Xander's Song
by Jessie Hanson

Frost gazed at his closest friend among them. Sure,
all the others of Supernatural Detectives were his
friends too but Xander had a charisma about him that
had nothing to do with the seductive blood flowing
through him. The young man had been acting down for a
few days. He nailed every dance step but the raw
emotion wasn’t in it anymore. Also, Xander had stopped
begging for half the nights off.

“Hey, Xan-man,” Frost called, going to him. Xander
silently sipped his bottled water. His long sleeved
shirt rode up just a little, baring his wrist. “What’s
with the shirt? We’ve been practicing for an hour,
aren’t you hot?”

“Nah,” he gave a weak smile, “I’m good.” But he didn’t
look anything but. Frost would have questioned more,
like any concerned friend would have, but Mayhem broke
it up.

“Guys, Jamie wants us to meet in the office, sounds
big.” Frost could strangle him for stopping them but
James called and Xander was all ready walking.

When they reached the office, Flash and Cheshire were
all ready waiting for them while James drummed his
fingers. “What’s up?” Frost asked as everyone seated
themselves.

“We have to leave Sunnydale,” was the fast input and
spurred immediate action.

“What?”

“We just got here!”

“This is our hometown sort of thing!”

Xander kept quiet through their ravings, silently
rocking himself in his head. James held up his hand
for silence. “A lot of demons are leaving town. The
Slayer is on edge and killing at the simplest drop of
a hat. I won’t risk my friends falling to her hands.”

“I guess we could,” Frost started.

Flash broke in, “What? And give into Slutty the
Vampire Layer??”

Now it was Mayhem’s turn to speak up, “Yeah. That
would definitely ruin our tough image.”

“As I said, there’s no way I’m letting any of you get
hurt. Pack your bags and then get some sleep, we head
out at dawn.” Final word said the Supernatural
Detectives rose to their feet.

***

Xander couldn’t leave his only home, not until he had
made things right. But he couldn’t risk getting his

team members killed. God, his head was hurting from
this pain. If he weren’t here, none of this suffering
would be happening. If he wasn’t here…He felt the
bitter tears twisting in his eyes, trying to drop
down. He couldn’t let everyone suffer by having to
live with him. Live…live…He had work to do.

***

Their things were packed and James would be waking
them soon. Flash tried to squeeze himself back to
sleep but he was cold. No matter which way he twisted,
how much he hunched up, or rubbed his body did he get
warm. Something tantalizing was tingling at his nose.

He groaned and hit the pillow his head was on. It made
a muffled thump as it hit the floor through the
material. All of them slept on floors, it was more
therapeutic for their backs. He threw back the covers
and tugged on his kitty slippers; the floor got cold
during the nights.

Frost, Mayhem, and Cheshire were snoozing into their
pillows and Flash envied them. But Xander’s bed was
empty. True, Xander didn’t sleep much anymore, but he
at least laid in bed to keep James from lecturing him.

The scent wafted to his nose again. He crinkled it up
and followed it through the halls. He neared the
bathroom and the smell identified itself. Blood. He
knocked on the door, knowing who it was. “Xan? Hey,
Xan, you okay?” he received no answer. He knocked
louder, “Xander, I know it’s you in there!”

Still no answer came forth and he tested the knob. It
was unlocked so he let himself in. The floor was
covered in blackish blood. It seeped against his
slippers and his eyes widened. “Oh shit,” he
whispered, “Frost! Mayhem! Cheshire! Jamie!!! Wake
up!!”

***

Giles looked up at the pounding of the door. He looked
amongst his former students and one uninvited house
guest and found only one missing. Maybe it was Xander,
coming to say that the magazine had just been a prank.
He didn’t want to think his favorite student was
a…Succubus.

He rose and opened the door only to feel his jaw hit
the floor. “James?” he asked in shock.

His younger brother’s face sneered slightly. “’allo,
Rupert.”

“What…what are you doing here?” Giles finally got his
throat to work. James didn’t answer but lifted am
envelope. Giles accepted it, looking from James to the
message. Four other people were standing just outside
the door, dressed as if to ward off a nonexistent
chill. It had gotten everyone else’s attention. “Um,
come in.” He didn’t know how to react to his brother
being here.

Giles carefully opened the letter and found a note
along with a tape inside. On the folded note it said
‘listen to tape first’. Confused, Giles placed it in a
tape deck.

//I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on, you'll be sorry when I'm
gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Hate to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months, I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was watching
Hate to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is watching
The time goes by
The tour is over I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone//

The room was silent as the song ended and no one dared
to move. Xander’s twin turned his face into Frost’s
shoulder, letting tears come out. Giles kept still so
long another song started.

//Home show, mom won't know
Run out the back door, he's passed out on the floor
Third time, been caught twice
Forgive our neighbor Bob, I think he humped the dog
But good things come to those who wait, 'cause she
laid me
And mom and dad possess the key, instant slavery
No need to explain the plan, no need to even bother
I'll pack my bags, I swear I'll run
Wish my friends were 21//

Giles shook his head and turned off the player. He
looked towards James but the younger Giles wouldn’t
look back at him. Slowly, Giles opened the letter that
had been attached to it. ‘Dear guys, I did this for
you. All of you, I know how badly I ruined your life.
I know how badly I screwed up everyone’s life. I just
hope one day you all can forgive me. Eternally yours,
Xander.”

“I…I don’t understand,” Giles said slowly.

“What’s not to understand?!” Flash hissed. “Are you
that dazed and confused? Xander is DYING because you
couldn’t accept him.”

“He was evil!” Buffy came to her Watcher’s defense.

“He was evil,” the boy mocked, “Angel was evil, did
you kill him? No! Oz had some evil in him, did you
kill him? Nope!”

“The only thing that makes you hate my brother,” Kelly
spoke softly, “is because you think he’s evil. He’s
not. Sure he can screw up, but not even demons can be
perfect. How many times has he saved you when you
aren’t even worth it?”

James shook his head before gesturing the others out.
He quickly walked over to where Spike was sitting in a
stunned silence. “Here’s the hospital,” James
commented, shoving a piece of paper into his hand.
“Just…try to keep them from following.”

And then he was walking out the door. Giles stood a
moment before quickly jogging after him. “James!” The
man stopped but did not turn around. “What…what
happened to after…?”

“This isn’t the time, Rupert,” he bunched his
shoulders up, “It’s been a rather…stressful evening.”
Then he was walking again, leaving behind Giles. James
climbed into the van, sparing Giles one last look then
they were leaving.

“Relative?” Spike asked, walking up beside the
ex-Watcher. “Didn’t seem overly friendly.”

“That was my younger brother, Spike,” Giles’ voice was
a bit terse. “And anything other than that is none of
your business.” And he stalked back into the house.

“Well, I can ask your brother, can’t I?” Spike lit up
a cigarette. “I was invited to a visit.”

***

Spike nearly laughed at the hospital he went to. There
was practically a whole demon city and the Slayer
didn’t even know it. Everything was like the Demon
Channel; only demons were to know about it and no one
else. The hospital had been set up so when one was
hurt, they didn’t have to answer questions for humans.


He gently tapped on the door that held the whelp.
James answered, quickly placing a finger against his
lips. Spike followed him inside to find only Xander’s
brother sleeping with his head pillowed close. “I
dropped the others off, the doctors didn’t want many
people here.”

Spike nodded in understanding. “What have the docs
said?”

“He knew what he was doing. If one form failed,
another would help.” James shook his head at Spike’s
look. “He didn’t just cut his wrists…he took a bunch
of pills mixed together. Cut, overdosed, and
poisoned.”

He sank into a chair and rested his forehead in his
hands. Spike took a seat next to him. “I know you
probably don’t wanna talk much, but it might help get
your mind off things. You’re Rupert’s brother?”

“Sadly enough, yes, I am.” James now leaned back. “He
never mentioned me, did he? I figured as much…Rupert
never did like me much. Since we were young…he seemed
to know I’d want to destroy him.”

“Destroy him? What about the brotherly love and all
that?”

“With Rupert? Gods, I’m surprised he didn’t kill me in
my sleep.”

“You just have a colorful team.” This comment caused
James to laugh, actually laugh. “Thanks for…y’know,
invitin’ to visit him and all.”

“He would want you to. Should’ve heard him after you
guys ran into each other and you said you were
friends.” James shook his head fondly, “Him and Kelly,
his brother, made some much noise and no one
understood it.”

“He…likes me?” Spike asked in shock.

“Likes? He loves you.” James sighed slightly. “He felt
so bad about it at first but love is never wrong.
Mislead but never wrong.” He stifled a yawn, removing
his glasses.

“Mate, head back to your other kids.” Spike commented,
“They need you, I’ll watch them.”

“Thanks,” James said softly, “The others probably want
to talk about this.” James touched Mayhem’s shoulder
and then Xander’s before he left. Spike dragged a
chair over to the other side of the bed and took
Xander’s hand and studied his brother.

James had called him Kelly, so they were just
nickname. Kelly was Xander’s exact double but there
was a difference. Kelly’s left lid didn’t entirely
close around his eye and it moved rapidly like Spike
had seen dogs do.

The machine beeped steadily as the other machines gave
Xander new, fresh blood. There was particularly
frightening when the heart monitor reported no heart
beat but then it started up again. It woke Kelly and
he looked around frantically.

“He’s okay,” Spike leaned forward a bit. He held out
his hand, “I’m Spike.”

“Oh,” Kelly took the hand with a yawn, “Kelly. Where’s
Jamie?”

“He went back to check on the others.”

“That’s good, he needs rest too.” Kelly laid his head
back down next to Xander’s, smiling slightly. “He’s
going to be all right…”

“The docs seem to think so.” Spike cocked his head
slightly.

“But I know he will.”

“How is it we’ve never seen you around? I mean, hard
to miss two Xanders.”

“Who’s to say you haven’t?” Kelly chuckled softly, “We
were in different states, separated at birth and all
that. He was in Hellmouth, California, I was in
Hellmouth, New York.”

“Do many damn Hellmouths if you ask me. You part
Succubus?”

“Nu-uh, Incubus. Our mom and dad were a Succubus and
Incubus, one of us just turned out to be a seducer of
men. It happens.”

“So, you just found out you had a brother during the
summer?” Spike was surprised to see Kelly laugh.

“No, I always knew he was there. And he knew I was
there, too. Succubae and Incubi are really attached to
their families because while they’re out tempting
people, they can get tempted too. A mind link keeps
them in line. Husbands and wives have them, brothers
and sisters, sisters and sisters, and brothers and
brothers.”

Spike raised an eyebrow, it really was an interesting
topic. But at that moment, Xander choose to wake up
some. He moaned in pain and his eyes fluttered open.
Spike and Kelly leaned over him. Spike either wanted
to strangle him or gush at how happy he was that
Xander was still breathing. But Kelly took the
decision from his hands.

“Hey, bro,” he smiled, “You need to go back to sleep.
I promise we won’t talk anymore about you.”

Xander smiled back weakly, “That’s a lie,” and then he
was drifting back to sleep.

“He does like you,” Kelly spoke softly.

“Are you an empath?” the vampire demanded.

Again a smile wound it’s way on Kelly’s lips, just
like it would have for Xander. “I’ve lived around
people more than I like so I know what they’re about.”

“Why hasn’t he told me?”

“Tell Mr. Mean Bad Ass Vamp that he think he may be in
love? Great plan, Napoleon.”

“Okay, points given there, so why not after the chip?”


“It was like the whole Angel thing. He told me all
about he. He’s scared to go near another man ‘cause of
his Succubus nature. He didn’t want to know that the
only reason somebody liked him was ‘cause they didn’t
have a choice.”

“I think I do. Love him that is.” Spike smiled at
Kelly. “I don’t even know when it started.”

“That’s the thing about love; you don’t know when it
starts but you pray it never ends.”

***

In the old house that was one of many for the band
Supernatural Detectives, only one light remained on.
The others had gone to bed but Frost sat up with lit
candles. He looked into the small bowl before him and
swallowed nervously. “I call upon you Shadow Man. I
call upon you Shadow Man.” He waited for a few
moments. The candles blew out and he jumped.

“You rang? Your every wish is my command,” came a
soft, deadly cultured voice. The Slayer and her
lackeys would pay for what they had done.

The End