Shattered
by Hallucination
"Spike?" Buffy gently whispered.
The light winds rustling the autumn leaves above them
were her only reply.
"Spike please speak to me..." Buffy begged hoarsely,
tugging on his sleeve of his duster. Spike moved away
from her, ignoring her heartrending pleas.
Buffy sank back onto her heels, shaking her head at
Xander and Willow sorrowfully. Their faces fell at her
failure of establishing some sort of contact with the
impassive vampire.
"Spike, I- " Buffy faltered as he blanched at the
sound of her voice. She kept silent for a while,
knowing the vampire did not take well to her presence.
After a few minutes she tried again, speaking softly
as not to agitate him further. "Spike," Buffy
murmured. "I don't know what to tell you-" A mirthless
laugh escaped the vampire, and tears filled Buffy's
eyes as she realized she wasn't any closer to getting
through to him.
Buffy became desperate. "Spike I never meant...my
friends I-" Buffy's words caught in her throat as she
struggled to contain her emotions. "She was going to
drain them, and I just...Spike I didn't even know she
was back in Sunnydale!" she cried helplessly. Buffy
inhaled deeply before continuing. "I am so sorry
Spike. I didn't...oh god I didn't even recognize
her..." Buffy's eyes brimmed over as she shakingly
delivered her final sentence.
"I never meant to stake Drusilla."
Spike released an ear-splitting roar as her words took
effect, and Buffy drew back in sadness, knowing there
was nothing more she could say. Willow immediately
rushed over to aid her friend, and together they
slowly made their way back to Giles's car, where
Xander was waiting.
"Let's go home." Xander said quietly. Buffy nodded her
assent as a concerned look fell on Willow's face. "I
don't think he should be left alone." She said
worriedly. The three of them looked at each other
uneasily, knowing Willow was right but not wanting to
remain there nevertheless. The uncomfortable silence
dragged on for a few minutes.
Finally Xander sighed in frustration. "Fine, I'll stay
with him. You go return Giles's car." Not waiting for
a reply, he turned around and slowly made his way back
to Spike, hesitantly crouching down next to him. Spike
didn't seem surprised to see him there, or maybe he
was simply unaware of Xander's presence. It wouldn't
have been the first time. Spike didn't speak a word,
which was fine with Xander because he wouldn't know
what to tell him anyway. He cared about Spike's
feelings. Of course he did. Even though all Spike ever
did was get on his nerves half the time, Xander wasn't
heartless. It's just that he just didn't know how to
express his sympathy in a way that wouldn't make him
look like an insensitive jackass. So they sat there in
utter and complete silence, neither making a move to
break it until-
"No one loved her more than I did." Spike said
suddenly.
Xander nodded sadly, not fazed by Spike's sudden
declaration. "I know she loved you just as much."
A heartbroken sob escaped the grieving vampire, and
before he knew it he was in Xander's arms crying
uncontrollably, holding on to the boy's waist for dear
life. Spike buried his face in Xander's chest,
repeating Dru's name over and over as he sobbed
brokenly. He hiccupped and gasped as the words jammed
in his throat, causing him to choke and cough
violently. Xander tightened his arms around Spike
comfortingly, drawing him closer into the embrace,
doing his best to calm him down. Enveloped in the
warmth of Xander's body, Spike could hear nothing but
the sound of the boy's heartbeat, and its steady
rhythm was soothing to him. His agonized cries finally
gave way to soft weeping, and soon he stopped crying
altogether. He remained in Xander's arms for a long
moment, letting himself enjoy the feeling of being
held. It had been so long...
Self-loathing soon overtook Spike's senses, and he
disengaged himself from the boy's embrace roughly.
What was he thinking, allowing his vulnerability to
surface in front of Xander? He was disgusted with
himself for letting the slayer's lackey, of all
people, comfort him after she'd staked his ex-lover.
It was dirty. It was unthinkable. It was not DONE.
Spike shoved himself to his feet and glared down at
Xander.
"I hate you." He spat with hateful force, his face
flushed with embarrassment.
Xander stood up as well, anger written all over his
face. Spike paid no heed, his eyes blazing with white
rage that coursed through his every vein, blocking out
everything else, everything else except the sudden
overwhelming need for revenge. And he was going to get
it.
"Fuck you. And your friends." Spike hissed scathingly,
before whirling around and disappearing into the
night. Let the whelp find his own way back. And if
Slutty thought an apology was all it took to make
things right again, she had another thing coming. He
wasn't going to let them get away with Dru's murder so
easily. He smiled maliciously to himself as an evil
plan began to unfurl in his head. The smile stayed
with him all the way back to his crypt.
He wouldn't be weak anymore. He had a plan.
He was going to make them pay.
Dearly.
End.
