Spike watched his lover sleep. They had been in L.A. for five days now. Tonight was their first night in the garage apartment. And Spike was worried. Since arriving they hadn't so much as kissed. Xander had been worried about him, so the first couple of days was understandable. But he was fine now, and still nothing. 

A thousand things ran through the Brit's mind. What if Xander blamed him for what had happened? What if the boy never forgave him? What if he decided he was better off without a pushy bleached-blonde bloodsucker in his bed? What if.. 

"I'm sorry." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry. If you and I hadn't gotten involved Buffy wouldn't have gone after you. It's my fault. I know your mad, but I..." 

Spike rolled his lover onto his back and straddled his waist. Xander's face was pale, tears seeped from the corner of his eyes, sorrow rolled off him like waves at high tide. Spike did the only thing he could think of to stop his lover's tears. He kissed him. Softly, gently, with all the love in his heart, and all the sorrow in his own soul. 

"I'm sorry luv. I'm the one who should've known what she was up to. I've cost you everything now. You can never go back there." 

"Will you go back there?" 

"No." 

"Then there's no reason for me to." 

And so Spike kissed Xander again. And then Xander rolled him on his back and he couldn't help but laugh at the wicked little smirk on his love's face. Then they were kissing again and he felt his face shift. The first time it happened while they were making love Xander had been fascinated. The boy had never been afraid or nervous. And now he ran his fingers lightly over the ridges around the vampire's eyes. It was by chance that Xander's tongue grazed the underside of one of Spike's fangs.The blonde gasped, moaned, and thrust his hips hard against his lover. 

"What was that?" 

"Fangs are a hot spot." 

"Oh really. So if I do this..." 

Xander's tongue swept inside Spike's mouth. It wrapped around one fang and stayed there while the boy sucked...hard. Spike nearly screamed. His hips bucked and he all but threw Xander off with the force. Xander wrapped his legs around Spike's waist and his arms around the blonde's neck. He swiped his tongue backed and forth between both fangs. He suckled, licked, and flicked. 

Spike moaned, and gasped, and whimpered, and his hips moved. Xander pushed his own hips down so that his ass rubbed over the vampire's cock. Spike thrust hard against his lover. He put his hands on Xander's hips and rolled them over. Pining his mate beneath him, he began to move hard and fast. White fire raced through his veins and exploded out on to his lover's ass. 

Xander released him and gasped for air. Spike swooped down onto his lover. He engulfed the younger man's cock in one swift move. Swallowing to the root, he bobbed his head in the rhythm Xander liked best and sucked. He pulled up to the tip, running his fangs lightly up his love's flesh. Xander screamed and came down the vampire's throat. 

Then they were kissing again. And Spike wrapped Xander in his arms and they held each other in the wreck that was their bed. 

"I love you William." 

"I love you Alex." 

It wouldn't occur to either of them until much later, but they had never spoken those words before. The truth was neither had made any great declaration. They had both simply said what had been known between them since long before even their first kiss. Their feelings were apart of them. They were apart of each other. And one half of a single heart never really needs to tell the other half how it feels. 

tbc