O'Neill: I think I cracked a rib, too.
Carter: Why didn't you say something?
O'Neill: I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it.
Carter: Amazing. This is what was missing from the dig at Giza. This is how they controlled it. It took us 15 years and 3 superconductors to MacGyver a system for the gate on Earth. Look how small it is!
Fraiser: Loosen your belt please, Colonel.
O'Neill: How's a needle in my butt going to get water out of my ear?
Fraiser: It isn't. Come on, Sir, you know this is standard procedure.
O'Neill: We should rethink this procedure.
Daniel: Wow, this coffee's...great.
Carter: I was just thinking that.
O'Neill: Yeah, is that cinnamon?
Daniel: It's some kind of...it's chicory.
O'Neill: Chicory.
Teal'c picks up the pot of coffee and drinks the whole thing.
Carter: Teal'c?
Teal'c: Ah.
O'Neill: Isn't that hot?
Teal'c: Extremely.
Jack: Valar, is that what he said?
Daniel: I thought he said velour.
Jack: Velour?
Daniel: Velour.
Jack: The fabric?
Daniel: That's what I heard him say.
Jack: Why would he say that?
Daniel: I don't know. Why would he say Valar?
Jack: I don't know.
Jack: Uh, where's Tyler?
Daniel: You know, I would have asked him but I was too busy being unconscious after he shot me with the zat gun you gave him, so....
Daniel: She's Hathor, the goddess of fertility, inebrity, and music.
Jack: Sex, drugs, and rock & roll?
Daniel: Tastes like chicken.
Sam: So what's wrong with it?
Daniel: It's macaroni and cheese.
Teal'c: What is an Oprah?
Teal'c: Things will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will in fact calm up.
Daniel: Can you do me a favor? Could you keep an eye on this plant thing for me?
Teal'c: I will keep both of my eyes on it, Daniel Jackson.
Teal'c: Appearances may be deceiving.
Jack: One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
Daniel: A fool's paradise is a wise man's hell.
Jack: Never run with... scissors?
Jack: So what's your impression of Alar?
Teal'c: That he is concealing something.
Jack: Like what?
Teal'c: I am unsure -- he is concealing it.
Daniel: That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event.
Jack: Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet.
Jack: It's true Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people a long, long time ago.
Daniel: From a galaxy far, far away.
Jack: Teal'c, you don't have to stick around.
Teal'c: Undomesticated equines could not remove me.
Jack: Wild horses, Teal'c. Oh, that was a joke.
Teal'c: I do not know if you are well.You refer to me as Lucy.
Daniel: I don't have a sister Jack, but if I did I wouldn't let you near her.
Jack: No Sir? Does it say 'Colonel' anywhere on my uniform?
Urgo: Well, death or me, me or death.
Jack: We're thinking.
Sam: looks somewhat taken aback Wow, it's a miracle.
Jack: looks down at his belly and shrugs and says very matter-of-factly;
Crunches.
Jack: Is everyone clear on that? Daniel?
Daniel: What?
Jack: Good.
Daniel: What, did she start a fight with you like Johnson did with Teal'c?
O'Neill: No, she, uh, tried to seduce me.
Daniel: Oh. You...poor man.
Daniel over a walkie-talkie: Jack, we've finished our recon, loaded up Fred and are ready to head back through the Gate. Is this...am I using this right?
Teal'c: Are you considering the same tactic as I?
O'Neill: Teal'c, the cliché is 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' And the answer is yes.
O'Neill: Whole boxes of the material could be missing.
Daniel: No, the Pentagon said this was everything.
O'Neill: Oh please. The Pentagon has lost entire countries. Come on. Doctors have two days of tests planned for us. Wonderful tests.
Teal'c: If we are discovered, you will be brought to Apophis along with us.
O'Neill: Well, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
Bra'tac: No, the bridge is too well guarded.
O'Neill: Actually, there I was using a cliché...
Daniel: So what exactly are we going to see after this eclipse begins? I mean, it is black and it is a hole...
O'Neill: Well, it might be a black hole.
Daniel: Ok, let me put that a different way....
Carter: "No, Daniel, you're right. You can't actually see it. Not the singularity itself. It's so massive not even light can escape it. But during the eclipse we should be able to see matter spiralling towards it.
O'Neill: Actually, it's called the Ecretian Disk.
Daniel: Well, I guess it's easy to understand why the local population would be afraid of something like that...what did you just say?
O'Neill to a very stunned Daniel: It's just an astronomical term.
Carter: You didn't think the Colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did you?
O'Neill to Teal'c after Carter and Daniel have walked away: Not initially.
O'Neill: Innocent until proven guilty. Heard of it?
Daniel: Actually, throughout history the idea is pretty rare. Most cultures usually assumed things the other way around. Jack shoots him one of his looks I'm just...saying...
Daniel: Senator, we have reason to believe the Goa'uld are about to land and attack on ships.
Kinsey: Then I think they'll regret taking on the United States military!
O'Neill: Oh, for God's sake...
Daniel: Oh, you're right. We'll just upload a virus into the mother ship.
O'Neill: Ok. One shot hurts him, two shots killed him. The third shot...?
Teal'c: Disintegrates him.
O'Neill: Oh, great! You didn't feel this was worthy of mention, I take it.
Teal'c: O'Neill, prepare youself for..." there's a really big lurch on the ship and O'Neill goes flying against the wall ...extreme deceleration.
O'Neill: Yeah, thanks, Teal'c.
Bra'tac: We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
O'Neill: You know, that particular cliche doesn't...always...work...
