Nothing to Fear
by Acid Raine
Part One
Part Two
Part One
The soft cotton against his face smelled fresh, like laundry detergent and
warmth. In other words, not like Xander at all and it wasn't enough. Spike
growled at his own sorry state. He was sitting on the bed that he had
started to share with Harmony, holding a pair of Xander's boxers to his face
lovingly as if they were the boy himself.
Everything was going horribly wrong! How could he be in love with the
Slayer's lackey? The whelp never spared him a glance, even when he wasn't
too busy tripping over his own feet or falling to his knees for his
demon-bitch to do so. Spike snorted. They did have things in common. They
were both sad, pathetic and almost completely unable to defend themselves in
an attack yet could never stop getting their sorry asses into trouble. The
vampire was not thoroughly comforted by this thought. He rose from the bed
and headed for the door of the crypt. He needed to get out, take a walk. A
*real* walk. One that didn't end with him spending two hours smoking outside
of the brat's house hoping to catch a sign of him through the basement
window. That wasn't even a factor anymore. Spike growled again. Even that
had been taken away from him, as he had found out ungracefully that morning.
The whelp had finally gotten off his ass and moved out. He now lived in a
pretty decent apartment, far far away from mummy and daddy where the
demon-bitch could have her wicked way with him whenever she saw fit. That
wasn't even what bothered Spike. For some reason, thinking of Xander and
Anya together didn't bother him as much as it should. Xander didn't love
her. She had said so herself. They were almost as close as him and Harmony.
What bothered him about the bloody apartment was that he no longer had an
open invite! He couldn't drop in on the boy whenever he pleased anymore.
'And what exactly would you do if you could Spike?' he thought disgustedly
to himself. 'Maybe steal some more of his knickers and start a collection?'
At this thought, the vampire realized that he was still clutching said
knickers in his fist and he flung them back towards the bed in fury.
"I will NOT be reduced to this!" he bellowed to the empty room. The past
few days had been the most humiliating of his unlife.
What had he been looking for? What the Hell did he think he was going to
find when he returned to that hate-filled house that Xander had called his
home for all of his life?
The night before last when he had tried to comfort the boy, Xander had
shied away from him. 'Shocking Spike, really did ya think the whelp would
cry on your bloody shoulder? You've tried to kill him for fuck's sake!'
After a few minutes of awkward silence Xander had risen. He hadn't looked
back towards the house, he had just picked up a pile of envelopes beside him
and had headed down the walk. No thank you. No good-bye. He had glanced back
towards the vampire once, his eyes were full of suspicion and confusion, but
Spike knew that there was some gratitude there too.
****
Xander wasn't used to getting much comfort. In his childhood he had always
turned to Willow. She was the only one who could hold him, sooth him. But it
was different now. He was supposed to be a "man". He couldn't cry in front
of anyone, he was required by society to deal with his problems inside his
head in a manly fashion. Sure, there were loopholes in this rule that said
he could allow his lover to see him weak, but Anya? Yeah like that was
happening. She thought that sex was the answer to everything. Not that that
was necessarily a bad thing but there needed to be something else there.
Something that Xander knew he needed, and it was missing to a woeful extent.
So naturally, when Spike had laid his cool hand on his shoulder, Xander had
immediately balked. Well, ran if you wanted to be specific. He knew from
experience that Spike couldn't possibly mean well, it wasn't in his nature
or something. Right now though, he had way too much on his plate to worry
about what Spike was planning now. He had a demanding job, a demanding
girlfriend and now, extra patrolling and researching hours because Buffy
wasn't in the emotional condition to do it herself. Not that he could blame
her for it, but it was definitely taking a toll on him. In short, Xander had
no time to go chasing Spike around asking what blackmail would keep him
silent. If the deadboy of the bleached variety was going to get off on
telling everyone about his crying episode then fine, at least fangless would
be getting off somehow. He probably needed it.
Now Xander was throwing on some old clothes and heading out to patrol with
the rest of the scoobys. Hopefully Riley would be kind enough to show this
time, lest they all get their asses kicked. He wasn't used to having fresh
bruises every night. Not since the summer that Buffy had left them to fend
for themselves. They hadn't been quite so sad back then. Maybe they were
getting lazy with Buffy always there to fight for them.
****
'Why do I want him? Why do I bloody want him?'
Spike paced back and forth in front of the crypt entrance, sure that if he
left he would make a beeline for Xander's new apartment. It hadn't been hard
to find. So far he had been able to keep away from it. The last thing he
needed now was to waste his night staring at that bedroom window that was
just too small, wondering what was going on in there, if the demon was on
him or if it was one of those rare nights when his only company was his
right hand.
Why did he want Xander of all people? He couldn't understand it. The Slayer
was an annoying bint but she was definitely shaggable, not to mention those
"muscles he'd never even dreamed of" which would be an added bonus. He would
want to shag her if he didn't have to listen to her talk, the chances of
that were dim though. And even *Harmony* was less annoying then that bitch.
Alright so not Buffy, but even the demon fuck-toy would make more sense as
a mate for him. She could accept his ruthlessness and match it with her own.
And Hell, if there was ever a girl who wouldn't use the headache excuse...
But she was needy, and not in a cute Xanpet way. She was more
high-maintenance than *Darla* and Hell, if the product is not worth the
maintenance then you *don't* maintain it!
Then there was Red, who he would bite in a heartbeat and he'd even told her
as much. She was clever and sweet, but she pitied him. And the last thing
that he could stand would be looking down into a pair of caring eyes that
*pitied* him. Maybe that in itself was why Xander appealed to him. The brat
had the sense not to pity him. He knew that if Spike got the chip out they
would all be on the breakfast menu in a matter of seconds. Spike remembered
the first night he'd spent at Xander's house. Though he had been roaming
free around Giles' place because the idiot Watcher though he was harmless,
Xander insisted on tying him up. He still had the sense to fear him though
right now he had no reason to. And even though Spike had acted so pissed
about the whole thing, the truth was that he took it as a compliment. That
night the only thing Xander would have had to worry about had he let Spike
loose was the vampire crawling into his bed beside him, not that Spike would
*ever* admit that to anyone. Also, Xander really needed someone like Spike.
Xander wasn't a strong person. He had his moments, but when the world came
crashing down he needed someone who would hold him, not shag his brains out.
He needed comfort, and how the fuck was Anya giving that to him? There was
only one thing she was giving him and pretty soon that wasn't going to be
enough. And fuck, Spike knew about comfort. He hadn't spent more than a
hundred years with someone who wasn't right in the head using her to get his
rocks off. He'd even brought her to Sunnyhell to get well. Had never even
thought of leaving her. And look how wonderfully that had turned out.
Finally Spike stormed out of the crypt, having been unable to come up with
an acceptable alternative obsession that made more sense then the whelp. But
he still wasn't going to go and hang around a deserted apartment. No, he was
going to find a pack of demons and take out his aggression on them. Then he
could return having blown off some steam and take out certain other
aggressions on a bitch that went by the name of Harmony. And he was not even
going to *think* about what had happened that morning. Oh bugger he was.
Spike had returned to his crypt after Xander had left, wondering what the
Hell had upset the boy so much. He couldn't come up with anything. His
relationship with Anya was still blazing away and it would have surprised
the vampire greatly if Xander would really cry over her. He found himself
desperately wanting to hold the boy and wishing that he had done so the
night before. Eventually he had grabbed his blanket and ventured out through
the sunlight to the Harris residence. He had assumed that no one would be
home and he hoped to find some clue about Xander's unhappiness. What he had
found was...nothing. Bloody fucking nothing! The basement had been
completely cleared, nothing was left except for the stripped sofa-bed. His
undead heart lurched, Xander was gone and he had no idea where. Miserably,
he lay down on the bed and tried to breathe in the scent Xander had left
behind. He missed the sound of the door opening upstairs.
"What are you doing in here?" came the irritated voice.
Spike shot up in the bed. "Me, I was uh...what are you doing here?"
"Picking some things up for Xander," the ex-demon crossed her arms over her
chest and glared at the vampire. "He's going to kill you when he finds out
you were here!"
"Yeah," Spike scoffed, hopping off the bed, "I'd like to see the whelp
try?"
"Were you sleeping on Xander's bed?" Anya demanded in a slightly disturbed
voice.
"Uh...yeah well, I came to see if I'd left any bloodbags here and I got
tired. What of it?"
Anya rolled her eyes. "Come on, I guess it's my duty as a good girlfriend
to kick you out."
"Where did the brat go anyhow?" Spike asked, trying unsuccessfully to sound
nonchalant as he followed Anya upstairs.
"He's got a new apartment!" she almost squealed. "It's so big and nice.
We've still got two rooms left to have sex in before it's all christened!"
Spike snorted and muttered, "Enjoy it while it lasts."
"What? While what lasts?"
"While Xander keeps you up as his shag-toy, that's what!"
Anya paused. "Why wouldn't he want a shag-toy?"
"Well luv, let me tell you this way. Ever noticed 'ow your pet stares at
soldier-boys ass when you're not looking. Wait, that's right, you're not
looking. Ummm remember how hard Xander was when Angel grabbed him by the
neck and offered him to me? Wait, you weren't there that time either."
Anya looked at him septically. "Xander's not gay."
Spike smirked at her. "Shows what you know. Did he ever tell you how he
offered me his neck?"
Anya just raised her eyebrows.
"Yep that's right. Told me he was moist and delicious."
She shook her head. "Xander only has eyes for me. And the occasional
play-boy model. Besides, even if he did like guys too, he hates you."
"Kay. How 'bout this one? The loverwiccas are perfectly capable of doing a
de-invite spell on houses. Keep out specific guests. Ever asked yourself why
your mutt's never got them to take my name off the guest list?"
"Cause you're harmless," Anya said uncertainly.
"Yeah, right, takes one to know one I suppose," he smirked. Anya pouted
slightly. "Not that he doesn't *like* you pet but face it, he's got a type
and you're not it."
"You don't know him," she protested. Spike just shrugged. "I'm going to go
talk to him. I'm going to tell him he's not gay!"
Spike laughed as the ex-demon stormed out the door. "You do that pet!"
Part Two
"You don't know him," she protested. Spike just shrugged. "I'm going to go
talk to him. I'm going to tell him he's not gay!"
Spike laughed as the ex-demon stormed out the door. "You do that pet!"
*****
After this strange encounter Spike's mirth faded and he headed to the
kitchen, still assuming that no one was home. He searched through the scraps
of paper lying on the kitchen counter. Xander *must* have left a number or
an address for his folks! What kind of son was he? Eventually after sifting
through a pile of recipes and notes Spike finally came across a small scrap
of paper upon which someone can scrawled a number and an address. He didn't
have time to wonder why the paper was so carefully tucked away instead of
being taped on the fridge or something because right at that moment a woman
that Spike recognized to be Xander's mother entered the room carrying a
basket full of laundry.
"Anya! Are you here yet?" she yelled at the door before turning and
noticing Spike. "Oh hello, are you that boy who was staying with Xander in
the basement."
Spike quickly pocketed the address. "Yup, that's me luv! Just came by
to..." He trailed off, not being able to think of a legitimate reason for
him to come by his "friend's" deserted house.
"Anya couldn't come so you volunteered to do it?" Xander's mother asked
without warning.
Spike glanced around the room, searching for some sign of what he should
answer to this. "Yesss..?"
"Oh good," the woman was visibly relieved. "Here," she took a pile of
laundry from the top of the basket and handed it to a very confused vampire.
"These were still in the wash when he left, I thought I should get them to
him."
"Right," Spike said hesitantly.
"Thanks so much!" she said cheerfully, and without another glance headed
off into another room. She was just happy that she's manage to give the
laundry to someone before her husband could find it and rip it apart.
Spike glanced around the door to make sure that the woman was actually
gone. Shaking his head slightly at the absurdity of the situation he grabbed
his blanket and held it with his right hand while cradling the clothes in
his left and went out into the sunlight.
Back at the crypt he sorted through the clothes. There was a T-shirt and a
few pairs of boxers. Xander had probably been trying to keep his laundry to
a minimum, knowing that he was planning on making an exit. The only question
in Spike's mind was why the boy had been so hasty in his departure.
Feeling slightly sick with himself but not being able to hold back, Spike
had brought a pair a boxers to his face an inhaled. He sighed to himself. Of
course they held no hint of Xander's scent if they had just been washed. He
ran his fingers over the cotton and brooded. 'I'm one sodding step away from
my bleedin' sire!'
That night he had headed to Xander's apartment. He was halfway up the
stairs to the second floor before he realized that he couldn't get into it.
Disgusted and beaten, he had resorted to keeping watch over the window until
dawn.
But he wasn't going to act like that tonight! No way! He was the Big Bad
goddammit, and he was out to rustle up some trouble! The vampire strode
confidently through the graveyard, daring any demon to try to jump him.
There was going to be *no* thinking of Xander Harris tonight!
"Wills! Look out!"
Bloody Hell!
Spike leapt behind a gravestone just in time to avoid being seen. The sight
that greeted his eyes was Xander being picked up and thrown against a wall
by a hungry looking vampire. Willow aimed a stake at the demon's back but
before she could strike, the vampire spun and knocked it out of her hand and
then pushed her to the ground, forgetting about Xander. The boy delivered a
hard kick to the vampire's spine and it toppled over onto Willow howling
with rage.
"Uh oh," Spike heard Xander mutter softly as the furious vampire advanced
on him again. Willow still lay on the ground, shaking her head to regain her
bearings. Quick as lightening, Spike reached out from behind the tombstone
and grabbed Willow's abandoned stake. He only had one shot, he aimed and
threw the stake full force at the vampire's back. The demon burst into a
cloud of dust seconds before its fangs would have pierced Xander's neck.
Xander and Willow both rose, stakes in hand, smiling at each other. From
their parallel positions it looks to each of them as if it had been the
other who had staked the vampire.
"Well, that's the last of them," Xander said wearily.
"I got two!" Willow exclaimed.
"Willow the Vampire Slayer!" Xander said, putting her arm around her
shoulders and leading her away. "It would really be nice if Riley would show
up next time, unlike you I'm not tough when it comes to the vamps. I'd
rather just scream like a woman and run the other way."
Willow giggled. "Not me, nope suree! I laugh in the face of danger!"
Spike watched as they walked away, Willow chattering about her new-found
slaying skills. The vampire felt a pain in his chest as the boy retreated,
looking a bit worse for wear. Couldn't anyone see that he needed to be
protected? Now the sodding Slayer wasn't even there to do it. Bitch.
"I'll protect you pet, with me around you have nothing to fear," he growled
to himself. "Nothing to fear at all."
Spike turned and walked in the opposite direction from the Slayerettes,
adrenaline fulled by the closeness he felt to the boy. He had saved Xander's
life. That was something he had never done for a mortal without an ulterior
motive. That was a frightening step to take and he had done it without
thinking.
He felt the sudden need for something else. Something *more* than a couple
of pairs of boxers. Something that carried Xander in it no matter what it
smelled like. He headed to the only place he could think of. The thought
nauseated him, but at least he could be fairly certain he wouldn't run into
Xander again there. At least not in the middle of the night.
Spike quietly opened the door to the Summers residence, making sure not to
let it creak. He wasn't really sure what he was looking for as he padded
down the front hall. The house reeked of the Slayer's flowery perfume, it
hung in the air like a cloud of dust. Through the garden though, there was a
faint trace of Xander. He clung to that as he continued through the house.
He heard water running in the kitchen and veered away from it. He swore
silently to himself. How was he going to explain this if he was caught?
Slutty was hanging onto sanity by a thread and he didn't want to be the one
to push her over while he was neutered.
He waited in the dark living room, pondering how to get out of the house
without having to go by the kitchen again when there was a loud shriek from
upstairs.
"Buffy!"
And then there were footsteps thundering upwards. Not knowing what was
going on and not caring as long as it gave him a chance to run he broke for
the front door. He was almost though the front hall when something on the
side-table made him screech to a halt. It was a picture of Xander, Buffy and
Willow taken a few years ago. Red had long hair and Xander was thinner and
younger looking but still delectable as usual. He glanced around quickly,
there were sounds of a struggle coming from the kitchen but no movement near
him. He grabbed the frame and smashed the glass with a punch and then
removed the picture carefully. He paused, looking at it again and then ran
his thumb over the boy's face. He smiled and turned towards the door.
"Spike, what the Hell are you doing in my house?!"
The screech stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Uh.." he stalled, trying to slip the stolen picture into his pocked as he
turned to face the Slayer. "Right then you caught me. Your basement's full
of....junk and me being in need of.....junk..."
"You were stealing?" She was standing with her arms crossed and a bloodied
kitchen knife in her hand, looking as no-nonsense as ever.
"Well yeah, can't exactly work the counter at burger barn can I?" he was
still trying to nonchalantly shove the picture into his pocket.
"Wait," she interrupted him, lunging forward and grabbing his arm. "Is that
a picture of me?"
Oh God!
"No! It's-"
"Oh my God Spike, you're stealing a picture of me?"
The vampire was left with his mouth hanging open, not knowing what to
reply. Buffy eyes softened suddenly and she glanced around. Her expression
became hard to read.
"I....hang on."
Buffy headed off into another room leaving Spike standing in the front
hall, completely confused. She returned moments later with a fistful of
pictures. Oh bloody Hell.
"You can take some more if you want," she said shyly, extended the pile to
him.
"Now look Slayer-" Spike started furiously, but then he noticed the top
picture. It was a more recent one with the whole gang. Xander was wearing a
tight blue T-Shirt and Khakis. Spike sighed to himself. "Give me that," he
said grabbing the pile.
Spike sifted through the snapshots as Buffy continued to look on with a
nervous, flattered expression on her face.
Aside from the top photo there weren't any others that interested the
vampire. Apparently Slutty hadn't been spending enough time with her
delectable friend to have a good store of pictures. Buffy in her room, Buffy
standing by the water, Buffy and her Mom, no, no, no. He paused as he came
to a photo of Buffy and Willow. Red was wearing an uncharacteristically
revealing tank top-no stay focused! Spike ordered himself and continued on.
"Oh that one was Willow and I on the first day back at University," Buffy
said, referring to the last picture Spike had discarded. She continued on
with a nervous story, not seeming to notice that Spike had put said picture
in the 'no' pile. Finally he neared the end, growling to himself at this
waste of time which had made him look like the Slayer's lapdog. He stopped
as he reached the last picture. It was just Xander for once. He was
stretching up to catch a frisbee thrown by someone in the distance. He was
wearing a wife-beater and the muscles in his back were flexed in effort. It
was beautiful.
"You can barely see me in that one," the Slayer protested, interrupting his
reverie.
He shoved the no pile back at her and turned to go without replying.
"Don't say thank you or anything!" she yelled at him.
He looked back over his shoulder and smirked. "Thank you Slutty, I've got
lots more burning material now!" And with that he slammed the door in her
face and hurried off, desperately hoping that he hadn't given her any
upsetting ideas.
As the sun rose, Spike was sitting in his crypt gazing at the three
pictures which now stood on his bedside table, he had put them in cheap
Walmart frames. It was humiliating for him to enter that store and actually
have to *pay* for things. Not even being able kill the pimply teenager who
had rudely demanded if that was all, was just adding insult to injury. It
was worth it though. Now every time he rolled over he would be able to gaze
into the face of his pet. At the thought his cock started to harden and his
rubbed himself gently through the denim of his dark jeans. God he wished
Xander would just walk through the door and drop to his knees....
"Spikey!" Came the sing-song voice as the door slammed.
Heh, that'll do.
Spike quickly opened the table drawer and swept the pictures into it.
"Harm!" she came into the room licking her lips as he leered at her.
"Honey, I've been waiting for you all night."
End
