The Sun Also Rises
by Jessica Hanson

Kick, punch, jab. The daily routine was wearing Xander out. He was 
out of breath and he was getting more pummeled than usual. His cheek 
was badly scrapped up and he had twisted his arm badly. The vampire 
that set out to make his life miserable dragged him up by his 
shirt. "Stupid freak," it breathed. 

Xander found a whimper clawing at his throat. But then he was 
inhaling the dust that had once been the vampire. He dropped to his 
knees and coughed harshly, gagging at the aftertaste. Spike was by 
his side, cuddling him and asking if he was all right.

"Sorry you had to come save me again," Xander coughed
slightly at his 
lover. Spike gave him a true smile, the kind he only did in private 
without Buffy or the others.

"I don't mind at all," he rubbed Xander's shoulder.
"Are you really 
okay?" 

Xander rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah," he grinned 
slightly, "just a little tired. Okay, a lot tired." 

Spike helped him stand, bracing his back as he swayed. Xander lay his 
head on Spike's shoulder. Spike wrapped his arms around him.

***

Xander woke up, sitting up straight in bed. His spidey senses
weren't 
going off for his parents, so what the problem? Then it hit him. 
Right in the stomach. Terrible, nauseating waves rolled over him and 
hit the floor in a dead run. 

He slid to a halt near the toilet and began vomiting. The acid taste 
in his mouth disturbed him but it got even worse when it turned 
metallic. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to deny the truth. He kept 
his eyes closed as he flushed the toilet and stuck his mouth under 
the sink. He let the chilling water flow into his mouth until he got 
most of the taste out from behind his lips. 

He stumbled back to bed and huddled under the covers. "Are you
okay, 
luv?" Spike asked in concern. He slipped his arm around
Xander's 
waist. 

"I must've caught a bug," Xander said softly. His stomach
was angrily 
barking at him and he doubted he could go back to sleep. He screwed 
up his face in pain. 

"Probably," Spike's voice still held concern. He rolled
Xander onto 
his back and began stroking Xander's stomach. Spike's gentle
hands 
ghosted over him, soothing away the hurt. The petting was helping to 
put the boy to sleep.

Xander found his eyes slipping closed. As they did so, Spike must 
have gone into vampire visage for a short minute. Nothing to be 
concerned about. He fell fast asleep.

But he didn't stay that way. His stomach was hurting too much to 
sleep. But, thankfully, it didn't rebel too badly. He kept
himself 
still enough for his normal sleeping pattern to keep Spike asleep. 
Xander didn't have to worry since he was a restless sleeper. He 
couldn't sleep on his stomach because that might cause him to
yak. 
Either side became too uncomfortable after awhile. His spine hurt 
from just lying on his back. 

God, he felt like crap. Every bone in his body had started on fire. 
He crawled onto Spike's chest, pillowing his head against
Spike's 
neck. Spike's automatically lifted his head, even if he was in a
dead 
sleep. Maybe now he could sleep...

***

Spike opened his eyes minutes after sunset, his arms cradling his 
lover. Xander's fingers plucked at his sleep pants in a nervous 
gesture. Spike was about to shake his shoulder when Xander shot up. 
He scrambled away from Spike quickly and to the bathroom. Seconds 
later, the sound of retching reached his ears.

"Luv? What's wrong?" Spike got up and hurried to the
bathroom. Xander 
lay huddled close to the porcelain, resting before nausea hit again. 
When everything was emptied from his stomach, only bile and blood 
came out. "Jesus tap dancing Christ!" He knelt down next to 
Xander. "I think you need to go see the doctor."

"N, I-I'll be fine." Xander coughed harshly, little
specks of blood 
flying out. "Just...just a bad reaction..."

"Bad reaction my ass!" Spike helped him stand. "I've
studied humans 
for years, they aren't supposed to cough blood."

"Don't you mean you've eaten humans for years?"
Xander joked 
weakly. "Whoa...who started the carnival ride? I am not feeling
so 
good," he leaned his head upon Spike's shoulder.

"We're definitely going to see the doctor tonight." Spike
helped 
Xander slip into his shoes, tying them for him. They took the stairs 
slowly but Spike had to stop multiple times when Xander got to 
queasy. It took them ten minutes to get to Spike's DeSoto. 

Xander's arms were crossed over his stomach and he held them
there 
tightly. When had it gotten this bad? He leaned his head against the 
cool glass of the window and watched Spike speed along. Each bump 
made his stomach try to crawl up his throat.

His hearing was narrowing to aid his waning vision. The world around 
him was moving, but he swore he was sitting still. "We're
almost to 
the doctor, Xan, just wait a little longer." 

"I'll try, Spike," he whispered softly.

***

Xander had one arm clasped across his stomach, the other holding 
Spike's. His legs were swinging under the examining table. The
doctor 
was a kindly elder man with thick gray hair. "Well, Xander,
William 
here tells me you haven't been feeling well, right?" Xander 
nodded. "Tell me what's been going wrong."

"Uh, well," Xander started, "sometimes I can't really
see or hear...
like it's come through cotton. But recently I've been getting
really 
sick..."

Spike rubbed his shoulder, "Doc, there's been blood when
he's been 
throwin' up, I've seen it!" 

The doctor wrote this down. "When did all this start?"

Xander scratched the back of his head, "The vision and hearing
thing 
for a few weeks. The vomiting started only a few days ago." He
shook 
his head, "I..I don't think it's anything really
serious..."

"Young man," Doctor Gie shook his own head, "if you have
any bleeding 
that you can't explain, it's serious. We're going to have
to have a x-
ray of your stomach. Are you okay with that?"

Xander bobbed his up and down. Spike never released his hand until it 
was time to take said x-ray. Xander lay passively under the attention 
of the arrangement and closed his eyes as he heard the whir of the 
machine begin. He heard the x-ray happen three different times, 
taking pictures of his insides.

When they were done, Xander was ushered back to the exam room. There, 
Gie told them to wait and that he would have the x-rays done soon. 
Xander curled up onto the exam table, shifting slightly to find a 
comfortable spot. 

"Spike?" he asked softly.

"Yes, pet?" 

"Will you always love me? No matter what?"

"Of course I will, I've told you that before." But Spike
leaned down 
and gently kissed his forehead and let Xander drift to sleep. 

No one bothered them for awhile, just them and the quiet. But finally 
the doctor came in. "Did you find out what was wrong?" Spike
stood. 

"Yes I did, you might want to sit down and have Xander
awake." Spike 
shook Xander's shoulder gently, rousing him from his nap. 

"Wha is it?" he asked sleepily. 

"Xander, there is no easy way to say this...." Gie began,
taking a deep 
breath, "By the looks of your x-rays, we have determined that you
are 
in the advanced stages of stomach cancer. If we had spotted it 
earlier, we could have operated but it's spread too far. You have 
only about a month to live."

Xander stared at the doctor, shock and disbelief coloring his 
eyes. "Wouldn't....wouldn't I have noticed?" 

Gie shook his head, "If you came in regularly for check-ups, then
we 
might have caught it. But we rarely see you anymore." Xander
looked 
down at his feet. "The only thing I can suggest is, live life to
the 
fullest now. Be comfortable in your last days."

On that note, Spike and Xander left. Xander was close to crying. He 
didn't want to die, not like this...

***

Xander hadn't gotten any better since the visit to the doctors;
he 
had gotten increasingly worse. Spike had removed Xander from the 
horrible living conditions of his regular home and took him to 
Angel's old apartment. There, he was forced to lay in bed, too
weak 
to move much.

Spike spent most of his time with Xander. Sometimes reading, 
sometimes talking, but mostly Xander had to sleep. The cancer brought 
on so much fatigue and Spike had admitted to fearing this
behavior...
His lover was such active person.

A few days ago he had presented Xander with a beautiful gift. A 
bracelet of gray beads. He knew the color was gray but in the light 
it was hard to tell and they sparkled like orbs. It had entranced 
Xander at once and Spike had looked on with adoring love.

Now Spike lay neck to him, head pillowed next to Xander's. Xander
was 
awake for once, not feeling all that tired. His fingers traced the 
high cheekbones and he drew in the sight of his pale love. He would 
be dead soon and he didn't like that thought. 

He stood shakily, trying to keep quiet. Spike was too exhausted to 
even stir. Xander carefully slipped into some baggy pants, his 
sneakers, and the burgundy silk shirt he had gotten not too long ago. 

He scrawled out a note and removed his second favorite bracelet. It 
had come from his elder cousin and had the Chinese writing for 
harmony on it. It was one way for Spike to always remember him. 
Hurriedly, he left the apartment. 

***

Xander huddled in his seat as the train rushed along. He was cold, 
tired and aching. He just didn't want Spike to see him in his
last 
days. He would never return to Sunnydale, never go back to the 
Hellmouth. He would take this train as far as it would go and never 
look back. Never to face the sun in the same way again. One day, 
Spike would be with him again. And he could wait as long as it took.

***

Spike,
What can I say that won't sound stupid? I'm running from you
again, 
but not for the reasons you would think. I love you too much to hurt 
you in any way. But, although it doesn't seem like it, this will
hurt 
a lot less than if I stay. I don't want you to see me in my final 
days. You've taken care of me for so long and I'll never be
able to 
repay you. I just hope you understand.
Xander, yours forever. Not even death will take me away.

end