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by Gypsy Gray


There was no reply. Xander kept his back to her and stayed in the shadows. The woman standing behind him frowned. She didn't know this boy well, but she got the idea that silence was not normal for him.

"Are you alright? Can I help you?"

"You've done everything you needed to."


"Never mind. Forget it."

Olivia was close enough now to see the tension in his body. He drew in a deep breath and she heard the tremble in his breathing. Something was very wrong. 

"I'm getting Rupert."

"You already did."

And that was when she understood. From the beginning she had sensed an unusual tension between Rupert and this young man. Now she knew why. It was a testament to her own good sense that she left the room. Unfortunately, Giles entered soon after.

"Xander, what have you done to Olivia?"


"She ran out of here saying something about not being in the middle. Now what's happening?"



"Nothing's happening Rupert. Nothing happened all summer. Nothing happened in your bed. Nothing happened in my car. Nothing happened. You never kissed me. You never told me how much you cared about me. You never fucked me. Nothing happened."

"Xander we've been through this. It's for the best, the others would never have understood our having an affair over the summer."

That was when Xander turned around. His body was tight with rage and pain. He shook with misery. His face was a mask of hatred and despair, while tears ran unchecked and unnoticed down his pallid cheeks.

"An affair? A summer affair. That's what happened? That's what we were?"


"Cause I remember it different. See, I remember you telling me how special I was, how beautiful. I remember you saying you would never hurt me. I remember lying underneath you listening to you tell me you loved me. Or did that only count when you had you dick up my ass?"


"FUCK YOU!!! You sonovabitch. You knew I loved you. You knew what all that meant to me. Giles, you were the one who held when it was over. You were the one who told me not to cry, that loving you was ok because you would never hurt me. And then you sent me away. Take your trip Xander. Get out and see the world. I'll be here when you come back."

Xander turned away from the other man. He stood as still as stone, completely ignoring Giles. The ex-watcher moved to stand beside the boy. He had no idea what to say. He knew he had hurt Xander, but he didn't love the boy. He'd told himself what Xander felt for him was a crush, that the boy would get over it. The truth was he had known the depth of Xander's feelings all along. He had simply never expected Xander to call him on it.

"You broke my dreams."


"I can live with a broken heart Giles, I've had one of those my whole life. But you broke my dreams. You let me think I could have you. You let me believe I had a chance at getting what I wanted. All I had to do to get it was give you what you wanted. That way you got someone to fuck, and I got to be with you. I got to watch you sleep, and wake up next to you, and make you smile. That was all I wanted. Just the normal things. Someone to like being with me, someone who thought I was important. Those were my dreams. To have a life with someone. You broke my dreams."

"Go away Giles. Go get in your car and find Olivia."

Giles stood next to Xander for a moment longer. Then he turned and headed for the door. He knew Xander wouldn't be there when he got back. In truth, that would be best for all of them. the darkest part of his mind where Ripper hid...he was screaming.