Luna
by Dafne
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part One
The sand felt smooth and cold beneath me. I'd never thought the beach
could get so cold at night. I guess the sand stays warm for a few
hours after sunset, still hot with all the heat it had absorbed
during the day, but then it becomes cold. I was wearing jeans, Doc's
and an old t-shirt. I suddenly wished I had brought a pullover or
something warm from the hotel room.
The full moon was shining, coating the beautiful landscape of the
Tuscany beach in shadows of grey, white and silver. The little
minerals lying in the sand, shining gold under the sunlight, shone
like minuscule silver moons.
I wanted to stay completely alone, at least for a week, in this
beautiful place. Alone with my thoughts, my ravings, my memories.
Although everyone thought I was pretty much dumb, it wasn't true. I
knew it. And when I was alone, I could even get all deep and
philosophical. I also got Angel-like broody when I thought about my
happy life in Sunnyhell.
I looked up at the moon once more and I suddenly had a feeling, like
this night had already happened before, and would repeat itself
again, and again... for all eternity.
I felt like, rather than watching the moon, I was up there, seated in
the white star dust, watching a mysterious blue planet I used to call
home while--
"Hey, come back to Earth, pet."
A deep sexy voice shook me from my weird vision. I turned around.
I nearly screamed. Spike? What the hell was he doing *here*?
Then something happened. I was far from home, from my friends and
their judgement. Far from the place where everything was black or
white, Buffy was good, I was useless and Spike was bad.
And Spike's beauty struck me like never before. I understood all of a
sudden why the moon was there in the first place. It was there to
shine over this perfect image of beauty, who was smiling, or better:
grinning here in front of my unbelieving eyes. It felt like I was
seeing him for the first time.
His skin was the whitest shade of pale. It looked impossibly smooth,
and I not-very-originally wondered if it would feel as smooth beneath
my hands. His face was edgy chiseled beauty, high sharp cheek bones,
and a perfectly shaped mouth. And in this stunning, nearly white mask
of edges and angles shone two gems, eyes of the paler, sharper blue.
I realized I had been positively staring for the last two minutes and
quickly lowered my gaze.
"Dreamin' about the Moon, are you?"
With out waiting for my answer he went on. "You know, the moon is the
most frequent subject of poetry."
"Only if you don't consider love," I answered. I don't really know
how I was able to come up with that. I just knew I didn't want to say
a word about anything and anyone we knew. I just wanted to pretend I
wasn't Xander and he wasn't Spike. We were two strangers talking
about the moon, and now, love.
"Tsk. *Love*", he spat, more than spoke the last word.
I smiled. "Why, what do you have against the force that drives the
world?"
The grin appeared once more, only wider. It made me feel at home.
Spike *had* something real wicked about him -- right now he was so
handsome that I didn't really want to notice though.
"The force that-- sorry, how old are you? Five?" He smirked and took
a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from a pocket of his long leather
duster. He put a smoke between his lips, then he gestured towards me
with the packet he still had in his hand.
"Yes please" I answered to the silent request. He put another
cigarette besides the other and lit both with one fluid gesture. He
deeply inspired once and, while blowing off the smoke, handed one to
me.
"Thank you," I said politely, although I didn't expect to receive an
already lit cigarette. I almost shivered when I faintly tasted what I
supposed was Spike's taste on my lips. Alcohol, smoke, something
sweet and something salty, irony. I didn't really care which the
ingredients were, one of them being probably pig's blood. I only knew
it tasted real good.
Spike was smoking while intently looking at me. I realized I must
have licked my lips and blushed to the roots of my hair. I just hoped
it was too dark for him to notice.
Then he gracefully slid and sat at my side. I didn't really see all
the movements: one second he was standing behind me and the next he
was *very* near.
I shivered again, this time because of the cold.
"Feeling cold? 'M afraid I can't help you with that one, pet.
"Now, what're we talking 'bout?"
"Love," I sputtered out with a voice that didn't just feel right.
"Ah, *love*! Ya know kid, I don't really believe in love."
I didn't answer guessing this would be sort of a one sided
conversation. It seemed I was right, because he went on.
"I believe in other things though..." he said, the grin surfacing
once again.
"Such as?" I asked, only because I knew he was waiting for that to go
on. I don't know how I had let this happen, but I was completely
under his charm. 'Must be a spell or something'.
I realized I had let my cigarette burn and I shook it; the ash fell
on the sand near my boot. Looking down I noticed that we both wore
Doc Marten's, and a little hidden smile curled my lips. I had bought
them in London, where I had been for a day waiting to catch the plane
to Florence.
"You know, *things*--" he said and got a bit nearer to me, which
actually meant we were at kissing distance. I shivered again,
smelling on him something very much like the taste on the cigarette I
was smoking. Smoke, alcohol, leather and blood. There was something
else, sweet.. soap perhaps. I liked this new fragrance on Spike.
I liked nearly everything about Spike right now. And that was bad,
wasn't it?
For some reason, it didn't seem so, then.
I sucked on the cigarette and felt the smoke fill my throat and
lungs. I needed something like that to take me back to reality.
I blew out the smoke but stopped and began choking as he went on.
"Sex. You know, giving each other pleasure." he said in a husky voice.
I felt more than saw his grin as I finally ended choking. My mind was
thinking frenetically.
Was Spike trying to-- what? Get in my pants? *Xander's* pants? Ok, I
knew he did swing both ways, as do most of his species, but-- I
didn't really think I could ever attract anyone as handsome. He was
probably just teasing me, just playing with my head as usual. Right?
Wrong. I felt his cold lips teasing oh so lightly on my earlobe and
then whispering:
"Or- lust."
I began to seriously shiver this time and I felt a throbbing
somewhere.
I felt a gush of cold air behind me and then Spike was gone, just
like that.
I passed a hand through my hair and realized I was shivering. I
silently decided for my own sanity's sake that I wouldn't ever
*think* about what had just happened.
******************
Part Two
I got up and slowly made my way up the beach and down the crowded
street where my hotel stood.
Crowds of young men and women walked up and down the street parallel
to the seashore with beer bottles in their hands, cruising for a
piece of fun.
I smiled to myself as I remembered where that last line came from. A
Placebo song. I made Spike listen to it once and he liked it, so
he "borrowed" the whole record.
I was more than sure that I would never see that cd again, but after
a week or so Spike actually gave it back to me. Ok, there was a blood
stain on the cover, but I was pretty much used to such things anyway.
That had been only the first of the many times Spike would surprise
me. He had been quite nice for the past two months, and although I
knew I should have thought this relative kindness part of some wicked
plan, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. Spike seemed so sincere.
And I had come to actually *trust* him, in a way I had trusted only
Willow before.
As the situation between my parents - and subsequently my father's
mood swings -- seemed to get even worse than usual, it had seemed
just a wonderful idea to leave for a while.
On what turned out to be my lucky day, I won this holiday: ten days,
with a friend, on the "magical shores of the Tuscany sea!"
I wanted to be alone, so I got some money instead of bringing someone
I didn't really want to.
I had been frightened when I realized the only person I would like to
bring was Spike. So I hadn't told him, because I was afraid the
vampire would have laughed in my face, perhaps told the rest of the
Scooby Gang too. That would have been too humiliating to bear, even
for me.
I had said Goodbye to Spike two days before leaving, and I noticed he
seemed nearly disappointed by my leaving. But then the familiar grin
had surfaced once again and he had said: "Ten days without you, pet?
Think I'll survive..."
And that was it.
Packing up, the flight, the arrival -- it all felt like a dream to
me. I slept the first day through because of the jet lag. This was
the second day, almost ended already: I had just roamed around the
little town and thought about many things I'd never tell anyone
about... yes, a certain bleached blond was one of these things.
He was the last person I expected to meet, and I couldn't help asking
myself why he had followed me here. I just let the question hang and
went to sleep.
As I closed my eyes I couldn't really help wishing I would see Spike
again tomorrow. And then I fell asleep.
*******
Part Three
I didn't remember what the first kiss tasted like.
A kiss you get when the attraction towards a person, your hope, your
pain, your fear of rejection, your desire are building up and raising
a huge fire that burns you from the inside.
And then there's the Kiss, and the flames leap up and burn and burn
and consume me with the need and the urgency.
I waited forever, or so it seems as kisses lead to more intimate
touch, passion growing stronger than I thought it ever could.
The fire still burns and I wonder if he can feel it too, eating me,
as I feel his weight crushing me and pinning me to the bed.
When finally I think I'm going to die in a matter of seconds because
the desire is just too strong and I can't take anymore of it, heart-
stopping sensations engulf me, I don't know where they come from and
I don't care, it's just this absolute *pleasure*, nothing more,
nothing else.
I absently hear my own moans, passion building up again and I just
*feel* it, feel everything until the final moment, when I come harder
than I ever did and I can't help crying out loud.
Then there's something else-- something more as his mouth is on my
throat and he bites down, hard and I come again as he slowly drinks
from me, firm grip on my shoulders-- but I wouldn't go anywhere even
if I could, and then...
*******
I suddenly woke up from a nightmare where Spike made love to me and I
was bitten and-- Wait a sec. That hadn't been a nightmare, it had
been the most amazing dream I had ever had. It was so real it felt
like it had actually happened. In fact the wetness I felt down my
body told me I had come not only in the dream.
Sleeping was out of the question now. I was too excited, my heart was
running and my mouth was dry. I got up and after drinking a glass of
water I began pacing the room's carpeted floor.
No good. I dressed and went outside. The hotel's corridors were
empty, there was nobody around.
On the street all the people had disappeared, the bars were closed
and the street lights shone upon a deserted place.
I wasn't afraid of going out alone; after all the Sunnydale streets
had been an excellent training in self-defense. Anyway I really
doubted this quiet little town on the sea could hide any seriuos
threats to my life.
I slowly walked the short distance to the beach and as I looked up,
in the very spot where I had met him a few hours before, I saw Spike.
He would have made a perfect Gothic postcard with his long black
leather duster slightly moved by the breeze, hands in his pockets,
his hair almost white because of the moonlight.
I sighed. He was beautiful and I couldn't do a thing about it.
I walked up to him and he didn't turn until I was standing beside
him, our shoulders nearly touching. I looked at the calm sea, the
silver path that seemed to lead to the moon.
I saw with the corner of my eye the ridges of his game face.
They immediately disappeared giving way to the familiar grin.
"What is it?," he asked in a mock concerned voice, "Can't sleep, pet?"
"Just a bad dream, Spike." I said without looking at him.
I waited but when he didn't reply I asked, "What are you doing here?"
"Following you. Y'know, I was bored without my pet. No one to play
with, no awful jokes, no one to watch while they sleep..."
"Wha'? You *watch* me while I sleep?" This time I turned to face him.
I didn't believe my ears. Spike watching me while I slept... this was
frightening.
"Yeah." he said, keeping his eyes on the ground.
"*Why* the hell do you do that?"
Spike seemed confused and then he looked me in the eye. I had never
seen such an expression on his face. He seemed vulnerable, almost
*human*.
"'Cause I like it." he said matter-of-factly, and kept his eyes on
mine. There was something in his eyes. The pupils were dilated and
they seemed darker, deeper. Spike wanted me? Against my will, a hope
began to grow inside of me.
I felt the corners of my mouth begin to lift up, although I didn't
want them to. I tried to stop them but there was no way. My brain was
just sending too many happy positive impulses to my body and
my blood began to rush to my groin before I thought how to stop it.
"You like it?"
"Yep. Come on, Xan..." Now Spike's tone was clearly seductive. Oh,
this *can't* be good. Why I think it's very good?
"Don't tell me you never watched me sleep during the day, not even
once?"
I could have lied. But I didn't want to. Oh, I had watched him so
many times, asking myself if he would wake up if I stroked his
cheekbone, lightly, only once. I'd never found courage enough to do
it. I only kept on dreaming about his skin, how soft it would feel
under my touch. I wondered what he would say if he caught me kneeling
in front of him, as I did sometimes, contemplating him while he
slept -- 'What the hell d'ya think ya're doing, stupid wanker?'
Man, this was embarassing. I hadn't answered him, but I'd bet he
understood quite well where my mind was going just by the look in my
eyes. And if he didn't, well that bulge in my pants would probably be
self-explanatory.
Then he smiled, and I smiled back, and his arm was on my shoulders.
How did it get here? I thought absently while registering the
comfortable sensation of the light pressure of his hand on the back
of my neck.
And then I think my brain was turned off because the next thing I
knew, Spike had one hand on my shoulder and the other one was gently
massaging my neck, and then his cool wet lips were on mine.
The kiss I had just dreamed about, as wonderful as it was, was
absolutely nowhere near this one.
Spike's lips were cool and smooth as silk, and they moved against
mine so slowly that I thought I'd go mad. I couldn't help kissing him
back, a bit faster, then there was something... Am I forgetting
something? Oh yea. Breath!
When I pulled away I began to pant. Of course, I needed the air but I
also had never been so aroused before. I was eager to begin another
kiss, to get nearer to him, to...
"Hush, pet." Spike was looking at me with a real smile, not a grin.
It was quite frightening actually. He seemed... affectionate?
*Spike*? Ok, he had been kind to me for some time now, but as in a 'I
wont kill you or steal anything from you or thrash your basement yet'
kind. I never thought he could actually like me. Maybe I had been
wrong? Was that too much to hope?
"Huh?"
"Hush. Let's take this slow."
Before I could come up with an intelligent answer Spike put his
finger to my mouth. I shut my mouth tight. It was all I could do to
not kiss or suck on that cool finger.
"Xander, I want you."
I shuddered at the low sibilant whisper that was my name. And then I
thought I'd never stop shivering afterwards.
When the silencing finger was gone I managed someway to gesture with
my head for him to follow me as I headed for my hotel. I had to
restrain myself to keep on walking and not begin to run fast as I
could. Despite what Spike had said, I *so* didn't care to take this
slow.
*******
Part Four
At last we got to the hotel. I fumbled with the keys, and nearly
stumbled on the steps but I finally made it to my room, with Spike
following close behind.
He didn't say a word as I kept the door open for him, and I certainly
didn't trust myself enough to talk.
What is 'this'? I asked myself as Spike looked around in the still
dark room. He said he wanted to take 'this' slow after we had kissed.
I *knew* I should be frightened, I shouldn't let him kiss me, and I
should have never led him to my room, but- I couldn't help this. I
couldn't help the way he looked, the way he made me feel. I wanted
Spike so bad, more than anything else, ever.
For a while, when Spike began stirring some interesting, strange
sensations inside of me, I thought it was my 'dark side'. Although I
was a Slayerette, I was attracted by our natural enemies, the
vampires. It's not so difficult to see why one might be fascinated
by vampirism, really. Although Buffy could never understand. I mean,
they live forever. They don't have to find a shitty job or a basement
to live in. They don't have *parents*! Most kill them as soon as they
are turned, I read somewhere. Sure, they're evil soulless demons, but
they live in a crypt, don't have to think about anything but fucking
and feeding... I sure can identify with *that*.
Then again, apart form this abstract fascination, I didn't like other
vamps. They really seemed gross; always in game face, with putrid
ripped clothes and often seemingly unable to form polisillables, let
alone sentences.
So I came to the conclusion that my attraction towards Spike was only
part because he was a vampire. Mainly, I liked *him*.
He is handsome, now even Buffy wouldn't disagree with me on this
point. He is smart, makes really good jokes and living with him
wasn't too bad either.
Even when I realized I kind of 'had a crush' on Spike, there was
nothing I could do about it. I never thought he could like me.
And now, not longer than ten minutes ago, he had said he wanted me.
What I could do other than go with the flow? I mean, this was like
the biggest surprise of my life. Finding him here in the first place,
and then the kiss and that: 'I want you, Xander'.
And now we were in my hotel room and Spike lay in my bed and he was...
*Sleeping?!* I sat beside him on my bed, looking at his still,
unbreathing form. He had taken off his duster which was now laying on
a chair. He wore one of his blood red shirts, unbottoned to show a
black t-shirt underneath, and his usual black jeans.
"Spike?"
"Hmmpht?"
"I thought you.. er.. us.. *you know*"
Spike's lips began curling dangerously upwards, and finally reached
grinning level.
Then a pair of cold light blue eyes flashed open and the grin was
there, all right.
"Just teasing ya, pet."
Cutting off my possible answer he reached for my shoulder and pulled
me down until our faces were inches apart.
"What were you thinking about?"
I could have said many things, or at least nothing, instead my
confused mind came up with the worst possibility: the truth.
"You."
"Why, I'm flattered," he said in the mocking tone I knew too well.
But before I could find it annoying he pulled me a bit closer and
kissed me again. After a moment I noticed we were both sitting on the
edge of the bed, now. I considered hopping in his lap, which was so
near and inviting, but then I remembered something.
"Hmmph!" I said in the middle of the kiss, although the intended word
was 'Spike.'
I estimated myself completely nuts for breaking up that kiss but
something was bothering me and I had to be sure.
"What!?" We hadn't even started and Spike was already getting
impatient. Suddenly I remembered what I was going to ask him and I
lowered my gaze until my eyes rested on his black-clad legs.
"Did-- did youmeanit?"
"Did I..?"
"Did you mean it? You want me?" Okay, it was done. My voice trembled,
I sounded like a child suffering from lack of attention but I had
said it. Now I couldn't even gaze at his legs, so I concentrated on
the wooden tiles of the parquet.
I was expecting a mocking laugh, nothing else. Just what anyone
should get for asking sappy questions to the evil vampire. What I got
instead was a cool finger hooking my chin and bringing my head up
until I couldn't avoid gazing in those ice blue eyes.
"I want you, Xan" he whispered, almost sweetly, almost
comfortingly. "That I do."
I knew it was an illusion, a façade, but it sounded like he cared
for
me. For my feelings.
In that instant I decided to stop thinking. If it was a trick, I
wanted to be tricked. If it was a dream, I didn't want to get up,
ever. If Spike had followed Drusilla on the path of insanity, well
let it be. And about all the trouble this could cause to us
afterwards... I would worry about that when the issues would-- well,
issue.
I then proceeded to effectively turn off the little red switch that
controlled my brain.
Two seconds later, my lips crushed Spike's.
*********
TBC
