning his way through traffic. "I have *never* liked you, Spike.

Spike spared Xander a grin, before cutting across three lanes of fast
moving traffic. "Ah, that hurts me deeply, boy. Cause I have always,
deep down in my heart, cared for you. Really I have." Spike chuckled
and reached down, turning the music up even louder. "Ah, come on,
Xander, sweety! This is an adventure! Adventures are good! Really
they are!

Part Two

Spike slammed his fist against the horn. "Just what makes these
blokes think they *own* the road?" He sped up, passed the semi, and
moved in front of it, slowing down.

Xander worked his imaginary break and gas pedals. "I think it's the
fact that they weigh several tons and can crush us like bugs!"

Spike snickered. "Xander! I expect better from you. You should know
size doesn't matter, pet!" He patted the boy's thigh before punching
in the cigarette lighter. "Wheres'me smokes?"

Xander had turned around, wanting to see the semi as it ran over them.
Morbid, yes, but he couldn't help himself. He quickly turned back to
face Spike when the vampire started to grope his crotch. "*What* are
you doing?"

"Looking for my smokes! I asked you where they are!"

"The are *not* in my pants!"

"Good thing, that. Thought maybe they were in your *seat*, though,
luv." Spike quickly switched lanes again, buying himself time to
look. "Hold us steady." Spike let go of the steering wheel and
ducked down. Xander's heart stopped again but he grabbed the wheel.

Spike came up with a grin and a crushed pack of cigarettes.

Xander didn't speak. He couldn't. He was choking on his heart again.
The damn thing kept either stopping or getting lodged
in his throat. At least they were no longer in front of the pissed
off trucker.

Spike rolled down his window and flicked his lit butt out. Xander
followed the glowing tip, watching as it arched, got caught in the
wind and was swept into the driver's side window of the car behind
them. He watched, enthralled, as the driver began to frantically beat
at his head. The driver, his head now smoking, began to swerve.
Horns blared as the driver crossed over into the next lane. The
driver, his hair now on fire, over corrected and was hit by a fast
moving SUV as he careened into its lane. The smaller car, its driver
furiously beating at his flaming head, was sent spinning and crashing
into the sidewall. Xander let out the breath he'd been unaware of
holding, when the hair-on-fire driver stepped out, looking, well, if
not too happy, at least alive. He smiled when the man finally put out
his hair.

Spike glanced in the rear view mirror, muttering about the crazy
drivers. "Gimme the phone, Xander."

"Huh? Did you just see-"

"The phone, pet! Give me the bleedin' phone!"

"Oh! Right! Good idea!" Xander fumbled around until he came up with
the cell phone they had with them, handing it to Spike. Of course
they should call and report the accident. He didn't think of. It had
all happened so fast!

"Like a bloody lunatic! *That's* how he's driving! What do you mean,
where am I? I'm on the bloody highway about to be killed by one of
yer soddin' great trucks! Hold, on, yeah." Spike sped up, weaving in
and out of traffic until he was on the ass of the semi again. "All
right, then, the license plate number is. . ."

Spike rang off with an evil snicker. "Here, pet." He held the phone
out to Xander. When the mortal made no move to take it, Spike looked
his way. "Xander! What are you doing? Are you hyperventilating?
For chrissake, boy! What's wrong with you? Do you mean to suck every
bit o' fun out of this trip? It's only right that I reported that
driver! That's why they *have* the bloody HOW AM I DRIVING numbers!
I should've brought the slayer with me! Bigger knackers than you,
that one is sure to have. Here! Have some fresh air!"

Spike rolled down the windows and cranked up the music.

"You! You!" Xander began, gasping.

"Me? Me? What?"


"Yes *me*! Very good. Me *Spike*. You *Xan-der*. Can you say that
with me? Xan-der."

"You set a man on fire! You caused a wreck! You're trying to *kill*

"What are you blathering on about, whelp?"

"You. Set. A. Driver. On. *Fire*!"


"On fire! Back there! You set him on fire!"

"Now, just how did I do that?"

"With your cigarette! You threw a *lit* cigarette out the window and
it landed in someone's car! They wrecked!"

"Really? And I missed it? Why didn't you *tell* me! You *are*
trying to suck all the fun out of this trip!"

Xander made a strangling noise. Spike reached into his coat and came
out with a silver flask. He held it out to Xander with a grin.
"Here, Xander sweety. Have a nip. You've lost all your color."

Xander took a gulp, coughing. He took a few more, gasping. "I don't
like you, Spike."

Spike chuckled and patted his thigh. "Why don't you sleep the rest of
way, hum, pet? Won't be long now an' we'll be at the Pouf's, grab the
goods, rest up, and be back on our way, home to good ole' Sunnyhell!"

"*I'm* driving back, Spike."

"Um, yes. *That's* going to happen."

"I *am* driv-"


Surprisingly, Xander did. Or maybe he just passed out from all the
Scotch he'd downed.

Part Three  

Spike maneuvered the car into the slow lane, dropping his speed to 80
mph, steering with his knees. His hands were busy searching for the
cell phone he had dropped earlier; at least *one* was, the other was
holding the map across the steering wheel, and most of the front
window, obscuring his view. He was loath to wake Xander. The boy
could try the nerves of a Saint, and Spike was *no* Saint. His hand
latched onto the phone and he pulled it from beneath Xander's ass with
a triumphant grin. He batted the open map down in time to see the car
ahead of him practically *stopped*. He slammed on the brakes, his arm
going out to hold Xander in place. Hell! Couldn't *any* one drive

"Non drivin' lunatics!" He hit the horn. "Drive! We're on the
bloody highway!"

He punched in the numbers, one handed, and put the phone to his ear,
cradling it with his shoulder. His hand went to punch in the
cigarette lighter and fish out another smoke. When he heard the
greeting he replied in a sibilant voice, "Have you checked the

"Peaches! How'd ya know it was me?" Spike snickered into the phone,
lighting his fag. "What? That movie is a *classic*. He's calling
from the house! I loved it! So where ya at? Um. Yes. I know it.
Don't suppose I've time to cruise through Beverly Hills, eh? Yeah.
The sun. Oh, very funny. If I go poof while driving, little Xander
might be a bit upset. What? He's sleeping. No! Terrible passenger!
He's *fine*. I'm looking at him right now! No, I do *not* have his
head in my lap and his body in the trunk! All though, that does-Oh!
What? I'm a *brilliant* driver! Never had an accident! Ha! Say, I
know this area! Isn't this where I had you tor-um, so? Got a good
price, did you, then? Peaches? You there? Angel? Um. Yes, well.
Won't be long now. Must ring off. Not safe to drive and talk you
know." Spike hit 'end' and tossed the phone into the back seat. He
crumpled the map up and tossed it over his shoulder as well. Time to
watch for his exit.


"Xany." Xander ignored the sing song voice. "Xaaannderrrr."

"Um. No. Don' wanna wake up."

"Come on, Xany. Wakey, wakey."

"Umm, It's a teacher conference day, no school."


"I'm on the late shift."


"I've been fired. Don' have to get up."


Xander's head lifted with a jolt. "What? Shit! What?" He looked
over at a grinning Spike. He'd never seen the vampire grin so much,
and damn if it wasn't starting to give him the creeps. He blinked his
tired eyes, and yawned.
"Oh. Right. So. Are we there yet?" He looked out the window at the
unfamiliar and dark streets.

"Just about, pet. And all in one piece, too. Reach back there and
hand me the phone, will you, luv?"

"I don't wanna take off my seatbelt."

"Oh fer chrissake! Look about! Not a car insight! Get me the

Xander checked the streets for cars and pedestrians and stray animals
and potholes. Thoroughly. He undid his seatblet, reached over,
snagged the phone and buckled himself back in with lightning quick
moves. He held the phone out to Spike. "Here."

"Xander! I don't believe I've ever seen you move so quickly!"

"Yeah, well, my life was in danger."

"I've seen you in mortal danger, pet; I've *placed* you in mortal
danger, and still, I've never seen *those* moves." Spike chuckled,
taking the phone and hitting redial.

"Can you feel me? I'm close." Spike whispered into the phone. "I
feel *you*. You're so close."

"Do we *really* have time for the phone sex thing?" Xander asked.

Spike turned the corner and the car headlights picked up Angel,
standing outside a darkened building, phone to his ear.

"Oooo, I *see* you. All sexy-like, in your leather. You know I like
leather, don't ya baby?" Spike pointed at Angel and turned to Xander.
"Look, up ahead, in the distance, in the black, it's BATVAMP!" He
went back to talking into the phone. "You know what *I'm* wearing,
sugar? Hum? What do you want me to wear?"

Angel closed the phone and put it in his pocket.

Spike pulled up beside him, still talking into the phone. "Sugar?
Baby? I think my batphone died!" Spike parked and Xander jumped out
of the car, running to greet Angel.

"Deadboy! Good to see you!" Xander wrapped his arms around Angel and
gave the surprised vampire a hug. "Angel!" He yelled out. He placed
his mouth close Angel's ear and whispered. "Don't make me get back
into the car with him, please don't! I'll do *any*thing! Just don't
make me get back in the *car*!"

"Xander, uh, hi." Angel put his arms around the boy, patting his back

Wesley stepped out of the building and Xander pushed away from Angel,
going to the ex-watcher. "Wesley! Wes, my man! How've you been?
How's things?" Xander gave Wesley a hug also, startling the man into
a stumble. "Wes, what say? Can I borrow plane fare home from you?
Pay you back, swear." Xander whispered into his ear.

"Xander! You slut! Quit throwing yerself at the hired help! I'll
get jealous!" Spike said, coming from the car. He walked up to Angel
and held out his arms. "Give us a hug, then, Daddy."

Part Four  

"Oh, come on! Don't be shy!" Spike stepped close and wrapped his
arms around his Sire. He lifted him up and planted a smacking kiss on
Angle's cheek, before dropping the older vampire back on his feet.
"*Gosh*, but I've missed you Angle!" He kept has hands on Angle's
shoulders and stepped back. "You've *grown* so, sweets! So, um,
*broody* and *wide*!" He slapped Angle's shoulders. "Oh, but wait.
You've been broody and wide for awhile, now, haven't you? Not that
that's not working for you-the whole broody, wide thing, I mean-looks
good on you, too!" Spike winked at his stone-faced-closed-mouth Sire.
"Well, then. It's the hair, right? *Much* more spiky than usual, isn
't it? Is that for me, then, pet? Cause you *know* I love spikes,
don't ya, pop?" Spike again winked at a speechless Angle, reaching a
hand up to pat Angle on his heavily gelled hair.

Angle batted Spike's hand away, stepping back from Spike with a frown.
"Spike. Glad to see you made it."

Spike placed a hand to his forehead and the other over his heart. He
bent his knees, pretending to swoon. "Angel! Stop! You'll *slay* me
with such talk!" He simpered, his voice a high falsetto. He glanced
over at Wesley and Xander.

"Hey! You! Defunct-watcher! Get your hands off my Xander! What's
with you?" Spike shouted.

"Oh!" Wesley pulled away from Xander, stumbling again. "I- I'm sorry!
Didn't mean to offend."

Angle cocked his head at him "*Your* Xander?"

Xander glared at him. "*Your* Xander?"

"Yes! What? Have you all gone deaf? *My* Xander!" Spike stepped
away from Angle and went to Xander, engulfing the young man in a hug.

Pulling away, Spike reached over and pinched the flustered boy's
cheek. "I feel all responsible like towards him. Protective, even.
I plan to keep him safe, I do." He wrapped an arm around Xander's
shoulders and grinned at Angle.

"Sun's coming up boss, are they here yet? Xander! And Spike! Spike
and Xander wrapped in each other's arms. Oh. What's up with that?
No one told me *that* was something I'd have to see! A little
*warning* would be nice, people!"

Xander pulled away from Spike. "Cordy! Good to see you!" Xander

Spike all but shoved the flustered boy from his arms, as he dashed to
Cordelia, wrapping her in his arms. "Cordelia! Pet! You look
*fabulous* Ab-so-lut-ly fabulous! Well, yes, you do look a bit thin.
Don't waste away on me, pet!"

"Oh! Um, Spike! Hello!" She pulled back to look at him. "You can't
bite now, right?" She looked to Angle. "He *can't* bite now, can

"No, pet. More's the pity. I'd just love to sink my, um, fangs into
you, sweetling."

"Oh! Well!" Cordy gave the blonde vampire a not-too-close hug,
smiling. "Do you really think I'm too thin?" She grinned, greatly
pleased with that concept.

"Less of you is less for me, pet. But as always, a special treat for
the eyes."

Cordy giggled. "And Xander! Xander. How've you been?" Cordy held
out her hand. Miffed, for reasons he didn't want to think about,
Xander grabbed her up into a bear hug, burying his face into her neck.
"Oh!" Cordy yelped, wiggling her feet and giggling. "Xander! Cut it
out. Put me down!"

"Yes, Xander, do put her down." Spike snarled.

"Well. Hugs all around. Hellos said. Sun's coming up. I suggest we
get inside." Angle intoned.

Spike snatched Xander's hand, pulling him close. "Lead the way,

Angle walked into the building, followed by Wesley and Cordelia.
Spike stopped Xander when he made his way to follow. "You know, pet,
Angle has always fancied you. He might just be thinking now's his
chance to have a go at you."

Xander laughed. "What? Are you nuts, Spike? What the hell are you
talking about? Angel has always been in love with Buffy. Even *you*
know that!"

Spike snorted, waving away that argument with a dismissive arch of his
hand. "I didn't say his was in *love* with you, did I? I just said
he's always *fancied* you. There *is* a difference, pet. Him lovin'
the slayer wouldn't stop him from wantin' to *shag* you! He *is* a
vampire, you know, soul or no. He wants you, pet. I can tell these

"No." Xander gulped. "You-you're wrong! Angle doesn't want me. You
*are* nuts!"

Spike sighed, dropping his head and shaking it. Actually he was
biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. When he was
sure his grin wouldn't break through, he lifted up his head to look
into Xander's eyes. His face and tone were grave when he continued.
"Yes, pet. He wants you. Always has. Good Lord, but the plans he
had for you back when he was Angelus! Lets just say his ideas were
*not* suitable for younger audiences!"

Xander gulped. Spike bit his lip this time.

"Really? You're not just messing with me?"

"Pet! Why would I do that? What would I have to gain?" He patted
Xander's shoulder. "Tell you what. I'll help you out, just to keep
myself in shelter and blood and all that, you know, you can put in a
good word with Giles and the slayer, let them know I helped you out in
your time of need. We'll just pretend to be a couple. You'll be
safe, then. Angle is *much* too souled and goody goody to poach on
another man's, uh, man."

It was Xander's turn to snort. "Oh right! After the whole 'O, Cordy,
you're almost to thin for me to fuck!' routine, I doubt he'd believe
*we* are a couple!"

Spike snickered. "Don't be jealous, pet!"

"I am *not*-"

Spike cut him off. "Angle knows I'm an incurable flirt. It's all
part of my irresistible charm."

"You are *not* irresistible, Spike."

"Humph! Am too! I've yet to be resisted."

"No. Really, you are-" Xander was cut off by a heavy hand upon his
shoulder. He turned to look into the concerned eyes of Angel.

"Xander? Are you okay? Is Spike bothering you? Come inside with me
now." Angle slid his hand down Xander's shoulder to grab his upper
arm and draw him inside. He didn't notice how Xander stiffened.

What was this? Did Angle's hand *linger*? His thumb was *rubbing*
his arm! Maybe Spike was right! Xander's brain worked out the horrid
possibilities of Angle *wanting* him.

"What? No! Spike and I were just talking. He was-"

"Oh, go on and tell him, pet! Xander was a bit upset with me flirting
with the beauty queen. So jealous, this one!" Spike said, following
the pair into the building.

Angle's hand tightened on Xander's arm, causing the boy to panic and
pull away. He grinned at Angle, nervously. "Yeah! I was. Jealous,
I mean. But it's nothing!" He wrapped his arm around Spike. "I know
my little Spikey-poo only has eyes for me."

Angle gasped and Spike sputtered.

Angle stopped walking, turning to face Xander. "Xander? Are you and
Spike, uh, um-"

"Yep! We're a couple. Lovers. My little *Xany-poo* is quite
possessive, he is."

Soul-full brown eyes looked upon Xander. "Xander?" Angle questioned.

Christ! Were they disappointed? Those eyes were disappointed!
Jealous? Envious, maybe? Oh, god. Spike was right! Xander's
brain was working over time.

"Do the others know about this? I can't imagine them being-"

"No!" Xander yelped.

"No!" Spike shouted. "Not yet anyway. And don't you be thinking you
need to run off and *tattle* to them, Sire. I've enough to deal with,
what with my little Xany-poo, here, being shy. He's not ready for his
little friends to know about us, are you Xany?"

Xander kept a watchful eye on Angel. "Nope. Not yet. But soon."
Xander leaned back against Spike. He was leaning away from Angle,
really, but with Spike behind him, grinning and wrapping an arm around
Xander's waist, giving his Sire a silent snicker, it *looked* like a
lover's snuggle.

Angle shook his head again. "No. I won't be telling anyone. Come

Xander let the dark haired vampire walk a few steps ahead of them
before following. He turned his head to give Spike a wide-eyed look.

"I *told* you, pet." Spike whispered. He gave a face splitting grin
when Xander turned away and followed Angle. He even skipped a bit.
Oh yes, Spike was going to have *fun* this trip!

The two followed Angle until they were in the large main room, where
Cordelia and Wesley awaited them.

"So then." Spike began. "Where's our, uh, *thing*?

"What?" Wesley, Cordelia and Angle asked.

"The *thing*! Where's it at? We're supposed to pick up the
slayer-saving thing and go home! So, come on, give it!"

Angle cracked a smile. An evil one. "It's not here, Spike. We have
to go get it."

"Well, fine. Go get it. What? You have it squirreled away in your
mattress with your cash, pet?

Again with the evil-Angle smile. *Not* a pretty sight, that. "No,
*pet*, it's in the middle of a nest of Bleathvore demons. You and I
have to go and get it." Angel crossed his arms over his chest and
smiled at Spike. The evil smile.

"What? Call my Watcher, this instant! He didn't say *any*thing about
any Bleathvore demons!"

"Your *watcher*, Spike?" Angle snickered.

"What's a Bleathvore demon?" Xander asked, taking a seat.

"*Nasty* things, pet! Slimey! Long reaching tentacles! *Stinging*
tentacles! Stinging, blood sucking, tentacles. Most godawful shade
of green you've ever seen! Smelly as hell, too! I am *not* messing
around with any Bleathvore demons to save a bleeding slayer!"

Xander looked over at Angle. "Do *I* have to help go get this thing?"

Angel gave Xander a smile.

Just what the hell kind of smile *was* that, anyway? Melting?
Indulgent? *Melting*. It was melting! Xander's brain worked out.

"No, Xander. It's too dangerous for you. I want you to stay here,
where it's safe."

Ack! Concern. *Way* too much concern!

"I'll just take Spike with me. We'll be fine, I'm sure." The
evil-Angle smile for Spike.

"Um. This will be tough? Scary, maybe? *Deadly* possibly?" Xander
asked. Xander had stopped thinking about Angle's lust for him as he
began remembering his car trip. Car trip with Spike behind the wheel.
Spike behind the wheel trying to kill him.

Angle chuckled. "A little scary, sure. Deadly? Well I hope not."

Xander smiled at Spike. "Well, then. Sound's like an *adventure* for
you Spikey-poo. You go enjoy yourself. Slay lots of demons. Have
fun. I'll miss you. Bye, now." Xander sat back on the sofa, placing
his feet on the coffee table.

"*Spikey-poo*?" Cordelia asked.

"Yep. My little Spikey-poo. We're an item. He's going off to slay
the demons while I stay here and watch TV with you and Wes. It'll be
an adventure for him. He likes those. What's on anyway? Got a TV
Guide? Got any pop corn?"

Part Five  

Cordelia moaned and clutched at her head. Angel and Wesley rushed to
her side, leading her to a chair in the nearly empty room.

"Is it a vision?" Wesley asked, worried.

"Yes! I just got a visual of Xander and Spike together! I don't feel
well! Ack! I need a happy place to go to!"

"Oh. Yes, well, how about the beach? On a lovely warm day? Humm?"
Wesley offered.

Cordelia removed her hands from her face long enough to mutter, "Oh,
nice. Naked Xander and Spike doing nasty things to each other and
*me* with skin cancer."

Xander glanced over at her. "How about the mall?" He offered.

Cordelia continued to clutch her head. "Better! The mall, yes!"

"The shoe store!" Angel threw out.

"30 to 70 percent off the entire stock!" Xander chimed in again,
getting into the game.

"Oo. Yes. Nice. Getting better."

"*You* in nothing but stiletto heels, between me an' Xan, and we're
all *naked*," Was Spike's offering.

"Aaagh!!!! Bad! Bad!"

Angel slapped Spike across his head. "What? Now *that's* a *happy*

"Just go back to the shoe sale, Cordy." Angel told her, rubbing her

"Ah, Angel?" Xander was looking away from the distressed Cordelia and
towards the wall in front of him. And then to all the walls around
him. The *empty* walls. He was comfy, happily seated on the sofa,
already ignoring Cordelia, but where the TV should be was.nothing!
"Where's the TV? Watching TV is a happy place."

Cordelia lifted her head and removed her hands from her eyes, to glare
at Xander. "Okay! It's *my* happy place! *You* go find your mental
mall!" Xander told her.

Angel settled Cordelia and came to kneel before Xander, placing a hand
upon his knee. "There's no TV, Xander. We lost everything in the
explosion. We're, well, starting over. A TV wasn't really on the top
of my list of things to rush out and replace."

Xander pulled his knee from beneath Angel's hand and scooted over a
bit. "So what you're saying is, there's *no* TV. Is that right?"

Angel smiled. "Yes. Sorry."

"Oh! Well great! I don't suppose you have any *popcorn* either?"

"Um, no. We have popcorn. Cordelia likes it."

"Um, yes. I have a case in the kitchen, next to the microwave."
Cordeila told them, seemingly having found her happy place.

"You bought a *microwave* before you bought a TV? What's wrong with
you people?" Xander demanded, truly astonished. "Fine. I'll go slay
demons with you and Spike!"

"Xany? Babe?" Spike simpered.

"What, Spikey-poo?" Xander gritted.

"The sun's up! *And* I'm tired! Had a long drive. Need rest. The
effin' Bleathvores will just have to wait. Peaches? Got a room for me
and my Xany-poo?"

"Um. Well, no, I don't."

Spike looked around and threw his arms out wide. "There is no room in
this entire bleeding city block big ass warehouse you have here? Not
a one, peaches?"

"Couch is fine!" Xander began, "If fact, wh-"

"Not *one* room?" Spike demanded, cutting Xander off.

"Plenty of rooms, Spike. Just no furniture in the rooms." Cordeila
told the irate vampire.

"Don't need furniture; just a *room*!"

"I thought maybe we could get some research started. I know where the
Bleathvores *might* be, but I'm not certain. Plus, I think we need
some more information on them before we confront them. Cordy, why don
't you check the Internet."

"Oh, and of *course* you have a computer all set up, eh? Shall we
surf on over to bleathvore dot com? Visit their website? Check out
the links on how to kill and steal from them? They *are* scavengers
and pack rats. Maybe they have their stock listed on the website, eh?
Is that the plan?"

"You got a *computer* before you got a TV?" Xander asked.

Angel rolled his eyes and gave Spike his evil smile. He ignored
Xander. "Spike, there is a lot of useful information on the

"Yeah. Weirdoes, perverts, and creeps. I'm sure they post *lots* of
useful information on their Bleathvore sites. Where's the phone? *I'
ll* ring my-*the* bleedin' watcher! *Giles* will have the information
we need! He has *books*!"

"Good idea, Spike. Why don't I run out and get you a TV, Angel? You
got room for a 50 incher in here, at the very least. Cordy? What say
we hit the mall, help your boss out while they do the research thing?"

Angel looked at Xander with pained eyes. "I'm not sure I want
something that big, Xander."

"Ah, come on! The bigger the better!" He blushed. "Um, I mean, when
it comes to TV's! Big is good. For a television."

"Well, I guess you and Cordy could-"

"Get me the bleedin' *phone*! Why can't I get a phone when I want
one! I left my batphone in the car!"

"Come with me, grumpy." Cordelia led Spike into what he presumed to
be the kitchen. It had a sink, a fridge, and a microwave. And maybe
that thing in the wall was an oven. Could be. Oh, and a case of
microwave pop corn on the counter. Yep. Kitchen.

He snatched up the phone hanging on the wall and dialed Giles' number.

"Sneaky fuck, you! You didn't say there would be Bleathvores! Oh,
yes, I guess you *did* forget that part! We made it fine. Sorry,
maybe I'll crash on the way home. No. Not a scratch! Shut yer gob
about that! Gimmie everything you know on the bleedin' Bleathvores!
Peaches wants some more info on the slimy devils. Well, sure. Ocean.
Yeah. Collectors. I *know* that! *Stinging*, watcher! They have
*stinging* blood sucking tentacles, ya daft fool! No! I'm calling
just to hear yer pretty voice! Yes! I want your help! Hey! You
want *my* help! The bloody slayer can get all gobbled up for all I
care! No need for threats! I'm here aren't I? Ready to lend my dead
hands! Uh, huh? Yeah. Really? *Really*? Well, I've never heard
that one before! Um, yes. Uh huh. Interesting. Yeah. Hold on."
Spike placed his hand over the mouthpiece and called out for Cordelia.


"Got a pad and pen?"

"Sure, wait a sec." Cordy came back with the requested items.

"Watcher? Repeat all that, slowly, sos the beauty queen can take it
all down." Spike handed her the phone. "Here ya go, luv. He's lots
of good stuff for you. Be a pet and write it down, wont you? I need
to get back to my Xander."

Cordy glared at Spike's retreating back. "Giles? Yes. Hold on!
Wait, how do you spell that?"

Part Six  

"Cordelia is gettin' the information from Giles. *Real* information."
Spike told the others. He gave Angel a stern look. "Now I want a
*room*." He smiled. Beautifully. He walked over to the couch,
picking up Xander's hand. He sighed. Dramatically. "I want to
sleep. I need my little Xany with me." He leaned down, giving Xander
a bussing kiss on the lips. "I just can't sleep without the boy
anymore. Call me crazy, but I'm in love." He fluttered his eyelashes
at Angel.

Xander choked on his breath. "Ah, *honey*." Xander gave Spike's hand
a hard squeeze. He'd have broken bones had it not been a vampire's
hand; Spike just smiled down at him and raised their clasped hands to
his lips, kissing Xanders'. "I was going to go out and buy Angel a
nice TV. You know I love my TV, *sweetums*." Another hard squeeze,
useless as the first.

"He can buy his own TV on his *own* time. We're here to get the, um,
*thing*. Whatever the bloody hell it is. An' seeing as how I'll have
to battle Bleathvores for it, I need some rest. No time for telly,

"Well," Wesley stood. "I've a perfectly good room here, *with*
furniture." He smiled. "Well, a bed and chair, at least. You two
are more than welcome to it. I won't be needing it any time soon. I'
ll have to see to the research and such. I'm not certain the type of
weapons needed to vanquish Bleathvores, but I'll look into. See what
Giles has to say."

"Wesley, you don't have to give up your room to Spike." Angel stated,
standing big and wide, arms across his chest. "Spike can help with
the research."

"Wes, you don't have to-"

"Splendid!" Spike cut Xander off and ignored his Sire. "Can't quite
put you to all the horrible things I've heard about you, mate. You
seem a fine chap, really. Show us to your room." Spike gave a smile
Angel's way and pulled Xander up.

"Spike, really. I've known you to be up for *days* at a time. Why
this sudden need for rest?" Angel asked.

Spike waggled his brows, grinning and holding up his and Xander's
clasped hands. "I *need* some *rest* Peaches!"

"Well, I'm not tired at all, and I think Angel *needs* me to go buy
him a decent television!"

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes. "Still so innocent, despite all I'
ve done to and taught him!" Spike turned, slid his hands into Xander'
s hair, cupping his head, and kissed him. He thrust his tongue into
Xander's open mouth. Spike moved his hands to Xander's shoulders and
pulled the boy close as his tongue slid along Xander's, reaching up to
tickle the roof of Xander's mouth. He pulled back to smile at the
dazed boy. His smile went to Wesley. "Lead on."

"Um. Yes of course. Follow me." Wesley started and Spike followed,
leading Xander along by his hand.

"Here you are. Perhaps I should get some fresh sheets-"

"No need. Thanks so much. We'll strip the bed. Bye." Spike pulled
Xander into the room and shut the door in Wesley's face.

"Well, *that* one is perfect company for Peaches!" Spike took off his
duster and threw it on the chair.

"You!" Xander gasped, finally finding his voice.

Spike sat on the bed and began unlacing his boots. "Yep. *Me*. This
again, pet? Me Spike, you Xander. Thought we covered this already."
He stood, bootless, and began undoing his jeans.


"Yep, me." Spike drew his shirt over his head and pushed down his
jeans, stepping out of them. He lay on the bed, naked, and patted the
spot next to him. "Lay down, Xany."

"You *kissed* me! And now you're *naked*! Why the *hell* are you

"I'm seducing you, Xander. Get with the program, pet." Spike patted
the spot next to him again. "Come, on. Be a luv and lay down. Oh,
yeah, take off yer clothes first. That be quicker."

Xander giggled. He *started* with giggles and quickly made his way to
full on guffaws. "Spike! Cut it out! We're alone! Game's over."

Spike gave a very put upon sigh. "Fine, Xander. Make it hard on me."
Spike rolled off the bed and walked to Xander. He stood before him
and looked into his eyes. "I *am* going to have you, pet." He
waggled his eyebrows, causing Xander to start giggling again.

"What?! Spike! What's wrong with you? Spike?"

Spike pressed his naked body to Xanders and kissed him again. Hard.
Nothing tentative about Spike's kiss. His tongue thrust in, claiming
Xanders, as his hands went to Xander's jeans. Xander was unbuttoned
and unzipped before he could catch a breath. He jeans and boxers were
pushed down and over his ass, falling to gather at his knees, and
Spike was cupping his naked ass in seconds, pulling the boys pelvis
against his naked hardness. Spike moved his mouth from Xander's mouth
to his ear, biting and suckling at the earlobe. "Come on, Xander.
Just a bit o' fun for us. Fun is good." Spike whispered into Xander'
s ear, reaching down and taking hold of Xander's flaccid cock. He
began rubbing it as he suckled Xander's earlobe. Spike trailed his
cool tongue from Xander's ear to his throat, stopping to suckle at the
juncture of neck and shoulder. He pulled away to quickly pull Xander'
s T-shirt over his head, tossing it over his shoulder. Spike reached
back down to Xander's growing erection. "Just all part of the
adventure, sweets."

"But-," Xander began.

"Shh." Spike maneuvered Xander to the bed, pushing him down upon it.

"I don't want-"

"Shh." Spike knelt down and removed Xander's shoes. He pulled the
jeans off and pushed Xander down, coming on the bed and astride
Xander. He smiled down into Xander's confused eyes. "You'll be fine,
pet. Don't *think* anymore. Just feel, luv. Open your mouth"

Xander did. Open his mouth. To vocalize his adamant protest, he was
sure, but Spike's tongue was in his mouth and down his throat before
he could get a word out. And his hands! His hands were doing all
kinds of horrible-*wonderful*-things to his body and they robbed him
of his ability to speak. To protest. To shout out "no!" And he
would have. Of course he would have, but how could he talk when Spike
was sucking and biting at his nipples like that? And Spike's finger
was in his mouth and he was sucking on it, drawing the digit deep into
his throat, and loving the feel of it as it pressed down on his
tongue. And Spike's hand-that evil, demonic, *wonderful* hand, was
working at his cock like a dream come true, and Spike's mouth was
sliding cool fire down his chest to his navel and suckling it!
Swirling his tongue around it! So, really, all he could do was moan
and thrust his cock into the hand that held it, and *GOD* now into the
cool mouth that engulfed it! *All* of it, and Jesus, *yes*. But that
felt so *good*! Xander could only whimper in protest when the mouth
left, but it came *back*, and a cool hand was holding on to and
cupping so sweetly at his balls and JESUS, but a wet finger was
sliding into his ass now, and oh my God, what was it *doing*? Don't
*stop* doing that, please don't stop. Hands, and mouth, and murmurs,
and, God! It all felt so good! And then Spike was over him, smiling
down at him, and he felt a burning and a tearing and a pushing and it
hurt but it felt *good*, so good, and Xander was pushing back against
it and still it hurt but hurt so good and *more*, please. More, oh
yes, fuck me, fuck me. And God yes! And the cool hand still working at
his cock, and the fullness thrusting into him and now a cool mouth and
tongue working at *his* mouth. *With* his mouth. Tongue sliding in
and taking over. Xander's hands went to Spike's shoulders, holding
the vampire close as he was fucked and licked and jacked. Xander was
mindless with pleasure, whimpering, moaning, begging, and clawing at
Spike's back. And then he was cumming. *Too* soon, shooting himself
across their stomachs, sealing them together, wrapping his arms and
legs around Spike, thrilling in Spike's shout of completion and the
cool jetting of Spike into his depths. Xander kept himself wrapped
tightly around the cool body of the vampire over him, listening to his
soft purrs, for several minutes-hours. He didn't know.

And then he was breathing again. Panting, really. Dizzy, because he
hadn't taken a breath since that mouth had taken his cock all the way
down into its cool tight depths, he was sure. Had *any* thing ever-in
this world-felt so wonderful? Had *he* ever felt so wonderful as he
did right now? Jesus! *Spike* had made him feel like this! What
should he say? What should he do? What did this make him? He placed
his still shaking hands on Spike's shoulders.

"Spike?" He whispered, tentatively.

Spike snuggled his body closer. Xander heard a soft snore. The
vampire was asleep.

Part Seven

"Spike?" Xander whispered a little louder.

Not even a snore. He really was *asleep*. Xander pushed at the
vampire's shoulder. He was rewarded with a snore this time. Soft,
sure, but a snore none the less.

"Well, hell!" Xander was *bubbling* with energy and confusion. He
wanted to talk. He wanted to hash this out. He wanted to. . .

He wanted to do it again!

How could you have mind blowing sex and just fall asleep?! He

Should he wake him?



*Yes*, Xander thought.

He'd wake him.

He'd go get a drink of something and *then* he'd wake him.

Yep. Good plan. Xander pushed the sleeping vampire off of him.
Spike rolled over, lying flat on his back, but didn't flutter an
eyelash. Xander gave a disgusted snort and sat up. Water. He was
thirsty. Mind blowing sex will sometimes do that to you. He reached
for his jeans and shoved them on. He gave the sleeping vampire a
dirty look and headed towards the door.

Once opening it he ran into Angel.

"Xander." Angel placed a hand on Xander's shoulder, squeezing it.
Doing that *thumb* thing again! "Are you okay? You look- well you

"'Well and thoroughly fucked' is the phrase you're looking for, Angel,
and he does." Cordelia chimed in, coming down the hallway. "And can
I just and a heartfelt 'yuck'? 'Cause, *yuck*! It's *not* I sight I'
ll be putting in my happy places and sites to revisit, let me tell
you!" She narrowed her eyes at Xander. "Where's grumpy?"

Xander blinked. "Um, Spike is asleep."

Cordelia snorted. "Yeah, I bet. *We're* researching like crazy and
you two are doing nasty naked things to each other. Fairness is
lacking, here."

"Spike's tired! He hasn't slept-" Xander began, defending the vampire
he was pissed off at.

Angel squeezed Xander's shoulder again, moving his body in front of
him. Close.

"But are you okay, Xander? He didn't, um, he didn't *hurt* you did

Xander coughed, backing away. "Um, no! Of course he di-"

"Oh, Angel, please. If *that* look is hurt, then sign me up for some
of that kind of pain! And forget I just said that! Come on! I've
found something." Cordelia began pulling Angel away, but the
vampire's eyes stayed on Xander's, concerned. "What was it you
needed, Xander? Can I get you anything?"

"Um, no. I'm fine. I was thirsty, but I'm not. Um, I'm not anymore.
I'm okay. You go on."

Angel raised his eyebrows as Cordelia continued to pull him away. "We
have juice. Would you like some juice?"

"No! No. Really, I'm fine. I need to talk to Spike, anyway. We'll
be out, soon."

"Well, let's *hope* so!" Was Cordelia's parting shot, as she led
Angel down and out of the hallway.

Xander backed up; keeping his eyes on Angel as his hand went behind
him and opened the door.

Man! He really had it bad for him, didn't he? Xander's brain

Xander went back into the room, closing the door behind him and turned
to look at Spike. He walked to the bed and plopped down upon it. He
scooted his body close to Spike's and slammed his fist down upon the
vampires' chest.

Spike's eyes opened. He blinked, coming awake. "You just hit me,

Xander glared down at Spike. "Yes."

"Um, thought you might have." Spike rubbed the spot where Xander had
socked him. "You know, it says a lot about the affection I hold for
you that I'm not trying to rip your lungs out."

Xander continued to glare down at him. He snickered. "Not really.
You *can't* rip my lungs out, remember?"

"Um, yeah." Spike reached a hand up to rub across his eyes and down
his face. "True, pet, but I didn't even *try* did, I?" He yawned.
"So what's this about, then, you hitting me as I slumber? And don't
think I'm not *wanting* to rip yer lungs out about it." Spike
grinned, belying his words.

"You!" Xander sputtered.

"Damn it, Xander! We've *done* this! Me Spike, you Xander! I want
to slee-"

"You went to sleep after we, uh, after we-"

Spike grunted. "Shagged, pet. After we *shagged*. And a good
shagging it was, eh?" He grinned up at Xander.

Xander sputtered and brought his fist down again. Spike grabbed it
and rolled them over, coming to rest over the flustered youth. "*What
's* got yer knickers in a twist?" Spike asked, truly confused.
"What? We had a good shag, right? Now we sleep!"

"No! Now we have to talk! Now I have to know what you were doing
with me! Now I have to know if you're-"

Spike placed a hand across Xander's mouth and nodded his head. "Ah.
I get it. You-"

"And I went out to get a drink of water and Angel was all over me!"

"*What*? What? Angel was all over you?"

"Yes!" Xander told him. "He wanted to know if you hurt me and if I
was oka-"

"If I *hurt* you? What does the pouf think I'm doing to you? Oh! He
thinks he can just move on you, once I've got you all primed! He can
just think a-"

"Huh?" Xander asked.

Spike blinked. "Um, I mean to say, he's just hoping to catch you at a
vulnerable moment, pet. And you go off all half-cocked 'cause I'm
sleepy. How does that look?" Spike leaned down and kissed Xander.
He thrust his tongue into the dark eyed boy's mouth and swept it in,
tasting and tantalizing. He pulled back, pleased to see the eyes
looking back at him, dazed. "I *like* you Xander. You are important
to me. You're special." Spike kissed Xander again and then lay his
head down on Xander's chest, hoping to go back to sleep.

Xander socked him in the head. "Oh, very nice. That would make me
feel *much* better *if* I was still a freshman in high school and you
just stole my virginity!"

Spike groaned but didn't raise his head. "What? It's not universal?
I like you. You're important to me. I won't tell my friends. I won'
t tell your friends. I want to see you again. Besides, pet, while I
might have *snacked* on, or *killed* you, I certainly wouldn't have
wanted to *shag* you when you were a freshman! I'm not Angel,

Xander bit down on Spike's shoulder. He drew blood.

Spike chuckled, truly amused. He lifted his head. "What?" He smiled
down at Xander. "Come on, Xany, can't we sleep? I really *do* have
to battle Bleathvores, you know. I need to rest up for that. And the
shagging really was important to me. You're mine now. All mine,
sealed with bodily fluids." Spike rocked his body against Xander's.

"Yes, but, I-"

Spike sighed and cut Xander off with a kiss. He reached his hand down
to Xander's jeans and undid them. Spike looked at Xander. "Note for
future reference: If I put you to bed naked? *Stay* naked." He told
the boy, shoving Xander's jeans down.

"Oh! You can't just start fuc-"

Spike reached down and pulled out Xander's cock. He held and caressed
it, kissing Xander's responsive mouth. "Um, maybe you can." Xander
mumbled as Spike pulled away and thrust a finger into his mouth,
sliding his body down, and engulfing Xander's hardening cock into his
cool mouth. Spike took all of Xander down his throat and began
running his tongue across Xander's already tightened sac.

"Oh, god, Spike. Yes! I'm sorry. What ever I said to you, I'm sorry
and i take it back!"

Spike grinned around his mouthful of Xander. He let Xander's cock
fall from his mouth and raised up. He shushed the boy's protests and
pulled Xander's jeans from him, tossing them to the floor, coming up
and laying next to the youth. "Kiss me, pet." Spike commanded,

Xander did, placing his lips tentatively to the vampire's cool ones.
Spike's mouth opened and Xander plunged his tongue inside, thrilling
at the taste. Xander's hand went to Spike's face, cupping his cheek
and holding him still, as his tongue and lips explored and savored
Spike as he would a particularly good piece of chocolate. His hand
began to roam across Spike's chest, his thumb stopping to rub at a
nipple. Xander moved his mouth from Spike's, sliding down his cheek
to his neck, leaving a wet trail. Xander suckled and nuzzled, licked
and bit his way down Spike's body, until he was able to draw a beaded
nipple into his mouth.

"Nice, pet." Spike murmured as his hands came up to slide into Xander
's hair.

Xander let out a incoherent sound and continued to lick his way down
Spike's body. When he reached the vampire's erection, he took it in
hand and ran his tongue across the weeping head, savoring the taste of
Spike. Spike let out a moan, and Xander took the tip into his mouth,
running this tongue around it.

"Good, pet. More."

Xander nodded his head, Spike still in his mouth, and pushed the cock
deeper inside of him. He let his tongue cup the underside of Spike's
cock as he bobbed his head, sucking and tasting. Xander gripped Spike
harder, his thumb running along the thick vein, as he continued
sucking the vampire deep into his mouth.

"Ah, yes, pet. Lovely. More."

The slurred, pleasure filled words, thrilled Xander and he increased
his pace.

"Umm. I'm gonna cum soon, luv"

Xander nodded his head vigorously, wanting to taste Spike.


Xander placed his unoccupied hand across Spike's mouth and sucked the
vampire's cock deeper into his mouth. Spike sucked two of Xander's
fingers into his mouth and matched Xander's sucking rhythm. Xander
would have grinned if he could have, instead, he continued sucking and
jacking Spike into the hot depths of his mouth. Spike gave a shout
and came. Xander paused, tasting, savoring, and finally swallowing.
He held Spike in his mouth and hand, sucking softly as the vampire's
cock softened.

He looked up, grinning at Spike.

"Liked that, did you, pet?"

"Yes." Was Xander's unabashed and enthusiastic reply.

"Sleepy?" Spike asked, a little hopeful.

Xander shook his head like a wet dog. "No!"

Spike grinned. "You're a horny thing, aren't you?"

"It would seem so." Xander gave his best Giles impersonation.

Spike laughed. *Really* laughed, greatly pleased and pleasured. He
reached down and grasped Xander's shoulders. He pulled Xander up and
then tossed the boy down, flat on his back, swooping down, he
swallowed Xander's cock whole. In minutes Xander was gasping out in
completion and pleasure, thrusting into Spike's talented mouth.

Spike crawled up the bed, coming to lie next to Xander. He thrust a
hand under the boy and pulled him close, placing Xander's head on his
shoulder and his chin resting on Xander's silky head. "Sleep, now?

"Um, yeah. I could sleep now."

Spike gave a contented sigh and closed his eyes.


Spike bit back his moan. "Yeah?"

"I like you. You're important to me."

Spike smiled against Xander's soft hair. "Won't tell your mates?"

"Not if they don't ask."

Spike sucked in a mouthful of Xander's hair and pulled at it.

All he got in reply was a soft snore. Xander was asleep.

Part Eight  

Spike heard the door open and moved closer to Xander; pulling the
sheet up and throwing his leg and arm across the sleeping youth.

"Spike." Angel's voice was calm and patient.

Always so fucking *patient*, Spike thought, peeved.


"We're pretty sure we know where the Bleathvores are holed up.
It's after sunset. *Well* after sunset. We should get going."

Spike grunted. He moved even closer to Xander. "What say *you*
go make sure they're really there? Come back and get me when you
've pinned 'em down."

"Spike." Angel said, still all calm and patient.

"Effin poof." Spike muttered.

"Spike. Let's go."

Spike growled, low in his throat. Xander murmured and moved
closer to the vampire, seeking to soothe and calm, even in his
sleep. Spike grinned and petted the soft dark hair atop Xander's

"Spike. We have to go."

Spike muttered an expletive beneath his breath and reached out to
shake Xander awake.

"You don't have to disturb Xander, Spike, let him sleep."

Spike turned disbelieving eyes to his Sire. "Yes, I *do* have to
'disturb' Xander! I have to bloody well wake his ass up and tell
him I'm leaving and that I'll be back! *You* may think it's fine
and dandy to leave without so much as a 'piss off', but I *know*
you don't do that!" Spike shook Xander's shoulder a little more
roughly than necessary.

"What? Shit! What?" Xander blinked, scowling. Spike grinned
down at him. "You!" Xander muttered sleepily.

Spike grinned wider, rolling his eyes. "Yes, *me*. This is a
tough concept for you to grasp, eh, Xander? Me Spike, you-"

"Xander!" Xander finished. He giggled and sank under the sheet.

"What is it, pet?"

"About waking you up?"

"What about it?"

"I offer a *full* apology. It was cruel. Wrong! Terribly
*wrong* of me. I see the error of my ways. Now, le'me'lone.
Sleepy. Sleep now."

Angel watched, as Spike's grin grew even wider. His eyebrows
rose and then fell to a scowl. He coughed.

"You gettin' sick, Spike? That sounds nasty. Do vamps *get*
sick?" Xander asked, his words slurred with sleepiness.

"I'm fine, pet. Does sound nasty though, I'll admit. Sounds
like Angel."

The sheet over Xander's head puffed up as Xander chuckled. "It

"That's cause he's here. Come to take me off to the fight the
Bleathvores, Xanpet. Now give us a kiss goodbye."

Xander yanked the sheet down with both hands. "What? All
ready?" Xander looked over at Angel. He pulled the sheet up to
his chin. "Really?"

Spike nodded. He rose from the bed, naked, looking for his
pants. "Where'd you toss my denims to, Xander?"

Xander pointed across the room. "That way I think."

Angel walked across the room, retrieving Spikes trousers and
handing them to his unconcernedly naked childe.

"Give 'em here!" Spike snatched them away from Angel, sitting on
the bed to shove his legs in; he stood, pulling them up and over
his naked ass. Xander grinned at the pretty ass before it was
hidden behind the faded denim. "My boots?"

Xander rolled over and picked up the battered Doc Marten boots.
"Here." Spike took them from Xander, leaning down to place a
kiss on Xander's forehead. "Thanks." He sat back down, shoving
his feet in his boots and buckling them tight. Spike stomped his
feet against the floor. "Right, then." He stood, picking up his
shirt and heading towards the door.


Spike turned back at Xander's shout. "What about, um, your, ah,
goodbye kiss?" Xander asked, feeling silly and needy for asking
in front of Angel but needing to ask anyway.

Spike winked at him, pulling the door open. He then waggled his
eyebrows, causing Xander to smile and bite back a giggle. "You
can kiss me 'hello' when I get back. Get some sleep, Xander.
You won't get much when I get back." Spike promised, leading
Angel out of the room and closing the door.

"What is it, exactly, you are doing with Xander?" Angel asked.

Spike kicked at a rat, sending it flying several yards. He
watched it land in a puddle of stagnant water with a grin. His
eyes widened and he gave a whistle through his teeth when the
thing picked itself up and scurried away. "Tough rats you have
down here, Angel. They bite?"

They continued walking along the sewer tunnel, heading for what
was, hopefully, a din of Bleathvores and their stockpile of
pilfered treasures.

Spike kicked another rat.

"Stop that!"

Spike's head shot up and he grinned at Angel. "Oh. Right. You
may want to eat him later, eh?"

"What are you doing with Xander?" Angel asked again.

"What are you doing with the beauty queen and the
not-a-watcher-anymore, watcher?"

"Nothing! They work for me! I'm not do-"

"Yeah, well, that's not my problem, is it? Not my fault. Not my
*business* either, is it?"

Angel sighed. "I've always liked Xander, Spike. Despite his
dislike of me, I feel, well, *protective* towards him."

Spike snorted.

Angel kicked the rat that was about to run across his shoe. The
poor thing was sent speeding through the air, landing hard enough
against the wall that its back was broken upon impact.

Spike crushed its head when he reached it.



"Dammit, Spike! What the fuck are you doing with Xander?"

Spike snickered. He meant to, at least, but before he could get
a good "snick" out, Angel had a hand wrapped around his throat
and was holding him against the slimy wall of the sewer tunnel.
Spike's hands came up to wrap around Angel's, trying to loosen
his Sire's hold.

"*What.*" Squeeze. "Are." Squeeze. "You." Squeeze. "Doing."
Squeeze. "With." Squeeze. "*Xander*?" Squeeze and hold.

Spike gasped and mouthed something. Angel came closer to hear
what Spike has was saying. Spike kneed him in the groin,
catching Angel off guard. He brought his hands up to push his
Sire away, sending the older vampire against the far wall. Angel
snarled and came at Spike, murder in his dark eyes. Spike
grinned, bending low for the impact.

It didn't come.

Instead, there was a "foump" sound and both vampires fell to the
damp floor, covered in a heavy net.

Shuffling footsteps and non-human chatter followed. Spike was
prodded with something wet. Something wet and slimy that had a
sucker on the end. When the sucker was pulled away from his
cheek with an audible "pop", Spike could feel the stinging welt
as it rose on his face. "Bleathvores." He groaned and reached
out his hand, feeling for Angel. Once he connected with his Sire
's overly gelled head, he punched it. "This is all *your*
fault!" He hissed.

"No it's *not*! It's-" Angel didn't continue.

A hard crack over each of the vampire's heads stopped any further
bickering for the moment.

It was a blessing for them both that they were out as they were
dragged the rest of the way through the sewer tunnels and into
the Bleathvore's nest.

They would have been heartbroken to note what was happening to
their leather.

Part Nine  

Spike moaned, coming to. He pulled his duster from beneath him
and laid the tails across his legs, letting the damp sink through
his jeans. He focused on the tares and smears of god only knew
*what* fouling his most treasured possession. He ignored the
pain in and the lump on his head. "Ah, sod it all! Would you
*look* at my coat?"

Angel grunted, sitting up and holding his head. "Your *coat*?
What about my hair?" He ran his hands over it; they came away
sticky with *slime*. He shuddered, wiping his hands on Spike's
jeans. He looked down at his pants, torn and covered in filth.
"Oh, shit! Look at me!" He decided not to look at his leather
jacket; he didn't want to know.

"Yer jacket is torn to shreds, Angel." Spike told him. "Cheap
leather. Must be from this decade."

Angel groaned, still not looking, and sure Spike was
exaggerating. The brat.

Spike looked around. It was dark, damp, smelly, and piled high
with junk and rotting garbage; Bleathvore din for sure. They
were in a cage, their backs resting against what seemed to be old
carpet nailed over even older wood nailed together in a V and
turned upside down making a back rest, if not a whole chair. The
damp, mucky floor served as the seat. A rather large cage,
considering stingy, money-grubbing traders were holding them.
Bleathvores were *not* known for their penchant for extras.
Spike was sure the cage must have already been here. He reached
out to grab one of the bars of the cage that held them.


"Shit!" Spike pulled his hand back quickly, sucking at his
electrocuted fingers. "I *hate* it when old time demons mess
around with technology." He muttered around his burnt fingers.
"They don't know what they're *doing*! One of 'em is gonna take
a piss and 'zap' we're fried!"

Angel was quite, taking in their surroundings. He could hear the
demons, not more than a hundred yards away, chattering in an
incomprehensible-to him, at least-language. He studied each pile
of junk surrounding them. He nudged Spike with his elbow, and
pointed. "*That's* what we want."

"An old wig? Nice. That's just what I would have *thought*
could save the slayer."

Angel ignored the snide comment. "See the clay bowl? With the
Je'dellian writings?"

Spike looked at the junk heap. "Yes, I do. I see *lots* of old
bowls. That must be the cookware and wig pile. And old trouser
pile. Oh, yes, and what's that? Plain ole rotten *garbage*!
No! Wait! Have I spied with my little eye an old tin of
*tuna*?! Have I?"

"You're not helping Spike."

"No. I'm *not* helping, am I? And why is that, do you suppose?
Maybe because I'm trapped in an electrified cage being held by
bloody Bleathvores in the bloody bowels of Los Angels with my
bloody poof of a Sire? Do you think that could bloody well be
the cause of me not *helping*? Eh? Do ya?"

"Could be, but I doubt it. I think you're just ornery."

"Angel?" Spike moved closer to his Sire.

"What?" Angel wrapped his arm around his childe and pulled him
closer, unconsciously offering comfort to his bratty childe.

"Can you even begin to *imagine* how much Bleathvores *don't*
know about electricity?" Spike asked, leaning his head against
Angel's shoulder, unconcerned about what it looked like or what
it meant. He would not deny that sometimes his big poof of a
Sire was, well, *comforting* to have around. He would never
*admit* it, but he wouldn't deny it.

"We'll be fine, Spike." Angel told him, keeping his eye on the
Je'dellian bowl."

A tentacle was thrust into the cage, catching Spike across the
mouth, and pulling him towards the back of the cage. He opened
wide and bit down. His reward was a face full of venom and a
piece of Bleathvore. He spit out the Bleathvore before he passed

"They really are a very interesting group. Been around for
centuries. Traders and collectors, really, nothing more. Always
looking for a deal. Amazing that they haven't been eradicated,
seeing as how they haven't a very well developed intellect."

"You think? Cockroaches don't seem to do well on the SAT's but
we still have *those* Wes."

Wesley smiled, placing the papers Giles had faxed to them on the
table. "You are right, Cordelia. Sometimes intellect is not
needed for survival."

Xander came into the room. "What's up?"

"Case in point!" Cordy offered, holding out her hand towards

Wesley smiled at Xander. "All rested up?"

Xander blushed and smiled. "Yes. So? Where are they? They
check in yet? Can I get something to eat?"

"Don't know. No. And yes, we have some Chinese food in the
kitchen. Sit down and I'll bring it out. You and Spike, huh?
What's up with that? I dump you and you can never have another
woman again? Not even a human?" Cordy asked. The idea pleased
her. She grinned to herself as she went into the kitchen to
retrieve the boxes of left over food.

Xander sat down next to Wesley. "How long have they been gone?"

"A few hours. I'm sure everything is fine."

Xander smiled at Cordelia once she placed a tray of take-out
boxes and a soda in front of him. He began to eat. "How long
did they say they'd be gone?"

Cordy sat down and crossed her legs. "Angel never says. Who's
to know?"

"Where'd they say they were going?" Xander asked, slurping up
hot and spicy noodles.

"Oh well, into the tunnels." Wesley offered.

Xander nodded. "Yeah. "*Where* into the tunnels? *What*

Wesley shuffled through the papers on the coffee table.

Xander couldn't believe Angel had purchased a *coffee table*
before a TV.

"Well! It looks like Angel took the information with him. Never
mind. I'm sure they're perfectly fine."
Spike came to with a pain-filled moan. His face felt sore and
five sizes too big. He reached his hands up, discovering it was
only his lips. And they were only *two* sizes too big. Maybe
three. They throbbed with pain from the Bleathvore venom and his
teeth *ached*. He looked over at Angel, taking in the sucker
shaped marks covering his face. The welts were small, swollen
and bright red. Spike giggled, wincing as his lips stretched.

Angel quickly turned his head to look at his childe. "Are you

"Doe'no. Do I look as bad as you?" Spike reached out a hand to
run over Angel's marred face. "Hope I don't. 'Cause you look
bloody awful, Sire."

Angel grunted and pushed Spike's hand away. "I'm sure you look
*much* worse than I do. *I* don't look like Barbara Hershey in

Spike's hands flew back to his lips. "Hell! *That* big?" He
nudged his Sire. "Well?"

"Well, what?"

"What's the plan? Get us out of here!" He twisted around,
looking for the Bleathvores. "Where the bloody hell have they
gone off to?" Spike turned back to Angel. "So do it. Make with
the batvamp stuff and get us *out* of here."

Angel smiled at Spike. "And you mocked my so called 'batvamp
stuff'. *Now* you want me to sprout wings and fly us out of
here." Angel shook his head.

"Angel!" Spike hissed. "This is *no* time to find your long
lost humor! Get us *out* of here! Use the batphone at least.
Call for backup!"

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry. My batphone can't seem to
penetrate these tunnels."

"Damn you, Si-"Spike stopped talking and froze when he heard the
shuffling of approaching Bleathvores. Five of the tentacled
creatures stood in front the cage looking at them and pointing.
"How's your Bleathvore? Mine's a bit rusty."

"Never learned any."

Spike sighed and began to listen carefully. "I think they think
we're humans."

Bleathvore 1: "Not human. Vampire."

Bleathvore 2: "*Vampires*? Nasty things. Parasites."

Bleathvore 3: "Maybe we could sell or trade them?"

Bleathvore 4: "Right! What would want a *vampire*? They bite!
Suck blood!"

Bleathvore 1: "I could offer it to my mother-in-law. As a

All Bleathvores: Laughter.

Bleathvore 5: "We have to do *something* with them!" He looked
over at 1. "I *told* you not to come to this city! But *no*!
*You* want to go to Disneyland!" He pointed his bandaged
tentacle towards Spike. "The shiny-headed one *bit* me! I say
we cut their heads off!"

Spike looked at Angel. "I think that one *likes* me. Thinks I'm

Bleathvore 3: "Oh come! Something out there must want a pair of
vampires, do you not think? Maybe they are a breeding pair?
Someone could set up a nice tank. Conversation piece for the
gathering room. I would take them, but my kids always let the
pets die. They are kind of cute, in a human-looking kind of way,
do you not think so?"

Bleathvore 5: "No I do *not*. I think they are ugly and they
*bite*. Mother-in-law-gift, perhaps. Anything else, no! We
could not sell *or* trade them, I bet. And I hear they blow up
in the sun."

Bleathvore 4: "I have heard that also. We would have to keep
them watered down. And feed them *blood*. Where would we get
blood?" He looked over at Angel, studying his hair. "And
covered with some type of vampire jelly. Too much trouble."

Spike looked at Angel. "That one doesn't like your hair."

Angel grunted, scowling. "Well, who *would*? It's mussed!"

Bleathvore 2: "The dark one looks mean."

Bleathvore 5: "That is probably just camouflage. See how the
shiny one looks sweet and pretty? That is the one that bit me.
All I did was *touch* him, to get a better look. The dark one is
probably docile. Tamable, even. Still, we should cut off their
heads. Besides, I have heard they do not breed."

All other Bleathvores: "Gasp!"

Bleathvore 5: "It is true. They do not even lay eggs. They do
not breed as normal creatures should. We should cut off their

Spike cocked his head. "I think they want to breed us." He
looked at Angel. "If so, *you* get pregnant."

Bleathvore 3: "It would be a waste to cut off their heads,
unless there is a market for vampire heads. Is there? I think
we should go above and inquire. It would be wrong not to even
try to get something for them."

"I think they're talking about your hair again. Or your head. I
can't tell. They must be speaking in some kind of slang. Can't
be pure Bleathvore!"

Bleathvore 1: "I know a human-"

Bleathvore 5: "Oh you! You *always* know a human, do you not?
Like the human that was to obtain the vervellian case for us. At
a *reasonable* price." He rolled four eyes at his companion.
"You and your human connections suck."

Bleathvore 1: "You would not know a good price if it mated with
your nether regions. I am sure I can get *something* for this
pair of vampires. I challenge you!"

"I think they want to fight over me. Or over who has to take
you." Spike told Angel.

"Spike?" Angel closed his eyes and leaned against his makeshift


Angel grabbed the back of Spike's torn duster, pulling him down
and next to him. "Just sit down and shut up, okay? Let's just
wait and see what's going to happen."

Spike turned truly horrified eyes upon his Sire. "Just *wait*
and see?"

Angel didn't open his eyes as he threw his arm around his childe
and pulled him close. "Yeah. Wait."

Spike whimpered and burrowed closer to Angel's side.

Bleathvore 5: "You challenge me? You dare to?"

Bleathvore 1: "Yes! I will go above and I will find a trade or
a buyer for them."

Bleathvore 5: "And if you do not?"

Bleathvore 1: "Then you may have my mother in law."

All Bleathvores: Laughter.

Bleathvore 5: "Very amusing. I shall have your mate. And your
daughter. The pretty one."

Bleathvore 1: "Fair enough. Rest, brothers, and I shall

The group left the cage. 1 to go make a deal, the others to
drink and gamble away from the treasures and the vampires.


"What is it, Spike?"

"My legs are cramping. Can't we try and lift the cage over us?
Doesn't have bars on the bottom. We'll just grab hold and lift
it up."

"It's electrified, Spike. And probably very heavy."

"Yeah? So?"

Angel sighed. "Not yet, Spike. Maybe later."


"I promise."

Part Ten

Spike rose and began to pace the small confines of the cage. The
damn thing was shrinking, closing in on him; he could *feel* the
bars moving closer to him. His jaw was sore from clenching it,
his head throbbed, his palms were damp with sweat and blood, his
nails cutting into his palms as he clenched them tightly, over
and over again, flexing his fingers, his skin was *crawling* and
his chest *ached*. If he still had a functioning one, he'd be
worried about having a heart attack. He *itched* from toe to
head. He couldn't take this! The waiting was killing him! He
had to get out of here. He reached out his hands and grabbed
hold of the bars.


Spike sprang back, cursing and shaking his hands. "Shit!" He
held them before his face and began to blow on them.

"How *fucking* long have the Bleathvores been gone, Peaches?"
Spike asked, his ears still ringing from his latest

Angel had opened one eye when Spike was zapped. He checked his
watch, and closed his eye again. He let out a sigh. This was
going to be a *long* night, he was sure. *Hell* kind of long.
"It's been fifteen minutes, Spike."

"Well, hell, Sire." Spike raised his arms wide and let them
fall, his torn duster flapping about. "You're gonna have to
knock me out. I'll be as loopy as Dru in *another* fifteen

Angel snorted. "What makes you think you aren't *already* as
loopy as Dru?"

"Ha. Ha. You're just suckin' the marrow right out of yer new
found funny bone, eh, Peaches?" Spike began walking the
perimeter of the cage, not looking at Angel. "It won't be long
before I try to distract myself by bashing your head in. You
*know* that doncha, Peaches?"

Angel didn't open his eyes. "I have half-an-hour at least." He
smiled at Spike. "Maybe even forty-five minutes."


Xander woke with a start. He had dozed off on the sofa. He
looked over and noticed that Wesley and Cordelia had done the
same thing. He looked at his watch and gasped when he saw the
time. Five o'clock in the morning! Where *were* they?

"Cordy! Wes!" Xander stood and began to shake Wesley awake.

"Oh! I must have dozed." Wesley removed his glasses and wiped
his eyes. "What time is it?" He asked Xander, replacing his

"It's late! It's after five! They should have been *back* by

Wesley stood and placed his hands on the younger man's shoulders.
"Calm down, Xander. I'm sure Angel and Spike are fine. They'll
return with the needed item; Buffy will be safe."

Buffy? Xander gave the ex-watcher a confused look. Buffy? "I
want *Spike*." He pushed Wesley away and went to shake Cordelia


Spike was looking at his boot. And then he was looking at Angel'
s head. The boot. The head. A match made in heaven, he was
sure. He smiled a bit as he imagined how *good* it would feel to
kick his Sire in the head. *Hard*.

"Spike." Angel muttered softly, eyes still closed.

Spike's eyes widened. "What?"


"Don't *what*?" Spike asked, all innocence.

"What ever you're thinking about; don't do it."

"We need to go look for them." Xander stated. Again.

Cordelia had woken and made a pot of coffee. Really *bad* coffee
and ignored his desperate need to take action.

"Xander, I'm sure they're *fine*. Angel can *so* handle himself.
And Spike? Well, it's *demons* they're fighting, right? No
problem for grumpy."

Xander gave her a dirty look. "Where does Deadboy keep his
weapons? I just *know* he's stocked up on weapons."
Spike had resumed pacing.

It didn't help. Not even a little bit. He could hear the
Bleathvores, not too far away, and they seemed to be having a
bloody *good* time, while he was locked up in their effin',
*stinking*, electrified cage. He wanted to rip several tentacles
from each and every one of them and shove them up their asses.
Or, at least, be allowed to play in the card game he had
concluded they were playing. He walked closer to his Sire and
lashed out his foot.

Angel grabbed Spike's ankle before his booted foot could connect
with his head and pulled, sending Spike sprawling on his back.
Lightening quick, Angel was over Spike, straddling him, the
younger vampire's hands held over his head by Angel's, as he
smiled down at Spike.

"Over an hour. I'm impressed, Spike. How'd you manage?"

Spike grinned. This was better than pacing, at least. He tried
to pull his hands free. Angel leaned closer, adding more of his
weight to Spike's pinned hands.

"I was thinking about kicking your head in. That made me all
happy and gave me tingles." He frowned. "Didn't last long,
though. Thought I'd try the real thing."

Angel smirked. "Real thing doesn't seem to be working for you."

"I wouldn't say that, Peaches." He turned his head and bit Angel
's arm, his fangs sinking through Angel's leather.

Angel gasped and pulled his arm away. He quickly grabbed Spikes
free arm, holding both arms down just above the elbow.

Spike grinned. "I'm not bored anymore."

Angel narrowed his eyes, regarding Spike with deadly intent. He
said nothing.

"Come on, Angel. Let's tussle." He kicked his legs up. "A
cage-match, if you will." He grinned.

Angel continued to stare at his childe. "Your lips still sore?"

Caught off guard, Spike answered. "Yeah. A touch sore."

Angel grinned. "Good." And then he thrust his lips down upon
Spike's puffy ones. Hard.

Xander stood before the weapons cabinet, shaking his head in
disbelief. He whistled, a little bit excited at the display.
Still. "How much did all of this set Deadboy back? He couldn't
spring for a *portable* TV before he dropped *thousands* of
dollars on this?"

Wesley and Cordelia ignored him.

"Just what is it you think you're going to *do*, Xander?"
Cordelia asked.

Xander pulled a large hunting knife out and thumbed the blade.
He gave the pair a nasty grin. "*We*." He stated firmly. "*We*
are going to find my vampire."
Spike's eyes bulged and he froze. Angel was *kissing* him. He
opened his mouth to laugh and Angel's tongue thrust in, tangling
with his. Angel laid his body down upon Spike's; his knee
thrusting between Spikes legs, right below his crotch, and
shoving them open as he continued to kiss him.

*Kiss* him!

"Wha'?" He started to ask, but Angel let go of one of his arms
and thrust a hand into his hair, cupping his head, raising it a
bit and holding it still as he continued his deep, exploring
kiss. Spike didn't finish his sentence; he let himself be

Angel let go of Spike's other arm, keeping it poised only an inch
away, ready to imprison it again, Spike was sure, should he make
a defensive move. Spike gave a mental shrug and thrust both his
hands into his Sire's, mussed, still slimy, hair. He kissed

This, too, was better than pacing. Much better. He bit down on
his Sire's tongue, delighting in the taste of his Sire's blood,
long denied, but never forgotten.

Angel pulled back, slightly, and bit his childe's swollen lower
lip. "Shush." Angel muttered, as he reached his hand down and
began to undo Spike's jeans. He moved his mouth to Spike's neck
once he held his childe's hard cock in his hand. He licked Spike
's neck and rose enough to push Spike's pants down and over his

When Angel laid his still leather-covered crotch over Spike's
naked one, Spike's clouded mind began to clear a bit and he
stiffened. "Just what the bloody hell-"

"Shut *up*." Angel placed his mouth over Spike's again. He
licked at and suckled Spike's mouth, nibbling and thrusting his
tongue inside. Angel reached down and began to undo his pants.
He hissed and muttered when the task proved to be difficult

Spike snickered once free of Angel's questing tongue. He cocked
an eyebrow. "Mind telling me why yer intent on raping me, Sire?"

Angel placed a hand over Spike's mouth, leaning all his weight
down, as he continued to work at his stubborn zipper. He
grinned, triumphantly, once his hard cock was free and thrust his
naked erection over Spike's. He used his now free hand to open
Spike's shirt and then his own. Once naked, cool chest met
naked, cool chest, his tongue was back in Spike's mouth, and his
hand was holding and rubbing their two cocks together. After a
moment, Angel rose on one hand and turned Spike over.

"What-" Spike started, but Angel had a hand across his mouth and
began suckling the back of his ear before the protest could
finish forming in his mind, let alone be spoken.

Angel dragged his tongue from Spike's ear to his neck, across it,
and to his other ear. He sucked and chewed at the lobe, bringing
his hand up. He spat on his fingers and coated his cock. Angel
snaked his hand under Spike's waist and pulled up. "Raise up,

Spike did, sticking his ass in the air. He moaned loudly once,
cool, saliva wet fingers were thrust inside of him. He whimpered
when they were removed. He gasped and grunted in pleasure when
his Sire came over and into him, thrusting in to the hilt,
pushing him flat to the damp, rotting floor and fucking him as if
there were no tomorrow.

Angel reached around and grabbed hold of Spike's erection,
jacking in time with his hard thrusts. He closed his eyes and
allowed himself the pleasure of fucking his childe. He let
himself cum once he had felt the cool, wet spurts of Spike's
release against his hand. He lay down fully upon his childe,
closing his eyes.

Once he noted Spike was asleep he allowed himself to drift away
into sleep also.

He figured this had bought him another hour, at the very least,
before Spike was trying to kick his head in again. Maybe an hour
and a *half*, if he was lucky.

Neither vampire noticed the Bleathvores watching them.

Bleathvore 2: "What was *that*?"

Bleathvore 3: "Kind of scary was it not? Breeding, do you
suppose? I thought they do *not* breed." He looked at 5

Bleathvore 5: "I stand by my statement." He looked closely at
the still joined vampires. He shuddered. "That was *not*
breeding! They are the same. Same do not *breed*." He shuffled
closer. He smiled, three rows of teeth showing. "But this?
*This*, maybe we could *sell*. Perhaps a tank would not be

Part Eleven  

"So. We're here. At a *known* demon and vampire haunt. At
least it's *daylight*, right? That's good, isn't it? Still,
were at place *Angel* wouldn't even let us walk close *by* let
alone *enter*. He made us sit in the car and wait. Why was that
again, Wes? Oh! I know! Because he thought we'd be killed
*dead* if we went in!" She turned her dark acusing eyes towards
Xander. "How are we going to do this again? And *why* are we
doing this, again?" Cordelia asked nervously, as she stood in
the doorway of the vampire club, clad in one of Angel's leather
coats, the sleeves rolled up over her hands. An over-sized coat
that held several wooden stakes, a loaded crossbow, a handgun,
and a water gun that held plenty of holy water. None of which
made her feel *safe*. She shivered, looking at Xander. She
rubbed the sleeve of the leather coat. It did feel *nice* and it
calmed her a bit.

Xander sighed. He was up to this. He, too, was wearing one of
Angel's long leather coats.

They all were. And they were loaded for bear.

Or vampire.

Or demon.

They were *not* short on weapons, he was sure. He looked at
Wesley and Cordelia. Not short on courage, either. Short on
*faith* maybe, but courage they had. Even Cordy, shaking in her
boots, was ready and willing to step into the demon bar. Wesley
looked ready to battle the fires of hell, all decked out in his
own leather, along with one of Angel's coats, a scowl marring his
attractive face.

"Wesley comes with me, positions himself at the back of the room,
wall to his back. I go to the bartender. You, Cordy, stay by
the door." He looked at both of them. "Draw your weapons *only*
if I give you the signal, and *not* when I draw mine, got it?"

They both nodded. "Remember, I'm gonna *show*, that's pretty
much a given. Don't panic. We're gonna be cool and business
like. Only draw when I give the signal. Got it?"

Again they nodded. Xander gulped. "What's the signal?" He

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Splayed hand held in the air. Yeah,
yeah. Lets *do* this."

She *so* better get a bonus.
Spike woke when he felt a cold, wet sucker upon his cheek. He
opened his eyes, but didn't pull away. Maybe if *it* pulled away
first it wouldn't sting him. He had enough Bleathvore venom in
him to kill a horse or five, he was sure. He smiled charmingly
and said "Hello" to the Bleathvores gathered around the cage.
The tentacle was withdrawn and he wasn't stung. Spike grinned
and pushed his Sire from him. He watched Angel roll to his side,
still asleep. He felt a sting of pride to know that he had
fucked his Sire so well that the poof didn't wake; didn't even
blink an eye. Damn, but he was good.

Bleathvore 3: "What did it say?"

Bleathvore 5: "Goodbye? That is what it *sounded* like. Do you
think it speaks our tongue?" He looked at the others. "Where
does it think it's going, anyway?"

Bleathvore 2: "Maybe it can speak our tongue. If so, we really
*could* sell it!"

Bleathvore 3: "Sell it to who? A keskicainiovre could utter my
tongue, but still, I would not wish to *own* one. Same with this
vampire. Let us await our brother. If they can be sold or
traded he will let us know."

Bleathvore 5: Contemptuous snort. "He will find neither buyer nor
trader for these things."

Bleathvore 2: "It did not bite you again."

Bleathvore 5: "Obviously it is *tired*. You have *seen* what it
has just done. Would you not be tired after such exersision?"

Bleathovre 2: "Perhaps it not biting you is *learned* behavior."
He looked at 5. "I am sure you do not taste good."

Bleathvore 5: "I am certainly most pleasing to *any* taste buds!
Even vampire ones! A tasty treat to be sure!"

All other Bleathvores: "Snicker."

Spike moved closer to the cage, pulling up his pants and
fastening them on his way. "Shall we play, mates?" He made
shuffling and dealing motions with his hands, as if he held a
deck of cards and continued in what he hoped was their language.
"Cards? Play? Wager?"

All Bleathvores: "Did he say *challenge*?"

"So? Are we ready to do this?" Xander asked again, stalling.

"Yes! Let's *go* already, before I change my mind!"

Xander gave the door a hard push and walked in, Wes and Cordy
close behind him. He moved to the bar quickly, Wes went to the
end of it, his back against the wall; Cordy stood close by the
door, the wall at her back, just as Xander had told her to.

The bartender gave the three humans a disinterested glance and
continued his task of drying shot glasses. "We're closed."

The bar was, thankfully, almost empty. The vampires and demons
that *did* inhabit it looked pretty much wasted. "That's okay.
Good even. All I want is some information." Xander told the

The vampire sat the shot glass he was holding down on the bar and
smiled at Xander. Smirked, really. It pissed Xander off. "Do
you now? Are you willing to *die* for your information, boy?"

"No, *Sir.*" Xander pulled a handgun from his back and pointed
it at the bartender's head. "But I'm willing to kill for it."
He smiled.

The bartender picked up another shot glass and chuckled,
unconcerned. He began to dry the glass. "I think maybe *you'll*
die before *I* do."

"You think?" Xander pulled a crossbow out and aimed it at the
bartender's chest, heart level. Xander kept the gun pointed at
the vampire's head and smiled. "All I want is a little bit of
information. I seem to have lost a friend of mine."

The bartender kept his hands on the bar and his eyes on Xander's
crossbow. "Have you? *Boys*?"

The patrons of the bar began to stir, waking and murmuring.
Xander held up his hand, fingers stretched wide. Cordy pulled a
SuperSoaker water pistol from beneath Angel's coat, pointing it
at the row of booths along the wall, Wesley pulled out the same
with one hand and a ten-loaded crossbow with the other, knees
locked and looking deadly, ready to unload both weapons.

"All I want is some information." Xander repeated, not looking
away from the bartender. "I seem to have misplaced my vampire.
He's about so high." Xander didn't move his weapons from the
bartender. "Bleached blonde. Snippy. Bad attitude. You'd know
if you'd met up with him."

Cordy shot out a stream of holy water, catching one vampire
across his ear. She grinned. She'd been aiming at the back of
his head. "*My* vampire is bigger. Dark and broody. He'd be
quiet and reasonable, all nice like. And I want him *back*!"

The vampires gathered in the bar, exchanged looks.

First *one* snickered; then one more, did. And then another let
loose a chuckle.

Then the group could no longer contain themselves and laughter
rang through out the dark, dingy club.

"I'm not finding the funny." Xander told the vampire-bartender.

The bartender continued to laugh, really *trying* to hold in his
chuckles as the guns were aimed at him. Xander sighed. "I'm
thinking, *maybe*, you know where I can find my vampire. Share
the joke."

The bartender just laughed harder.

Xander moved the pistol and shot the bartender's ear off. He was
quite pleased that neither Wesley nor Cordelia flinched and
inadvertanly shot someone. Or some*thing*. "Tell me."

"Shit! Stop! Don't shoot!" The vampire grabbed his ear, giving
Xander a dirty look. "Shit! Bleathvores have them! One was in
here not too long ago trying to sell them, or trade them for a
case of tequila!" He snorted, "Like I'd trade good drink for a
couple of vampires!" He stopped talking at Xander's narrow eyed
gaze. "Um, he just left, though. I sent him to Kelly's, just
down the road!"

Xander smiled. "Call Kelly's and get him back here. Tell him
you have a buyer."

Angel woke to Spike's and the Bleathvore's chatter. He was
without his coat and his pants were up. He couldn't believe he
had *slept*. He turned to look at Spike.

He couldn't believe what we was *seeing*! Spike had a pile of
junk behind him, *his* coat at the bottom of it, and cards in his
hands as he sat close to the bars, and all but one of the
Bleathvores sat just outside of the cage, cards in *their* hands.
His brows rose when Spike spit out a stream of incomprehensible
gibberish. He raised his arm to check his watch. It was gone.

Bleathvore 2: "Yes! I *do* say your mother sucks the slime from
a Vencore." He looked to the others and grinned. "While she
mates with your favorite four to six legged type of home dwelling

Spike snickered and slammed down a card.

All Bleathvores: Moan!

Several more pieces of junk were pushed carefully through the
bars of the cage. The Je'dellian bowl among them.


Spike whipped his head around to look at Angel. "Peaches!." He
patted Angel's stomach. "Shh. Yer knocked up, pet. Don't upset
our little one." Spike translated as best he could.

All Bleathvores *plus* Spike: Laughter.

"*What* are you doing? And *where* is my watch?"

"Just having a bit o' fun, Sire, waiting to see if we've been
sold or traded. And sorry, but I seem to have lost yer watch."
He tilted his head towards Bleathvore 5. Angel noted that the
Bleathvore was wearing his watch on one of its lower tentacles.
He scowled.

"I've just won the slayer-saving-thing-bowl, though and that's
the *good* news. Bad news is I *think* I've lost our baby. I'm
not too sure. Hey! These blokes speak a bit of Spanish!
Imagine that. And they *don't* suck blood! Blood just wells up
from the poison they inject. Neat, nuh?"

Angel picked the Je'dellian bowl up and wrapped it carefully in
his coat. "Sold? Or traded?"

Spike dealt cards. "Yeah. Profit-minded, these blokes are.
Seems one of them went off to get a price or trade for us.
Shit!" Spike reached behind him, grabbing a piece of hose and
tossing it to the pile.

Bleathvore 5: "More! Not an equal bet."

Spike showed his fangs.

Bleathvore 5 raised two tentacles towards him.

"Fine! Fine!" Spike added an old red wig to the pile, causing
Bleathvore 5 to grin.

Cards were looked at, studied; all but Bleathvore 5 and Spike

Bleathvore 5: "I wish to have the dark ones lower limb."

"Sure. Oh, wait. I can't. It's attached to the rest of him."

Bleathvore 2: "The *covering*. You want only what encases the
end of its lower limb."

Bleathvore 5. "Yes. What he said."

Spike nodded. "Give me yer shoe, Peaches."


"Give me yer bleedin' *shoe*! I've got a bloody *fabulous* hand,
here! Give me the shoe!"

Angel did. He was sure he'd never wear the slime-encrusted thing
again, but he was hoping he wouldn't have to walk out of this
place in his stocking feet. Or stocking foot.

Bleathvore 5: "Ha!"

Spike: "Well, hell." He turned to look at Angel, shrugging his
shoulders. "Sorry. Lost the shoe. Give me the other. Bet I
can win it back."

Part Twelve

Kelly burst into the dingy bar, all smiles. He was followed by a
cloak covered Bleathvore.

"Brad, my vampire friend! I am *so* gald you called me! I would
have *hated* to let my Bleathvore demon buddies down! I *always*
try and come up with a buyer for these dudes! They have the
*best* stuff sometimes! Lots of junk, sure, but *man* sometimes
you can get a diamond the size of a starlet's *tit* from these
guys for a bottle of booze!" Kelly laughed, continuing towards
the bar. "I heard a tale that you're looking for a pair of
vampires. My man here just happens to have a line on a pair: one
dark, one light. Expensive though. *Caged* vampires aren't easy
to find, as you know my friend. Your kind are caught more *dead*
than alive!" The red headed little human laughed, once he
reached the bar. Xander grabbed him, pulling him close to the
bar and placing the gun at his temple. "Tell your *friend* that
I want my vampire."

Kelly did.

Bleathvore 1 flapped several tentacles. "Payment is needed. I
risk my mate and my most attractive daughter. I am not caring if
your human brains are spilled across this business table."

"*What* the hell did he say?" Xander demanded of Kelly.

"He said let me go, or your vampires are dust."

Xander sent a bullet into the chamber, grabbed Kelly by the neck
and pushing him face down on the bar. He shoved the gun into
Kelly's ear.

"My Bleathvore is, by no means fluent, mind you, but I am
positive that is *not* what he said." Wesley spoke.

"Is that true, Kelly? Did you just *lie* to me?" Xander asked,
menace in his tone.

"No! No! If you don't let me go the vampires are dead! These
Bleathvores are *crazy*, dude!! Killers! Who the fuck *are you,

"Um, no, not really. They're mostly peaceable. They wouldn't
kill if they could get a good price or trade." Wesley spoke

"Hey! I *know* Bleathvores and these-"

Xander pulled the gun away from Kelly's head and shot some of his
toes off.

"Ow! Ow! Fuck! You *shot* me! You shot me, you crazy,
fucking, bastard!"

"For hellsake! Stop *shooting*! You're gonna bring the cops
here!" The bartender yelled, still holding his ear.

Xander ignored the bartender. "Well, Kelly, you've lost a few
toes. Wanna loose something else?" Xander sent another bullet
into the chamber of his gun.


Xander's head moved to the back of the bar. "What?" He aimed
the gun at Kelly's other foot, his hand still holding Kelly's
head to the bar.

A female vampire from one of the back booths stepped out. She
stretched her tall frame and picked up a pack of cigarettes,
shucking one out and lightening it with a zippo retrieved from
her generous bosom. "I speak Bleathvore." She winked at Wesley
and replaced her lighter. "Fluently."

"But are you willing to translate?" Xander asked. "'Cause if
you're just teasing me, honey, I have to tell you: I'm pissed
enough to shoot you, too."

She laughed, white teeth flashing against the bright red of her
painted lips, as she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder.
She sauntered to the bar, tall and lithe, encased in black
leather pants, red silk camisole, black leather vest and red
leather boots that went to her thighs. The heels were at least
five inches.

Cordelia thought she looked like a Hollywood version of a
Hollywood hooker. She aimed her supersoaker at her as she walked
towards the bar.

"Don't shoot, Killer." She held her hands up for Xander and blew
him a kiss. "Buy me a drink and I'll translate."

"You heard the lady. Pour." Xander told the still bleeding

Bleathvore 1: "What is this? Buy vampire or not?"

"Gimmie a scotch, Brad. Give me the bottle."

Wesley aimed his crossbow at the bartender. "From the back wall,
Brad. Keep your hands where I can see them."

The bartender shot dirty looks at Wesley and the female vampire
as he reached behind him and snagged a bottle of scotch. He
slammed it down in front of the grinning she-vamp.

"Here ya go, Danielle. Enjoy your *last* drink here."

Danielle gave a fake pout and laughed. "Ah, Brad. Don't be such
a hard ass. Can't you see, they just want their vampires? I
think it's sweet." She took a long pull from the bottle. "Who'd
come looking for *you*?"

Bleathvore 1: Agitated sounds. "Buy the vampires or not?" It
stamped several legs, sending slime flying. "I must make a deal
soon! I will not be beaten!"

Danielle turned to look at Xander. "He wants to sell the
vampires. Now."

"Hello? I'm bleeding to death here!" Kelly whined.

Xander stomped his foot over Kelly's mangled one and left it


"Direct pressure. Shut up." He looked at Danielle. "Tell him
we want to see the vampires first. Make sure they're okay."

"They are willing to buy your vampires, but they want to see them
first. Examine the wares." Danielle told the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 1: "This is acceptable to me. Tell the weapon
wielding males not to send any projectile pieces of metal or wood
into me and we can discuss a deal."

"Don't shoot him. How much are you willing to pay for them?"

"What does he want for them?"

Danielle asked the Bleathvore his price.

Bleathvore 1: Looking at Cordelia. "The weapon wielding female.
She would be good."

Danielle cocked her head towards Cordelia. "You willing to part
with her?"

"No." Xander and Wesley told her.

"Hey! No *way*! Are those pants squeezing your *brains*, too?"
Was Cordeila's reply. She cocked the supersoaker.

Danielle grinned and took another swig. "No. The female is not
up for trade."

Slime went flying as Bleathvore 1 rippled his disappointment.
"The arrow shooting weapon would be good. And their skins. Very
nice skins they are. I would trade the shinny headed vampire for
all the skins."

"He'll give you the, ah, 'shinny-headed' one for a crossbow and
your coats."

"*Both* vampires for the coats. No crossbow." Wesley told her.


"We have to *bargain* Xander. Otherwise he won't deal."

"You know what you're about, don't you, sweety?" Danielle smiled
at Wesley. He preened.

"The skins for all vampires. No arrow weapons."

Bleathvore 1: Thinking, several tentacles rub at its head,
several more tap at the floor. "No."

Danielle took a swig. "Nope."

Xander, finger tightening on the trigger of his gun. He wanted
to *shoot* something or someone. "I figured that's what he said.
Tell him to give-"

"Tell him the coats *and* a case of liquor. His *choice* of
liquor." Wesley cut in. He smiled at the bartender.

Danielle made the offer.

"A case of booze that you guys are going to *pay* for, right?"
Brad spoke up.

Wesley pushed his glasses up with the end of the crossbow and
then quickly aimed it at Brad again. "Oh! Why, ah, *no*."

Bleathvore 1: Grinning, all rows of teeth shinning with
happiness. "This is a good and acceptable offer. I will have
the liquor now and the skins once we trade. *You* will come with
us to make the deal. You speak well and you speak the tongue of
the vampire as well as that of the human. I like you. Do you
have a owner?" Teeth flashing, tentacles oozing and rippling.

Danielle laughed. "I own myself. I will *not* be part of the
deal." She flashed her demon face at the Bleathvore.

His tentacles fell, *all* of them. "Vampire. Fine. You will
explode in the sun, yes?"

"Yes. I like the night."

Bleathvore 1: "Then we will wait. Tell them I want tequila."

"I like your taste, Bleathvore." She took a swig from her
bottle. "He wants a case of Jose Cuervo and the coats. And he
wants me to go with you." She told the others.

"We are *not* waiting here until sundown!" Cordelia snorted.
"Oh, right! I'm gonna wait around for a bunch of vampires to
come and get their drink on! I don't *think* so!"

Bleathvore 1: "You have not tasted me, vampire. How is it you
find me pleasing?"

"Cordelia is right, Xander. We can't stay here waiting for a bar
full of vampires."

"Tell him we need to go *now*."

Danielle did.

Bleathvore 1: "The bleeding human knows of our tunnels. We need
not see the sun."

"He says Kelly knows the tunnels." Danielle stubbed out her
cigarette and lit another.

"That true, Kelly? Can you take us too the tunnels." Xander
ground his foot against Kelly's toeless, bleeding one.

"Yeah. Sure. If I could *walk* I could."

"Still looking to loose the other toes, Kelly?"

"Brad has an entrance to the tunnels in the back! He does!"

"*Fuck* you, Kelly!"

All weapons were trained on Brad once again. Danielle giggled
and took another swig of scotch. "Come on, Brad. Play nice.
Let's save some vampires. Tell you what: *You* come up missing?
*I'll* look for you."

"You'd look for me in the bottom of a bottle, bitch."

Danielle smiled. "And maybe you'd *be* there." She took another
drink. "Maybe not." She walked-well *sauntered*-to Wesley and
stood next to him. "Shoot him again, Killer." She told Xander.

Xander raised his gun from Kelly's ear and aimed it at Brad's

"No! Wait! The tunn-"

Too late. Xander shot him.

"Fuck! You *sick* little fuck! Stop *shooting* already!" Brad'
s hand left his still oozing ear and went to the new hole in his

"So. You're going to take us to your tunnels now, right?"
Xander asked.

"Yes! Don't *shoot*! Follow me!"

And they did. Cordelia and Wesley keeping a look out, walking
carefully backwards into the back room and to the sewer entrance
of Brad's bar. Danielle, still sipping from her bottle, and the
Bleathvore, still oozing, followed.

"Let's not forget the Bleathvore's case of booze!" Danielle
chimed in.

"Bitch." Brad muttered, going to and pulling out a case of good

Xander knew that he was having *way* too much fun blasting holes
in vampires and murdering toes. Living on the Hellmouth was
*bound* to make a guy just a *little* blood thirsty, wasn't it?
And maybe Spike was rubbing off on him? Or maybe it was too much
violence on TV? God, but he wanted to be vegging out in front of
a TV right about now!

"Xander?" Cordelia whispered once they had reached the tunnel.

"Yeah?" He asked, heading down.

"You're scary."

Xander paused, cocked his head and thought about that. He
continued down the stairs. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Damn it, Spike! Bet your *own* shoes!"

"They don't *want* my boots, Peaches. They've taken quite a
fancy to yer shoes, though. I keep winning 'em *back* don't I?
And didn't I get you that bottle of hair gel?"

"Humph. *Suave* hair gel." Angel ran his hand over his newly
stiffened, but still disgustingly dirty hair.

"I bet a perfectly good pair of old sneakers for that! What if I
had *lost* them?"


Spike grunted, studying his cards.

"It *is* garbage you're playing with, boy. You *do* know that,
don't you?" Angel asked, a bit concerned. Maybe too much
Bleathvore venom drove vampires insane.

Spike dealt more cards through the bars of the cage as he puffed
at a cigar he had won from a previous match. It was a little
old, sure, but still chock full of Cuban-tobacco goodness.
"*Garbage*? I've won the slayer-saving-bowl-thing, *and* I've
won back our *baby*! Garbage, you say? Beast! No *wonder* I
haven't had children with you before now!" He grinned at Angel,
blowing cigar smoke in his face. "Hand over the belt, Peaches.
I can get a tire for it." This was *so* much better than pacing.

Bleathvore 3: "Your mate is causing you discomfort?"

"Oh, yeah. A real pain, he is."

Bleathvore 2: "It is unacceptable to us that he bother you so.
You are most good and entertaining. We will happily cut off his
head if you wish. You can find another mate, I am certain. You
should not be bothered."

Bleathvore 5: "What of the child it carries?"

Bleathvore 3: "What of it? We have lost it and the shinny
headed, good one refuses to wager it again and it is only him
that we like."

Bleathvore 5: "This is true. What say you vampire? Shall we
cut off its head?"

Spike took a deep drag from his cigar, rolling the rich smoke in
his mouth. "I like you boys! Let's just *wait* and see what
happens. No hurry." He smiled and patted Angel on the head. "I
might want to keep him." Spike blew smoke rings towards a
scowling Angel.

Part Thirteen  

"Oh, well, *yuck*! Yuck! *What* did I just land on? No! Don't
tell me! I'm sure I don't want to know." Cordelia said as she
placed her foot from the last ladder rung and to the floor. The
floor that just went *squish* beneath her foot.

"You've offed a rat, is all, Cordy." Xander told her, his hands
at her waist, as he helped her from the ladder.

"I *said* don't tell me!" She yelped, wiping her foot against
the ladder rung and batting his hands away. "We *so* better find
Angel!" She mumbled. She looked around. "Oh, my *god*! This
is just *beyond* yuck!" She shuddered once she took a good look

The walls were slimy and wet and *dripping* with. . .something;
she had no idea what. The smell was indescribable. And the very
*air* was heavy with the stench and *feel* of the place.
Cordelia began to gag.

Danielle crossed to her and placed an arm across her shoulders.
Cordelia stiffened. Danielle smiled at her. "These sewer's aren
't so bad, really, girl. I've been in worse. I'll help keep you

"To have as dinner later on, I'm sure." Cordelia mumbled beneath
her breath, pulling away.

Danielle grinned at her. "Nope." She lauged. "I grew up on a
farm when I was human. My dad was forever serving my animal
friends up for dinner, so now, once I *talk* to someone or
something, I just can't *eat* it." She shrugged her shoulders
and smiled. "So, while I hold no particular *fondness* for
humans, I just can't eat anyone I've, well, gotten to *know*."

Cordelia turned to the vampire and thrust her hand out, flashing
a big smile at her. "Hi! I'm *Cordelia*! Pleased to meet you!
Have you been a vampire for long?"

Danielle laughed and took her hand, shaking it. "I've already
taken you guys off my dinner list. I'm just here for the fun,
really. Killer and the cute one caught my eye." She told her,
nodding her head towards Xander and Wesley. She winked at
Cordelia. "And it's *always* good to know Bleathvores. They
really *do* have the best stuff sometimes."

Cordelia looked at the cloak-covered creature. "Really?" She
asked doubtfully.

"*Yes*. I got a full length Armani leather coat for a bottle of
scotch just last week."

Cordelia's eyes bugged a bit. "Yep. And an Anne Klien suite for
a gun."

"Really? So what? They're like crack-heads?"

"Yep. Only you don't have to worry about them coming back to rob


"Come. We must walk, now." Bleathvore 1 told the group. He
flashed his teeth. "I am soon to win the challenge. This is a
good time. Let us all be pleased for my good fortune."

Xander looked at Danielle. "He said let's get moving and be
happy. He's going to win something."

Xander nodded. "Fine. Whatever." He motioned for the
Bleathvore to lead the way. Xander pulled the Glock out and held
it. He *really* liked the little automatic weapon.

1 looked to Danielle. "Tell him not to send any projectiles my
way. It would upset me greatly."

"Shoot him and he's gonna get pissed. Don't shoot."

"Yeah, yeah. Tell him I won't shoot."

Danielle did and the Bleathvore moved ahead of the group, leading
the way. "Anyway, Killer, if you shoot them, they just spray out
acid like slime. I don't know *how* you kill a Bleathvore, but
shooting it won't work."

"What did you tell the human, vampire?"

"I told that you can not be killed by their weapons. How *can*
you be killed?"

Bleathvore 1 laughed. "We are not killed. We die. When it is

Danielle didn't know how to respond. Her dealings with
Bleathvores revolved around buying and selling and trading. She'
d never gotten *personal* with any before now. "That is a good
thing." She offered. It was the best she could do.

"Yes. It is very nice. We like it. Know many of us, do you?"

"I have had many dealings with the Ta'karta clan."

Bleathvore 1 threw up several tentacles, flinging slime. "Liars
and cheats! You have been foolish in your dealings. But you are
a vampire and not expected to know any better. I am of the Le'
tish clan. We are good, honest, and most entertaining. The Ta'
karta clan are bores, cheats and liars."

"They say the same of your clan."

Bleathvore 1 laughed. "See? They *lie*."

"What are you two saying?" Xander asked.

"Nothing. Just a bit of clan hate going on."

"Ask him how much further." Xander told her.

"Do we have much longer to walk?"

"Why is this of concern? Will they not journey to the end?"
Bleathvore 1 stopped. He would not continue if the humans were
going to stop.

"Why'd he stop?" Xander's finger tightened on the trigger of his
gun. He was really starting to *love* the Glock. He'd already
decided to keep it. The weight of it in his hand felt *good*,
and he loved the way the trigger felt all cool and smooth against
his finger. He ran his finger along the curve of the trigger.
Damn, but he wanted to shoot something.

"No, no. The question confused him. He won't keep going if you'
re thinking about quitting. But you're *not* right? I mean, if
you have to walk a mile or more you'll keep walking, right?"

"Yes." Cordelia, Wesley and Xander all answered without

"They will go to the end. Time was the question. How much time
will pass before they reach the wares. They worry about the
safety of their vampires is all." Danielle told Bleathvore 1.

Satisfied, 1 began to walk again. "As they should be. The
shinny-headed one *bit* one of us. If they continue to be nasty
they will have their heads cut off. It is our way. But it is of
no matter. I have produced buyers. I will win, be the vampires
headless or not."

"It's all good." Danielle told the others.

Cordelia rubbed her hand over her leather-clad arm. "You know, I
'm really starting to *love* this coat. How much do you suppose
it'd cost to get it altered to fit me?"

"We're trading the coats for Angel and Spike, Cordielia." Wesley
reminded her.

"Oh, right." She frowned, walking in silence. Her face
brightened. "But Angel has *lots* more coats, huh?"

". . . not only do I *know* of it, I *composed* it!" Spike
finished the joke.

All Bleathvores: Laughter.

Bleathvore 3: "Truly amusing. I will keep you, vampire, should
my brother fail to find a buyer or trade for you. Your mate,
however, is boring. Him I will have to kill."

Spike puffed at his cigar and looked at his cards. "Yes. I am
displeased to agree, but kill him if you must."

"Spike?" Angel asked. He was leaning against the make-shift
back rest, eyes closed, arms crossed over his chest. And the
boredom was getting to him. *Killing* him. *Him*. Angel had
always prided himself on his ability to be calm. Just be. But
with Spike and the Bleathvores having so much fucking *fun* while
he dozed and lay about on the stinking rot of the floor, the
boredom was eating away at him. No *wonder* Spike wanted to
always be killing and moving. This *sucked*.


"What are you saying to them?"

"Just agreeing with them, mate. Keeping them happy. Oh, and, if
they don't find a buyer? *I* get saved. You? They don't like
you, Sire. You're a gonner, Peaches. It'll be heads off for
you, luv."

"What of my baby?" Angel rubs his flat belly.

"Ha ha. Still sucking at the funny bone, eh? Nice try, mate.
But they don't know what yer saying. You are gonna have to die."
Spike snickered, not overly concerned with his Sire's potential
headlessness. He lays down two cards, motioning for
replacements. He has a possible flush.

Angel moves close to Spike and licks his ear. Spike slaps at
him, ducking his head. "Stop that! I'm busy."

Angel moves his mouth to Spike's neck, licking and sucking and

"What is it with you? You've turned into a bloody rapist! You
know what the problem is don't you?"

Angel moves his head into Spike's lap and reaches his hand up to
begin undoing the buttons of Spike's shirt. "What's my problem,
boy?" He smiles up at this childe, enjoying the annoyed look on
his face.

"Celibacy! It's not *right*! Curse, yes, and all that! Problem
is you can still *fuck*! You *need* to fuck the ex-watcher and
the cheerleader! Bet those two could get you off!"

Bleathvore 5: "You and your mate are going to engage in sexual
intercourse now? Breeding? We do not mind. We will watch."

Spike slaps at Angel's hand. "No we are *not*. My mate is
mentally unbalanced. Slow." Spike tells them. He pinches Angel
's cheek. Hard. "Cut it out!"

Bleathvore 2: "This is terrible for you! He is not balanced
*and* he causes you great discomfort. It is better that we cut
off his head. We have a weapon that will take is head off with
one blow. It is wonderful. Very good. You may use it."

Angel is nuzzling at Spike's groin now. And Spike is, of course,
getting hard. And that pisses him off. "One blow you say?"
Angel is pulling down his zipper with his teeth now. His
fucking cock is hard as a rock and looking forward to whatever it
is Angel has planned for it.

Spike smiles at the Bleathvores. "Why don't you bring it to me?
The weapon."

Bleathvore 3: "We would like to see you mate once again. It was
most entertaining. Scary and good. We like that. Mate once
more before your mate is killed. For us?"

Angel has his cock out and is licking at it. Fine.

"Yes. One more mating and then we kill him."

Bleathvore 2: "This is good and acc-"

And then the Bleathvores are gone.


Spike can't see them anymore.

He pushes Angel's head away from his cock. "Where'd the fuck
they go?" He sits up on his knees, zipping his pants up and
looks around.

No Bleathvores.

"Guys?" His hand grabs a bar.


"Fuck! Shit! Come *on* guys. This shit isn't funny! Where'd
ya run off too?"

Angel sits up and *listens*. "Shh. Listen."

"Like bloody fucking great big cockroaches running off when a
light comes on."

"Yes. Don't you hear it? Something is coming."

"Yeah. I hear it. Something is coming and these blokes have
left me here. And they didn't even cut off your head, first.



"You were going to let them cut off my head?"

"Hell, *yes*, I was, Sire! I was bloody well looking *forward*
to it! Punks! Poofs!"

Part Fourteen  

Bleathvore 1 twitters his tentacles; they fill, expand and ooze.
"We are close to my brothers." His teeth flash, and he speeds up
a bit.

"Almost there." Danielle tells the others.

Wesley has moved to walk beside Danielle. Xander is right behind
the Bleathvore; finger tight on the trigger of his gun, while
Cordelia has her hand tucked into the back of Wesley's tight
leather pants. She's been staring at the back of his head and
singing songs in her head. She doesn't want to look around or
down. Ever again. The few times she's looked down, she's seen
*rats*,-big-movie-type-rats-, running along and over her feet.

They turn a corner and there they are.

Spike and Angel.

Angel and Spike.

Caged yes, but whole and *there* and Xander is so pleased he
moves forward and grabs at the bars of the cage.

Spike's "Don't touch the bars, pet." Is too late.

Xander grabs hold and is zapped across the tunnel, hands burnt
and smoking.

"Luv?" Spike asks. "Okay? The bars are electrocuted, pet. Don
't touch."

Xander picks himself up and laughs, looking at his burnt hands.
"Yeah. Don't fucking touch the bars, cause, fucking 'ouch', that
shit *hurts*." And Xander *smiles* despite the pain of burnt
hands. Spike is here. And fine. And its *Spike*. And isn't
that all he wanted?

"Angel!" Cordy runs to the cage and stops short, having seen
Xander's fate. "Are you okay? You *look* fine. You look
*good*." She crosses her arms across her chest and steps back,
*regarding* him. "You look just *fine* really." She tells him
accusingly. "I stepped on a *rat* for you. *And* I went into a
demon bar for you! And Xander *shot* vampires, and even a
*human* for you, and you don't look hurt at *all*! Dirty and
smelly, yes, but not *hurt*. You should at least
be-well-*bruised*, dammit! Are you even a *little* bit hurt?"

Xander moves closer to the cage, reaching his hand between the
bars to touch Spike's cheek.

He looks at Daneille. "Tell him I want Spike *out* of this

"They were about to cut off my head." Angel tells Cordelia,
trying to placate her.

"Really? Then I, like, *saved* you, huh?"

"It would see-"

Bleathvore 1 raises all tentacles, except the ones he's standing
on, over his head and calls out. "Come forth brothers. I have
won the challenge. I have found buyers. And they are *humans*.
And a vampire. A *good* vampire." He smiles at Danielle. Teeth

Danielle grins back.

And before Spike's eyes the Bleathvores return.

Out of nowhere.

Gone one minute and there the next. "God *damn* it. And fuck it
all. *All*! You bloody *shits*! And just *where* the hell did
you all *go*?" Spike demands of the now visible Bleathvores.

Bleathvore 5 smiles at Spike. "What are you speaking so loudly

Oh. Right. He'd been yelling in English.

"You ran off and left. Why?" He asked, speaking their language.
His anger mostly spent, his voice was quiet. He did manage to
*glare* at Bleathvore 5.

Flashing several rows of teeth, Bleathvore 5 reaches a tentacle
between the bars and pats Spike on the head, leaving a puddle of
slime on his head. "Living is important to us, vampire." He
flaps his tentacles. "We *hide* until we know what we face. Do
you not hide?"

"Yeah. Sure. Let me out of this fucking cage! I've been
*bought*!" Spike looks at Xander and smiles. "Is it true, pet?
Did you *shoot* vampires and *people*?"

"Yeah. I shot stuff." Xander smiles a bit bashfully at Spike.

"Yum, pet. *Xander*, and I missed it? *Still* trying to keep me
from having *fun*, damn you! That is just so-"

Bleathvore 3 pokes at Spike. "Get me out of this fucking cage!"
Spike yells at the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 3 is unconcerned with Spike's display of rage. He is,
after all is said and done, still *caged*.

Bleathvore 1 walks to 5 and twitters. "Ha! I have found buyers!
You *lose*! I have obtained tasty and good mind altering
beverages for us *and* we will receive the skins the new humans
wear. I have made a good deal. Say it is so."

Bleathvore 5 smiles. "It is true that you have made a good deal
for *two* vampires, but we have *three* vampires!"

Bleathvore 1 looks at the cage. And into it. Closely. He
snorts. "You have been into the mind altering beverages we have
stored, I think. Or you are as stupid as your mother-in-law has
stated you are. There are *two* vampires." He points at Spike
and then at Angel. "One vampire. *Two* vampire. No more

All bleathvores *except* 5: Laughter.

"Yes. You are amusing, just as *your* mother-in-law says you are
*not*. The dark-haired one is with *child*. So we must declare
the challenge null and void."

Bleathvore 1 wraps several tentacles around Bleathvore 5 and
squeezes. "Vampires do not breed, fool. They do *not*. You
have said so yourself!" Bleathvore 1 turns his head to look at
Danielle. "You! Vampire! Do you breed?"

"Um, no?" She looks at Spike. "Um, we *females* don't, but the
*males*? Oh, sure. *They* breed. Yeah. Like, uh, bunny
rabbits. The males breed like crazy."

Bleathvore 1 lets his tentacles fall. "Well. Fine. We will
consider our deal null and void. I do not gain what I would have
wished from you, but I am still pleased. You will not lay
tentacles upon my mate, *nor* my daughter. And still I have
obtained a good deal. This is pleasing to me."

"*What* the fuck are they saying?" Xander demands.

"Um. Well. Everything seems to be fine. The *deal*, however is
sorta *off*, seeing as how the 'dark-haired' one is, uh,
*pregnant* and the deal was only for two vampires, and not, um,
two *plus* one."

"Huh?" Xander, Wesley, and Cordelia all ask.

"Well, like I just told you-" Danielle begins.

Spike cuts her off. "Peaches is knocked up. The deal will stand
between *you* and *them* but not *them* and *them*, so give 'em
whatever it is you promised and get ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING

Danielle smiled. "Yeah. It's like what *he* said."

"Whatever." Xander takes off Angel's coat and hands it to
Bleathvore 1. "Tell him to open the cage."

Danielle does.

Bleathvore 1 takes the coat and smiles at Xander. And then he
smiles at Danielle. "No."

Danielle blinks. "*What*?"

Bleathvore 1: "No."

Pissed off, even though it's not really her battle, Danielle
rages. "And just why is it *no*?" She lets loose a string of
her, admittedly, limited amount of Bleathvore expletives. "*We*
kept our part of the deal! What are you trying to do?"

Limited they may be, but the Bleathvores are impressed buy her
string of curses.

Spike, doubly so. "Where'd ya pick her up, pet?" Spike asks

"Bar." Xander tells him.

Spike nods. "Best place to get women, Xanpet. Good pick, luv."

Bleathvore 1: "Calm down and rest your vocal cords, vampire.
The deal is set and good. The vampires are free. I wish only to
have the rest of the skins."

"Oh. Okay." Danielle smiles and fans her face with her hand.
"My! I didn't even know I *knew* all those bad words." She
tells Bleathvore 1.

"It is, no doubt, the cause of the Ta'karta clan. Bores, liars,
cheats and filthy mouthed also. You are not to be blamed."

"Of course, I'm not. I never am."

Spike and all the Bleathvores laugh.

"I'm getting *so* tired of not knowing what's going on!" Xander
yells out. "I'm going to start *shooting* again."

"Shoot Angel, pet. Go on. It won't hurt him much, and if it
makes you feel better? Do it."

Xander giggles and it makes him feel better. Less like shooting.

"Just give them the coats." Danielle tells the group.

Bleathvore 3 has already made off with the case of 'mind altering
and tasty beverages.'

Cordelia strips off her coat, unwillingly really, carefully
removing her weapons. Angel watches, wide-eyed, as she begins to
store weapons in various and unlikely places on her body. Wesley
does the same thing. Angel takes a close look at Xander and
notes that he, too, has guns and knives shoved in his clothes.

Spike notes Angel's goggle-eyed look. "What? You don't think my
Xander knows how to go to war? He can prepare the troops, mate.
He's got all *kinds* of nasty secrets."

The coats are handed over without fanfare.

All Bleathvores bow.

Bleathvore 5 speaks: "We have had a good and entertaining time
with the shiny-headed vampire. We would take him with us. Will
you journey with us?"

"No. I must stay. They would surely die without my guidance."

Danielle translates and the others laugh. Spike gives Danielle a
dirty look and she stops her translation. No need to *die* over
it, she thinks to herself.

Bleathvore 5: "Most surely they *would*. We are saddened by
your unwillingness to join our journey, but so what? We will get
over it, yes? Yes. And you have won many treasures from us.
And lost many treasures. This marks a good time. So be it. We
will take the skins and beverages and leave you with what you
have won and with your *lives*, also won. *And* because we like
you so, we will leave you with our weapon, so that you may kill
the dull one. As you see fit. We ask only that you wait until
after the child is born. It may be a child of great worth.
Worry not that its host is dull. The child may glow bright."

Spike smiled. "Yes." He nodded his head at Angel. "*He* may be
dull as yesterday's cleaning water, but his *children* are
usually bright as sunshine."

And the Bleathvores leave.

Without turning off the cage.

"God damn it! Come *back* here!" Spike snarls.

Cordelia walks around the cage. When she comes to a rug, she
kicks it over. "What's this?" she asks, leaning down to pull
out a cord attached to the cage.

The edge of the cage.

The very *accessible* edge of the cage.

She reaches a confident hand to the bars and grabs one. Nothing
happens. No shock. No zap. She grins, wagging the cord in her
hand. "You guys *suck*! Some vampires *you* are! I stepped on
a *rat* for you guys! I shot *vampires* for you guys! I let
that *coat* I wanted go for you guys!"

Spike and Angel both reach out and grab the cage bars. They duck
and turn the cage over them. They are free. Just that easy.
They look at each other. They look at Cordelia, twirling the
cord around.

"That was *not* the cord." They both state.

But it didn't matter, really.

They were free of the cage.

Xander grabbed hold of Spike and pulled him close, kissing him.

Spike pulled back with a grin. "Is that a gun in your pants,
pet, or are you just *happy* to see me?"

Xander kept his body close to Spike's and held out his hand,
still holding his newly beloved Glock. He grinned at Spike.
"Here's my gun, Spike. I must just be *happy* to see you."

"Eww." Was Cordiela's contribution to the romantic moment.

Part Fifteen  

"Well, yes. I'm pleased that everyone is safe and sound, but did
you obtain it?" Wesley asked.

"What?" Spike asked, squeezing Xander's ass and sucking at his

Wesley bent to tuck a hunting knife into his boot. "What you two
*came* for."

"*Angel* didn't get anything." Spike snickered. He pulled away
from Xander and went to his pile of goodies. "Me? I got all
*kinds* of good stuff. The slayer-saving-bowl among them." He
looked through his pile. "Hey! Where's me bowl?"

Angel gave a low laugh, holding up the coat-covered bowl. "I
have it. And I wouldn't say I didn't get *any* thing, boy. I
got your a-"

"Marvelous! You have the bowl." Spike said, cutting Angel off.
The poof. The nonce. The effin fuck-n-tell *bastard*. Spike
began rummaging through his pile again, throwing items about with
unnecessary force. If Angel mentioned the screwing he'd just
deny it. Xander wouldn't believe Angel. Spike laughed a little
beneath his breath. He'd just tell Xander Angel was trying to
make him jealous. He looked over at Xander and smiled. Xander
smiled at him in return. Oh, yeah. He was fine.

"Good. Can we get *out* of here now? I don't wa-Ooo, what's
*that*, Spike?" Cordelia asked, her eyes on a velvet pouch Spike
had picked up.

"This?" Spike grinned at her, swinging the small bag from his
hand. "*This* is a sack-full-o-diamonds."

Cordelia's eye's widened and she stepped closer. "Can I *see*?"

"Sure, pet." Spike grinned and opened the pouch onto his open
hand. Sparkles fell out. Lots and *lots* of them.

Cordy gasped out loud and stepped even closer. She kept her eyes
on Spike's diamond filled hand. "Can I have some? Please?" She
asked, seemingly entranced by the diamonds.

In fact, *everyone* had moved in closer to Spike and his handful
of sparkles.

"Sure, pet." He held out his hand towards her.

Cordelia reached out. . .

. . .And Spike closed his hand and snatched it away. "Nope."
Spike laughed. "I'm just fucking with you, pet. I'm not gonna
share *diamonds*. Are you *daft*?"

Cordelia's head shot up. She was abruptly snapped from her
diamond-induced-trance. "You *jerk*!"

"When did you win *those*?" Angel demanded.

"When you were napping, peaches. I won all *kinds* of goodies."
He pulled a cigar box from the pile and opened it, holding it out
to Cordy. "Cigar, pet? It's the good stuff. Cuban."

"No *thank* you. I would, however, like a diamond." She stamped
her foot. "Or more."

"I'll take one of those." Danielle spoke.

"I wouldn't mind one, either." Wesley said, stepping to Spike.

Spike passed out cigars. Even Angel took one. Danielle pulled
her Zippo out and lit the smokers up.

"What else, besides diamonds, tires and my shoes, did you win?"
Angel asked, puffing.

"*Lost* yer shoes, Sire." He pulled a pair of bright red
Converse high tops, circa 1980, from his pile and tossed them at
Angel. "Here, put these on."

Angel looked at the shoes with disdain and then at the floor.

He put on the too big sneakers.

"Got this." Spike was on his knees rummaging. "My wat-the
*slayer's* watcher will like this." He held up a leather-bound
book and set it aside. "Oh, and *this*." Another book. "I'll
give this to the witches. It's a book of love spells. This'll
make Giles' piss his pants." Spike snickered and tossed away a
handful of wigs. "Now *this*. *This* is pretty. You can have
this, pet." He tossed a two shot, pearl-handled derringer pistol
at Xander. "Can't have my diamonds, but this'll do you,
Cordelia." Spike tossed a strand of pearls at her. Cordy caught
them with a squeal of joy. Spike tossed a piece of garden hose
away, and then another, larger piece of garden hose away. Some
baby clothes followed. And some IV tubing. He came up with a
pair of alligator pants and was about to toss those when he
looked over his shoulder at Danielle. "Think you can fit these?"

Danielle stepped forward and took the pants. "Jesus. These are
*real* alligator skin!" She mumbled, looking at the tag. "A
size too small. Hell *yes*, I can fit these! You're like,
fucking *Santa* Clause, Shiny Headed One."

"Here, this is for you." Spike handed Wesley a heavy leather
bound book.

"This is. . .this is the *complete* works of the Feliand
Oracles." He whispered relevantly taking the large book. "This
is, Spike, this is-"

"What? Can I get *money* for that?" Spike demanded.

"Ye-um. No, not really. You'd never be able to find a buyer.
And, I dare say, you'd mostly likely be unable to *read* it. It'
s best that you give it me." He ran his hand over the binding.
He looked at Spike, and smiled. "Thank you, Spike."

Spike raised a brow and turned back to his pile. "Me, me, me."
He placed items in a pile next to him. "This for me, too. More
for me. Garbage. Me. *Angel*." Spike tossed a copy of the
Karma Sutra at his Sire. "Garbage. Garbage. Xander." He
tossed a Colt six-shot pistol encased in a leather holster at
Xander. He pulled out a large leather case. "What the fuck?"
He opened it. Silverware. A complete set. "Oh, right.
*Joyce*. What's this, then?" Spike pulled a garment out and
handed it to Cordelia. "A never been worn *original* I was
assured." He told her as he kept rummaging through his pile.

Cordelia unzipped the bad and took a look inside at the perfect
little black dress. "Oh, my *god*!"

"Naw, just me, pet. *Spike*." Spike muttered, not looking up.

"This is a Karan *original*. *Spike*!
You-evil-soulless-Angel-trying to-kill-Xander-boffing-*sweety*!
I love you now. I do. I have to go out now. I have to wear
this dress and my *pearls*. I *must*."

Danielle looked at the dress Cordelia was holding in front of
her. "Very nice. I told you Bleathvores have some *really* nice

"Wanna John Tesh CD?" Spike asked, from his pile.

"Along with a *lot* of trash." She continued, taking the CD and
tossing it over her shoulder.

"Hey! *Angel* might have wanted that."

"If so you should go ahead and kill him."

Spike sat up on his knees. "Yeah. Kill him." He looked around.
"Anyone see an Angel-killing thing around? I was promised one."

Xander looked up from tying his gun holster to his leg. He tried
a quick-draw, grinning. He did a passable gun twirl and replaced
the Colt in the holster. He thumbed back an imaginary hat. "I'
ll have a look around, folks." Xander walked into one of the
side tunnels.

"I'm sure we don't need an Angel killing machine." Angel said.

Cordelia looked up from her dress. "That's only 'cause you're
*Angel*. Maybe it's a really *cool* thing. Like my pearls."


"Cool." Came Xander's voice. "I think I found it."

The others walked to the side tunnel.

Xander stood next to a guillotine. "Nice, huh? Can we keep it?"

"*This* is my 'kill him with one blow' weapon?" Spike asked,
hands on his hips. "Does anyone have *any* idea how hard it is
to get someone to place their heads into one 'o them things
without an army backing them up?"

Xander raised the blade again and let it drop.


"So, what? We can't keep it?"

"If you can carry it, pet, you can keep it."

"Can we *go* now? The sun will be up soon." Angel asked,
rolling his eyes.

"Sure." Spike said. "Yeah, lets go. Oh! Wait! I wanna take
some o' those wigs back, you know, for the Slayer."

Part Sixteen  

"You know, we *might* be able to sell that guillotine on E-Bay."
Cordelia told the silent, cigar puffing, group.

"Yeah!" Xander grinned, still twirling his six-shooter. He was
still working on his quick draw. "Or that antique show on the
Sesame Street Channel. What's that called?"

"You two are more than welcome to go back and drag it home."
Angel told them, continuing to walk along in his too big bright
red sneakers. "But, I am *not* waiting."

Xander and Cordelia stopped, eyes bright and grinning at each
other with shared greed.

Spike grabbed Xander by his arm and pulled him forward. "*No*."

"No?" Cordelia huffed. "*Excuse* me, but *no*? I don't see any
*rings* on his fingers, Spike! Xander! Don't be a *wimp*! He
can't tell you what to do!"

"Share my diamonds with you, Xanpet." Spike offered, evilly,
smirking at Cordelia.

"Okay, then." He smiled at Cordelia. "I'm good."

"Whore!" Cordelia snipped at Xander.

"And I'm *okay* with that." Xander laughed.

She looked at Danielle, pleading.

"Sorry, hun. I do fine robbing my victims. You would not
*believe* the amount of cash some people carry. It's obscene.
Really. So, um, I don't really *need* any money from, uh, ebay.
And, more importantly, I don't know these tunnels. I'd help you
if I could, really I would." She puffed at her cigar, smiling at
Cordy. "But I'd hate to be stuck down here with just you." She
took Cordelia's hand and pulled her along. "Getting to know you
is *one* thing. Being stuck down here with you and *hungry*?
That's something else. I don't *do* hungry. I'd suck you dry in
a heartbeat, babe."

"*Fine*." Cordelia moved away from Danielle, pouting. "Everyone
just *ignore* my wants and needs."

Everyone did.

Danielle checked her watch. "I hate to impose, but are you guys
going to be able to put me up for the day?"

Wesley spoke, turning to smile at Danielle. "Oh, yes, of course.
You did help us, after all. The very least we could do is put
you up for the day. We have plenty of rooms. You are most
welcome to stay until the sun goes down."

Spike snickered. "What would the counsel say about you, Wes ole
chum? And you *don't* have plenty of room."

"We *do*." He coughed. "Have *rooms*, that is. But just that,
I'm afraid. *Rooms*, only. And not much else, I'm sorry to

Danielle laughed. "Got rooms without direct sunlight? Got

"Yes. Plenty. *Comforters*, too." He smiled at her.

"Then I'm pleased to accept and thankful for your offer."

"I've already got dibs on and *plans* for your bed,

Wesley sighed. "Pay no mind to *that* one. I really don't know
why Angel didn't stake him while they were down here."

Danielle laughed. "What? The shiny headed one? But he can't be
*all* bad, Wesley. The Bleathvores *loved* him! It takes a
special type of, um, *thing*, for Bleathvores to love you. They
are *very* particular about people, places and things, you know."

"We were busy fucking and trying to keep our heads attached to
our shoulders. Oh. And gambling. We were busy *gambling*, huh,
Spike? *That's* why I didn't stake him, Wes." Angel muttered
from the front.

The tunnel got very quite.

"No, Sire." Spike said. "*I* was busy gambling. You were
*sleeping*, ya bloody toff!"

"What's that you said, Angel?" Cordelia asked. "Did you say
*fuck*? 'Cause it *sounded* like fuck. You can *not* fuck!
Hello! No sex! Are you *Angelus*? I am *so* loaded down with
vamp killing weapons, if you are!" Cordy aimed her supersoaker
at Angel's back.

Angel didn't stop walking. "I said 'fuck'. Doesn't mean
anything. I'm *not* Angelus, Cordy."

"So, just what *does* it mean, Angel?" Xander asked. He didn't
move away from Spike. In fact, he stepped closer to the blond

"It doesn't mean-" Spike began.

Xander cut him off. "I was talking to the BatVamp, Spike. I'm
just *courious*. Wondering, if you will. Who did you *fuck*,
Angel? Did you *fuck* Spike?"

Angel just kept walking. "Almost there."

"Pet, don't worry about what *he* said." Spike said, holding
Xander back and indicating Angel with a tilt of his head. "He
*is* my Sire, after all, and you can't-"

"*Spike*." Xander began. "I'm okay. I'm not mad at you."

Spike was quite as they started to walk again.

But he was thinking. 'Not mad at you.' What the fuck did *that*

"Now, wait a minute, pet. I don't give a fuck if yer *mad* or
not. I can fuck who ever I want! Any *time* I want! I can give
it up to me Sire if I *chose* to, and you be bloody *damned*!"

"But did you *want* to fuck Angel?" Xander asked. Reason,
personified. Xander even *smiled* at Spike.

And just what kind of mind-fucking thing is *this*? Spike
wondered. The boy could fight dirty, it seemed.

"Doesn't *matter* if I-"

"Well, then." Xander cut him off. "You won't be too mad if I do

Xander pulled his six-shooter out and shot Angel in the ass.

"Ow! What the-!" Angel stopped and grabbed his ass. "What the
hell was that?"

"Nope. I won't be mad at all." Spike grinned. "In fact. I'm
*okay* with it." He snickered, mimicking Xander's earlier
statement. "You can do it again, if you want, pet."

"Xander shot you in your ass, Angel." Cordeila told him. "He's
been shooting a lot lately. I still think he needs some type of

"Nope. The *shooting* is the therapy, Cordy."

"Oh. Well. That's good, then. You've managed to get in a lot
of *therapy* this evening, Xan."

"You'll want to get that bullet out pretty quick, Dark One."
Danielle offered. "No telling how old it is. Plus, it could go
*septic*. Bad news for vampires. Nasty. Be a shame to loose
your, um, cheek."

"Dammit Xander! You *shot* me?" Angel turned and grabbed Xander
's shoulder.

Spike growled and Angel growled back, pushing the smaller vampire

"Dammit Angel! You *fucked* Spike?" Xander stood toe to toe,
face to face with the dark haired vampire. And he was pissed.

"Yes I did! I *fucked* him! I can do that! He's my childe! He
's a *vampire*. You need to *know* that!"

Xander crossed his arms across his chest. "Hum. Let me get this
straight. Call me slow. You fucked *my* vampire so I would know
*my* vampire was a *vampire*. Is that your story, Deadboy?"

"He's *my* vampire!" Angel roared. "And he's a *vampire*!"

"I am my *own* effin vam-" Spike began.

Xander and Angel turned to yell at him. "Shut *up*, Spike!"

"This is like a heavy domestic-type squabble kind of thing, isn't
it?" Danielle whispered into Wesley's ear. "Should we be here?"
She looked at the angry threesome and shuddered.

"Well. We might be needed to stop further blood shed. And it is
a bit fascinating don't you think? I've never seen Angel like
this. Maybe he is-"

"No! I don't! Not fascinating at all! It reminds me of my
*parents* fighting when I was still human. I have *issues* with
this type of violence, I'll admit. Stalking, killing, torturing,
rendering limb from limb, I'm okay with *that* stuff, but
domestic violence? No. I can't hang. Must kill all parties
involved. What say we stake the vamps and off Killer? Better
for them all."

"No! Of course we can't!" Wesley patted Danielle's shoulder.
"They'll be fine."

"Okay. Then can we *go*?"

"I'm with the vamp." Cordelia told Wesley. "You can get us out
of here, can't you? You know the way home, huh, Wes?"

"Well, yes. We *are* almost home." He looked around. "I can
get us home from here."

Danielle and Cordelia both grabbed one of Wesley's arms and moved
forward. "Let's let them fight it out, Wes. I'm sleepy. *And*
I wanna raid Angel's closet for another coat. One to go with my
dress." Cordy told him with a smile.

Wesley laughed. "You know, I'm sure you could persuade Angel to
*buy* you a leather coat."

"Yes. But stealing one from him would be more fun."

Danielle smiled as they walked away. "And, *you* can take your
bedroom! You know, the one the Shiny Headed one wanted. Maybe I
can persuade you to *share*." She gave Wesley a wink. "Promise
not to steal covers *or* bite."

"Yuck! Stop! *Way* too much sex going on!" Cordy laughed as
they continued on their way.

". . .your business!" Xander finished.

"I'd say it was. You don't seem to know what you're doing!
Spike is a merciless killer! A *demon*."

"And *what*? You just can't help but *fuck* merciless, killing,
demons, Angel?"

Angel threw his hands in the air. "No! I *can't*! Not if they
are *mine*, that is!"

"Well, *newsflash* Deadboy: He's *mine* now!"

Spike turned and watched as Wesley, Cordelia, and the bar-vamp
walked away. Arm in arm. Happy. They *really* looked like they
were having a good time. He wanted to go with them. But he
couldn't. He had to stay and. . . and *what*? Xander knew that
he and Angel had shagged. Xander was upset with *Angel* for
fucking him, not with Spike for *getting* fucked. It was
doubtful that Xander would start talking about Angel's so-called
*lust* for him. And did he really want to stick around for a
XANDER slash ANGEL showdown?

Okay. Well, sure. Maybe that *would* be fun. But he had all of
this *stuff* to get back. *And* to go through, again.

Nope. He didn't want to stay. "Hey! Not a Watcher! Cordelia!

"What?" Cordy snipped back.

"Wait up!" Spike ran after the threesome, towing his large bag
of goodies. He threw his arm across Cordelia's shoulders. "Let'
s just let those two fight over me. The rest of us can get some

"Shouldn't you be there to congratulate the winner, Shiny Headed

Spike snickered. "Naw. I need time to come up with stories for
all the possible out comes any way. *I'm* the winner, no matter

"How does that work out, Spike?" Wesley asked. "In your twisted
mind, that is."

"Well, *some*one is gonna be mad enough to fuck me." He waggled
his eyebrows at the other three. "Maybe they'll get *together*
and fuck me! ' Cause I'm such a *bad* boy!"

Cordy snorted. "Okay. Yuck. Let us not speak of this again.
And *especially* not if they *do* both fuck you!"

"So why'd you do it, Angel?" Xander asked, as he dumped the
empty shell from his gun and closed the chamber. "Why'd you fuck

Angel stepped closer to Xander but stopped when Xander raised his
gun and pointed it at him.

"That won't kill me you know."

"Yeah. I know, but call me childish along with slow, it'll
*hurt* you, and I'll get a big ole kick outta *that*!" He cocked
the ancient weapon, grinning at Angel. "So *why*? You *knew* we
were together." So okay, sure. The *together* thing had started
off as an act, but, *Angel* didn't know that and it pissed Xander
off. First *Buffy* and now *Spike*. Did the great dark vampire
have to fuck *every* one he wanted? His finger tightened on the

He really wanted to blast another whole in Angel.

"Xander." Angel began, nice and calm.


"Xander. Spike is a *demon*. The chip is one thing, but he's
still a vampire . . ."

"Um, yeah. I *know* that. *I've* spent time with Spike lately,
*you* haven't." Xander reminded him.

"No, I haven't. Not since he tried to *torture* me."

Xander laughed. "That is *not* something I'd *fault* him with,

Angel threw up his hands. "Well *fine*. I *tried* to help you!
*Tried* to talk some sense into you! I don't want Buffy to

"Ha! *Buffy*! This is about Buffy for you isn't it? You don't
want *Buffy* upset with you if Spike kills me while we're here
under your *protection*!"

"Of course I don't want Spike to kill you!"

Xander pointed at him. "*See*! Ha!"

"Buffy or *no* Buffy! I wouldn't want Spike to kill you!
*Dammit* Xander! I *like* you! Can't I just *like* you?"

"Um. I donno. *Can* you just like me?"

Angel ran one hand through his hair and the other down his face.
"Yes. I can. I can just like you. You're a funny guy, Xander.
You have incredibly *bad* taste in vampire lovers, but you're
still a nice guy. I never wanted to be your enemy. That was
your call."

"That's cause you got the girl I wanted!"

Angel chuckled. "Well, I don't have her anymore."

"Yeah, well, you *fucked* my vampire! Let's not forget about

Angel sighed. "*Can't* we? That was just a reaction to a
hostile environment and the situation. Plus, Spike needed
calming down. Not many things calm him down. Sex works.
Sometimes, at least."

Xander began moving along the tunnel. "So, what? Are you saying
my Spike ain't worth fucking without a *situation* being

Angel sighed. "No, I'm *not* saying that! Spike is-"

"Um, Angel? I was joking."

"Yes. I knew that."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did. I was joking *too*!"

"No you weren't."

"*Yes* I was! I can tell a joke when I hear-"

"Angel? Your shoe is untied."

"Huh? Oh. *No* it's not!"

"See? You *can't* tell a joke."

"I take it all back. I *don't* like you, Xander. *Never* did."

Xander laughed. "I didn't *think* you did." Xander looked around
the empty tunnel. "And just *where* did everyone go?

"Look's like they've left us."

"Yeah. Looks like. Let's go."

"Xander? Are we okay?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah. We're fine Angel. We've
got the bowl and Spike and I will be able to go back home soon.
He's figured out a way to turn me, despite the chip."

Angel kept quite as they walked for all of five seconds. "That
was a joke, right? The turning comment?"

Xander kept walking.

"Xander? That *was* a joke right? You are *not* cra-"


"Oh. Okay. Just checking."



"Next joke you don't get?"


"I'm gonna *shoot* you."

They reached the tunnel leading to Angel's warehouse. Angel
paused to look at Xander. "All weapons must be surrendered at
the door. Oh, and the bullet in my ass?"


"*You're* going to get it out."

"Yeah. *That's* going to happen." Xander snickered. "Hey!
That was a *joke* wasn't it?"

Angel didn't speak as he made his way home.

"Angel? Deadboy? That *was* a joke, right? Funny haha? Angel?
am *not* digging around in your ass! Angel?"

Part Seventeen  

Xander followed Angel up and into the warehouse. All was quiet.
Xander continued to follow Angel as he wound his was through a
multitude of twists and turns. The twists looked the same as the
turns and the turns looked the same as the twists. The hallways
all looked alike. He hoped to hell, he wasn't going to have to
find his way out of this maze by himself anytime soon.

Finally they reached a hallway where Xander was able to hear the
voices of the others.

"Um. . .no. Try the maroon on, again, pet. I *loved* that one
on you."

That was Spike. Xander grinned and Angel speeded up a bit.

They soon came to what, Xander assumed, was Angel's bedroom.
Angel made no move to go inside, so Xander stood next to him,
looking inside. A closet was wide open and an assortment of
leather coats was thrown across the large bed. Spike, Wesley,
and Danielle sat on the floor, their backs against the wall,
while Cordelia stood before them in one of Angel's coats and the
perfect little black dress Spike had won from the Bleathvores.

Too much black, Xander thought.

"But I like *this* one!"

"Pet! No! It's not for you. Not with *that* dress! Washes you
out. Try the maroon on again, please? For Spike."

Xander watched as Cordelia pouted at Spike before turning
pleading eyes on Danielle.

"It *does* wash you out with that dress, sweety. Try the


"Well. I like the maroon better, also. Pass the pop corn,

Cordelia stamped her foot and looked in the mirror. "Are you
guys *sure*? I really *like* the black."

Spike stuffed popcorn into his mouth, before passing the bowl to

"Just listen to yer elders and put on the bloody maroon!"

Xander couldn't stop the grin as he watched Cordelia mutter to
herself as she stripped off one of Angel's too big black leather
coats and reach for a too big maroon leather coat. Angel's coat.
He looked over at Angel. The vampire was *not* grinning. Xander
's grin stretched.

"Just what the hell is going on?" Angel thundered.

Or so it seemed to Xander. Angel didn't so much raise his voice,
as he *raised* it. He put a lot of *sound* into the question
without actually yelling. Xander was impressed.

His grin grew even wider and he bit back his laughter.

Everyone in the room jumped; Wesley spilled popcorn, Spike
grinned, his wonderfully obnoxious grin, Danielle looked guilty
and Cordelia straightened her coat-Angel's coat-and looked at the
new arrivals with her mouth open. "Um. . .I'm cold?"

"Oh, um, Angel! Glad to see-" Wesley began.

"Peaches!" Spike stood and grabbed the popcorn bowl from Wesley
before walking to stand before Xander and Angel. He held the
bowl to Angel. "Popcorn, peaches? No?" He shrugged his
shoulders. "Suit yerself." He turned his grin to Xander. "My
sweet Xander." He kissed Xander's grin. "You two okay? We were
worried about you, *weren't* we, guys?"

"Oh! Yes!"

"Of course! Is everything okay?"

"Um. . .How's your ass, Dark One?"

Xander let out his laughter. Angel scowled. Cordelia began
hanging up coats. Wesley stood and looked at Angel. Xander
noted that Wesley's left eye was twitching. Just a bit. "Angel.
We were just. . .well, we were waiting for you and-"

"And I got cold!" Cordelia put in.

Xander felt Angel take in a deep unneeded breath next to him.
"And you forgot where the thermostat was?"

Cordelia cocked her head as if in thought. "Yes? I mean, *no*.
But why run up the bill when I could just get a coat? Right?
Thrifty of me, don't you think?"

"And the rest of you?" Angel asked. "You guys are here in my
room, rummaging through my closet, getting popcorn everywhere to
. . . what?"

Wesley took a stab at it: "To help her get a coat, of course.
Why else?"

"Oh, hell!" Spike moved from his place in front of Xander to
stand before Angel. "The chit was nicking a coat from you-"

"I was *not*!"

". . .and we were helping her pick out the best one. What of

Xander moved away from Spike and into the room. He was sure
Angel was going to do *something* and he didn't want to get in
the way. And he wanted to watch.

Angel's hand reached out and grabbed Spike by the throat. Angel
leaned his face close to Spike's. "I have a bullet in my ass."

Spike grinned. "That you do. Want me to kiss it and make it

Angel's hand tightened around Spike's throat. "No. I do *not*.
I want you to get the bullet out."

Spike laughed. "*I* didn't shoot you in the ass, Peaches!"

"Didn't you, boy?"

"And what's that supposed to mean? I was with *you* when Xander
discovered his affinity for shootin' holes in to people. And
vampires." Xander watched as Spike turned his head, as far as
Angel's hold on it would allow, and grinned at him. He grinned
back. "Let go of my neck, Sire, and we can talk about it."

Angel squeezed *real* hard once more and let go with a little

"Oh! Um." Danielle stood. "I am *so* sorry for intruding in on
your. . . this is a *family* thing. And Wesley says it's not
worth killing you guys over. . .but. . . well. " The bar vamp
was clearly flustered. "I should go." She looked at Wesley and
Cordelia, who had put on the maroon coat during the drama, and
now stood next to Wesley. "We should go, really."

"Yes." Cordelia grabbed Wesley and Danielle. "We should go. So
we're going now. We'll let you, three, get on with the bullet
removal project. We'll be in the other room. Not watching or
listening to anything that might happen." She led the other
three out the door and closed it behind them.

Xander sat on the floor, his back against the bed and looked at
the closet. "Jesus. No T.V., but you went out and bought, what?
A million *dollars* worth of leather. You're pretty sick,

"What? No. I had that in a storage--. Never mind!"

Xander opened his mouth to spout something sarcastic but Angel
moved forward, undoing his belt. "Now." He pulled the belt free
and undid his pants. He kicked off the too big bright red
sneakers and stepped out of his pants. He was naked. Waist down
at least.


Spike kept his gaze on Xander.

Xander shivered beneath that look. And he grinned.

"What's that, then, Sire?" Spike asked, walking to Xander. The
blonde sat down next to Xander, facing the bed.

Angel lay down on the bed and grabbed a pillow, shoving it under
his chin. He grabbed another pillow and shoved it under his
pelvis, raising his ass.

"That's a disturbing sight." Xander whispered to Spike, turning
away from Angel's naked, bleeding ass. Spike leaned in and
kissed Xander. "Oh, it's not so bad, pet. Not often he *does*
that." Xander moved his head forward, capturing Spike's mouth
and kissing him deeply.

"What are you two doing? Are you *kissing*? Stop it! Get this
fucking bullet out of me *right* now! Right now! Or I'm going
to suck you both *dry*! Dry! And then break your fucking

Xander pulled back from a wet kiss with Spike and smiled at
Angel. "Kay. Right." He kissed Spike's lips again.

"Spike!" Angel snapped. "In my bath room medicine cabinet there
's a first aid kit. Get it. Cut this damn bullet out of me!"

Spike leaned in and kissed Xander again. Xander puffed his lips
up and took the kiss. He even opened his mouth and took in some
Spike tongue, oblivious to Angel and his desire to kill him and
Spike, both.

"Xander?! Spike?! Get this fucking bullet out of me *now*! Or

Spike chuckled and stood up. He walked to the ensuite bathroom
and began pawing through the medicine cabinet. Xander rose and
sat on the bed, placing his ass next to Angel's head. "Don't
worry, Deadboy, Spike's on his way to get the knife." Xander
patted Angel's shoulder as he watched Spike paw through Angel's
medicine cabinet. "So. Where's the bowl? I didn't see you
stash it."

Angel turned his head up at to look at Xander. "Bowl?"

"Yeah. You know the one. The one we *came* for?"

Angel blinked. "Yeah. The 'slayer saving bowl', as Spike so
eloquently put it. It's nice and safe. I stashed in the hall.
Didn't you see me? You'll be able to take it and *yourselves*
back home, safe and sound to Sunnydale."

"Here we go!" Spike came out holding the largest first aid kit
Xander had ever seen. He placed it on the bed and opened it up.
"Oh, look, it even has a scalpel. Nice." Spikes hand went to a
small brown bottle before abandoning it and going to a pure white
one. He winked at Xander and opened it. "We don't want the
hydrogen peroxide, we want the alcohol."

"No! We want the hydro-Argh!"

Spike tipped the alcohol over Angel's bullet puckered ass. Angel
clenched his ass and fisted the bedspread.

"You rotten son-of-a-"

"Bitch, Sire? Son of a bitch? Is *that* what you were gonna
call me, *Sire*?

Angel hissed but said nothing.

Spike held out his hand. "Scalpel!"

Xander stood and came to stand next to Spike. He pulled out the
disposable scalpel and removed the plastic covering. He slapped
it into Spike's hand. "Scalpel!"

Spike took it and regarded the ass before him. "Humm."

"Humm?" Xander asked.

"Humm? *What* hummm? What are you doing?" Angel demanded.

"Hummm. I don't recall your ass being *this* wide, Sire. Has it
*always* been this wide?"

"Can vampires gain weight?" Xander asked.

"Shut up!" Angel wiggled said wide ass. "Cut it out! And cut
the bullet out! *Now*! Or I'm going to eat your liver."

Spike chuckled. "Aw. I bet you say that to *all* the blokes you
set yer naked ass before."


"Wait!" Xander interrupted. "Shouldn't we wash our hands?"

"Smart thinking, pet. Hold your hands over his ass." Xander
did. Spike poured alcohol over Xander's hands and Angel's ass.

"Okay." Spike cut in deep across the small hole, opening the
flesh. It widened and sort of *spilled* forth, along with a lot
of blood. The bullet pushed up and into view. Xander got a
little queasy but kept watching as Spike plucked the bullet out.

He handed it to Xander. Xander didn't take it. Spike shoved it
under Xander's nose.

"Here, pet. *Take* it. Nice memento of our trip to the city of

"Can't I just get a coat like, Cordy?" Xander took the bullet.
"Um, okay, *yuck*." He shoved the bullet into his pocket. "But
I don't have *enough* *yuck*-mementos of our time here, do I?
Your wigs don't really count do they, Spike?"

Spike poured more alcohol on Angel's ass. "Nope. The wigs are
for the slayer, pet. Don't be greedy. Gimmie that suture kit."

Xander handed it to him. Spike sighed and poured more alcohol on
Angel's ass. "*Open* it, pet, and thread the needle."

"Oh! Right! Sure! I can do that." Xander opened up the kit
and licked the thread before threading the needle. He looked up
at Spike. "Guess I broke the, ah, *sanitary* seal, huh? My spit

Spike leaned over and kissed him. He pulled back with a grin.
"Your spit is just *nummy*, pet."

"Stop that!" Angel yelled into his pillow. "Sew me up!"

Spike jammed the needle into Angel's ass, none too gently. "Hold
him together for me, pet."

"No." Xander shook his head, looking into the flesh and blood
spilling wound on Angel's ass. "I don't think I want to do

"Damn it, Xan! The sooner we get him sewed up the sooner we can
find a place to go and fuck! Now hold him closed, so's I can sew
the poof up!"

"Well, you put it like that. . ." Xander took in a deep breath
and held it. He placed his fingers on either side of the
incision and pushed them together. "How's that?"

"Push that pocket of fat in."

"Really? Do I have to? Can't you sew around it?"

"Push it in!"

"When I break your necks? It's not going to be quick and clean.
No. I'm going to start with the *seventh* vertebrae. The one
down *deep*. And then I'm going to work my way *up*. One
vertebrae at a time."

Xander pushed in the protruding flesh and held it closed while
Spike began to sew. "Just shut up, Sire. You just *hold* the
cat, okay?"

Angel mumbled into his pillow and Spike sewed. He bit off the
thread close to Angel's ass and tied it off. Spike slapped Angel
's other ass cheek when he was finished. "All done,
Sire. Nice and neat. Oh, wait, one more thing." Spike poured
the rest of the alcohol over the neatly stitched wound. "There
we, go. Very nice, if I do say so, myself. Some of my best
work, really."

Xander let go of Angel's ass. "We're all done?" He asked,
looking at Angel's ass. He grinned. "It looks really *good*
Angel. You look like some one knifed you. Not like I *shot*

"Oh, goody. I'm so *pleased* with that distinction."

Angel rose from the bed and ran his hand through his hair. He
winced when it got tangled. "I'm going to take a shower and wash
my hair about 10 times. Get out of my room." Angel commanded,
heading towards the bathroom.


"*What*, Spike?"

"Well, there's the little matter of my surgical fee!"

Angel changed course and headed towards Spike, menace in mind.

Spike threw his hands in the air. "Just joking, Sire. You
really should go take care of that hair. It's disgraceful,
really. Nasty. I think I just saw something *move* in there."

Angel's hands flew to his hair and he turned back to the bathroom
without another word and slammed the door shut behind him. They
heard the shower start almost immediately.

Spike looked at Xander and ginned.

His evil grin.


"Kiss me, Xan."

"Um, okay." And Xander did. Quick and hard and fast. His hot
lips brushed against Spike's cool ones, before quickly pulling
away. He moved back, ready to leave the room. Spike grabbed his
hand and pulled him back. Spike was pouting. "Not like *that*
Xander. More like *this*"

And then Spike took hold of Xander and threw him on the bed,
coming over him and grinning. Spike placed his mouth against
Xander's and thrust his tongue inside as his hand went to Xander'
s jeans and began to open them.

"Umph! Sp-Spike!"

Spike pulled back, scowling. "What?"

"We can't do this here! Angel will be out soon and there's
*blood* everywhere!"

Spike grinned. "Yes. Blood. Isn't it romantic? An' Angel's
gonna be washin' his hair for *hours*. You and I are just gonna
have a little quickie."

"I really don't thin-"

"Too much thinking, pet. Not enough quickie." Spike rose over
Xander's knees and finished undoing his pants. He scowled at the
gun belt still strapped around Xander and began muttering to
himself as he undid it and tossed it over his shoulder and to the

"Hey! Be careful with that!"

Spike didn't look up or acknowledge Xander as he pulled the
mortals pants to his knees with one hand and undid his pants with
the other. "This ain't so hard. Don't know what the poof was
complaining about." He muttered out loud as he freed his hard

"What?! What do-."

Spike stopped Xander's question with his mouth, thrusting his
tongue inside, as he placed his erect member over Xander's and

"Um . . .kay, never mind." Xander mumbled into Spike's mouth.

Spike brought his hand to Xander's cock and grasped it, holding
tight, while still kissing him with deep sweeping movements of
his cool tongue. Xander's hands moved to Spike's head, grasping
handfuls of the vampire's hair and holding him still as he let
his tongue come into play and taking over the kiss. Xander ran
his tongue along Spike's teeth and tickled the roof of his mouth
before letting it slide along Spike's tongue.

"Um, yes, pet." Spike pulled back, ignoring Xander's moan of
displeasure, and licked and sucked his way down Xander's chin and
to his neck. He suckled the skin over Xander's jugular, leaving
a bright red bruise before moving down, nipping, sucking and
licking is way down Xander's chest and stomach until he reached
the head of Xander's cock. He ran his tongue over the head of
Xander's penis before taking the entire length into his mouth and
sinking down until his nose nestled in Xander's bush. He
swallowed several times, working Xander's cock with his throat
before pulling up and sinking back down, letting his tongue sweep
across the tightly drawn sac. Spike moved his mouth up and down
Xander's cock several times, until Xander grabbed hold of Spike's
head and held it still, thrusting himself in deep and holding
still as he came with a quiet shout of pleasure. Spike nodded
his head, Xander still deep in his throat, as he took in every
drop of Xander's release with pleasure. He kept Xander's cock in
his throat until he felt the last jettison of cum shoot down his
throat. He moved his mouth up slowly, his lips wrapped tight
around the shaft, until he reached the head. He let it go with a
kiss. Xander moaned. Spike grinned and moved up Xander's body,
his jeans and boots slowing, but in no way stopping, his
progress. He presented Xander with his cock. The young man
grinned before wrapping his hand around the shaft and bringing
the head to his mouth, licking the wetness up with a swipe of his
tongue. Spike moaned and Xander wrapped his hands around the
vampire's ass and pulled him close, toppling the vampire over him
and sending the cock deep in his mouth. Xander swallowed
frantically around the hard shaft and tried to breathe through
his nose. Spike rose a bit, his hands on the headboard, and let
Xander catch his breath. Xander kept one hand on Spike's ass and
let the other cup the vampire's balls as he began to suck and
lick his way up and down the tasty treat before him. Spike began
to work his hips, slow and easy. Xander kept up, loving the feel
of Spike sliding in and out of his mouth, past his lips and over
his tongue. Spike brought one hand from the headboard and slid
it into Xander's silky curls, stroking as the boy worked his
mouth over his cock. "Oh, yes, pet. Nice. Very nice. Um. . .I
'm gonna cum. . .S'okay if I cum in you?" It was Xander's turn
to nod his head with a mouth full of cock. He tightened his hand
over Spike's balls, rubbing, as he sank down on the cock in his
mouth. He brought his hand up, holding tight against the
saliva-wet shaft, and began to jack Spike off and into his mouth.
He pulled back once he felt the first taste of Spike and wrapped
his mouth around the head of him, wanting to taste every drop of
his vampire lover. Spike fought the urge to thrust into Xander's
mouth and instead, fisted his hand in Xander's hair and *came*.
Holding still, he just came, shooting himself into Xander's open
and eager mouth. "Oh, pet." He pulled out slowly, his cock
still held in Xander's hand, and moved back down. Spike lay his
cheek against Xander's chest, listening to the rapid beat of his
lover's heart. He nuzzled against the chest, licking at it and
grinning as he worked his pants further down his legs. Xander's
hands went to his hair and began to pet him, running his fingers
through the bleached strands. Spike moved his head up and into
the caress, like some great big cat, rubbing against the strokes.
"Pet." Spike chuckled. "That wasn't as quick as I meant it to

"No? But I'm okay with it." Xander murmured more sleep than

"Yeah, me too, pet."


Spike's and Xander's eyes flew open and both were wide-awake and
scrambling off the bed and stumbling to pull up their pants.

"This is *Spike's* fault!" Xander tattled, falling. He righted
himself and began pulling up his pants.

"Oh, *nice*, pet. Glad to know you'll look out for me!"

"Hey! *Me* he can *kill*! *You* he'll probably just *fuck*

"Oh! Can't let that go, can you? Well, let it *go*, sweets! It
*don't* and it *didn't* mean anything! If you're gonna be with a

"Shut up!" Angel thundered. And *thunder* this time, he did.
Yelled at the very top of his useless but very effective for
yelling lungs. Xander winced and covered his ears.


Both vampire and mortal made quick work of righting clothes and
headed towards the door, backing up and smiling at a *very* angry
Angel. Xander stopped to scoop up his gun. Spike grabbed his
arm and hastened his exit. "Yer hair looks *great*, peaches."

"GET *OUT*!"

Spike pulled Xander out and slammed the door shut behind them.
He looked at Xander. "'This is all *Spike's* fault'?" He
mimicked in a whinny tone.

Xander grinned. "Yeah. I don't think I was *that* whinny, but
yeah. All your fault."

"Oh, yer tongue was cut out? You couldn't say *no*? You're

"Yep. Blameless." Xander batted his baby browns at Spike. "I
was *enthralled* by some sex hungry demon." Xander moved in to
kiss Spike.

Spike pushed Xander away and began walking down the hall. He
took hold of Xander's hand and pulled him along. "Stuff it, Xan.
I *was* gonna let you have one of the slayer's wigs, but no more.
No wig for *you*!"

Xander grinned at the back of Spike's head. "No wig? Really?
Not even if I go back and tell Angel it was all *my* fault that
we did a dirty thing in his bed?"

Spike shook his head. "Nope. Too late."

Xander moved forward and wrapped his arms around Spike's
shoulders and placed his legs next to the vampires, moving with
him step for step. Spike ignored him. Xander licked his ear.
Spike ignored him and kept moving, turning and twisting his way
along. "Ah, can't I have a wig? Pretty please?"

Spike stopped at the entrance to the. . . what? Living room?
Xander didn't know, but Wesley, Danielle and Cordy lounged about.

Cordy took a close look at them. "No coats? All that time and
no *coats*? You two are pretty sorry."

"Yeah, but Xander has a bullet and a wig to go home with." Spike

Wesley, Cordelia and Danielle would forever be left wondering why
such a statement would cause Xander to pull Spike to him and kiss
him so *feverishly* in front of them. They just hopped such
statements were few and far between.

Part Eighteen  

"Okay!" Cordelia crossed her arms across her chest. "*No* more
kissing! Just stop it! I don't suffer *enough* with my
*visions* of horrors? I need to keep seeing Spike and Xander
kisses right in front of me? In the *flesh*? No! I don't!"

Xander sat down on the couch. "Man. Sure could use some TV,
right about now." He looked at Cordelia and smiled. "I mean,
*really* what's better after bullet removal and sex than T.V?"

"Gee, I don't know. How about a shower?"

"Naw. Not yet." Xander grinned and wiggled, enjoying his
stickiness. "I'm okay."

"How about death by former girl friend? Is that a good 'after'
thing? Cause I can do that."

"Nope." Xander spread his arms out across the back of the couch
as he settled further down into the fluffy comfort of the couch.
"That come's *way* down on the list of things to do after bullet
removal and sex in a blood stained bed."

"I'm gonna call the Watcher." Spike said, interrupting Cordelia'
s gagging.

"Yes! Good idea. Call Giles. Go *home* you two!"

"Well, then, get me the bleedin' phone!"

"Oh? What? You don't know where it is by now? You guys have
been here, like, for *ever* now!"

Spike made a face at her. "It's been me in a Bleathvore cage for
*hours*, pet, and no I don't know where the phone is. Be a dear
and *give* it to me!"

"Well. Everything seems to be nice and settled. I'm just going
to take Danielle here to a place she can get some rest. If you
need me. . .I'll be, um, unavailable, so please, let's try and
not need me." Wesley rose and led the vampire out of the room.

Cordelia grabbed Spike's arm and pulled him towards the kitchen,
muttering beneath her breath.

"What's that? You'd *like* to give it to me? Cordy! Really?
Well, maybe we could. . .Hey! This is just some sick game of I
can have my ex-boyfriend's *current* boyfriend, if I *want* to,
innit? Shame on you! Slut! But, well, revenge *is* important,
isn't it? I understand. So if you wanna have your nasty way
with me, *fine*. Do me." Spike held out his arm towards
Cordelia, his wrist limp, and his hand hanging. "I ask only that
you be *gentle*."

Cordelia stopped in front of the phone and pointed to it. "You
are so *not* funny, Spike!"

"Liar. I'm *damn* funny." Spike picked up the phone and dialed
Giles' number. "And I'm *cute*, too. You want me. You *know*
you do." Spike winked at her.

"Spike! I *so* do not! You-

"Yes." Spike spoke into the phone. "Coroners office, Los Angels
county." Spike spoke with a nasal American accent. "We are
trying to reach the next of kin of one Alexander Harris. Do we
have the right number? Ah, that's so *touching*, Watcher."
Spike pulled the phone away from his ear. "*I* thought it was
funny!" Spike mumbled, placing the phone back at his ear. "But,
I've come to the conclusion that every one I know these days
lacks humor. He's *fine*. I was *joking*. Yes, well, I *am* a
vampire. What? *No* you can't. He's in the other room.
Dammit, if he were dead I'd *tell* you! No I am *not* going to
go and get him! Oh, for. . .Hey! Watcher! Is your *slayer*
still alive? Yes? Wanna *keep* her that way? Yes. Well, I,
*we*, Xander-the still very much alive *Xander*-and I, have the
thing. It's a bowl. How's about *that*? A *bowl*. It looks
like a plain old *bowl*. The kind you'd put cereal and milk in,
*not* the type you'd grind up bones in. *Those* are the bowls
*I* like. Yep, the Bleathvore's had it. Cool bunch, they were.
Did I? Well, I take it all back. It was a case of them being
chock full of stuff that hurts, *us*. Not really them being
chock full of *stinging*, stuff. See? We, as, people, or
non-people, dead people, if you will, can't take their stuff. We
don't get *stung* by them. The *sting* us. They were very cool.
Loved them. Oh, sorry, I'm so slow, but I *was* knocked out and
held in a small electrified cage for a good bit of time! Yes, of
*course* by the Bleathvores! It wasn't Mickey Mouse and *his*
band of terrorists! Doesn't make 'em any less cool, Watcher.
With my charm and my wits, of course, *and* my way around a deck
of cards. Angel was *no* help. We'd be headless if it were left
up to *him*. Spell, you say? Need it right away, do you? What?
No time for Disneyland? What about Knottsberry Farm? Ya sure,
then? Not even a spin in the tea cups? You're such a Watcher.
But I promised the boy! Yes, Xander! I've not picked up any
*other* boys! Why? Do I have time too? Again, lack of humor.
The car? No, sorry, it's fine. Runs like a well-oiled machine.
No I did *not* add oil! He's in the shower. He's very dirty and
needs to spend some quality time with his hair and his hair gel.
Well, I don't think so. That soon? No. It's *late*. Or early,
what ever you want to call it. We'll crash here 'till sundown
and then head back. Yes, I'll *try*. What if I just leave it on
the edge of town, hire a hack, an' you report it stolen when we
get there? No? Why not? Well, I'll set it afire! Of *course*
that would be *wrong*! It would be insurance fraud. But that'd
be practically an American *tradition*! Ha! If I could do that
to myself I *would* and thank myself for the good time! You,
again, show your lack of humor, Watcher. I've a mind not to give
you your present. Bleathvore stuff. Um, yes, *now* be nice to
me, once I mention *presents*. Whore yourself to me, Watcher,
you know I *love* that. Yes you are, you little be nice to the
vamp once he mentions dusty tomes of knowledge, Watcher, you.
Um. Yeah. A few sweet words to the vamp with the human and
demon skin for pages, books. Whatever. I don't know! I gotta
go. I do. I'm gonna find a flat surface to fuck Xander and then
go to sleep. What? I said sleep. Are you *sick*? Why would I
*say* that? But I do! Leather bound dusty *old* tomes of great
importance, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Nice. Whore *Xander* now. I
was, uh, kidding? No? Look, I've the thing, we are safe and
sound, so's the car. My apologies 'bout that, can't be helped,
the little Honda is a trooper, and we'll be home soon. Love you
*bunches*." Spike hung up the phone with a big grin.

"You are so evil, Spike." Cordelia muttered from the doorway.

"Still here, pet? Stayed to seduce me, did you, you deep eyed

Cordelia snorted. "No I did-"

"Well, forget it." Spike headed towards the living room. "Had
your chance, you did, girlie. Xander! Your trampy ex-girlfriend
is trying to put the moves on me!"

"Be strong and don't look her in the eyes. It's the *eyes* that
get you!"

Spike found his way back to the living room. Xander was lying on
the sofa staring up at the ceiling.

"Bored, pet?" Spike asked, flopping down over him and leaning
into Xander's face.

"Yes!" Xander smiled into Spike's face. "Well, okay i *am*
counting tiles. *God* yes, I am! There is no TV here. Can we
take the bowl and go home now? *No* TV. *No* vamps, to-no
offense-, Spike, -to slay. I'm hella bored! And I'm hella
*hungry*! I wanna go eat! And I wanna go home! If we leave now
we can just make it before you go poof! What say you? Shall we
go for it? Live on the edge? I'm okay with the risk factor. I
feel nice and safe."

"It'll be daylight soon." Spike told him, settling his hips and
hands upon Xander, getting comfortable.

Xander sat up, his back against the arm of the couch. He smiled
at Spike as the vamp leaned down and kissed him. "You can get
into the trunk of the car, and we can go home." Xander offered,
all reason.

Spike smiled down into Xander's face. "I am *not* getting into
the trunk, *or* the back seat, or even the *passenger* seat.
Just forget about *driving* home, pet. Fucked you, yeah, and
while it means I *like* you, it does *not* mean I *like*, like
you enough to let you drive us home, it---." CRACK!

And Spike was slumped over him. Knocked out cold. Knocked out
dead. Or deader than usual.

"Well, hell. This can't be good. Why'd you *do* that?" Xander
asked a grinning Angel, once he'd pushed a knocked out Spike out
of the way. A grinning Angel, all shiny clean and spike haired,
Angel, that held an. . .oar? "Is that an *oar*? As in, lets go
for a boat ride, oar?"

Angel moved it away from his face and smiled at Xander. "Yep.
An oar. Come on. He needed a good whack, anyway." Angel pulled
Spike off of Xander and dropped him on the floor. "Hurry. He's
gonna wake soon. Best get you two in the car before that

"Um, yeah. But for some reason, I don't want you to treat my
vampire like that. Be a little more careful with him, would you?
But I am *so* gonna blame this all on *you*!" Xander told the
dark haired vampire, as he picked up his end of the blond vampire
and hefted him out the door.

"Umph. Yeah." Angel grinned at Xander as he shoved him out the
door via Spikes dead weight. "Yep. It'll be all funny like once
you two are back in Sunnydale, or mostly back in Sunnydale.
Quick! Open the back door!"

"No! Put him in the front seat! That way I can see him as he's
coming for me."

"Yeah. But I don't think he's gonna hurt you, Xander. Maybe
just slap you around a little. You can take that, can't you?
Plus, you can blame this all on me."

"Umph, he's heavier than he looks, watch his legs! And I *am*
gonna blame this all on you, duh! Already *said* so. Not to
mention it's all your doing! Hear the future: It will sound
like: '*Angel* hit you! *Angel* put you in the car, and *Angel*
grrd at me until I drove away, are you okay, my sweet, Spike?
Oh, and Cordy buckled you in.' Sound good? 'Cause that's my
story, and I'm sticking to it. That's my plan. You like? Sound
good? Do I have all the stuff? I'd hate for him to have to come
back for his garbage. He's gonna be pissed, if I didn't get it
all." Xander told Angel as he buckled the knocked out vampire
into his seat belt. "You'd better have loaded all the stuff.
Books and stuff." Xander gave Angel a glare. "I mean it. I
want *all* his gar-um, stuff! Wigs, included! I don't want to
have to turn the car around. But I will, if I have too!"

"It's all in there. You are good to go, Xander. Have a good

"Kay. Um, how long do you think he's gonna be out?"

Angel grinned. "Not long, I'm afraid. You'd better hurry."

Xander grinned, placed a CD in the player, blasted Breakstuff and
hit the freeway.

"Ugh. Turn it down. What'd I drink? How much did I have too
drink? Did I sell Dru? What I get for her? Xander? Xander?!
What the fuck? Did you *hit* me you little shit?"

Xander reached over and turned the music *up*. Fred Durst
continued to bitch about his ex and Xander checked the rear view
before changing lanes. "Hey, Spike. Amongst the living once
again? Or so. Missed you, I did. Sleep good?"

"Did you hit me, Xander?"


Spike rubbed the back of his head and winced once he came across
the lump. The lump that *hurt*. "I've been *hit*. I *know*
when I've been hit! On the back of my head. And hard, too!."
Spike sorta snarled at Xander while he *whined* at him.

"Yeah. With an oar. Boat ride kinda oar. He whacked you a good
one." Xander told him, changing lanes, once again. "That damn,

"Did that little soul full fuck *hit* me, Xander?"

Xander bit his lip and changed lanes once again. "Are you trying
to get me car sick, whelp? Pick a lane and *drive* innit! Or I
*swear* I'm gonna vomit in your lap! Did he? *Hit* me?"

"Did he who, what?" Xander made to change lanes once again, but
Spike grabbed the wheel and held it still and growled.

And how cute was a cant hurt humans vampire's growl? Cute enough
that Xander didn't mention it.

"Let's not kill the driver!" He said instead.

"Um, not much of a threat, when the passenger will walk away all
safe and sound. Did that soul full fuck *hit* me and knock me

"What? Who? Angel? *That* soul-full fuck? Yep. He clocked you
back side the head and shoved you in the passenger seat. Buckled
you in and told me to drive home, or *else*. And what? Really,
*lover*?" And Xander was pissed enough at this point to snear
the word 'lover'. Why'd Spike think *he* had hit him? "What was
I *supposed* to do? He wasn't *hurting* you, so. . .yeah, and
*fuck*, he'd already *hit* you, so, yeah, I told him to put you
in the car. Be careful with you and let us get home! Shit!"

"Be careful with me?"

"What the fuck am I doing, *now* you big baby?" Xander snarled,
changing lanes with a *hard* right turn. Fucker.

Spike snickered. "No. You told him to be careful with me?"
Spike squeezed Xander's thigh. "Aren't you the sweet vampire
slayer's best friend, fucked by a chipped vampire that'd turn you
if he could and kill all your friends and bath in their blood if
he could."

Xander checked his rearview mirror, signaled, changed lanes,
safely, and smiled at Spike. "Would you, really?"

"Oh, Xan-pet, I'd spend *hours* bathing in Giles' and the slayer'
s blood if I could."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You'd turn me?"

Spike chuckled and began to undo Xander's jeans. Once his cock
was free and deep in Spike's throat the vampire nodded his head
in the affirmative motion.

Spike pulled free and gave the mortal a dirty look, eyes
narrowed. "I wouldn't let you *drive*, pet. Let's not get it
all twisted, but I *would* turn you." He sank back down.

Xander took one hand off the steering wheel of the Honda and
patted Spike on his talented head. "I *knew* you started to like
me, Spike." Xander grinned up at the high way sign letting him
know Sunnydale was close. "But I wasn't going all *crazy* with

"Mum, Spike? Know what's on the off ramp, home?"

Negative motion from Spike.


Part Nineteen

Spike removed Xander from his mouth, licked his lips, placed
Xander back inside his jeans and zipped him up. "I'm full."

"Good for you." Xander grinned, exiting the highway. "But I
want donuts."

"Have you no romance in your soul, Xander?"

"Um. . ."

"You should be telling me what good head I give, whelp!"

"Ah. I see. Okay. Cause I'm fresh out of bloody sheets, right?
I know you like those."

"I do. But that's ambiance. Bloody sheets have their place, but
*now* is the time for compliments." Spike squeezed Xander's
thigh. "*Now* is the time for you to say stuff like: Oh,
GODJESUSCHRISTABOVE! *Never* have I had such a blowjob! Are you
a *professional*? And you should smile at me and bat your girlie
eyelashes at me and then tell me you feel like you should *pay*
me." Spike gave Xander a grave and serious look.

"'God-jesus-christ-above'? Really? You think I should *say*
stuff like that? Cause, I'm not gonna. And I do *not* have
girlie eyelashes."

"Well, if not that, then something comparable. What ever the
kids say in the throes of passion these days. And women would
*kill* to have your eyelashes. I've know a few who *have* killed
for the likes of them."

"That would be the stuff like, 'fuck', 'harder', 'deeper', and,
um, 'more'! And I'm *sure* I say that to you."

"Really? That's *all* they say?" Spike sniffed. "Heathens."

Xander pulled into the all night donut shop's parking lot. "If
they *really* like you, and if they are *really* having a good
time they ask you if you want sprinkles."

"Do they? Lack's poetry, if you ask me. Calling the lord's name
in vain? *That* show's the lust. Or at least, it *did*."

"Um, yes, back in the day, I'm sure it did, but for now we have
what we have. Spike?"

"What is it, then, heathen-Xander?"

"You want sprinkles?"

"Oh, *Xan-der*!" And Spike fluttered *his* eyelashes.

Xander unbuckled his seatbealt and opened the door. "Yep.
Really. Sprinkles for you, cause you give the best head I've
*ever* had while driving home from a going to get a slayer saving
thing from the vampire ex-boyfriend of said slayer, who just
happens to be the only girl I've ever really wanted and was in
love with but couldn't have and you *seduced* me while on said
trip and I'm in total *denial* about said seduction and I guess
it all makes me kinda gay now and that's *another* thing I don't
really want to think about but I *have* learned to love my
inner-gunslinger and for *that* I'm grateful. Oh. And for my
inner gunslinger's gun. Well, *guns*. Cause I kinda stole a gun
or five of Angel's. I thank you for that. So? Want sprinkles?"

"I don't know." Spike grabbed his head and squinted at Xander.
"That speech has given me a headache and made me all confused.
Sentence? Paragraph? Thought? Or thesis?" Again, Spike made
with the eyelashes. "But do you *love* me?" Spike simpered.

"I'm offering sprinkles, Spike. Take 'em or leave 'em."

"Sprinkle me, baby."

Xander shut the door and walked towards the shop door. Spike
leaned across the seat and stuck his head out the driver's side
window. "But, Xan-der!" Spike yelled over the roar of the five
Harleys pulling into the parking lot.

Xander opened the door and held it open as he turned back to look
at Spike. "What?"

"So? Was it the best head *ever*?"

"I don't see what you're so *mad* about. They didn't hurt you.
Didn't even rough you up."

"Humph." Xander checked his mirrors and made his turn.

"You bullshitted your way out of any trouble just fine, didn't

"Humph." Xander speed up a little. Not too much. Hit his
brights at a dark corner. All clear. He made his turn.

"It's not like you were once the Big Bad and found yer'self
*incapacitated* with the very *thought* of ripping their throats
out, is it, then? *That* be a hard thing to swallow, wouldn't,
then? *That* be something to be in a *pissy* mood about, then,

"Humph." Xander reached over and into the box of donuts on Spike
's lap and pulled out a chocolate cake with sprinkles. He hit a
button on his door and Spike's window slid down. He tossed the
donut out and then closed the window.

"There were only *five* of them. You kill *vampires*. You hang
out with the *slayer*. You've *shagged* a very dangerous, blood
thirsty, wanna kill all your friends, vampire! That'd be *me*,
pet." Spike sniffed. "You have a *gun*. Or *Guns*, apparently,
you little klepto."

"Humph." Xander reached for a cream filled glazed and brought it
to his mouth. He made a sharp turn and bit into the deep fried
cream filled treat. "Not a *klepto*. I *meant* to steal them."
He shot Spike a dirty look.

"They probably weren't even *real* bikers. Just those corporate
nancy-boys, like to dress up like and play at being bikers. They
did have nice leathers though, didn't they? That one giant
bloke, had on a nice set of chaps, didn't he? That was good
leather, it was."


"So, sure. Maybe I *shouldn't* have tipped over the bikes.
Sometimes I forget about the chip and just start to recall my
days of yore! Days of fun! Days of me being *SPIKE* and being
able to *have* fun like that! Sue me!"


"That whole me being your retarded brother, while really galling,
was pure genius, on your part. See? Who needs super slayer
stuff when you can *bullshit* like that? Strength is strength
and while it's a good thing to have it ain't *bullshitting*! Now
*that's* good stuff. The slayer? She'd *still* be fighting!"


"You *liked* it. You know you did. When the giant helped to
buckle me in you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing. I
know you did. I *know* you Xander. You think you're all deep
and secretive, but I *know* you. I *read* you, Xan. You were
having fun."


"Fine!" Spike undid his seatbelt and reached into the back seat.
"Ha! Got it."

"Put your seatbelt back on! They *ticket* for that, you know!"

Spike sat back in his seat and tossed Xander a grin as he rolled
down his window. He placed his right arm out the window. "I'm
gonna drop the bowl, Xander."

"What? Bring that back in here *right* this minute, Spike!
Right this minute! Do you want me to stop the car? I will. I'
ll stop."

"Stop. I don't care. Admit it."

"Admit what? You're a fucking nut? Yes! I admit it! You're
the nuttiest vampire *ever*!"

"Admit you had fun with the bikers."

"I did *not* have fun with the fucking bikers! You could have
gotten us *killed*! Beaten to death by really big guys in
leather! *Not* the way I want to go!"

"My fingers are getting numb, Xander. I might drop the bowl. I
need truth. Did you have fun?"

"God damn it, Spike! Okay! Maybe!"

"Can't feel my little finger. Gonna drop the bowl."

"Fine! Yes! It was *fun*! It was fucking *fun*! When that big
leather dressed behemoth helped me buckle you in and took such
*care* with you I wanted to *crack up*! Okay? Yes! That was
fun! This is *not*. Bring the bowl back in."

"Okay." *crash*. "Oops."

Xander slammed on the breaks, fishtailing and stalling the car.

"Now *that's* a seatbelt! I mean, really! I didn't even *move*.
I might have to look into getting one of these little Hondas, I
just might. Don't see what the Watcher is so against."

"You *dropped* the bowl?" Xander asked through gritted teeth.

Spike was pulling at his now slack seatbelt. "What? No. That
was just a bowl. Ceramic, circa 1970's. Had a pretty pattern I
liked, though. Thought it'd make a nice cereal bowl. Shame I
dropped it. Didn't think I'd hold the real thing out the bloody
*window*, did you, pet? Think I'm daft? Have Slutty, her great
big commando boy toy *and* Rupert gunning for me? What? You
think you're shagging a moron?"

Xander took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No. I
think *you're* shagging a moron." He restarted the car and,
after beating his head against the steering wheel three times,
began driving again.

"Okay. Hey!" Spike grinned at Xander. "Only *I* can talk about
the bloke I'm shagging. *You* be nice. Or else."

"Yeah. I'll be nice to me."



"Are we there yet?"

Xander turned up the music. How nice. Breakstuff was playing
again and wasn't it just one of those days? "We're almost there,
Spike." Xander murmured.

"Xander!" Spike yelled over the music a few minutes later,
waving his hand in front of Xander's face.

"What, Spike?" Xander asked, glaring at Spike.

"Are we there, yet?"


Part Twenty
"Run over the sign! Run it over!" Spike shouted, bouncing in
his seat. "*Smash* it!"

"No." Xander calmly drove past the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign,
hands at ten and twelve o'clock.

"You little shit! You *wanker*! This isn't yer bloody driver's
test ya know! You're *driving* the car! You have

"Like making sure I have gas and signaling before a turn?"

"Like runnin' over that bleedin' sign! As the *driver*, you can
do stuff, Xander. *Fun* stuff! You *bloody* *little* *shit*!"
Spike crossed his arms across his chest. "That's one o' my
*things* ya know! It's a *tradition*." Spike turned to look at
the back of the still standing welcome sign. He felt a pang.
Right where his heart used to beat. He rubbed his chest and
turned to sit forward again. He looked at Xander. "Do you care
*nothing* for me Xander? I'm at a bad place in my unlife,
Xander. You *know* this. Little things, Xander. That's all I
have, pet. Just the *little* things. Like the sign." He
paused, looking at Xander. A seemingly uncaring Xander. "I don'
t mean a bloody damn thing to you, do I?" He sniffed.

"Didn't we do this already?"

"But the *sign*!"

"Yeah. The sign. I *work*, Spike. I pay taxes. It's *my*
money that goes to *fix* that fucking sign!"

"Well, hell. Put this baby in reverse, run it over, and *I'll*
pay you back, you big money grubbin' *baby*!"

"Um. . . that's a thought from one who *has* no money. But *no*.
Not gonna do it." Xander flashed a grin at Spike. "Sorry.

"You're such a big *man*, all driving the car and stuff aren't
you Xanderpet? I'm gonna *fuck* you into a whimpering *mass*,

"Promises, promises . . ." Xander sang as he drove.

"Oh *yes* I am-Ooo. . . Stop here! Pull in!"

"What? *Here*?" Xander glanced at the glaring neon sign. "No
way! What are you *crazy*? This place is *evil*. *Way* evil!"
Xander put his foot to the gas and speed past.

"What? You wouldn't run over the Welcome to Sunnydale sign for
me, and now you are attempting to keep me out of *WalMart*? Are
you some demon spawn from hell no one has seen fit to warn me
about? Or you've been possessed? Yes?" Spike leaned close to
Xander and sniffed. Xander giggled. "Something has possessed
you? Xander? Can you hear me Xander?"

"Ha, ha, very funny Spike."

Spike moved back, sinking into his seat. "I am *not* playing,
luv. Or what*ever* you may be." Spike leaned in again, sniffing
and licking at Xander's neck. "Smells like Xander. Tastes like
Xander. Xander? Take me to WalMart this instance!"

"No! WalMart is *evil*." Xander continued to drive away from
WalMart without a second glance.

"*Really*? Possessed? Innocent ole WalMart? How's it
possessed, then, pretty one?"

"The place is just evil, okay? *Evil*!"

""How can you be so sure? Just what kind of evil? I thought I
knew *most* evil. . ."

"*WalMart* possesses the type of EVIL, my
uninformed-dead-*non*-shopping-friend, that *sucks* you in and
*keeps* you in! Oh! You *think* you only need some laundry
detergent. Ha! But it turns out you need fabric softener too!
And a *ball* to go with it! Ha! That's not the end of it! Oh,
no. You need some underwear? Turns out you need three new C.D's
*and* a few new *videos* as well!" Xander shook his head. "The
evil money-sucking *never* stops! Once you're in? You don't get
*out*! Not for under a hundred bucks at least, anyway, my
friend. It's evil. It's *criminal*." Xander shook his head
again. "They outta outlaw that place."

"Really? All that? I just want a gift box for the slayers'

"A gift box for the slayers wigs?" Xander snickered, amused.

"Yes. Just that." Spike smiled at Xander, all cheekbones and
teeth. "And I bet you a blowjob I can come out of there with
only a gift box. Just the one."

Xander gave a sharp, illegal turn and headed to the WalMart
parking lot. "You need *way* more than just a gift box, Spike."
Xander smirked, parking.

Spike unfastened his seatbelt and shot a superior look at Xander.
"No I don't." Spike opened the door and paused on the way out.
"I do, however, require, *cash*." He smiled at Xander and held
out his hand. "Gimmie some money, baby."

Xander snickered and reached into his front pants pocket, pulling
out a thick wad of cash.

Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Lot o' scratch ya got there, pet."

"Yeah. Angel had a stash under all his hairbrushes. I, uh,
*liberated* some o' these poor ignored hundreds." Xander gave a
sweet look. "Cash has feelings *too*! Shame to just leave money
lying around like that. All uncared for. . ."

"Bloody klepto."

Xander smiled at Spike. "*Thief* damn you! I was fully *aware*
of my *stealing* this money!" Xander smiled and pulled off five
bills. "Here." He handed the money to Spike.

Spike snatched the money and pocketed it. "Don't you have
something smaller? I just want a gift box." Spike asked, money
deeply pocketed.

Xander grinned. "Nope. That's part of the evilness of WalMart.
If you *have* the money, you will *spend* the money. My dare to
you is that you walk into WalMart, buy the gift-box, nothing
else, and come out, with only a gift box in hand."

"That's it? Go into the store, buy what I want and come out?
And I get a blowjob? That easy? That sweet?"

"Yep. That easy. That sweet. Go."

"Are you gonna follow me?"

"Nope." Xander parked the car and turned up the music. "I'll
just want to see the receipt."

"That's it?"

"Yep. That's it. Go forth and be one with the evil that is

"Fine." Spike left the car and headed inside.

Xander waited ten minuets and then headed towards the exit,
hiding behind a Pepsi machine. He had a Pepsi as he waited for
Spike. It wasn't long before he heard an accented voice mumbling
about the evils of WalMart. He popped out and confronted Spike.
Spike of many bags.

"So!" He yelled. "What's in the bag?" He smirked. "Or should
I say 'bagS'?"

Spike jumped. "You said you wouldn't follow me!"

Xander grinned. "I lied. What's in the bags? Seems like a lot
for just a *giftbox*."

Spike grinned. Caught. And loving it. "I bought all kinds of
stuff! You were right! I needed stuff I didn't know I needed.
Like the new "Family Values Tour CD! Didn't even know they *had*
a new one! Bought the old one too! Hehe. And I bought some new
ice trays. . . yours are getting so's you can't even get ice
outta them! And, I got-

"Seem's you lost the bet, eh?" Xander grinned.

"Yep. You owe me a blowjob. I *couldn't* just get the one

Xander couldn't help but laugh. "That *wasn't* the bet! *You*
owe *me* a blowjob."

"Are you *daft*? I wouldn't agree to such a bet! That *wasn't*
the bet, pet. Now! My blow job, now or later? I'll leave that
up to you."

"You said-"

"*I* said," Spike began, cutting him off. "I'll bet you a blow
job I can get just the one thing. And I *couldn't*. You were
right. So I get a blow job!"

"And if you *could* have gotten one thing?"

"Well, then I'd have been *right*, and you would get to *blow*
me. Are you *slow* Xander? I used to think so, but then I
changed me mind, but now I'm wondering again." Spike shook his
head and began walking to the car, leaving Xander to muddle
through the bet semantics.

"Spike!" Xander shouted.

"Yeah, pet?" Spike asked, still walking.

"I don't like you!"

"Yeah, but a deal's a deal an' a wager's a wager." Spike turned,
walking backwards as he smiled at Xander. "An' I'll be wantin'
me blowjob, pretty pet." He gave a grin and turned back around,
making his way to the car and into the driver's seat.

"What makes you think I'm going to give you the keys?" Xander
asked him, once he too, reached the car.

"Time." Spike smiled at him.

Xander glanced at his watch. "Time? Seems to me, time is more
on *my* side. *I* don't fear the sun. I got plenty of time."

"Do'ya think so? *I* don't fear the death o' the slayer. Who's
the one with the time, then, pet? You wanna wait till sun up?
Wait till I have to crawl, all smokin' and whimpering' into the

Xander pulled the keys out of his pocket and looked at them. "We
probably have lots of time left."

"Probably. All most certainly, really."

Xander walked to the passenger door, grumbling beneath his breath
all the while, and climbed in, slamming the door shut. He
fastened his seat belt and glared at Spike. "Do you *see* why no
one likes you, Spike?" He asked the vampire while handing over
the keys.

Spike took the keys and leaned over to buss Xander on the lips.
He started the car and pealed out of the parking lot. "Yep!
Cause I'm the Big Bad and everyone is jealous!" He smiled at
Xander while passing a car in a no passing lane. "Aren't you
glad we're fucking, pet?"

"Oh, yes. The joy."

"Oh, shit! Wrong way!" Spike threw out his arm, holding Xander
in place. "Hold on, pet." With that, Spike cut a sharp U-turn
and speed down the road.

"What? What wrong way? We weren't going the wrong way!"

Spike leaned over the steering wheel and floored the gas pedal.
He turned to leer at Xander, licking his lips. "You know, pet.
You know."

"Yeah." Xander sighed.

Spike laughed maniacally and Xander braced him self as Giles'
trooper Honda crashed into the Welcome to Sunnydale sign,
smashing it into smithereens. Spike pulled on the brake and
turned the wheel, spinning the car around so it was once again
facing the way home.

"Now. Wasn't that *fun* pet? That was fun! You can't tell me
that wasn't fun!"

"Can we go home now, Spike?"

Spike revved the engine. "Yep. Let's go save us a slayer, with
all our junk." Spike turned up the radio, and speed toward
Giles's place. "Oh, and get me a blowjob! Let us not forget my

"Yes. Your blowjob. Oh. The joy."
Part Twenty-One

"What? Why are you pulling over? We're almost home!" Xander demanded.

"My blow job." Spike told him, pulling over to the side of the road and

"I am *not* blowing you on the side of the road, Spike."

"Watcher's drive way work better for you, pet?" Spike checked the rearview
mirror before turning off the car. He left the radio on and moved the
steering wheel up.

"I'm not blowing you at all! You cheated!"

"I did not cheat!" Spike unbuttoned his jeans.

"Yes you did!"

"Oi! I did not. Fine!" Spike unzipped his jeans with a grin before
reaching over to press the release button on Xander's seatbelt. "I
cheated. I cheat all the bloody time, Xander. I lie, I steal, I tell
bright eyed, chubby-cheeked little urchins that the Santa they just sat on
is really some ole perv that will be tossin' off thinking about them later
on that night. I kick puppies and I drown kittens." Spike wiggled in his
seat, pulling his jeans down a bit. "I spend countless hours dreamin' of
killin' people you care about." He pulled his hardening cock out and gave
it a fond squeeze. "Now be a good lad, and suck my dick, humm?"

Xander gave into his laughter and didn't stop until Spike reached out and
grabbed Xander by the back of his neck and pulled him over and down.
Xander's open mouth settled nicely over Spike's cock.


Spike arched up, pushing his cock deeper into Xander's mouth. "Watch the
teeth, pet."

Xander bit him.

Spike snickered, pulling lightly at Xander's hair. "Pet! That's lovely.
You know what I like. Speed it up a touch, though, would ya, pet? Traffic
an' all." Spike closed his eyes, leaning his head back as Xander's mouth
moved over him, urgent and hot. His eyes opened wide when Xander licked at
his tightly drawn sac. "Not *too* fast, then, eh?"

Spike was whistling as he pulled the car into Giles' driveway. "Home, pet!
An' all in one piece too. Not a bad time we had, huh?"

"So says the vampire that got head on the side of the road. Spike?"


"Do you *really* kick puppies?"

"Course not! I *love* puppies!"

"Drown kittens?"

Spike gave the horn two sharp blasts. "Only the ones that scratch me." He
grinned at Xander before popping the trunk. "Come on, Xander. Let's go
save the slayer." He opened the door and climbed out as Giles' door
opened, spilling forth the gang.

"Finally. I was beginning to worry." Giles said, looking at his car. Not
at Spike or Xander. "It seems fine, doesn't it? Not a scratch on it."
Just a touch of disappointment colored his comment.

"Of course it's fine! I took good care-." Spike paused mid-step and
mid-sentence, on his way to the trunk. "What? Not a *scratch*?" Spike
turned and made his way to the front of the car. "Well." He gave the
front of the car a good look. Not a scratch, not a chip. Not even a wood
chip from the Welcome sign. Spike grinned, slapping Giles on his shoulder.
"This is a fine motor, Watcher. Give her a chance!"


"So you have it?" Buffy asked, Riley trailing behind her.

"Oh! Yes. It's safe, then?" Giles asked.

Spike snickered. "Safe as yer car, Watcher." He cocked his head towards
the trunk of the car. "It's in the boot." He walked back to the open
trunk that Xander was going through.

"Watch yerself, pet! Don't touch the bleeding bowl!"

"What *is* all that stuff?" Riley asked.

"Presents! For every one but *you*, boy." He looked Riley up and down,
before stating, "I don't like you."

"And I'm all broken up about that, Hostile 17."

"Name's Spike, boy."

"Is it?"

"Yes it *is* you-"

"Where's Willow?" Xander asked, moving between Riley and Spike.

"Here I am!" Willow rushed to give Xander a hug. "You're okay?"

Xander hugged her back, smiling at Tara over her shoulder. "I'm fine.
Why? Were you worried about me?"

Willow nodded her head in the affirmative motion and said: "Of course I
wasn't." She grinned, linking her arm with Tara's. "I knew you could do
it." She grinned. "What, *exactly*, did you do?"

Xander puffed up a bit. "I-"

"He threatened people. He shot people. He stole stuff. He rescued me an'
the poof. He-"

"He's lying. He's drunk. Don't listen to him." Xander began. "Hey! We
have, along with our exclusive line of slayer saving magic bowls,
*presents* for witches!"

"Presents? That's so nice!" Tara said; ignoring the silence the other's
had created. She looked around at the others. "What?"

"You *shot* people, Xander?" Riley asked.

Xander shrugged. "No. I shot vampires."

Riley looked at Spike. "Cool."

Spike snickered. "Didn't shoot *me*, Doughboy."

Riley took a step forward. "Well, maybe he should-"

"Maybe we should bring in the item we need and perform the ritual, yes?"
Giles cut in, looking at Spike. "Oh, and. . .the, uh, *other* things you
mentioned? You do have those, don't you?"

"Yes, Watcher. I've got *your* presents, too."

Giles smiled. "Well. Let's go in, shall we?"

Spike grabbed the bowl and ordered the others to bring in the rest of his
stuff. "An' be careful with it, mind you!"
Spike placed his burden carelessly on the kitchen counter and headed to the
refrigerator. "Got blood, Watcher?" He asked, opening the door and
looking inside. "Yes! I'll kill you *quick* once I get the chance,
Rupert, old boy." He snatched a pack of blood out and tossed it into the
microwave. "My thanks for keeping a well stocked fridge."

Riley came in and dropped a bag. "Hey! Careful with that, ya dolt! That'
s got presents for the witches!"

Willow giggled. "Did you *really* get presents for us, Spike?"

Spike took his heated bag of blood out and dumped it into one of Giles'
favorite coffee mugs and took a sip, before giving Willow a grin. "I did.
Books of Spells. *Good* ones." He rifled through the bag and pulled out
the leather bound books, handing them to Willow and Tara. "Play nice,
ladies. Just keep me out o' them."

"I'd like to take a look at those, before you, um, *do* anything with
them." Giles intoned.

"Of course." Willow murmured, flipping through the pages, Giles forgotten
before the words left her mouth.

"And more for my favorite Watcher." Spike pulled out more books, pilling
them on the kitchen table. "Am I a sweet chipped-vampire, or am I?"

"Spike, you are-." Giles stopped, picking up a book his eyes going wide
with wonder. He ran his hand reverently over the cover. "Yes. Spike.
This is. . .this is wonderf-."

"Hey!" Buffy demanded, coming into the kitchen with the rest of the bags.
"What *is* all this crap?"

"Let me help you with that, Buffster." Xander said, feeling for and
finding the bag of wigs. "Just put that stuff down. It's nothing. Well,
it's stuff for you're mom, and more for Giles, Willow and Tara. Nothing
you need to worry about." He dropped the wig-bag behind him and kicked it
into a corner. "I'm just going to go in and. . .um. . . I'm going to go
with Willow and Tara."

"Nothing?" Spike yelled at Xander's back. "It's presents! Present's for

Buffy gave Spike a skeptical look. "You got me a present, Spike?"

"I got the bloody damn thing that'll save your worthless hide! That not
*enough* for you, bint?"

Buffy shrugged, holding back a grin. "I suppose that's as good a present
as presents go." She paused. "If that's what you're looking for." She
cocked an eyebrow. "Giles?"

Giles looked up from his book. "Yes? What?"

"What's a 'bint'?"

Giles gave her a blank stare. "Spike?"


"Bring the bowl into the other room, won't you?"

"Certainly." He picked up the Je'dellian bowl and carried it into the
other room, smirking at Buffy and Riley on the way.

"Let's get this *done* with, shall we?" Giles muttered, still flipping
through the pages of the book Spike had given him.


Giles glanced up at Buffy's shout. He smiled. "So we may ensure the
safety and longevity of our slayer."

Buffy grinned, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding her head.

"Right then. Places, everyone. Circle." He smiled. "I believe we all,
ah, know the drill. Spike, place the bowl in the center, if you will."

"If I must."

"Just do it, Spike." Everyone in unison.

Spike placed the Je'dellian bowl into the center of the prepared circle and
the others took their places.

Giles performed the brief ceremony.

There was complete anti-climax.

"That's it then? No thunder? No lightening? No Buffy bursting into
flames for even a bleeding second? No orgasm?" Spike spoke up.

Riley stood up, grinning. "All good 'no' things for me!" He pulled Buffy
up and hugged her. "I'm thirsty, though. Need a Pepsi. Guys? I got a
twelve pack in Giles' fridge. Join me?" He looked around at the others.

"Job well, done." Giles said. "Um, Pepsi for everyone."

Riley smiled, heading for the kitchen. "Be right back."

"So that's it? Really?" Buffy asked. "I'm all safe and sound?" She
rolled her eyes at Giles. "As safe as I'll ever be?"

"Yes. Not complicated, but necessary." He smiled. "We are finished.
With *this* battle."

"Good! We can go home!" Willow said, picking up her spell books.

"You can't go home with those, Willow."

"And just why not? Spike gave them to *me*!" She smiled at Spike. "Didn'
t you?"

"I did, pet." Spike stood and grabbed Xander by the arm, pulling him up.
"And speaking of going, Xander and I have to be."

"Spike!" Giles said, quickly. "You can stay here."

"No!" Xander said.

"Nope." Spike told the watcher, leading Xander towards the door. "Gotta
stay with my little Xander."

"No, but-."

"Hey, what's this?" Riley asked, coming into the room with a tray of Pepsi
and the bag of wigs.

Xander stopped. "That's just garbage, Ri. Toss it."

"It's *not*. That's *Buffy's* present!"

"No. It's not."

Riley handed the bag to Buffy. She shook it. She squeezed it. She handed
it back to Riley. "Open it, honey."

"No!" Xander began. "Just toss it out! It's-"

"Let's go, luv." Spike opened the door and pulled Xander out. "I'll just
be taking Xander home and keeping him."

Riley looked at the door as it closed. He handed the bag back to Buffy.
He smiled at her. "*You're* the slayer. *You* open it."

"Spike, you could have just let sleeping wigs-" Xander began.

"Ewee!!!!!" Buffy yelled, loud enough for Spike and Xander to hear as they
walked away from Giles place.

"Tell you what, pet. I enjoyed the slayer's 'eww' so much, I'll give *you*
a blow job. How's that?"

Xander tossed his arm across Spike's shoulders. "That's good. I can deal
with that."
"What *are* those?" Buffy demanded.

"Wigs?" Tara replied her tone meek. She perked up a bit and she smiled at
the slayer. "Blonde ones. At least he got your color right."