Suck and Blow
by Hallucination
"I'm not bloody goin'." Spike insisted.
"Oh yes you are, Fangless." Xander shot back. "For one
thing no one trusts you on your own, and for another
thing...it'll be... fun?" His voice trailed off
uncertainly, and he shivered in disgust.
Spike threw back his head and laughed richly. "Ya see,
whelp? YOU don't even wanna go!"
Xander grinned conspiratorially. "Hell yeah I don't.
Suck and Blow isn't one of the coolest games in the
world, I'll give you that. But since the girls have
invited me to their little Suck and Blow get-together,
and since they're reluctantly letting you drag along,
we are going to go."
"No we're not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are t-SPIKE! What the hell are you so afraid of? It's
just a stupid little girly girl game that they love
and boys hate. We're just going to humor them, it's
not gonna affect what's left of your Big Bad Bruiser
image if that's what you're thinking."
Spike dug his heel into the ground nervously, as if he
were about to betray his innermost confidences. He
shifted around uncomfortably before he mumbled,
"Imrunnohutaplesugnble."
"What?" Xander leaned forward, straining to hear him.
"Imrunnohutaplesugnble." Spike said a little louder,
his face reddening slightly.
"Quit mumbli-"
"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY SUCK AND BLOW!" Spike
exploded.
Xander's mouth opened and closed like a guppy at
feeding time.
"Well say something, you great clot!"
"You..." A giggle wrenched its way out of Xander's body.
"You don't know how to play suck and blow?"
Spike went crimson. "Now look here Donutboy," he
began.
"Suck and Blow is the most popular social game among
teenyboppers," Xander announced grandly. "Are you sure
you never heard of it?" He looked at the flustered
vampire curiously.
Spike didn't reply. He seemed to have developed a
fascination for staring down at the floor in utter
embarrassment.
Xander chuckled good-naturedly. "Well I guess it's not
exactly a game from your generation is it?" Spike
lifted his head and nodded vigorously. "Okay so we'll
go to Willow's party and ask her to teach you, no
problem. She'll understand." Xander shrugged. The
vampire surged forward indignantly. "Ask Red to teach
me? I don't want any more of that bint's help. You
teach me."
"What?" Xander squeaked. "I can't-I mean-It's the type
of game where-"
"Sod it, whelp. Just give me a demonstration." Spike
said impatiently.
"No demonstrations!!!" Xander yelped in panic.
"Why the hell not?" Spike demanded hotly. "You want to
drag me along to that little twat's sucky blowy party
you'd bloody well better teach me the game."
Xander took in a deep breath and let it out with a
whoosh. Yuck, he thought with a grimace. Oh, this is
just wrong in SO many ways. But hey, I'm the socially
mature one here, I've done this before no problem. I
can demonstrate. Anyway what could happen that would
be more bizarre than a neutered vampire asking me to
teach him Suck and Blow?
"Fine," Xander said wryly. "But don't say I didn't
warn you."
Spike paled at that.
Xander smirked. "Don't worry, I won't bite. Which is
more than I can say for you." Spike glowered at Xander
as he searched through his drawers for something,
finally whipping out a small rectangular card. He
waved the card in the air in triumph. "This," He
grinned nervously, "Is the kind of card we use for
Suck and Blow."
"Ok," Spike said slowly. It was clear he thought
Xander had lost his mind. "So what do you do with it?"
*SMACK*
Xander slapped the card across Spike's mouth. Spike
was feeling increasingly stupid as the seconds ticked
by. He lifted his eyebrows questioningly.
"Everybody sits in a circle. One person sucks the card
from another person who blows it onto his mouth."
Xander explained. "Suck the card so it doesn't drop."
Spike rolled his eyes but did as he was told.
"Now blow."
Spike blew onto the card, and a strangled cry arose in
his throat when Xander pressed his lips to his,
sucking the card onto his own mouth.
Spike sprung away as if he had been poisoned. "Bloody
hell you great ponce are you sure that's how it's
played?" He gasped suspiciously. Xander laughed and
removed the card from his mouth. "Spike, the game's
fashioned that way cause you're supposed to play with
a girl!"
"Ohhhh." Understanding dawned in the vampire's eyes.
You'd think he'd just discovered a foolproof plan for
taking over the world. "Well that's alright then." he
amended. Spike bounced excitedly. "Let's try again."
"What?" Xander gaped. "Nono, once is enough. You're an
expert now." He said hastily.
"But I didn't get to suck the card, I only blew it."
Spike argued childishly.
Xander sighed tiredly and put the card against his
mouth, sucking it lightly. Just one more time and this
whole fiasco would be over. Spike slowly brought his
mouth closer to Xander's, ready to take the card from
him. Why the hell is he taking so long? Xander thought
with panic. Not all of us can hold our breath forever!
Stupid vampire!!! He yelled inwardly. Oh no, he
thought, fear registering on his face. Shit, running
out of breath...oh...my...god...
Xander made a gurgling noise in his throat and
gestured wildly, urging Spike to hurry up. "Wanker."
Spike muttered before moving forward quickly. But it
was too late.
The card dropped to the floor and before Spike and
Xander could stop themselves their lips connected in a
bruising kiss. They immediately broke apart with a
smacking sound. Both pairs of eyes widened in horror
at what had just taken place as they grabbed hold of
their throats, spitting and coughing.
Xander stuck out his tongue in disgust. " Eeeww...Spike
lips!! Lips of Spike!!"
"I'm not exactly wild about having Xander taste in my
mouth either pet!" Spike shot back.
"That's not - Ohmygod!!" Xander's eyes caught sight of
the wall clock. Willow was going to kill them.
"Willow's party!! We are SO late! She's probably
worried sick!" He raced for the stairs. "This is NOT
over Deadboy.
Spike started after him. "Hey tosser! When we play
that game..." He leaned against the stairwell, clearing
his throat.
Xander stared at him impatiently. "Yeah?"
Spike swallowed hard.
"Sit with me?" he croaked.
Xander grinned boyishly from the top of the stairs.
"Okay."
The End
